Over You (13 page)

Though she’d hoped that line of thinking would comfort her, she didn’t feel any better.

Her mother knocked on the door, then let herself in. “I have some hot soup for you, Jessica.”

Glad for the distraction, she helped her mother settle the tray across her lap. “Thank you, Mom. It smells good.”
 

“I hope you feel better.”

“I think this will help.” Though Jessica loved being taken care of by her mother, it added another layer of guilt that she hadn’t told her the real cause of her distress. She found she really wanted to tell her about Kyle and all that had happened, but as she framed the words in her mind, she felt overwhelmed by the complexity of the explanation and couldn’t bring herself to begin.

Promising herself she would tell her everything later, Jessica was able to assuage her guilt. She picked up the spoon and took a sip of the hot soup. After a few more bites, warmth replaced the chill she’d felt and she found she really was beginning to feel better.

“What are you going to have for dinner?” Jessica asked her mother, who had sat in one of the chairs at the foot of the bed.

“Oh, I’m sure I can find something to eat.”

“It’s been nice having you here.”
 

“I’ve enjoyed visiting. It’s nice to get away sometimes and I haven’t been here in a while.

Jessica finished the soup and set the spoon on the tray. “Maybe I just needed to eat something. I think I’m feeling better.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Her mother came to Jessica’s side and lifted the tray from her lap.

“Maybe I’ll come downstairs with you.”

“I would love you too, if you feel up to it.”

Jessica climbed out of bed and followed her mother down to the kitchen. Settling herself in one of the chairs at the table, Jessica chatted with her mother, but stayed away from all conversation having to do with relationships.

When she was tired enough to go to bed, Jessica told her mother good-night.
 

~*~*~

Once Debra left the next morning, Jessica checked her work email and found a message from her boss, thanking her for finishing her project on time and assigning her a new one. She spent the rest of the morning working on the newly assigned project. After stopping to eat lunch, she decided to take a break and go visit her aunt.

“I’d like to try and take a walk,” Ellen said.

“Really? What about your ankle?”

“The physical therapist encouraged me to get up and around as much as possible.” Ellen smiled and pointed to a walker in the corner. “Besides, I can use old Bessie there to help me get around.”

Jessica laughed. “Okay.” She wheeled the walker to her aunt’s side, then carefully helped her stand.

“Thank you, dear.” Ellen took a cautious step, clinging to the walker.

Jessica walked as close to her aunt as she could and they slowly moved down the hall toward the door that led to the garden.

“It was sure nice of your mom to come for a visit,” Ellen said as she pushed the walker in front of her.

“Was she able to stay for a while this morning?” Jessica asked as she admired the roses.

“For an hour or so. She had to get back to take care of some business.” Ellen paused. “How about you, Jessica? Have you talked to Kyle lately?”

The images on the disc flashed in Jessica’s mind. “Talk to him about what?”

“The renovation. What else?”

“Well, I told him he could take a couple of days off. He’ll come back on Monday.”

“Okay. By the way, what did you find on that CD that the mysterious person dropped off for me?”

Jessica felt her face color, embarrassed to now have to explain the truth.

“What is it?”

Glancing away before looking at her aunt, Jessica bit her lip. “I’m really sorry, Ellen. That package wasn’t actually for you.”

“I don’t understand. Who was it for?”

“Kyle’s girlfriend dropped it off for him on her way out of town and asked me to give it to him. When Mom saw it on the table, she asked what it was and since I didn’t want to get into the whole Kyle thing, I just told her it was for you. I had no idea she was going to bring it to you here.”

“I see.” Ellen paused. “What did you do with it?”

“It’s in one of the desk drawers in your library.”

Ellen nodded. “So you’ll give it to Kyle on Monday then?”

“I guess so.”

“Jessica, did you find out what it was?”

Ashamed that she’d succumbed to the temptation to look, Jessica hesitated. “I wasn’t going to, but since it was already open, I couldn’t help myself.”

Smiling at Jessica as if she were a small child, Ellen said, “And are you happy with what you found?”

Jessica hadn’t thought about it in those terms, but realized she would have been happier not knowing what was on it. She would have been even happier if Melanie had never dropped it off in the first place. “No, I’m not.”

“What did you find?”

“Pictures. In a park. Mostly of his girlfriend, but there were a few of Kyle too. But the thing that surprised me the most were the pictures of him with a little girl.”

Ellen’s eyebrows went up.

“Yeah,” Jessica said. “I don’t know if he has a child or what. Do you have any idea?”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.” Ellen was thoughtful for a moment. “You could always ask him.”

Laughing, Jessica shook her head. “What am I going to say. ‘So Kyle, have you had any kids since you dumped me?’ I don’t think so.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll figure things out.”

Jessica doubted it, but she nodded anyway.

Chapter Sixteen

That evening, to get her mind off of Kyle, Jessica decided to continue reading the letters to William. She reread the last one to remind herself what it said.

My dearest William,

I am in tears as I write this. He has told me that he has much work to do here and has no plans to travel in the foreseeable future. I can hardly bear the thought of not being able to spend the night in your arms. I am in doubt as to whether I will be able to see you at all. I have the feeling he is having me watched by one of his people, but I will do my utmost to find a way to be with you again.

Yours always,

~B

Then she turned to the next one.

My dearest William,

I am not quite sure how to tell you this, and I am not quite sure how I feel about it, but I know I cannot procrastinate telling you any longer as there is no doubt, but that it is true. My love, I am pregnant with your child. I so wanted to tell you face to face, but as you well know, I have not been able to see you since he’s been back and I could not put off telling you any longer.

You may wonder how I know it is yours and not his. I know this because I have not been intimate with my husband in many months. I have to confess that I fear he may be having an affair, although I cannot condemn him for it as I am doing the same. In any case, my love, there is no doubt that this child is yours.

I have not yet told him that I am pregnant, but eventually there will be no hiding it. I am certain he is shrewd enough to know the child cannot possibly be his, but I am also certain that because of pride, he will never admit that fact to anyone. I am confident that he will go along with the charade that this child is his. I just hope that the rumor mills will not force him to prove his paternity, as you and I both know that he would fail in that regard.

I will do my best to meet with you to discuss this matter.

Yours always,

~B

Oh wow, Jessica thought, shocked at the latest revelation. She couldn’t imagine what she would do if she were in that situation. How awful to be married to someone you don’t love and to be pregnant with another man’s child.

She set the letter aside and turned to the next one, which was dated less than two weeks later.

My dearest William,

I am distressed that our conversation ended as it did, especially because I am not sure when I will be able to meet with you again. Please know that I understand what you were saying. I know you love me and that you take your responsibility seriously and that you want me to be your wife, but you need to understand that leaving my husband is not something I am willing to do. Forgive me for saying this, my sweet William, but that was something I made clear at the outset and it has not changed.

As long as he accepts this child as his, it is in the child’s interest for me to stay. I could not bear for my child to be branded a bastard, which would surely happen if I left my husband to be with you. I know you said we could move to another place where no one knows us, but my roots are here and I have no desire to leave. Not only that, you and I both understand that staying with my husband would offer certain advantages for the child, and that is very important to me.

Though I may seem to be cold and calculating in this decision, you have to understand that inside I feel like I have been torn to shreds. I so much want to be with you, but I feel that staying where I am is the right decision.

Yours,

~B

More intrigued than ever, Jessica suddenly decided that she would try to discover more information about these people. Who was B? Was she still alive? Jessica put the letter aside and turned to the next one, dated two months later.

My dearest William,

Today I told him that I am pregnant. I think he may believe the child is his. You may be shocked to hear that, but I admit I haven’t been completely honest with you. The truth is, when I began to suspect I was pregnant, I made overtures to him and we have been intimate a number of times. This must be painful to hear, but you have to understand that he
is
my husband, and at some level I
do
love him. My purpose in telling you this is not to hurt you, though I am certain it must be painful to hear, but rather to explain why he would believe the child is his. I am not proud at my deception, but it is something I feel I had to do—for the child’s sake as well as my own.

My love, you know I would prefer to be with you, but circumstances will not allow that option. Though it breaks my heart, I’m afraid I am not going to be able to see you, at least in the foreseeable future.

Ever yours,

~B

Jessica tried to imagine what it would be like to pretend to love a man when she really didn’t care for him. At some level she admired the woman’s ability to move past her mistakes and try to do what was best for her child at the expense of her own happiness.

The date of the next letter was several months later.

My dearest William,

You may be pleased to hear that I have given birth to a son. I will understand if you are angry at me. He is beautiful and every time I look at him, I think of you. When I gaze at his sweet, innocent face, I know I made the right decision in staying with my husband. Though it is a sacrifice for the both of us, I hope that you will agree that our child is worth it.

William, I plead with you to never tell anyone of our love affair. If the truth came out, I fear what the repercussions would be. For the sake of the child, I have decided to recommit myself to my marriage, but please know that you will always be the love of my life.
 

All my love,

~B

There were only two letters left. One year had passed since B wrote the next letter.

My dearest William,

I hope this letter finds you well. Our son is growing, but I fear my husband has begun to have doubts about his parentage. Our son looks so much like you and nothing like me or my husband that I’m afraid he has become suspicious. I’m not exactly sure why I am telling you this, since I put myself in this situation by choosing to stay with him instead of being with you, but I felt the need to tell you, nevertheless.

Though my heart still aches at the thought of not being with you, I don’t regret my decision to stay in my marriage.

~B

Jessica quickly put aside the letter and turned to the final one, dated three months after the previous one.

My dearest William,

He knows the truth. He confronted me with his suspicions and I finally admitted the truth, although I refused to tell him your name. I will
never
divulge your identity. I was also honest in telling him that I have not seen you since I became pregnant. My relationship with my husband has improved in that time and I’m certain that is the only reason he has agreed to pretend our child is his.
 

He agreed on one condition. That is why I am writing to you now, my love. I promised that I would never contact you again, so this is my final good-bye. I know you have remained single and I wanted to make it clear that there is no hope that I will ever be with you. My only desire now is that you find a good woman and make a life with her. I will always treasure the times we spent together and I do not regret a moment of it.

~B
 

Jessica neatly stacked the letters as she thought about B and William. She knew William had never married, at least according to her aunt, so it would appear he never found anyone he loved as much as B. Though that saddened her, it also piqued her curiosity as to B’s identity as well as the identity of the child.
 

Shuffling through the letters, she found the one telling William about the baby boy’s birth. It was nearly fifty years earlier. That gave her an idea of how to start her search. Jessica tucked the letters back in the drawer and got ready for bed. As she lay in bed, she formulated a plan of how she would begin her search for the mysterious B.

Chapter Seventeen

Once she finished cleaning up from breakfast Jessica gazed out the kitchen window at the trees surrounding her aunt’s property, enjoying the feeling of the sunny Friday morning. The entire day stretched out in front of her and she planned to make good use of it. The first item on her agenda was to go visit her aunt and talk over her plan to discover the identity of B.