Over the Hills and Far Away (NOLA's Own #1) (35 page)

“So, why does Jason hate me?”

He turned startled eyes on me. “I don’t think he does.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. He’s just scared I’ll drop everything to be with you.”

“Ridiculous,” I huffed.

“Is it?”

My eyes went wide as I felt a zing of panic. “Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I want more out of life than just the band.”

“Like what?”

He shrugged. “You, for starters.”

“Yeah, but a relationship with me shouldn’t interfere with NOLA’s Junk.”

“I told you, it’s you and me from now on, Baby Girl. The rest can go to hell.”

“We’ve known each other for less than two days!”

“Really? ’Cause I’m thinkin’ that I’ve known you my whole life.”

He’s right though. It really does feel like that, like we’ve known each other all along and just sort of met up again after a long separation.

“It’s like that for you, too, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

He was giving me that combustible gaze again.

“Something like that,” I admitted, looking out the window instead of at him.

“Hey,” he said softly, taking my hands in his once more.

“Yeah?”

“What bothers you so much about it?”

It should really creep me out that he reads me so well.

I shrugged. “I’m not sure really. It’s a bit unnerving how…
easy
it has been to fall into this with you. It makes me want to take a step back—”

“Oh, hells no—”

“And see the bigger picture.”

“What bigger picture? It is what it is.”

“It’s that, too.”

“Can’t it just be…wonderful? And amazin’?” he asked. “Can’t we both just accept that this is how we feel about each other and just go with it?”

Who’s the dirty hippie now?
I thought.
He has a point though.

I squeezed his hands and tried to smile for him.

“I’ve spent so long repressing what I feel that I think maybe I’ve forgotten how to do just that,” I said, surprising myself.

Holy shit…it’s true. I haven’t let myself feel anything for so long, not since…the night I lost him. And after that, all I could feel was anger. When that burned itself out, I was left with nothing.

“Are you scared of how I make you feel?” he asked quietly.

Am I?

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I…I’m not sure I know. You’re very intense. I can feel
you
more than anything else. Your energy…is so strong, so…
enormous
. I’m afraid to lose myself in it because I know that once I do…the person who I am might disappear completely.”

His gaze stripped me down, and I felt so vulnerable before him that I had to break eye contact.

“Don’t do that. Don’t look away from me,” he said.

“I can’t just change overnight,” I told him. “I’m not like you. I can’t just put what I feel out there when I’m not even sure what it is I’m feeling. I’ve spent a long time just doing what I’ve had to do to get through another day. Besides Alys and Lili, the only people I’ve had any social contact with have been people who are suffering and in pain. I think maybe I’ve internalized a lot of my feelings and thoughts so I can face that.”

“I never considered that,” he said, sounding pensive.

A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “Why would you?”

“To try to understand you I guess.”

“That kind of understanding comes from time spent like this, Phil. Do you really want to understand me, where I’m coming from? Is it really important to you?”

“Yes,” he replied, sounding all pissed again.

“Okay. Then, we know where to go from here. You tone it down, and I’ll step it up, so we can strike some sort of balance for now. I
do
want to be able to be open with you. I
want
to share myself with you. It’s just going to take some time, all right?”

He sighed, “All right.”

When Janine dropped off our breakfast, I watched with morbid fascination as Phil steamrolled through his vast amount of food. It made sense, considering he was the largest man I knew. I came from a family of large people myself, so I shouldn’t have been so surprised, but in all honesty, I thought he ate twice the amount that Connor could, and Connor was only a few inches shorter than Phil.

Once again, he wouldn’t hear of me paying. I should just give up on that altogether.

“What should we do now?” I asked as we headed out to the parking lot.

“What do you want to do?”

“You’re the one who’s been gone for five years!” I laughed. “What do
you
want to do?”

“Let’s go to the Reptile Sanctuary.”

“Yeah, all right. I don’t think I’ve been there since a high school field trip.”

He grinned. “Me and the guys used to go there when we wanted to skip school. We’d get all baked in the parking lot and poke the wildlife with sticks.”

“I’m not poking anything with a stick,” I stated.

“I got a stick I’d like to poke you with.”

“Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear there.” I laughed.

He smiled his Lady Killer and took my hand, bringing it up to his lips. “You’re enchantin’ when you laugh.”

“And you’re a dirty pervert.”

“Takes one to know one.”

The drive was about fifteen minutes west along the highway. It was a pleasant drive, too, with his arm draped over the seat of the Black Beauty behind me. I realized that I felt comfortable with him, very natural, and I wondered why I was holding back.

Am I just scared of the intensity of the feelings I have for him?

“Do you know what time you’ll get back on Friday?” I asked.

“I think our plane arrives around three.”

“Would you want me to pick you up from the airport?”

He glanced over at me and smiled. “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

“Would you like to come to my place after and have dinner?”

His smile brightened even more, and he slowed the Black Beauty to turn right down the dirt road that would lead us to the Reptile Sanctuary.

“I’d love to.”

“Would you like to stay the night with me?”

He slammed on the brakes, threw the truck into neutral, and yanked up the parking brake. Grabbing my face, he gave me a tongue-sucking kiss that left me breathless.

“Yes.”

“All right then.” I laughed.

He kissed me again and once more after that.

“I want you to stay at my place tonight,” he murmured against my mouth. “We don’t have to do anything. Just let me sleep next to you before I have to go.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Only if your answer is yes,” he replied with a grin.

The Reptile Sanctuary wasn’t as impressive as the name sounded. It was just several acres of swampland that had wide wooden walkways with railings over the watery bits. People could buy food pellets to toss into the snapping turtle holes, and sometimes, the park rangers could be seen dangling dead chickens to entice the alligators into feeding for spectators. There were many different species of birds, and mangrove trees and other flora canopied the whole place. It was more of a quiet retreat for locals who just needed to get out of the house but didn’t want to do anything too exciting—or for teenagers to smoke weed and skip school.

Seeing as it was Sunday, it was pretty dead.

At the entrance/exit stood a tiny shop that sold stuffed animals and key chains and the like.

“I’ll buy you a stuffed animal on the way out, Baby Girl. Whatever you want. You need spoiling,” said Phil, laughing, as we walked past. He draped his arms over my shoulders and pulled me into his chest to drop a kiss on top of my head.

I slipped my hand into his back pocket, squeezing a really big, firm butt cheek. “I’m already spoiled, being able to feel up on this.”

“You make it too easy,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m pretty low-maintenance.” I gave it another squeeze and blurted out, “What the hell do you do to make your ass this perfect? Squats?”

Laughter rumbled out of his chest like thunder, and the sound was just so wonderful. It filled me with a warm golden glow.

“I work out a few times a week. I have to, to keep my energy up for performing,” he explained. “I can’t be on stage without being all over the place, and it’d suck if I was too tired to deliver.”

“You guys do have a reputation for killing your audiences.”

“That’s how we like to leave ’em—sore and beggin’ for more.”

“What’s it like—being up in front of thousands of screaming fans?”

The smile he gave me lit me up from inside my soul.

“Awesome. It’s the best fuckin’ high. There’s nothing like it. And when the audience is really into it, it’s even better. When they’re all screamin’ our songs back at us, it just amps us up more. But it doesn’t really have to be thousands of people. Sometimes, the small venues are the best because they’re the ones with the real hardcore fans.”

“I can only imagine. Who hasn’t fantasized about being up on stage, singing to the multitudes?” I mused.

“What do
you
sing when you fantasize about it?”

“‘Kashmir,’” I replied.

Above his aviator sunglasses, his eyebrows rose. “No shit.”

“No shit. There’s a few more, but that’s my jam.”

That made him laugh.

Tossing a few pellets over the side of the railing, watching as the snappers rose to the surface, I asked him, “Aren’t you worried about being recognized?”

“Not really. Not here at least. And it’s not like we’re pop musicians and shit, you know? The people who know what we look like actually listen to our music, go to our shows, and buy metal magazines.” He watched as an old couple passed slowly by us. “And don’t have to escape the nursin’ home for a wild day at the Reptile Sanctuary.”

“I suppose not. Have you ever been mobbed by crazed fans?”

“Sure. Japan and South America were the worst.”

“Yeah, South Americans are a bit fanatical about their metal.”

“No shit,” he grunted in agreement, tossing more pellets into the water. “What about you? You ever get mobbed by patients?”

“Yeah, Monday through Friday, they can be pretty hardcore,” I stated grimly.

He grinned. “What’s it like being a doctor?”

I shrugged. “I like helping people, so it’s good in that respect. I like knowing I have a positive impact on their lives, providing relief. It can get pretty rough though. I do a bit of work at the rehab center twice a month, mostly with pain relief from detox. I go to the hospital a few times a month to help the nurses with the long-term care patients. After a while, the drugs can stop working on their pain, and instead of increasing dosages, they opt for physical therapy and acupuncture for relief.”

“I think what you do is pretty amazin’, Kenna,” he told me, his voice deep and soft. Maybe a smidgen of awe even slipped in.

Looking up at him, I found myself a little thankful that we were both wearing sunglasses. I could still feel the intense emotions coming off of him—
Is it…pride?
—but the sunglasses made it easier for me to accept Phil’s reverence without having the full blast of it bombarding my senses.

“It’s what I do,” I said with a shrug.

We ended up walking around for another hour and a half. I had to hand it to Phil. He was able to restrain himself from finding a stick and poking the wildlife but just barely.

He’d gotten boyishly excited when he saw the park rangers coming out with the chickens.

It must be a guy thing.

The alligators, pretty much trained into expecting this, rose up to the surface of the water when they caught sight of the rangers.

“Mmm…they look delicious,” said Phil.

Surely, he hadn’t meant for it to be a sexual sound, but fucking hell, that noise tickled my lady bits.

“The gators or the rangers?” I laughed, trying to cover up my horny discomfort.

“I could go for some human,” he joked.

Yanking me into his arms, he buried his face into the crook of my neck. Nipping lightly at the sensitive skin, he gave the sting a slow, lazy lick. My whole body responded to him, the ache for him between my legs throbbing hard.

“I love the way you taste,” he whispered. “I wanna lick every fuckin’ inch of you and taste all your different flavors.”

Well, fuck me running.

“That sounds…” I swallowed, searching desperately for an appropriately inappropriate adjective.

“I bet it does,” he replied with a smirk.

On the way out, he bought me a stuffed turtle, and I got him a tiny alligator key chain, which he promptly put onto his key ring.

On the drive back to Ormond, we stopped by a farm stand that sold the best milkshakes.

Leaning against the bed of the truck, he groaned, “Oh God, this is the shit. It’s funny how I never realized just how much I missed everything.”

“What’s the one thing you missed the most?”

Wrapping his left arm around my waist, he pulled my groin and stomach into his.

“You,” he replied. “From the moment I realized you were gone that night, I’ve missed
you.
Nothin’ the world over has even come close to makin’ me feel the way I do when I’m with you.”

My brain fritzed at his words.

It
was fear I realized—like, honest-to-the-gods
fear
. The man fucking terrified me with his intensity and his blind devotion to me, a woman he barely knew. But that wasn’t the worst part of it. I was fucking terrified of myself because I felt the same damn way. I was just as intense with my emotions for him, a man I barely knew.