Over the Hills and Far Away (NOLA's Own #1) (18 page)

My memory came flooding back, and I didn’t know if I should be doing the walk of shame or patting myself on the back. Either way, sneaking out as quietly as possible was probably the way to go.

However, as I opened the door, Bubba, the fat sausage roll, was parked in front of the threshold, threatening my escape. His smushed face split into a panting happy grin.

“Hey, Bubba,” I whispered as I stepped over him.

I made my way to the bathroom to pee and wash up a bit. I planned on heading to the gas station that was about a ten-minute walk from here and calling Alys on the way to come and get me. I wouldn’t dare call Lili. I was positive she was still miffed that I hadn’t saved it for Phil
.

Damn it! Quit thinking about him! He’s not here, he’s not coming back, and he certainly isn’t waiting for you!

Then, why do I feel so guilty?

Because you’re a fucking head case.

Head case or not, I couldn’t readily shove aside the fact that I was swamped with overwhelming guilt. All this time, I
had
been saving it for Phil. Since that long-ago night at Bougainvillea, he had been the only man I wanted to be with. It wasn’t like I was a prude. Obviously, last night had been a fucking eye-opener in that department. But I felt as though I had cheated on him.

Fucking ri-goddamn-diculous. Get over it. Get over
him.

Tiptoeing to the front door, the scents of breakfast food cooking perfumed the late morning air. Maybe I should at least say good-bye. Last night had been so much fun—

“Hey, beautiful,” Brian’s voice floated out from the kitchen.

I turned back. “Hey, yourself.”

Smiling, he came up and pulled me into his arms before kissing me quickly on my mouth. “You were trying to sneak out of here, weren’t you?”

“The thought had crossed my mind. I didn’t know, you know…if you still wanted company,” I finished lamely. “I, uh…I’ve never done this before.”

He laughed, taking my hand, and he pulled me toward the small kitchen table. Once seated, he placed a plate of food in front of me—eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes, and toast.

“I’ll take your company any day, baby,” he said sweetly, grabbing his plate and sitting down across from me.

Damn, he’s even better looking in daylight—and fucking sexy, too.

“You got work today?” he asked.

“No. I have weekends off. You?”

“Yeah, I got the late shift. Start at seven. I thought maybe you’d like to hang out today.”

“Hmm…”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Oh shit. Were you just using me for sex?”

I busted out laughing. “Is that such a bad thing?”

He looked crestfallen. “Usually, no. But I thought we really hit it off last night.”

“I thought we did, too,” I agreed.

“Then, what’s with the
hmm
?”

I wasn’t even sure myself. Well, no, I was pretty sure it’d had something to do with the fact that Phil fucking Deveraux popped into my head and tempted me to get out of here before I did something stupid, like hang out all day with a gorgeous paramedic. It wasn’t like I could explain to the gorgeous paramedic that I was crazy and secretly waiting for a heavy metal rock god to come home and whisk me off my feet.

“I’m not entirely sure,” I said instead. That was about as honest as I could be at the moment. I didn’t know how I felt. “I’m not sure I’m looking for something right now. I’m pretty committed to my work, considering…” To escape having to provide any more information, I reached for the glass of orange juice next to my plate.

“There’s another guy, isn’t there?”

I choked on my orange juice. “Why do you say that?”

“Oh my god, there is!”

It was harsh that I could blush this hard.

Anger tinged his voice. “Do you have—”

“I’m not involved with anyone,” I hastily assured him. “I just got laid for the first time in six years,
Brian.”

“Well, work is a lame excuse not to have a love life, so there must be another man in the picture.”

Heaving a long-winded sigh, I confessed in part, “I’ll admit that I have strong feelings for someone, but we’re not in a relationship.”

“What’s his name?” he demanded.

“Phil. He’s overseas, and he has been for a long time. It’s not what you think. We started something that needs to be addressed when he comes back. We, uh…sort of promised each other we would. And I just don’t think it’d be fair to you if you and I started something serious. Because I want to know if he and I still want to move forward with what we began.”

He just looked at me.

“I’m not in a committed relationship. If I were, last night would never have happened,” I attempted to reassure him.

Brian nodded curtly. “Do you know when he’s coming back?”

“No.”

“So, instead of starting something serious, why don’t we start something…fun? Easy?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. A friends-with-benefits sort of thing?”

“That sounds like it could be really awesome—or really dangerous.” I laughed. “Why would you want a relationship like that?”

“Are you kidding me? You’re the coolest chick I’ve ever met. How could I
not
want some sort of relationship with you, especially one that involves sex?”

That made me crack up, and he rewarded me with a dazzling smile.

Shit, he’s more beautiful than Phil!

And unlike Phil, he’s here.

It might not be such a bad thing, having mind-blowing sex with this guy on a regular basis.

“I think it’ll be worth the risk,” he said, meeting my gaze head-on.

“Why’s that?”

“Because you’re a hell of a woman, and I’d consider myself fuckin’ lucky if you’d share even a little bit of yourself with me.”

Damn.

“Well, when you put it
that
way…” I laughed, giving him a lopsided half-smile.

His
smile was breathtaking.

“This Phil must be a hell of a guy,” he said, his smile fading slightly.

“I think you’re pretty amazing yourself. You’d have to be to make me consider something like this.”

“Sweet,” he said, smiling again.

Gods above, I’m in trouble.

Lili was glaring at me over our pizza dinner.

I was ignoring her.

Alys was grinning, trying not to laugh at the two of us.

Grandma happily chomped on her slice of sausage, mushroom, and spinach. “Alys said you met a boy last night,” she said around her mouthful.

“Uh, yeah. Nice guy. A paramedic. Brian. We really hit it off.”

“Good-lookin’?”

“You could say that,” said Alys, smirking.

Lili’s eyes narrowed at me even more. If she wasn’t careful, her eyes would completely shut, and I’d be able to wholly ignore her little piece of nastiness.

“So? How was he?” Grandma asked, her eyes twinkling.

Grinning, I replied, “Fantastic. To be honest, I’m surprised I can walk a straight line.”

Alys and Grandma busted out laughing while Lili huffed with irritation.

I knew she had her heart set on Phil coming back and sweeping me off my feet. She had taken my mother’s prediction to heart, and her romantic soul simply couldn’t let it go. For a long time, I unwittingly had, too.

But it had gotten to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I was lonely and horny and had already wasted so much of my time on a hope that seemed to be no more than that—
a hope.
It wasn’t healthy, and Brian really, really was.

“When are you going to bring him by then?”

“Oh, well, I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, Grandma. We’re just going to hang out and get to know each other as friends. I’m so busy with work that I really don’t have much time left to commit to anyone else, you know?”

Lili lost a bit of her bitch face.

While cleaning up after, she silently snuck up behind me at the kitchen sink. “You know,” she said, her voice making me jump and drop the plate I was rinsing into the basin, “if what you need is only some sex with a great-looking guy, then I guess I can support this thing you’re starting with Brian.”

“Jeez, thanks, Lili.” I said sarcastically. “I wasn’t aware I needed your blessing, but now that I have it—”

“Shut up, Kenna. I’m being serious here. One day, Phil is going to come back. He will find you, and he will make you his. If you’re with someone at the time, you will hurt that person and yourself in the process. I know you. I know the more you get involved with Brian, the worse it will be when the time comes.”

“If,” I corrected her sternly.

“
When
. There is no
if
here. I don’t know how I know, but Mom was right. He is coming back for you whether or not you can let yourself believe it.”

“Why are you so hung up on this?” I asked, growing more and more irritated.

“The kind of connection I saw between you two is something rare. It’s
spiritual
, and it will wipe everything else away. So, have fun with Brian, get some experience, figure out what it is you like. But don’t get involved because it’s not going to last.”

Crazy little shit!
I’d like to give her a vicious swift kick in the ass.

But I didn’t. It’d be like kicking a cute tiny Chihuahua. That, and she’d find a way to pay me back, and Lili’s paybacks were terrifying enough in themselves. The woman could be positively diabolical if the mood struck.

True to our relationship, Brian and I appeared to be nothing more than really good friends in public. When we were out, there might be a little more than casual touching, but we didn’t hold hands. Sometimes, he’d put his arm around my shoulders or kiss me on my head but nothing more than that.

When we were alone, however, it was no-holds-barred. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It was out-of-this-world sex. I’d discovered so much about this side of myself that I’d never even considered before, like the fact that I really liked it rough.

Naturally, I was quite strong, and the fact that Brian could hold me down and could just give it to me was such a fucking turn-on. I liked having my hair pulled and my ass smacked. I liked the feel of his teeth biting into me, his fingers digging hard into my flesh. He also loved to just kiss and make out for hours, getting me so hot and wet for him that all he would have to do was slide his cock in to make me come.

The best was that Brian really seemed to enjoy going down on me. Jaime used to go down on me, too, but Brian was extremely enthusiastic about doing the deed. He was fixated on doing so every chance he got, and I had no complaints about that.

I truly enjoyed returning the favor. I absolutely loved sucking on his cock, and he swore, he’d never had a better blow job in his life. He had a gorgeous cock, too—nice and decent-sized and…attractive
.
I had never really considered the level of attractiveness in anyone’s genitalia before, but I found that I really liked his.

When Alys and I were in our early teens, we’d watched the Howard Stern movie,
Private Parts
, the one where the woman deep-throats a foot-long kielbasa. Well, Alys and I had been so impressed with this that we’d decided we would be as proficient, so that any and all future boyfriends would be more than satisfied with our amazing oral skills. We would hide up in my bedroom after school and practice on organic sausages. We’d also learned that one shouldn’t practice on anything labeled
picante
.

Even though Brian and I never had sex without a condom, I’d decided to go on birth control. Accidents happened, and I didn’t want to have any accidents with serious consequences. I’d opted for the shot since the thought of taking a pill every day seemed tedious to me. Not to mention, it was like another accident waiting to happen.

I hadn’t mentioned this to him though. I didn’t want him to think that sex without a condom was an option. There was something too intimate about it, and it gave me the feeling that it could take us beyond the whole friends-with-benefits arrangement. One thing was for certain. We didn’t ever make love. It was strictly awesome, wild, mind-blowing sex.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked me after a particularly satisfying rough round.

“Sure.”

“You don’t, you know…think about
him
while we…do you?”