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Thinking of Skye gives me a shot of courage. No matter how scared I feel about everything, I know I have to do this for her. She was my little sister and she deserves justice.

Chapter Nine

Eleanor

*

I met Connor through my brother Tom, a bit of a peace-and-lentils hippy. Always on a march or a sit-in, Tom was the youngest of my three elder brothers and we were really close. He was a long-haired, unshaven darling and I loved him to bits. He always brought waifs and strays home, to the secret delight of Mum, who loved having a houseful of interesting people and the annoyance of Dad, who preferred the quiet life.

But even Dad liked Connor, who was unobtrusive, polite and infinitely helpful. Mum always joked she
’
d like to trade one of her lazy sons for hard-working Connor.

I
’
d been seeing Johnny for about a month, when Tom brought Connor home to stay for a few weeks and it was love at first sight. I got crazy butterflies every time he came near. His lazy gentle voice with its soft northern inflection made me swoon and he smelt like heaven.

‘You know you’re always welcome to our guest bedroom, Connor,’ Mum said.

‘Thanks, Mrs Russell. But I’m really happy sleeping in my bus. I guess it’s like my home. If I could park up on your driveway though?’

‘Of course you can. That’s no trouble.’

He
’
d restored the two-tone red and cream VW camper van himself, and Dad thought it was a marvel. He kept hinting to Mum that he
’
d like to do a restoration job on a vintage car, but mum wasn
’
t having any of it.

‘
I don
’
t think so.
’
She spread out her hands in mock-horror.
‘
We
’
ve got enough restoration jobs to do on this vintage house, before we progress on to cars.
’

Dad reluctantly agreed, but could often be found outside in the driveway, mooning after the beautifully restored camper van.

It was a semi-warm late July Sunday afternoon. One of those days where it
’
s scorching hot until the sun goes behind a cloud and then you feel like you need your thermal underwear. Connor had been with us for a week now, and we’d just demolished one of Mum
’
s huge roast dinners. It was a rare occasion where we all happened to be home at the same time - Mum, Dad, Oliver, David, Tom and me - a big family affair with Connor as the guest of honour.

Tom was a strict vegetarian, but Connor had no problem helping us to devour the two huge roast chickens. I regretted the second helping of apple pie and custard I
’
d thought was such a good idea at the time and decided to get some air in the garden while everyone else watched boring Sunday afternoon sports on TV. I walked around for a bit and then flopped on the rug with my book.    Moments later, Connor appeared and lay down beside me. My heart rate doubled at his close proximity.

‘
What
’
ve you got planned for the rest of the day?
’
he asked, rolling onto his back and staring up the sky.

‘
Not a lot. Going out later for a drink at The Crown.
’

‘
Am I invited?
’

‘
I um, I can
’
t tonight,
’
I stammered. I was supposed to be going there with Johnny to meet Abi and Sam, and how would it look if I showed up with Connor.

I
had
never dared to hope Connor would be interested in me. I
ha
d no option now, but to end things with Johnny. He just didn
’
t compare with this god lying next to me.

‘
How about Monday?
’
I said without thinking.

‘
Great,
’
he replied and got up. He went back into the house, leaving me lying there in a fizz of emotion.

That night, I got ready for my night out with Johnny. I was dreading it, knowing I’d have to finish things with him. I hoped I wouldn’t bottle out, but the image of Connor kept floating around in my brain, so I gritted my teeth and prepared myself for an awful evening. I didn't want to make myself look too nice, but at the same time, I didn't want Johnny to think I hadn't even bothered. I ended up settling on a long summer dress that had never really suited me.

We were supposed to be going to the pub to meet Abi and Samuel and I planned to speak to him on our way back home. But when Johnny came to pick me up, he told me he had two tickets for a photography exhibition at the Arnolfini in Bristol. Ordinarily I would have loved to have gone, but when he told me, my heart sank. I knew I had a long evening ahead of me.

Sure enough, when we got there, I couldn't focus on anything. I just kept thinking about what I should say and how I should say it.

We had a pizza afterwards and I could barely eat. I just wanted the night to be over. Johnny kept asking me what was wrong. I felt like such a cow. I realised I should probably have told him before we went out and spared us both the misery and the expense. He hadn't even let me pay for anything, which made me feel doubly bad. Finally we walked back to the car park, Johnny with his arm around me. The silence in the car pulsated with awkwardness. About halfway home, Johnny finally spoke.

‘What is it, Ellie? You've been quiet all evening. Are you feeling okay? Have I done something wrong?’

‘No, no nothing.’ I paused. ‘Johnny, I'm really sorry but I can't see you anymore.’ The words sounded worse out loud than they had in my head.

He didn't answer and I didn't dare look at him. I had my head down and started to feel car sick. We'd only met for about six dates in all, and they’d nearly all been with Abi and Samuel in tow, so I hadn’t imagined he would be too upset. Maybe just a bit of hurt pride. But even so, it still wasn't a very nice thing to do. Over the past four weeks, we’d kissed a lot but I hadn’t felt willing to do much else and he hadn’t pushed it, to my intense relief.

After a couple of minutes, Johnny spoke: ‘Is there anything I can say or do to make you change your mind?’

Oh no.
‘Johnny, I really like you, but I've met someone else. Nothing's happened,’ I hastily added. ‘I wouldn't see someone else behind your back.’ That sounded terrible. I racked my brain for something better to say, but I couldn't. I knew I wasn’t technically seeing Connor, but I didn’t want to complicate things and I knew Johnny would find out sooner or later anyway. I sneaked a glance at him. He looked really gutted and didn't say a word until he dropped me at my house.

‘I really liked you, Eleanor. I think we could have been good together.’

I couldn't look him in the eye.

‘Let me know if you change your mind.’

I was quite impressed he hadn't asked me who I’d ditched him for and I felt an unexpected tug of disappointment that I wouldn't be seeing him again.

‘I’m sorry,’ I replied inadequately, and went into the house feeling really down.

*

Finally, Monday evening came around. I‘d taken ages to get ready, even though I’d decided to dress down. Connor struck me as a jeans-and-t-shirt kind of boy and I guessed he wouldn’t be too into girls who wore tons of makeup. But it still took time to get the no-make-up look just perfect.

Connor took me to a pub on the banks of The River Severn. The warm evening breeze whispered across my skin, heightening my nervousness.

‘D’you want to get a table?’ he asked. ‘I’ll get the drinks.’

I made my way across the lawn of the pretty pub garden which sloped down onto the rippling water. It was busy, but I managed to get a table quite close to the river. I stared out across to the hills on the other side, not quite believing that Connor actually wanted to spend time with me. I hoped I wouldn’t embarrass myself by talking rubbish.

Ten minutes later, he put the drinks on the table, smiled and sat down opposite me. I couldn't believe how gorgeous he was.

‘Abi’s not very happy with me,’ I said.

‘No?’

‘No. I was supposed to be going out with her tonight. I feel a bit bad.’

‘Oh well, I’m sure she’ll cope.’

‘I don’t think so. You don’t know her very well. She’ll sulk for a week.’ I felt a bit disloyal talking about my friend like this. Connor reached across the table and ran his finger lazily up and down my forearm, making me draw in my breath.

‘You shouldn’t worry so much about what she thinks.
’

‘
I don
’
t!
It’s
just …
well, you don’t know her properly.
’ I pulled my arms back to my sides, instantly regretting it.

‘
Okay, okay,
’
he smiled, holding his hands up in surrender.
‘Just an observation.
Don’t need to be defensive.
’

‘
I
’
m not.
’
Then I smiled back, despite myself. He was so-o-o good-looking.

I loved his too-pale features which contrasted with almost black hair and dark eyes. His build was slim and lithe and he had the laid-back, easy-grace of an indie rock god. His cool confidence made me nervous, but it was irresistible.

When I’d told Abi how I felt about Connor, she’d turned up her nose.

‘
What about Johnny?
’
she’d said.
‘
He
’
s the real catch. Connor
’
s just a baby and he
’
s too skinny.
’

‘
He
’
s not skinny! He
’
s athletic. And he
’
s three years older than us.
’

‘
Still a baby in
boy
years. You
’
re mad. Johnny
’
s such a babe - intelligent, rich and completely into you. He
’
s staying on this summer because of you, you know.
’

‘No he isn’t, he’s got a work placement down here
. I can
’
t help who I
’
m attracted to can I? And Johnny
’
s sweet, but he
’
s not really my type. Connor
’
s sexy and cool.
’