Outside (24 page)

“I’m gonna go find Alaina,” I say, getting up from my spot and folding the newspaper in half. Drew’s half-shaved head and jagged black stitches are tolerable when they’re concealed under white gauze. Every time I look at them uncovered, I find myself apologizing for the millionth time for not being there when he was getting his skull cracked open.

“Alright. Hey, see if Holly has any pudding left,” he says, gesturing to his tray of hospital food.

I step into the hallway and nearly run smack into Alaina. I haven’t seen her since police interviewed us for the fourth time a few hours ago. They finally decided to cut us a break when Alaina’s swollen throat made it nearly impossible for her to speak and my dad told them all to fuck off.

“Hey,” I say. “I was just coming to look for you.” She smiles, her eyes going to the butterfly stitches across my eyebrow, and I reach for her. “You okay?”

She shrugs and leans into me, letting me put my arm around her. Aside from the swollen throat and a few shallow cuts, she appears unharmed.

“How’s Holly?”

“Awake,” she whispers. “Drew?”

“They’re changing his bandages.”

I smile down at her and for a moment, we just stare at each other. Then she breaks down, sobbing into my chest.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

“Hey, it’s okay. This isn’t your fault. None of it is.” I rub my hand over her back and lead her down the hall to a deserted waiting room.

“Mother poisoned Holly with eye drops to get to me,” she says. “Elder Hanson nearly killed Drew. And then I…” She trails off, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to kill him. I didn’t mean for him to fall! I just…”

I hug her tighter. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. Everyone knows it was an accident.”

“And Mother…” She continues to cry and I let her. After a while her sobbing turns into sniffles and she looks up at me. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me anymore.”

“Is that a joke?”

She bites her bottom lip and her forehead wrinkles with worry.

I shake my head and lean in, kissing her before she can say anything else that’s totally insane. When I move to pull away, she grabs the front of my shirt, pulling me back in and I smile.

“All I kept thinking,” she says between kisses, “when we were in that room is ‘I can’t lose him.’”

“Weird,” I reply, gently holding her face in my hands. “I was thinking the same thing about you.”

She puts her arms around my neck. “There’s something wrong with me. One second I think I’m okay and the next…” Her eyes well up with tears again.

I pull her close. “I think that’s normal, considering everything. If it makes you feel any better, I have the same problem.”

“Does Drew hate me?” she whispers into my chest.

“No. No one hates you. No one is mad. None of this is your fault.”

She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “What happens now?”

I shrug. “I’m sure we’ll have to go to court at some point. That’ll probably suck. And I’m sure we’ll need therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. And then there’s school, which will definitely suck. But right now? Right this second? I’m gonna kiss you some more.”

She nods and lifts her head. “Okay.”