Out to Protect

OUT TO PROTECT

Amber Skyze

www.loose-id.com

Out to Protect

Copyright © November 2012 by Amber Skyze

All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from Loose Id LLC. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

eISBN 9781623000226

Editor: Rory Olsen

Cover Artist: Ginny Glass

Printed in the United States of America

Published by

Loose Id LLC

PO Box 809

San Francisco CA 94104-0809

www.loose-id.com

This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Chapter One

Grant paced the conference room. He looked at his watch. “Where the hell are you, Ralph?”

He tugged on the collar of his button-down shirt. The tie he wore stifled him. Sweat beaded on his upper lip. Grant fought the urge to wipe it on his sleeve. The perspiration on his forehead increased as his heart raced.

Am I having a heart attack?

Grant covered his chest with his hand. He needed to calm down.

“For Christ’s sake, it’s only Ralph,” he said to the empty room. Who was he fooling? Ralph scared the shit out of him. Yes, they’d been partners for nearly ten years, but Ralph carried such a hatred for “their type.”

For years Grant had listened to Ralph talk about how much he loathed gays and how sick he was of them demanding equal rights. He recalled a conversation where Ralph pulled out his gun, an evil look in his deep brown eyes, and pointed it at an empty space. He’d pretended to pull the trigger and said if he weren’t a cop, he’d shoot a few of them just to scare them straight.

A chill passed through his body just thinking about that day.

“I’ve got to be a fucking fool.” He dragged his fingers through his hair, knowing the gelled look was ruined.

“Fool for what?”

Grant spun around, surprised to see Ralph behind him. He hadn’t heard him enter the room. How long had he been standing there? Had he said anything that would reveal what he was about to confess? The air grew heavy; the walls seemed to draw closer. Grant felt a panic attack coming on.

He walked over to the table and took a seat.

“You don’t look so good, partner. Are you sick?”

Was he sick? Possibly.

“Is it hot in here?”

Ralph shrugged. “The air seems to be working.”

Grant struggled to breathe. He slowly took a deep breath.

“Do you need me to call medical? You don’t look so hot. You’re white as a ghost.”

Somehow Grant felt that was an understatement. He felt physically ill. Nausea rolled in his stomach, threatening to charge up and out his mouth.

“I’ll be okay in a minute.” He needed water. “Just give me a sec.”

“Sure.” Ralph took a seat and tapped his hands on the table.

Grant shook his head. Ralph was always a restless person. He tapped his hands on his legs or on the dashboard if he wasn’t driving. It surprised Grant that Ralph wasn’t a beat officer. Walking the streets would give him the opportunity to get the excess energy out.

After a few deep breaths, his nerves started to subside. He had to get this off his chest and tell Ralph the truth. In the end he prayed it would be all right. They were not only partners; they were friends.

Grant slapped the table louder than he expected.

Ralph jumped.

“Shit, if you wanted my attention, you could’ve cleared your throat or something,” Ralph said.

“Sorry.”

“Now you have my full attention. What’s this meeting all about?”

The time had arrived. Grant had dreaded this moment for the last ten years but knew he couldn’t keep the information from his partner another day.

Here goes nothing.

“I’m gay,” Grant said.

“Ha-ha. What, am I being punked or something?” Ralph looked around the room as if he expected a camera crew to pop out of the corners.

He looked at Ralph, the guy who had protected him many times over the last ten years. The image of Ralph standing over him while he bled from a gunshot wound came to the forefront. Ralph had given him words of encouragement while holding the bleeding wound on Grant’s leg. Ralph had kept Grant calm through the pain, and damn it had been painful. That was the first time he’d been shot. Grant had had a few superficial wounds over the years. Par for the course when one was a police officer. Ralph, on the other hand, had always been the lucky one. He’d never experienced what it felt like to be shot.

Ralph stared at Grant. “What the fuck? Where are the cameras?”

“You’re not being punked. I’m being serious, Ralph.”

“What are you fucking talking about? Are you saying you’ve just discovered your’re gay? ’Cause if that’s what you’re trying to tell me, you’re fucking wrong. I’ve known you all these years, and you ain’t queer.”

Grant lowered his head. He hadn’t expected Ralph to be in denial. He wasn’t sure how he’d take it, but denial wasn’t what he expected.

“I am.” Grant straightened his posture and looked Ralph squarely in the eyes. “I’m one hundred percent homosexual. I didn’t just discover this, Ralph. I have been gay all my life.”

Ralph flew out of his chair. “Now I know I’m being punked. Where are the cameras?”

Grant watched in horror as Ralph frantically searched for hidden cameras. He didn’t ignore the urge to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He used his sleeve to remove the beaded perspiration. Bile rose to the base of his throat. He wondered if he’d made a mistake telling Ralph.

“There are none, Ralph. I’m tired of hiding my sexuality. You’re the first person in the department I’m telling. I felt, seeing as you are my partner, you deserved to hear it firsthand from me.”

“You’re fucking serious?”

He looked to his partner only to be met with piercing brown eyes. A chill passed through Grant’s body. He’d never seen such an evil look from Ralph in his life.

He hated Grant now.

“Look, I know this is difficult for you to understand, but I don’t see how this changes anything.”

“You don’t? Are you fucking stupid on top of being queer? I don’t like your kind. I’ve told you this many times over. Apparently I haven’t made myself clear. You’re a fucking faggot, and I want nothing to do with you.” With that Ralph stormed out the room, practically knocking over one of the new detectives, Parker Sloane.

“Is everything okay in here?” Parker asked. “We can hear you guys screaming a mile away.”

“Don’t get too close, Parker…the cop’s a faggot.”

Grant shook his head. So much for keeping it under wraps until he had a chance to talk to people personally. Grant had hoped to hold a forum and tell his colleagues the truth about his sexuality, but with Ralph screaming obscenities in the office, everyone knew.

When Grant caught the look on Parker’s face, he slumped over the table, crossed his arms, and buried his head. The look of fear shook Grant to his core. The detective was gay and feared for his anonymity.

“What just happened in here?” Parker asked.

“I believe everyone has the right to be true to themselves, so I told my partner I’m gay. He didn’t take it too well.” Grant’s gaze landed on Parker again. Grant knew without a doubt that the younger cop was gay. The softness in his eyes and the clothing was impeccable—not even a hint of a wrinkle. The way Parker carried himself with a gentle manner gave it away too. If those things hadn’t given him pause, the fear in Parker’s eyes did. He’d seen that look before. Fear of being discovered. Grant’s heart went out to him. He knew all too well the anxiety it caused. The poor guy, he had a long road ahead of him. Parker stood with his hand on the doorknob looking like a trapped rat in a cage, probably wondering if he’d be called out on his sexuality.

Parker shivered. Did he fear the wrath of the guys? Grant was tired of hiding his sexuality and felt coming out would be for the best, and though he wouldn’t out anyone, he wanted others to feel safe enough to share their sexuality. In this day and age, there was no reason to hide. Marriage between those of the same sex was slowly becoming legal, and the military had started openly accepting gays, so why shouldn’t he feel free to express his sexuality? Even though he was in a profession notorious for its homophobia, Grant felt it was time to step up for his fellow officers who were in the same position as him.

“Fucking faggot.”

The words pulled Grant from his thoughts. Ralph was still spewing venom.

“I want the room to know that I had no idea that my partner was a fucking homo. I’m more disgusted than the rest of you. I feel sick knowing I’ve been partnered up with a fucking faggot all these years. I want nothing to do with Grant Matteson. He can go get queer with someone else.”

The room erupted with
Oh my Gods
and
Jesus Christs.

It took a few minutes, but Parker eventually released the doorknob and left. He did so quietly, his head hung low.

“You okay, Parker?” he called out as Parker walked away.

If he’d heard Grant, he ignored him and left without saying a word.

Alone, Grant raked his fingers through his hair.

He blew out deep breaths and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

Yes, he knew there might be some backlash from his confession, but he hadn’t expected the whole force to learn from Ralph spewing words of hate. He wondered if anyone would come to his defense and stand by him.

“Chief wants you in his office.” Parker barged through the door, out of breath. “Now.”

“Sure.” He was screwed. The chief wanting to see him wasn’t a good sign.

Grant dragged his heavy feet across the room, passing by all the guys who’d just learned that he was a homosexual. Some guys shrugged helplessly; others averted their eyes, afraid to make eye contact with the fag.

Please dear God, don’t let the chief do anything drastic to me for coming out. It was my right.

Shit, he’d failed to tell the chief his plans prior to the meeting. He silently prayed that wouldn’t cause him more trouble.

He knocked on the chief’s door.

“Come in,” Heslin called.

The doorknob moved too easily as Grant tried to delay his meeting. He swung the door open and was relieved to find Heslin alone. He hadn’t known what to expect. Part of him felt Ralph might be in there demanding a new partner. It was still a possibility, but for now that didn’t appear to be the reason he was being called in there.

“Chief?”

“Take a seat, Matteson.”

In that moment Grant was brought back to his days in high school when he’d get into trouble for being the class clown and sent to the principal’s office. Grant felt like that teenage kid again, ready to be sentenced to detention. Only now his crime was a bit worse. He wasn’t clowning around. The world had found out he liked men instead of women.