Authors: Charles de Lint
“No, it was something else.”
The three of them look expectantly at me.
“So dish,” Marina says when I don't explain.
There's no need for me to glance up to know that there's still a hawk circling above. It was obvious that TÃo Goyo didn't want me to tell anybody, but he didn't specifically ask me not to, either.
These are my friends. My best friends. Or at least Marina and Des are, and we've learned the hard way that keeping secrets is a big fail in our gang of three. And considering how Donalita is snuggling up against Des's side, I guess she might end up becoming a friend as well.
“Let's move away from the doors,” I say.
I get up from the steps by the front of the building and walk over to one of the campfires abandoned by the canids. I don't say it, but I don't want to talk about my experiences where Canejo or his students might overhear me.
I add some wood to the fire and sit down on a flat rock,
waiting for the others to join me. The three of them settle in, Marina to my right, Des and Donalita across the fire.
“I'll go first,” I say.
I tell them everything that happened to me since I jumped off the cliff by Tiki Bay in pursuit of Vincenzo, including how I went crazy and tore his body to pieces. Then they fill me in on what's been happening with them.
It takes us a while to exchange war stories.
“So, are you
two
kinds of Wildling now?” Des asks. “Because, dude, that's freaking awesome.”
I shake my head. “I'm not really a hawkâyou just saw me that way.”
“It sounds amazing,” Marina says.
Des is nodding. “Yeah, except I'm still trying to get my head around it. It's not like astral projection, right? You just leave your body and it
what
? Dissolves into the ground? And when you want it back, you just call it up and it'll be whatever you want it to be? Like, with the longer dreads?”
“That's pretty much it.”
“So dude, you should make yourself all tall and buff when you come back.”
I shake my head. “That's not who I am.”
“But you got your dreads back.”
“Yeah, but they were stolen from me. I just put things back the way they were, except a little longer.”
Des snickers.
Marina punches his shoulder at the same time as I say, “I'm talking about my dreads.”
“Dude,” he says with an innocent look. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I knew you were talking about your dreads.”
But he laughs out loud, and Donalita joins him. I try to keep a smile from my face, but it's not working very well, especially when Marina gives in and starts chuckling. It's so stupid and not even all that funny, but I guess we've been stressing so much that we're all looking for some kind of release. We're all about to dissolve into ridiculous laughterâthe kind that's too loud and you just can't stopâexcept the map in my head pings a warning that TÃo Goyo is approaching.
Donalita senses it, too. She's on her feet in a fluid motion. There's a knife in her hand and I have no idea where it came from.
“It's okay,” I say as TÃo Goyo comes around the corner of a building, a couple of large backpacks hanging from either shoulder. “He's a friend.”
“The hawks of Halcón Pueblo have never been friends to cousins.”
“Chill,” Des tells her. “That's the dude from Josh's story.”
Donalita nods, but she doesn't relax and she doesn't put away her knife.
TÃo Goyo pays no attention to the threat she presents. When he reaches us he gives everybody a friendly nod and dumps the backpacks on the ground.
“You left these behind,” he tells me. “Food and blankets.”
I was wondering before where he got this stuff when we were camping. Now I know. He calls them up the same way we call up our bodies when we're finished being in our spirit shapes. Instead of just focusing on bringing himself back, he brings himself back with a couple of backpacks and fresh supplies.
I make introductions.
“Don't worry, my young coati,” he says to Donalita. “Your soul is your own, so you have nothing to fear from me.”
Donalita continues to glare at him. “I'm not scared of you.”
“Which is as it should be since I mean you no harm.”
I grab one of the backpacks. “Can you get that?” I ask Des, nodding at the other.
We open them at the fire and Donalita brightens right up as the smell of fresh warm burritos wafts up from the foil container that I open. Her knife, I note, has disappeared again.
“Oh, I
love
burritos,” she says.
She grins happily, snatching one out of the container along with a bottle of water. A few moments later, and we've all got food and drink, with blankets to sit on.
TÃo Goyo doesn't eat. I don't really feel that I have to, eitherâ when I regain my body from the earth, it's rested, healthy and nourishedâbut I can't resist the smell of the burritos. And I already know that they taste even better than they smell.
“You found your friend,” TÃo Goyo says.
I nod and swallow. “But she didn't need rescuing. Or rather, she does, but it's the kind of rescuing she has to do for herself.”
“I'm sorry it didn't work out.”
I feel Marina shift on the blanket and I lean slightly toward her.
“Me too,” I say to TÃo Goyo. “Hey, you were watching from above. Nanuqâthe polar bear guyâdoes he have an evil spirit inside him?”
TÃo Goyo shakes his head. “Just a great deal of anger.”
He takes a kettle and a bottle of water from one of the packs, then fills the kettle and places it on a stone by the coals. When
he pulls a clear plastic pouch of tea leaves from his pocket, Des regards it with interest.
“Is that your special tea?” he asks. “The one that lets you fly like a hawk?”
TÃo Goyo gives me a look.
“You didn't specifically tell me not to talk about anything,”
I say. “And these are my friends. I don't hide things from them.”
I find Marina's hand and give her fingers a squeeze. When I look at her, her eyes are a little shiny in the firelight. She squeezes back.
“I'm afraid this is normal tea,” TÃo Goyo tells Des.
“Too bad,” Des says. “I'm the only one in this crew without any superpowers, so I could totally use some of that magic tea.”
TÃo Goyo smiles. “That's not exactly how it works. It takes years of study and practice.”
“But Joshâ”
“Has apparently been given more than one gift from the Thunders. He should not be able to do many of the things that he can. But nothing is ever freely given. There is always a cost. A responsibility one must assume.”
I sigh. “A destiny.”
TÃo Goyo's smile widens. “Precisely.”
Marina gives my hand another squeeze. “It's not so bad, is it?” she says. “Having the opportunity to help people and do some good? And you know we'll stand by you.”
“Dude,” Des says. “Was there ever a doubt?”
And even though we've only just met, Donalita adds an enthusiastic nod of support.
“You will speak to Señora Mariposa before you do anything?” TÃo Goyo asks me.
“Sure. Why not. I can find Nanuq whenever I have to.”
“Good. Then I will see you later. I have some thoughts on how to address the concerns of the cousins who think of you as unborn. I will look into that now.”
I nod. “Thanks for ⦔ I wave a hand at the backpacks. “You know ⦠everything.”
I'm sure he knows that I mean more than just the food and blankets he brought.
“It was my pleasure ⦠TÃoito.”
He winks and steps out of this world.
“What did he just call me?” I ask Marina.
She smiles. “Little uncle.”
“Dude,” Des says. “You've got your stage name!”
“Great, it sounds like a bird call.”
They all laugh and we talk a little longer until Des starts yawning.
“I'm beat,” he says. “I need to turn in.”
He makes a bed near the fire and lies down. Donalita immediately brings her blanket over to where he is and snuggles in beside him. I can see the hesitation in his body language before he puts his arm around her. But that's Des. God forbid he should actually commit to a girl.
Turning away, I add some more wood to the fire. Marina and I watch the flames until their breathing evens out.
“Are they an item?” I ask.
She laughs. “Who knows? It's Des. Girls just like him.”
I smile. “True, that,” I say, remembering the business with Joanie Jones. That makes me think about pheromones.
“It must be nice to know that Ampora's worried about you,” I say. “From what Des was saying, she doesn't totally hate you.”
“She's just feeling guilty because she kicked me out of the house that night.”
“Harsh.”
She nods. “Except that's Ampora for you. Though I'm guessing you must know her softer side.” She gives me a gentle prod with her elbow.
“Oh, God. That was totally
her
. I mean, it was the pheromones that got her going, but then it was her. I didn't initiate anything. And I've had them clamped right down ever since I found out about them.”
“I know,” she says. “I'm just teasing.”
Any other time and we would move on to talking about some TV show, what the waves were like this morning. Maybe a song, or a movie.
But the life we had is gone. We're still kids, but we don't get to be kids anymore. Once upon a time we couldn't wait until we were old enough to do whatever we wanted. Get a tattoo. Have a beer in a bar. Go out to some surfer's party and stay out all night, then hit the waves when the sun's rising.
The world seemed bigger than we'd ever need, and filled with cool possibilities. Right now I'd give anything to be stuck at home on a school night with my biggest worry being about some test the next day.
“So, how are things with Chaingang?” I find myself asking, though I don't really want to know.
Marina doesn't answer right away. Instead her hand slips back into mine as she stares into the fire.
“I like Theo,” she says. “I like him a lot. He's always been nice and kind of sweet to me, and because of that, I saw this whole
other side of himâone I really care for. I guess I've wanted to ignore what he really is.”
“A gangbanger,” I say when she falls silent.
She nods. “And a bookie, and a drug dealer, and a guy who's been to jail. A guy who solves his problems with his fists and guns.”
“So he needs to change,” I say, “if you're going to be able to stay with him.”
“That's the problem. He is who he is. Why should he have to change if he doesn't want to? But I don't see how I can be with him if he doesn't. He says he doesn't like the gang life, but I can't be the only reason he gets out of it. He has to want to do it for himself.”
“And you don't think he wants to.”
“I don't think he can. I think the only reason we got involved in the first place was because I was just reaching for a lifeline to hold on to when ⦠you ⦠we ⦠you know ⦔
“When I messed everything up.”
“But I'm the one who didn't tell you I was a Wildling when you were the first person I should have told.”
I let go of her hand and put my arm around her shoulder.
“Can we agree to just let all of that go?” I ask. “My fault, your faultâwhat does it matter if it's all in the past? It's not like either of us is going to make that mistake again.”
She leans against me. It's amazing how well she fits under my arm.
“Sure,” she says. “That's easy.”
We stare into the flames for a while. I'm dying to kiss her, but I know we should go slow. Everything we've been through is too
fresh, and it sounds like she's still confused about Chaingang. No matter what happens, I don't want to mess up our friendship, so I try to ignore everything my body's screaming at me to do, and just content myself with being close to her.
It's very quiet out here in this abandoned city, and even with Wildling sight, it's hard to make out much beyond the light cast by the fire. It's so dark. The map in my head tells me what's out there on those deserted streets, but there's nothing to see. This is such a weird place. I don't know all the constellations back home, but when I look up here, I know they're different. I wish someone could tell me why. Regardless, I love being close to Marina under any starlight.
“So what are you going to do?” I finally ask.
She gives a slow shrug. The movement of her shoulders gives me the start of an unbidden erection.
“I don't know,” she says. “It's hard. The story Cory told gave me serious creeps, butâand maybe this is a mean thing to sayâ what Chaingang did doesn't surprise me. I just don't see that I can get past the violence of his lifestyle. It's a part of who he is. It could just as easily have been a bunch of the Kings that got in his way as those dog cousins.”
“Maybe it's not all his fault. TÃo Goyo thinks we're having these anger and violence issues because we were made Wildlings instead of being born to the animals under our skin. He thinks it's a temporary thingâa kind of adjustment.”
“I guess ⦔
“You've talked about how you tore into your sister,” I say, “and you fought off those canids that attacked you in the playground. And when you think of the awful things I've done ⦔ I don't
have to mention Vincenzo or the researcher in the laboratory. We both know what I'm referring to.
“But you regret what you did,” she says. “Cory's right. Theo never will.”
I'm tired of defending Chaingang. Yeah, he's had my back, and I'd step up for him if he ever needed my help, but I don't want to see Marina with him, even if she's not with me. I can't see her as one of those hard girls who hang around the Ocean Avers' compound or ride around on the back of their bikes.