Out Of This World (17 page)

Sydney rearranged the kindling, grabbed some more pine needles and her fire was blazing in a matter of minutes. Show off.

While we were playing with the fire, Celeste had pulled out the camping chairs and arranged them around the circle of rocks. She’d found my Kindle and it looked like she was typing on the device with her index fingers, but her fingers were flowing so quickly, I wasn’t sure. The soft purple light that I now associated with Celeste was glowing around her hands.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked.

“I found several possible choices of books that will explain slang and figures of speech. I did not wish to purchase those without your consent. I presume this one-click option will create an expense for you. May I offer you cash in exchange for the ability to download these books? I believe I understand your currency enough to be able to adequately compensate you for this electronic information.”

“Sure, go ahead. Get whatever you want. I’m not worried about the money.”

“Thank you, Bella. I think I will also procure some additional items that will help my education about this planet.”

Her fingers flew over the keyboard on the device and she was swiping the pages so quickly that I wondered how much of the information she was retaining, but then I remembered how quickly she appeared to read my lesbian erotica. Considering that she had nearly recited the passages word for word in the café, I knew it wouldn’t take her long to absorb the information.

While Celeste read on the Kindle, Sydney seemed to be fussing around the campsite, making sure everything was set up perfectly. I focused on dinner. Once the fire pit had a nice red glow going, I placed the prepped fish on top of the grate. We didn’t really have any potatoes or other vegetables to go with the fish, so I guess my Smart Food popcorn would have to do. I laughed at the absurdity of combining fish with popcorn, but what the heck, maybe I’d start a new trend.

People always tend to overcook fish and ruin the flavor, but I pulled the fish off the grill before it had a chance to dry out. Sydney had all kinds of handy camping bags full of useful items, but a serving platter was not one of them. A piece of aluminum foil would have to do.

“Fish is ready,” I called out. “Sorry I don’t have any sides to go with it, but we do have popcorn.” I grinned at my camping mates.

“Hmmm, popcorn with fish. An ingenious combination.” Sydney laughed.

“Hey don’t knock it until you try it.”

Sydney held her hands up in mock surrender. “I mean that seriously. I’m looking forward to the meal.”

“Me too,” Celeste added.

The fish was delicious if I do say so myself. The popcorn was an interesting side and not entirely unappealing in combo with the main dish.

I saw Celeste sneaking little bits to Gizmo but I ignored the fact that she was spoiling my kitty rotten. I couldn’t really fault her too much for that because I was notorious for slipping her table scraps. Feeding Gizmo small treats seemed to give Celeste such pleasure.

Sydney kept feeding the fire and kept it at a healthy glow because the sun was starting to sink lower on the horizon, and I could tell we might have a chilly night ahead. Even though we were experiencing an unusually warm spring, when the sun goes down in the Northwest, it can get downright cold. I wanted to stay up, toast marshmallows, and enjoy my very first campfire. I’d missed out on a lot as a kid, never going away to camp, and I wanted the whole experience including ghost stories around a raging fire.

“Sydney, will you tell us a ghost story?” I asked.

She chucked evilly. “Okay. About fifty years ago, right here in these mountains, there was a closeted lesbian couple who used to take a camping trip once a year away from their families. See, they were afraid to be together because they feared the reaction of their overbearing husbands, so they accepted their dreary existence, taking pleasure only once a year.”

“Oh, that’s so sad,” I remarked.

“So anyway, they were spread out on their sleeping bags next to the fire and one thing led to another, and pretty soon the taller one was latched onto her partner sucking furiously on her, uh, sensitive bud. Just when she was about to hit the ultimate height of passion, their husbands crashed the campsite, and in a fit of anger grabbed the ax and chopped both women to pieces. Never reaching the pinnacle before her premature death, you can still hear one of the women screaming out in frustration.
Coitus interuptus
for all eternity. Not only does she haunt these woods and attack unsuspecting men, but she was so pissed at her lover for not getting her there quicker, she sometimes plays tricks on amorous lesbians by pushing them apart before they reach climax.” Sydney shrugged. “That’s why I’ve never taken a date up here. What would be the point?”

“Okay, that is the lamest ghost story I think I’ve ever heard.”

“Maybe, but don’t come crying to me if you ever find yourself in that position, and you feel an evil force come between you. I’d suggest that you and Celeste better not put yourself in that vulnerable position while you’re up here in her old haunting ground.” Sydney grinned.

I raised my eyebrow. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

Celeste was quiet most of the evening, satisfied with listening to our stories. Gizmo was curled up in her lap and Celeste was idly petting her. She was watching the interaction between Sydney and me very carefully. I wondered what she was thinking, but she never offered her perspective. Celeste yawned, and it was such a human thing to do that, for a moment, I forgot she was an alien.

Sydney noticed her yawn, stood, and stretched out like a cat. It was so sexy, I could almost feel the drool escape from my lips.

“I can see that at least one of us is ready for bed. I’m kind of tired myself. Why don’t we hit the sack and get a fresh start in the morning. I’d love to show you some of my favorite spots.” Sydney glanced at the blazing fire. “Before we retire for the evening, maybe you should toss your shirt in the fire. It might be hard to explain what happened. The Jeep’s open.”

I was glad for the diversion, because then I could let Sydney and Celeste figure out the sleeping accommodations. I was dreading that awkward moment. I suspected that neither Celeste nor Sydney had any issues about changing into sleeping clothes in front of each other, but I was thankful that I could put on my sweats and T-shirt in the jeep. I scrambled into the tent and pawed through my duffle bag to retrieve my sleeping clothes.

“Can Gizmo sleep with us?” Celeste asked.

“Yeah, there is plenty of room in the tent, and I don’t want any wild animals getting any ideas about a late night snack,” Sydney teased.

I didn’t think anything about her comment because I assumed she was joking. Sure, I knew that there were coyotes and other animals out in the woods, but I assumed they steered clear of people.

I jogged over to the Jeep and retrieved my balled up shirt from the passenger floor mat. Shit, I was lucky to be alive. While I was in the Jeep, I changed into my sweats and T-shirt, and carefully rolled up my clothes to pack back into my duffle bag. I took a few minutes to center myself before heading back to the tent to face whatever sleeping arrangements Sydney and Celeste had decided on.

As I walked over to the fire and casually tossed the damaging evidence of my fallibility into the blaze, I experienced a mini panic attack. Everything that had happened in the last ten hours came crashing into my consciousness. This camping trip was merely a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. I knew that whoever was after Celeste wouldn’t stop until they found her. I shivered.

“Hey, are you okay?” Sydney called from inside the tent.

“Yeah. I’ll be right there. I’m just making sure it completely burns. I don’t want any evidence of this morning to remain.” As I was saying that, something niggled in my head. The memory of the melted gun in a blob on the guest bedroom floor flashed in my mind like a picture across a screen. I hadn’t even bothered to check the bed to see if I’d left a bloodstain there. Oh well, too late now. I was sure that by now Hollie would have the entire National Guard out looking for us.

“Shit,” I muttered.

Two heads poked out of the tent with identical looks of concern on their faces. Celeste was the first to speak. “You are worried, Bella. There is something wrong.”

“I think we may have a problem, but I’d rather not worry about it tonight.” I shuffled over to the tent and they both moved back as I entered. Celeste was on the right and Sydney was on the left. I guess they’d decided I would sleep in the middle. Part of me was relieved, but another part found this unsettling. I schooled my expression because I didn’t want either of them to worry. It must have worked because I received stereo smiles from the two of them.

Gizmo, the little hussy, snuggled up inside Celeste’s sleeping bag. She certainly seemed to bond with her. I was almost jealous, but wasn’t sure which one I was jealous about.

We all crawled inside our sleeping bags. I laid there awake and anxious until I felt Celeste’s gentle touch. The last thing I remembered before falling into a deep sleep was seeing that beautiful purple light.

Chapter Ten

I woke up in the middle of the night and noted the gentle snoring sounds of my two friends. I have the bladder of a gnat and can never make it through the night without having to visit the bathroom at least three times. I was glad I’d stuffed a pen light in my pocket, because I didn’t relish stumbling around in the dark to look for a place to pee. I’d also managed to, on the sly, stuff some toilet paper in my sweats. I carefully unzipped my bag and crawled out, hoping not to disturb my companions. Sydney made a few snorting noises as she turned over. Celeste didn’t even move.

Once outside I took a few steps before turning on the pen light. The moon was shining brightly through the trees, but I thought a little more light might help me find the perfect pee spot. I wanted to walk a fair distance away from the tent. First, I didn’t want to wake them, but it really was because I had this anxiety about people listening to me pee. I won’t even go to the bathroom in a public place unless I know it is deserted. I’d gotten really proficient at holding it during the day. I never could understand why I couldn’t hold it all night. That never made sense to me, but if I ever tried, I’d be up all night squirming in bed until I gave in and visited the bathroom.

I was well away from the campsite when I pulled my sweats down clutching my hunk of toilet paper. I let her rip and felt the distinct sense of relief I always did when I peed.

“Ahhhhhh.” I was mid-pee when I sensed I was not alone. I turned my head to see two glowing eyes. That is when I smelled the rotting fish. Shit, I’d walked to the very spot where I’d thrown the salmon fish parts, and now I had a big black bear staring at my exposed bottom.

I didn’t know what to do. Should I finish peeing? Should I start running and let the pee splatter all over my sweats and shoes. I froze as the rest of my urine left my body before screaming and running—well, it was actually more like duck walking—back toward what I thought was the direction of the tent. The toilet paper went flying and the penlight was probably smack dab in the middle of my puddle of pee. I waddled as fast as I could with my sweats around my ankles. I could almost feel the breath of the bear as she followed me.

I’d chosen the right direction as I spied the golden glow of the tent. Two heads poked out of the tent, and I saw the panicked, wide-eyed look on Sydney.

Celeste tilted her head and I recognized the most glorious sight I could ever hope for—the rescuing purple light. “Do not be afraid, Bella. She is merely hungry and is worried about her two cubs that are a short distance away. You frightened her more than she startled you.”

“Okaaay,” I squeaked out.

“May I give her our leftover fish?” Celeste asked.

Sydney and I just nodded furiously while Celeste crawled out of the tent, walked over to the Jeep, and pulled out the leftover fish from the cooler. The light glowed softly around her as she unwrapped the fish and presented it to the bear. The bear sniffed the offering, grabbed it in her massive paw, and ambled off into the woods.

By this time, Sydney had managed to wriggle out of the tent and was standing beside Celeste with her mouth hanging open. She clamped her hand across her mouth in an attempt to stop the laughter, but she wasn’t successful.

“What is so damn funny? I was almost the nighttime snack for a hungry bear,” I barked.

“Um, sorry.” Sydney pointed to my sweats circling my ankles.

I finally realized that I was standing in front of both Celeste and Sydney in my bare ass. I blushed and quickly pulled my sweats up to cover my naked bottom.

“I did not manipulate you into mooning us, Bella, I promise,” Celeste remarked with a sly smile on her face.

Sydney starting laughing so hard I thought she might pee her pants, and Celeste joined in. What could I do, I laughed right along with them. Now that the danger was over, I realized how funny I must have looked. No doubt, this would be a story that would have to be told over and over.

“Next time, I don’t care if I wake you up, I’m dragging one of your butts out of bed to accompany me in the woods. Sydney, it might have been helpful to warn us that there are bears in these parts.”

“Sorry, I’ve never encountered one before. I thought we’d packed up the food sufficiently so that we wouldn’t attract unwanted visitors. I’ve never had problems putting the cooler with all the food back in my vehicle. I wonder what enticed her?” Sydney sounded sheepish.

Now I felt guilty as I remembered the fish head and tail I’d dumped in the woods. “Um, I might have left something over there that attracted her.” I pointed to my infamous pee spot.

Realization must have dawned on Sydney. “I wondered where you discarded the head.” She chuckled. “Perhaps we ought to be more careful with our food from now on.”

I vigorously nodded. “I will, I swear I will. You just tell me what to do and I will follow your instructions to a T.”

Sydney leered. “Although, I must say the show tonight was particularly revealing…”

“Can we please go back to bed,” I pleaded.

The rest of the night was blessedly uneventful, and I got over my eccentric need to pee in private. Another phobia miraculously replaced my former fear of peeing in public—a hungry bear mauling me.

†

I loved living in the Pacific Northwest. You never knew what kind of weather you would get, but when the sunshine made an appearance in the spring, it was glorious. Sometimes we got a decent amount of sunshine, even in the famed Seattle area where we were legendary for our rain.

Sunrise came early, and even though it was a little chilly while we drank our coffee, the warmth of the fire was a welcome relief. Sydney got up early and had a roaring fire built before we even made our presence known. I’d smashed Sydney’s baseball cap on my head to keep my unruly hair from sticking up all over the place. I would have to decide whether I could suffer the arctic cold of the lake while bathing and washing my hair. I could be deathly ill, sporting a one hundred and five fever, and still that never kept me from washing my hair every day. I wondered if there was a way to heat up some water and pour it over my body after soaping up. I shivered at the thought of jumping into the cold water, naked and unprotected.

Sydney must have seen me shiver. “Here, come stand by the fire, little princess. Oh, and don’t worry your pretty little head about the equivalent of a cold shower. I hooked up the solar shower and added some boiling water until it was the perfect shower temperature.” She pointed to a tarp wrapped around a couple of large trees creating a private space. “I’ve hung the shower over there, so feel free to wash your beautiful locks. I know you’ve been ruminating over how you might bathe without freezing your luscious ass off.”

I looked at her with awe. She was the sweetest woman. I knew she’d done this especially for me, and that she probably never bothered when she was camping alone.

“Thank you.” I kissed her cheek and ambled off to get a change of clothes, shampoo, soap, and the quick-dry camping towel I’d found in the bathroom bag. I hung the baseball cap on a broken branch just outside the tarp.

I was amazed at how well the solar shower worked and it was the perfect temperature. I dressed quickly and was in the process of rubbing the towel vigorously over my hair when I emerged from behind the tarp. I reached for the baseball cap not wanting anyone to see my mass of unruly curls. Without a hairdryer, I was afraid of what my hair would look like after it dried.

I was startled when Sydney said, “You should let your hair air dry. It’s really beautiful. I never knew why you always tried to straighten it.”

I blushed and placed the cap back on my makeshift hat rack, a broken stub protruding from the towering pine tree.

Celeste was sitting peacefully in one of the camp chairs arranged around the fire reading the Kindle. Big surprise, Gizmo was curled up in her lap again. I was beginning to wonder if she was still my cat. Celeste glanced up at us and smiled.

“I hope you do not mind, but I would prefer to read this morning while you take your walk in the woods. I will take a rain check on a hike.” She grinned. “Did I use the slang figure of speech correctly, Bella?”

“You sure did,” I responded.

“Reconstituted eggs or granola?” Sydney asked.

“Granola,” I responded. “Reconstituted anything does not sound appealing to me.”

“It’s really not that bad. You’re going to have to try some of these meals in a bag before too long.”

“I can wait for the experience.”

“I will try the reconstituted eggs,” Celeste requested.

“Teacher’s pet,” I retorted.

Sydney poured boiling water into two pouches, stirred both, and then re-closed them by pressing the zip lock firmly on each bag. “It’ll be a couple of minutes before they’re ready.” She handed me a bag of granola. “Sorry I don’t have any milk, but it’s pretty good dry.”

“No worries, I don’t like milk with cereal or granola anyway.”

The coffee she handed me was surprisingly good. I noted the International Delight vanilla flavored creamer in a powder form sitting on the ground, and a warm and tingly feeling crept over my body knowing that she’d brought it just for me. I liked a little coffee with my cream and she knew vanilla was my favorite flavor.

“It’s almost as good as the non-dairy creamer you overwhelm your coffee with,” Sydney remarked.

I nodded. “Is this also flavored coffee? It’s really good.”

“Yep, French vanilla. I was going for a theme here. It’s the next best thing to a vanilla latte. I even have some cinnamon to put on top if you’d like,” Sydney offered.

“Really? Okay, why not?”

She pulled out the spice from a pocket in her sweatshirt and handed it to me.

“Mmmm. This is quite good.”

“Can I try it?” Celeste asked.

“Sure.” I handed her the cinnamon.

She sprinkled it on top and started humming.

Sydney shook her head. “What a way to ruin a decent cup of coffee. You two are ruining the taste of a rich cup of black coffee.”

“Ick. I only started drinking coffee for the effect in college. When they invented these flavored creamers, I was in heaven.”

“Perhaps I should try this black version,” Celeste said.

Sydney handed her the cup she was drinking from. “Here, try this. Pure, untainted black gold.”

Celeste took a sip and scrunched up her face like a little kid eating their first healthy, tasteless, pureed vegetable. “I am sorry, Sydney, I am aligned with Bella on this. I prefer her version.”

“You are both traitors to the coffee gods,” Sydney joked.

As Sydney was collecting and stuffing various items in her backpack for our hike, I walked over to Celeste to make sure she was okay. She looked a little melancholy to me and I wanted to cheer her up.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” I asked.

She looked up and captured my eyes. “Sydney is your energy mate,” she stated.

“Oh Celeste, I am so sorry. I…I…didn’t mean to lead you on. I do care for you. Very much.”

“We are energy compatible and I will admit to having this fantasy that you would return to my world and become my energy mate. You and your kind have so much to share with our world, but I cannot ignore what I observe. My offer will remain until I return to my world. If anything changes, perhaps you will consider this option. My world has a different kind of beauty that I think would be compatible with you and your energy signature. Besides, Dosnir would be green with jealousy, because you’re hot.” She grinned. She was proud about utilizing her newly acquired slang. I didn’t know who Dosnir was, but I assumed he or she was a friend.

I touched her cheek and she leaned into my hand, closing her eyes for a second. I could feel the warmth between us, and I was grateful for the affection of this remarkable woman, alien or not.

Sydney cleared her throat and I turned around to see her patiently standing a few feet away. “Ready?”

“Absolutely. Lead the way, oh great explorer. Don’t I get a backpack to carry?” I asked.

“Nope. I’ve got it all packed in here.” She patted her pack. God, she was so sexy and so butch.

†

We hiked along the water at a leisurely pace until we came to an open area where we could see in the distance a waterfall cascading over the rocks and spilling into the lake. Sydney unrolled the foam pad and laid it on the grass. As she began pulling items from the backpack, it reminded me of when Mary Poppins kept pulling objects from her bag and you wondered how she could possibility fit everything inside. I hadn’t seen her pack all the fruit so I was surprised when she began pulling out apples, grapes, strawberries, and various hunks of cheese. She fished a bottle of wine from her pack and laid it all out on the mat. I chuckled when she pulled out two plastic wine glasses.

I sat down on the mat in awe of the picnic spread. She’d obviously gone to a great deal of trouble to plan this little picnic lunch. My eyes sheened with unshed tears as her gesture bowled me over with emotion. I didn’t really believe I deserved for someone to do such a romantic thing for me.

She jumped up and ran to a patch of wild flowers, hastily plucking them from amongst the abundant vegetation. Before she sat down on the mat, she presented the flowers to me with a flourish. “I didn’t think I could safely pack a dozen roses for you, so these will have to do.”