Out of the Dungeon (25 page)

He started laughing, wishing he knew Vanessa
better, because he was sure she was leading up to something, but he
had no idea what that something could be. "All right, I'll put two
shots of Bailey's in my coffee," he joked as he went out onto the
patio.

"All right, Drama mama, I'm sitting in a
chair with a beverage in my hand. Spill."

"Drama mama?" she sputtered into his ear.
"Where did that come from?"

"Probably my grandmother. Let me think." He
thought back to his adolescence… what was it she used to say? "No
use getting upset over little things. Save the drama for big things
like death, the IRS, and unplanned pregnancies."

Vanessa didn't laugh.

"You're not laughing," Roman said. "Did
someone die?"

"No. I told you, no death or destruction."
she said.

"Is someone pregnant?"

"Yes," she said.

"Really?" he asked, completely taken by
surprise, and attempted to conjure into his head the women he knew
who had parental potential. He couldn't think of a single one where
the news would be significant to himself. "Who?"

"Me."

"Well, that doesn't make sense. You're
sleeping with Suede."

"And you," she said, in a quiet little
voice.

"Oh." He knew he should say more, but for a
few seconds he couldn't form any words. "Me? Yeah, but…" he let his
words trail away. He was glad he was sitting down. He was having
trouble processing.

"Me?" he asked. "Seriously?"

"You."

"Are you sure?" he gave his head a quick
shake. The feeling of surprise had dropped right to his toes, and
was starting to crawl up his legs. He checked to make sure it
wasn't George crawling up his legs.

"Of course I'm sure. The test stick has this
little window, and it said
Pregnant.
I don't think I'm
misinterpreting what that means. And if you're asking am I sure the
sperm of the other person involved was yours, yes, I am. You're the
only guy I've been with."

"Ever?" he asked, almost feeling like he
might laugh out loud. The feeling of surprise had reached his
scalp, and it tingled in the oddest way.

"No, in the time period that matters. Roman,
are you freaking out?"

Was he? Roman looked down at his bare feet on
the flagstones and wiggled his toes, then raised a hand to scratch
the back of his head. He didn't feel like he was freaking out. Some
strange kind of excitement was starting to bubble up from his
chest, and he let it well up until it came out as a laugh. "No," he
said. "I'm not freaking out. I'm smiling."

"Really? I'm kind of smiling, too," Vanessa
said, and Roman could hear the smile in her voice.

"Did you expect me to be upset?" he
asked.

"I didn't expect anything. I think I'm in
shock. Have you ever thought about having kids?"

"Not really," he told her. "It always seemed
like it would be going to a lot of trouble to get a lot of trouble.
Especially for gay guys."

"Yeah. I never felt my maternal clock
ticking, either. Always thought I'd have a partner who'd have
strong feelings one way or the other, and I'd just go with whatever
their deal was. I've met kids I've liked, and some I haven't liked,
so I've always been on the fence."

"I was sitting here thinking that my whole
life is changing, and this little time with my grandmother is a
hiatus between what my life used to be, and what it's about to
become. And the about to become part is really, really murky.
Must've been waiting for this phone call, so I'd know what to do
next."

"Okay, I'll bite. What are you going to do
next?" Vanessa asked.

"Sounds like I'm going to have a kid."

He realized that he was making assumptions
about how Vanessa was going to handle this. There were always
options. She could go to a women's clinic and be done with it, as
if it had never happened. "Well. I mean, if you're going to have
the kid. You are, aren't you? I mean, you wouldn't even call me if
you didn't think you were going to have it, right?"

"It's a little late for the morning after
pill," she said in a wry tone.

"Well, yeah. But… you know."

"What, do you think I should get an
abortion?"

"No! I mean, it's your body and everything,
and I wouldn't stop you if that's what you wanted. But… is that
what you want?"

He found himself crossing his fingers, and
then his ankles, waiting for her answer.

"I'm not real big on people messing with me
and medical stuff and shit like that, so I'm thinking no."

Whew. He felt like a cartoon character that
just got out from under an anvil.

"Thank God," he said. "I mean, well, that's
good then. We're kind of on the same page."

"Yeah, page one of
What to Expect when
You're Expecting."

"Is that a real book?" Roman asked.

"It is," Vanessa assured him. "Get yourself a
copy, because there are a lot more pages."

"Yes, Ma'am, Drama Mama," he said, and smiled
when she protested.

They chatted for a few more minutes, and
saying goodbye was somehow really awkward. He felt like he should
tell her he loved her, but they weren't there yet. He liked her
well enough, for sure, but there was a lot of complicated stuff to
figure out, including what kind of relationship they would have.
But there were a few things Roman was sure of. He was okay with the
idea of being a dad. If anyone had ever suggested such a thing, he
would have laughed his ass off and said they were delusional. But
now, well, now that he'd lost everything, it was time to regroup.
And the idea of a baby, while totally off his radar an hour ago, at
least demanded some direction. He needed income, and a place to
live.

He went inside, and there was Gigi,
rearranging things on the counter, pretending she hadn't been
eavesdropping.

"Hey Gigi, guess what?" he said, and realized
he was grinning like a complete dork.

"Sounds like you're making me a real Gigi,"
she said. "As in
great-grandmother
."

He laughed. Presumably she'd heard most of
his side of the conversation. "That's what I just heard." He didn't
know what else to say. The news jumbled around inside him like
broken bells, jangling and sounding all wrong.

"Thought you were gay," she said, with an
evil granny smirk.

He sighed. "I am. It's going to be
complicated."

"Sounds like it's already been complicated.
Not every gay guy accidentally gets a woman knocked up."

He shrugged. "Jeff's friend, Vanessa. We were
clinging to each other while Jeff was in the hospital."

"More than clinging," Gigi said.

"Obviously," Roman answered, still trying to
wrap his head around the future. "I don't know what I'm going to do
now, but I better figure it out, hmm?"

She smiled. "I had Grandpa's woodshop in the
basement cleaned up. There's tools and everything. You still know
how to make furniture, don't you?"

He nodded. He'd made plenty of furniture. St.
Andrews crosses, spanking benches, specialty chairs. "I never
considered woodwork for a living, but it's a possibility. Bet I
could make a rocking chair. Even a cradle." He got lost in his head
for a minute, visualizing a cradle, the shape of the wood, how it
could be suspended in a frame so it rocked from side to side.

Gigi laughed out loud. "You like the idea.
Maybe you can talk the girl in to moving here. There's room. Be a
lot of room after I go."

"Aw, Gigi, who are you kidding? You're not
going anywhere."

She winked at him. "Well, at my age it's good
to be prepared. Speaking of. That party tonight?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"It's invitation only."

He hadn't even been sure he wanted to go, but
it would grate at him all night if he couldn't.

She winked at him again. "I happen to have an
invitation."

Roman laughed. "You think I should go?"

"Of course. If you make friends, maybe you'll
be more interested in staying around a while."

"You are so manipulative," he said,
exasperated.

"Where do you think you got it from?" she
asked.

He laughed with her, but thought she looked
somehow gray around the edges. "Are you feeling all right?" he
asked. "Maybe I shouldn't go."

She waved off his concern. "I'm tired. Been a
lot more excitement around here the past couple of days than I'm
used to. Probably ought to go to bed early. That's all. Don't mind
me."

V
anessa breathed a
sigh of relief that Roman didn't freak out. He didn't want her to
do something she wasn't prepared to do, like have an abortion and
pretend this never happened. That was a plus.

Her phone rang. Suede calling. For a second
Vanessa wished she could ignore the call, but knew she would drive
herself crazy if she did. She and Suede had, well, almost a pact,
to never ignore each other. A pact to love one another, and Vanessa
couldn't just blow Suede off. It would be a sort of betrayal.

Even a brief hesitation in taking Suede's
call would have been inconceivable a month ago when Vanessa was
enmeshed. Obsessed.

"Hello?" Vanessa said into the phone.

"Hey, baby," Suede greeted her. "Are you
feeling any better today?"

Vanessa smiled. Oh yeah, how would she ever
explain her latest malady to Suede? "Better," she said. "I slept on
and off, tossed and turned. Took a nap a little while ago and had a
really weird dream."

"Yeah?" Suede asked. "Like what?"

There was a time when Vanessa would have been
willing to spill, but in this dream she had been trying to find
Roman, and every room she entered was a room he had just left. Her
dream self was desperate to tell him something, but he remained
elusive. She said, "I don't know. I don't remember enough for a
dream interpretation session."

"Ah well. That's all right," Suede said.
"Have you had breakfast yet? Because Patrick and I are starving.
We're jonesing for breakfast at the greasy spoon."

Hadn't Suede called in the middle of the
night and said Patrick had got mad about something and left? Weird.
Vanessa looked at her watch. It was four in the afternoon. Her
stomach growled. "Okay, I'm in."

She met them at the Down Home Café, where
breakfast was served any time of the day or night. Hash browns with
onions. Crispy bacon. Perfect over-medium eggs. Vanessa stabbed at
a yolk with the corner of her whole wheat toast. "Mmm," she moaned.
It was all a breakfast should be, until she piled the cooked egg
white onto her remaining piece of toast and took a bite. She
gagged. Patrick and Suede both laughed as Vanessa spit the mouthful
into a napkin,
I guess eggs are out.
She kept the thought to
herself.

"So," Suede said. "We're going to Jake's
Saloon for a bit, and then later to Xtreme. You wanna tag along?
It'll be fun. We're going to get so wasted we forget our own names.
Join us. Please? I miss you."

"I'll come to Jake's, but probably not
Xtreme," Vanessa said, and then wondered how she could forgive
Suede's bad behavior. And wondered why she felt Suede deserved
forgiveness. After all, it wasn't like Suede had apologized, and it
wasn't like she ever would.

And yet. Vanessa sighed to herself. Yes, she
would go to the Saloon for a little while.

They went, and once there Suede and Patrick
raised their glasses and toasted that it was five o'clock. Vanessa
had cola in her glass, and later on, ice water. But Suede
eventually set a drink in front of her and said, "You're not even
partly silly yet."

"Versus partly cloudy?" Vanessa asked with a
laugh, eying up the drink. It looked pretty good, actually, cold
and pink, exactly how she liked her drinks.

Vanessa's phone rang. Suede grabbed it out of
her hand. "Don't answer it. All the good people are here already.
Who's calling you when you're with me, anyway? Don't they know
better? You're busy." She turned the phone over in her hands so she
could see the screen. "What the hell? It's Roman."

Vanessa blinked.

Suede gave her a complicated look and there
was an edge to her voice when she asked, "Is Roman in the habit of
calling you frequently?"

Vanessa felt a warm wiggle in the pit of her
stomach, like a little secret trying to worm its way out. She
shrugged and took the phone from Suede.

"Hi," she said into the phone, and felt
herself blush, aware that Suede was staring at her.

Roman's voice was sweet in her ear. "Hi. I'm
going to check out the local scene in grandma's neck of the woods.
Are you doing all right?"

"Yeah. I'm out with Suede and Patrick for a
little."

"You're not drinking are you?"

"Roman. It's not like that. I wouldn't do
that."

"Suede's not going to tolerate you not
drinking, unless she's on the wagon herself for some reason."

"You know she isn't. I'm going home soon.
Don't worry, I can take care of myself."

Roman sighed into her ear. "You're right. I'm
being an ass. Sorry."

"It's okay," Vanessa said.

"No, it's not. I'll work on it. I have a
tendency to want to control everything."

"Who, you?" Vanessa said, and laughed into
the phone. "Not you."

He laughed, too, and it felt good to laugh
together. It felt right. Like maybe getting to know each other
would be fun. "Have fun," Vanessa said. "Try not to get arrested or
anything."

"Yeah, because that's in my plan."

They bantered back and forth for a few
minutes, and just before they hung up, Roman asked, "Is this okay?
That maybe I check in on how you're doing?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Vanessa told him.
"Actually, it's good. I think I like it."

"Good," Roman said. "You can call me, too.
Anytime, you know?"

"I will," she said. "I'm going to go now.
Kiss-kiss."