Out of the Dungeon (17 page)

Suede hit him, and he wiggled his ass at her.
She hit him again, and he squealed, his face registering
over-dramatic shock, and then he wiggled again, laughing at
her.

Suede flashed him a wicked grin, hooked her
free fingers under the waistband of his stretch pants, yanked them
down, and without missing a beat, gave him a hard swat. He
shrieked, let go of the pole, then danced around the stage with his
hands plastered over his buttocks and his naughty bits waving
merrily at the audience, most of whom were howling with
laughter.

The uproar was hysterically funny.

And then it wasn't, as unexpected hands
grabbed hold of Roman and somebody with a bullhorn announced,
"Everybody out. This club is closed until further notice."

Time seemed to slow, or even stop, as Roman
tried to comprehend what was happening. He saw the bullhorn, held
at someone's side. His eyes traced the arm up to the fat smiling
face of Mr. Phillips.

Oh no. Roman saw Vanessa's stricken face
where she stood frozen at stage left. He was sure he'd reminded her
and Suede about the indecency laws, what could be shown and what
couldn't. He was sure. Of course, parties at the club tended to go
astray. But he had rules for public events. He was sure he'd told
them the rules.

Phillips walked over to Roman and flashed his
credentials, his expression so smug that Roman wanted to spit in
his face. "Gotcha," he said with a malicious smile.

Roman pulled away from the hands that held
his arms, no doubt Phillips's people, and stepped right into the
fat man's space. He moved in so close that he could see the
individual hairs of the man's mustache. He looked straight into
Phillip's satisfied brown eyes and said, "Membership denied.
Permanently."

J
eff was finally
moved to a step-down unit, a regular room on a regular non-emergent
medical floor. He was awake and aware, and it was a relief. His
parents came from upstate, and sat at his bedside. His mom, Betty,
brightened the room with flowers, plants, and an afghan she'd
knitted herself, its rainbow hues a startling contrast to the white
sheets of the bed. During daytime hours she could be found sitting
in a rocking chair by the window working crossword puzzles.

Jeff got outfitted with the Halo device, and
Dare could hardly bear to look at him. Especially hard to look at
the pins imbedded in his skull. Roman, on the other hand, was keen
to learn everything about the device, refusing to be shielded from
any of it.

The day before Jeff was discharged, Zach came
in to see how he was doing. Jeff hardly remembered Zach, and in
fact, commented, "You're like someone I remember from a dream."

Zach laughed. "Hmm, dream date. I'll have to
remember that."

Roman growled softly from his chosen corner,
and Zach flashed Dare a look and raised his eyebrows. Dare
shrugged. Roman was nervous about Jeff coming home, worried about
how much this hospitalization had put them into debt, and stressed
to the max that he'd been charged with public indecency and the
club had been closed, albeit briefly. Roman was putting the club up
for sale, and that, Dare suspected, was gnawing him to bits.

Katie, the hospital social worker popped in a
few minutes after Zach left. She grinned at Jeff, "You look a lot
better. Are you ready for the next adventure?"

"Which would be?" Jeff asked.

"Halo care and physical therapy."

Jeff groaned. "Can't I just go back to the
ICU, cute nurses, and good drugs?"

Katie laughed. "Nope. Rest time is over, now
it's full speed ahead."

Jeff grumbled. "Going home seems like it's
going to be a pain in the ass."

"You'll manage day by day," Katie said.
"Before you leave, I need to set up your physical therapy,
follow-up appointments, and so on. Dr. Rashaviak wants to see you
in about four weeks, which is probably how long you'll wait to get
into PT. Do you have any idea where you want to go for PT?"

Jeff mumbled the name of his home town.

Roman's head snapped up, face filled with
surprise. And some anger, Dare realized. Betty stared at her puzzle
book. Dare kept his mouth shut, though he almost felt like he
should get out of the room altogether, because shit was about to
fly. Roman, who'd been tense as hell anyway, looked like he might
break apart at any moment.

"Whoa," Roman said. "Wait. Jeff? You're not
coming home?"

"I don't think so," Jeff said, but his voice
wavered.

"Dare, stay," Roman said. "Everyone else,
out."

Betty looked up, startled.

"But I need to make the appointments –" Katie
started to say, and Roman silenced her with a look. "No. Out. Come
back later, or in the morning. These decisions don't happen without
me. I'm sorry, Betty. Get a cup of tea or something."

"Of course, dear," Jeff's mom said, and set
her crossword book on the window sill. She stopped next to where
Jeff sat on the edge of his bed. "Do what you need to do, love,"
she said, and gently chucked his chin before she left the room.

It was such a motherly gesture that Dare
almost laughed. Except for this; the three of them, alone, for the
first time since Jeff got hit by a truck. Dare held his breath.

"I'm calling a Sunday meeting," Roman
said.

Dare exhaled. "It's about damned time."

Roman ignored Dare's comment.

"Talk to me Jeff," Roman said. "You want to
go upstate with your parents? Why?"

"Roman. Think about it. I can't handle
anything more right now. I have enough, too much, to cope with. I
can't take care of you."

Roman gave a soft chuff of frustration. "Of
course you can't. But I can take care of you."

Jeff's seemed to stare past Roman, toward the
window, maybe to the sky. "No. My role, per contract, is to take
care of you, pleasure you, and make your life easier. I can't do
any of that. In fact, at this point, I'd be doing the
opposite."

"Never mind the contract," Roman growled.
"Consider it null and void. Who could foresee this? We are not
breaking up because you can't fulfill a stupid contract. Come on,
Jeff, do you really think I'm such an asshole? Do you think I love
the slave that you were more than the man you are?"

"What kind of man am I? Who am I without you,
Roman? Do you know? Can you tell me? The thought of this thing,
this halo, screwed into my head for the next four months makes me
feel so claustrophobic that I want to vomit. It is unendurable to
imagine you taking care of me, washing my hair, helping me put my
clothes on. Tying my shoes and running me from place to place. It's
like… permanent bondage."

Silence fell, and Dare could see that both of
them were gathering their thoughts, working to strengthen their
respective arguments. There was no place for him in this
conversation. He was figuring out how to excuse himself, when Roman
addressed him.

"What's so heavy on your mind, Dare, that you
can hardly look me in the eye?"

Dare didn't answer right away. He couldn't,
because the words felt like they were stuck in his throat, and once
he spit them out, he wouldn't be able to take them back.

"Dare's leaving," Jeff said.

Dare jerked his head up. He'd almost started
to think that Jeff had forgotten their middle-of-the- night
conversation.

"Dare was never sure about staying in the
first place," Roman said, and his eyes, when he looked at Dare,
were kind. Accepting.

When Dare still didn't say anything, Jeff
went on the defensive. "Aren't you going to tell him, Dare? If
we're having a Sunday discussion, don't you think this is one of
the important topics?"

"Of course," Dare said. "It's okay, Jeff.
Maybe it's easier for you to say out loud than it is for me.
Especially if you're leaving, too."

Dare felt the stirrings of guilt, but then,
no. If there was anything he learned from Roman, it was that strong
people choose for themselves. Choose the strength of the master or
the strength of the submissive, or choose to walk away. One choice
isn't better than the other. But Dare needed them to know that he
wasn't walking away lightly. "I value these past few months, to a
degree that defies explanation, and you guys have changed me in
ways I never dreamed. I'm taking a job, and I want this job, and,
at least for now, the kinky stuff has to go on the back burner. I
have to make a life on my own. You get that, right?"

He looked first a Roman, then at Jeff, and he
knew the plea was in his eyes, a plea for validation, that they not
judge him for wanting to return to vanilla life.

Roman caved first. "Yes, Dare, I get that.
You're educated and want to build a career. And you should. But
don't ever forget, there's a lot more to you than a country club
background and an Ivy League MBA."

Dare didn't know if he was almost going to
laugh or almost going to cry. He would never forget. How on earth
could he?

"Shit," Jeff said. "Shit, shit, shit. I feel
worse leaving you, Roman, if Dare's leaving, too. I think that's
why I said it for him, in case he'd changed his mind." Jeff looked
at Dare. "But you didn't change your mind."

Dare shook his head. "I can't. I have to find
more of myself before I can lose myself again. Sometimes when we
played together, I felt like I was half-formed, that I could bend
to Roman's will forever, but when I tried to imagine it, I couldn't
breathe. I need to learn more about me and what I want. And then…
well, who knows what then?"

Roman was nodding. "Know thyself, Dare. It's
important. And Jeff, same to you. Is that how you feel right now,
like you can't breathe?"

"Pretty much," Jeff said. "I feel like my
head is inside a cage that's choking me. The thought of navigating
life like this…." He blew air through his lips and it sounded like
a shudder. "I don't even want to try to function. I want to go to
my mom's house, sit in the lazy boy, and surf channels. I want to
be babied. And Roman, even though I trust you above anyone in the
world, I do not want you in charge of my care."

Roman took in a deep breath. He seemed as
calm and collected as ever.

He said, "Okay. I surrender. On the condition
that we're not over. That, when you recover, you give us another
chance. I don't care if it's kinky or vanilla, or somewhere in
between."

The way they stared at each other, Dare might
as well have not even been in the room. But it was good. It was
honest.

"Okay," Jeff said, and tears slid out of his
eyes. "That's a deal."

"Dare," Roman said, and when Dare turned his
head to look, Roman had his hand out, like he was offering a
handshake. Dare put his hand in Roman's, and Roman yanked him
close, wrapping his other arm around Dare's shoulders. "Don't ever
forget that you are amazing. And brave."

Dare nodded against Roman's chest. "I won't."
And now that there was no longer the dread of telling Roman he was
leaving, a sadness that he hadn't allowed himself to feel crept
over him. The most terrifying moments of his life had been when
he'd put himself in the hands of this man. And the most
exhilarating.

There was a noise from Jeff's direction.
"Bastards," he said, and sniffed. "Do you know how long I have to
wait for a hug like that?"

Dare pulled away from Roman, and they both
turned toward Jeff, moving to sit flanking him on the bed, Dare
next to the arm that was in a sling. Dare tried to figure out how
to hug Jeff without hurting him, but wasn't sure it was possible,
so he rested his fingers lightly on Jeff's upper thigh. He looked
across at Roman, who'd entwined his fingers with Jeff's free hand.
They both leaned gently closer, Jeff and his halo device stiff and
upright between them.

"I'm afraid this is the best we can do," Dare
said.

Jeff groaned. "Not good enough. Not
nearly."

"A few months," Roman whispered. "Not
forever."

Dare thought he understood Jeff's choice,
then. It would be too hard, too painful in so many different ways,
to be a delicate flower around Roman. Roman could be gentle, but it
was his ability to be raw, hard and aggressive, that was stunning.
Being his 24/7 slave was one thing, having him be your 24/7
nursemaid was another thing altogether. It would damage something
central to Jeff and Roman's whole relationship. Dare could see it,
feel it even, and he hoped Roman could, as well.

"I get why you have to go to your parent's
house," Dare said.

"Thank you," Jeff said.

"I don't." Roman said. "I can change. I know
I can."

"But Jeff doesn’t want you to change," Dare
ventured. "He doesn't want you to get used to him being weak. If
the situation were reversed, you wouldn't want that, either."

"I'd take his place in a heartbeat. And I'd
show him strength."

"I'll show
you,
" Jeff declared. "I'll
work my ass off to show you."

"I expect nothing less," Roman said.

There was a light tap on the door, and then
Katie the social worker came in again. "Are you ready for me
now?"

J
eff left the
hospital the next day with his parents. Dare helped Roman pack
Jeff's clothes and personal items that they would deliver to him in
a few days.

It was bittersweet. Dare found one of his own
tee shirts in with Jeff's laundry, and then Roman showed him a poem
that Jeff had written.

"If he were being honest, he would have given
this to me," Roman said. "Maybe on a Sunday when you weren't
around."

"I was usually around," Dare said. "He didn't
want you to be unhappy."

"Yeah?" Roman said. "That's not right. My
happiness isn't any more important than anyone else's."

"To Jeff, it is," Dare said. "Maybe being a
slave stopped being a game."