Out Of The Ashes (4 page)

My face burned scarlet, and my breathing increased its speed. No sound escaped my lips when I opened my mouth. I was losing my grip on the here and now; my mind began hurtling into the past. I tried to stop it, get control of my breathing. I fought as hard as I could, struggling with slowing down each breath before I took the next.

It didn’t work.

Flashes of the past began pouring into my consciousness, one quick picture at a time. The faces of my family, terrified and reflected in the orange flames. The feeling of being choked into oblivion by the thick, inky smoke. Crawling on my hands and knees, smelling my hair singing in the hot flames.

“Hey,” Clay said. He tilted his head to look down into my eyes and placed his finger under my chin to lift my face skyward. “What is it? Are you okay?”

I struggled, gulping in air and closing my eyes. His voice brought me back to the Student Center and I pushed back against the dark memories. I remembered that my therapist had instructed me to count when I was having a panic attack. After I counted to ten, I had recovered enough to get a sentence out.

“I, uh…I have to go to class.”

His hands tightened on my arms, not painfully but tight enough to keep me in place. “Wait, Paige. What just happened?”

His eyes were full of confusion and concern. The concern was puzzling...and nice. The emotions those eyes were stirring up in me were too much for me to handle at the moment.

“Sorry about running into you.” I pivoted and practically ran for the Student Center’s double doors, exiting into the bright sunshine. I hurried down the steps.

“Paige!” I heard Clay call out behind me. “Wait!”

Continuing to walk crossed my mind, but he would catch up eventually. I slowed and allowed him to fall into step beside me.

“Look, I’m fine. You didn’t have to chase me down.” I whirled on him. I found it difficult to keep my face unaffected when those azure eyes burned into mine like that.

“I know I didn’t. But what kind of gentleman would I be if I let you walk to class all alone?”

I eyed him doubtfully. “I wasn’t aware that you were a gentleman.”

He shrugged. “I’m not, usually. You seem to bring all kinds of strangeness out in me. So what class are we heading toward?”

“We are heading for Statistics. And I’m awful at math, so I’d better be on time to get a seat in the front.”

He laughed. “Oh, I don’t think you’ll have a problem getting a seat in the front. What’s your major?”

“I don’t know yet. I’m going to see where life takes me these next few years.”

“Gotcha. Probably smart. Some people end up changing a bunch of times.”

We walked the rest of the way to Snellings Hall. The campus was bustling, covered with students rushing to class, sitting on the lawn with books and with ear buds in, and jogging around campus. Trees dotted the wide-open lawns, full and majestic branches reaching out for the sun. I loved it here.

We paused outside my building, and I cast my eyes toward Clay.

“Thanks, Clay. Sorry I freaked out on your earlier. I’ll see you around.”

He caught my hand before I turned away. “Why don’t we make sure that happens? Give me your phone.”

I hesitated, then handed over my cell phone. He typed his number in my contacts.

“Now text me,” he demanded.

I did, and his phone dinged in his pocket. He took it out, scanned the screen, and smiled.

“Now I have your number and you have mine. I’ll definitely see you soon. Have a good day, Paige.”

He turned and walked off, free as a bird. His hands were deep in his pockets as he went, and I took a second to admire the view.

I shook my head to clear it of all things Clay, and headed inside the building for my first class on my first day of college.

Clay

I spent the morning in class and arrived back at my apartment after lunch. Late in the afternoon, Rob came home and turned on the X-Box.

“You want some of this Halo action?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’m always ready to kick your ass.”

As we worked the controllers furiously, my mind wandered to Paige. The girl was beautiful in her own right, with her glossy, short dark hair and piercing green eyes. I usually only saw one of those eyes because her hair fell over one side of her face. I was sure I’d glimpsed a distortion there a couple of times. Where had it come from? She’d been hurt, but how?

The thought of Paige hurting caused an ache to begin in my chest that I couldn’t explain. I didn’t want her hurting, ever. The way she was getting under my skin, making me care about her in such a short time was throwing me off-balance. It’d never happened to me before and I was torn. I wanted to keep her close and make her understand how I felt. Yet I also wanted to push her away all at the same time. Opening myself up to her meant she could have the power to hurt me. I’d never given a girl that kind of power.

I paused the game and pulled my phone out of my pocket, wondering again if Paige was going to text me or call me today.

The blank screen tanked my mood, and I sighed and held it in my hands as I stared off into space.

Rob got up and shut off the game system. He turned to face me and crossed his arms.

“I’m not an idiot, dude. You were distracted during the team run this morning, and you’re distracted now. I’ve never kicked your ass that thoroughly during Halo. I usually get a fight first. You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but just know I’m here if you need to talk, man.”

That was Rob for you. Drew probably would never notice if something was bothering me. I mean, he’d listen if I bitched about it. Sort of. But Rob was a different kind of friend. He noticed these things, and offered an ear if I needed it.

“It’s this girl,” I admitted.

He sat back down, put his hands behind his head, and leaned back.

“Of course it is,” he said. “Not that I’ve ever seen you stressed about a girl before. But it had to happen eventually, right?”

“I don’t know what she’s doing to me, man,” I admitted. “Do you know Gillian Byrnes? The fashionista who hangs at our parties sometimes?”

“Yeah, she was here Saturday night,” Rob answered.

“Right. Well, did you know that she has a roommate?”

“No. Does she?”

“Yeah. She does, dude. And she’s…she’s something else. Beautiful, feisty, adorably sweet and naive…all at the same time.”

Rob rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then nodded and smiled. “You’re screwed.”

Six

Paige

Clay: Meet me for coffee tonight. Bring your books or whatever you want, just come.

I was floored when I received the text. I had no clue what I should do. I hadn’t really expected him to text me. Wasn’t he busy doing senior things? Or soccer player things? Or things with random girls?

Gillian strode into the living room carrying her Chemistry textbook and sat on the couch. She flipped the television on and turned it to Ellen.

“What’s up, chick?” she asked. “You look confused. It’s only the first week of classes, it can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not classes,” I grumbled. “It’s Clay.”

“Hey, now,” she said, and leaned forward to put her elbows on her legging-covered knees. “Clay? I thought we nipped that problem in the bud. Is he actually texting you?”

She grabbed my phone and read the message from Clay.

“Holy shit,” she breathed. “Clay Forbes wants to go out in public with you. He’s not texting to ask you to come over for a booty call. That is really not the Clay I know and love. What’d you do to him, Paige?”

“I swear to you, Gill, I didn’t do anything. I actually embarrassed myself in front of him more than once. And he’s got girls throwing themselves at him, for heaven’s sake. What does he want with me?” I sighed and sat back against the couch cushions, rubbing my temples and squeezing my eyes shut.

“Text him back,” she said suddenly.

“What? I thought you would be the last person on Team Clay! All of this stuff about how I need to take things slow and ease into college life.”

“I meant physically, Paige. Socially, I think you should jump right in. I would never have thought Clay would be a good direction to take if he hadn’t just asked you out on an actual date. This could be something. Trust me when I say he never does that.”

I picked up my phone reluctantly and began typing.

Paige: I’ll be there at 8. This is not a date.

Clay

The door kept opening, but Paige didn’t walk through. I was worried this girl would stand me up. I’d never been stood up before. Actually, I’d never waited on a girl in a public place before, so that’s why I’d never been stood up. I was out of my element, and it was doing crazy things to my stomach. This wild fluttering inside me caused me to keep pressing a hand to my gut. I checked my watch again. Ten after eight. The aroma of burnt coffee grounds assaulted my senses, and the hush of quiet conversation permeated the atmosphere in the coffeehouse.

The little silver bell hanging over the door tingled as I checked my watch, and when I looked up again Paige filled the room.

I meant it when I said she filled it. The room was threaded with students studying, talking softly, and drinking coffee. But when Paige entered it was like when dead things come alive again in the spring. She elicited curious glances from the girls, and double takes from the guys. I sat up a little straighter in my seat when I watched her.

She spotted me, ducked her head shyly and walked over to the table I occupied. I took in her appearance as she walked, and I liked what I saw.

Her dark jeans were tight, and her snug turquoise top showed just the right amount of cleavage. She was a petite girl, so the curve of her hips and rise of her breasts were compatible to her body type. She was small all over, but damn if I didn’t imagine those hips fitting into the palms of my hands.

I cleared my throat and shook my head as she neared me and stood. Her jewel-toned eyes met mine and a blush crept into her cheeks. I liked that. She was different than any of the girls who usually surrounded me. They oozed confidence, like they knew exactly what they wanted and were willing to play any game I wanted in order to get it. Paige actually seemed shy, as if she hadn’t done this much. I should welcome her to the club.

Was Paige’s wariness because of me? Or was this her normal?

“I was afraid you weren’t coming,” I admitted, standing.

“I thought about it,” she answered, and I grinned.

I pulled out her chair for her and she sat, loaded down with books. I sat down across from her.

“What do you drink?” I asked. “Let me get your coffee.”

She furrowed her brow, staring at me.

“This isn’t a date, remember? You don’t have to buy my coffee; I can buy my own.”

“Of course. But I’d like to buy it. Consider it a non-date gift of friendship.”

Doubt etched a picture on her face, but she conceded. “I like lattes, any flavor. Surprise me.”

I could do that. I nodded and headed over to the counter. I stared at the menu carefully. Sweet and spicy sounded right for Paige. When I sat back down with her cinnamon dolce latte with nutmeg in hand, she smiled at me, and my heart picked up its rhythm. That felt better than nice. I wanted to make her smile again.

“Did you drive here?” I asked her.

“Gillian dropped me off, on her way to the library.”

“Good,” I nodded. “I’ll drive you home.”

She didn’t argue, which I kind of expected her to do. The fact she didn’t made me hopeful.

“Look, Paige,” I started.

“Why am I here?” she asked simultaneously.

We both chuckled. I had some explaining to do.

“I don’t usually do this,” I said. “Date, I mean. I mean I see lots of girls. We have a lot of parties and they’re just there. It’s easy. But since I saw you at the bookstore that day, I don’t know…I just wanted more.”

“More what?” she asked warily.

“More of…you. I want to know you.”

“Well, what do you want to know?” she asked. She settled back into her chair and sipped her coffee. With those green eyes directed at me, I had a hard time remembering the things I wanted to know about.

“Where are you from?” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat as I caught a glimpse of the imperfection on the left side of her face. “I know it’s somewhere near here. I hear the accent.”

“Gillian and I are from a town not too far from here,” she answered. “Simpsonville. About forty-five minutes away. We’re basically hometown girls.”

“I see,” I replied. How could I ask her about the scars on her skin without making her upset, or inserting myself too deeply in her personal business?

“You’re a freshman, right? So you’re eighteen?”

“Just turned twenty, actually. I had some…setbacks. Between finishing high school and now. So I’m starting college later than I would have liked.” She shifted her head so that her hair fell over the left side of her face again.