Our Tragic Universe (49 page)

‘We are guzzling pizza,’ I said.

‘Speak for yourself. I do not guzzle. Anyway, this is why the amount of spirits stays the same, but the population increases. The fundamental Mother archetype, or spirit, is now divided over, say, a million people. How does she come back together? I want to propose that the purpose of living is to get back to your essential spiritual nature, and there are various ways of doing this, although no one does it quite consciously. It’s the spiritual version of evolution, or genetics – but it’s not quite either.’ Josh pulled another document out of his bag. ‘If you don’t mind, I’m going to read to you from this for a bit in case
I leave anything out. It’s quite complicated, I think. So every Higher Spirit, or Elemental Soul, exists in its pure state on something like a cosmic Periodic Table. You naturally have things in common with the elements nearest you, as arsenicum does with phosphorus, or palladium with platinum. Indeed, your ultimate cosmic soul mate is always right there next to you on this “table”. But the dance of the universe is first about these spirits splitting and breaking and becoming mortal, and then splitting further, and then coming back together. When the table is complete, the final step is for all the spirits to merge in one monumental orgasm of spirit before collapsing into the void once more. The Periodic Table of Elemental Spirits is very different from the real Periodic Table of physical elements, but the latter serves as a useful analogy for the former, as I said. We have to use lots of analogies, because we are seeking to describe here something that cannot be described.’

‘I like the “monumental orgasm of spirit”,’ I said.

‘So do I. This is why I’m reading this. It sounds better.’ He looked down at his sheet of paper again. There was a howling sound in the distance, like the wind. Then there was a bang, like a gunshot or a firework, but Josh didn’t even look up. The howling continued for a few seconds and then stopped. ‘So each imperfect being that we see around us contains the spiritual debris from various fundamental spirits. We are attracted to people who may help us shed some of this debris, or add new pieces that then purify what we already have. Think of interactions with people as being spiritual reactions or explosions, just like chemical reactions. Tragic interactions are interesting because they lead to the smashing up of these compounds, and the release of energy, just as Nietzsche said. And so it goes, on
through time, as some higher spirits are distilled by life, and some made even more complex. Happily-ever-after leads to more bonding, or more bondage, if you see what I mean.’

Josh flicked through his pieces of paper. ‘I’m going to skip the next bit because it’s quite long. But I’ll email you the full version. OK. The universe has two “operating systems” or “natures”. One is the physical world as charted by scientists. So there are gravity and quarks and evolution and so on. But, as I have always said, there is also magic, and an unseen world of energy: Qi, the Force, whatever you want to call it. This is, if you like, another manifestation of the physical universe. In the same way that light is sometimes waves and sometimes particles, and mass can be seen as energy, the universe is sometimes physical, or “being”; and sometimes energetic, or “non-being”. It is made, as we have seen, of both matter and spirit. Magic is simply when someone uses an unseen, non-physical energy to work on another energy or vibration. It is very subtle. It can have physical effects, but it is not physical in itself. For example, falling in love may have physical effects, like making someone lose weight, produce more hormones, have erections or whatever. But this is not the result of something solid and physical acting on something else that is solid and physical: it is the result of energy, or the non-physical, acting on the spirit, which is also non-physical, which leads to changes in the body, which
is
physical. In this way, there is no simple deterministic link between energy and matter. Most of the time energy works on other energy, and then it has a subtle effect on the matter around it. This is why there are no such things as spoon-bending and conjuring: they are tricks. But it is also why homoeopathy, flower remedies and Reiki work.

‘The closer to being fully
spiritualised
you are – do you like that term? I’m not sure about it – the wiser you are, and the more easily you can use things like energy and magic. But also, in a sense, the less likely to use them, because you don’t really desire anything that magic could give you. You pointed that out; more or less. I was thinking of making a website where you put in your basic opinions, attributes and so on, and then it calculates whether you’re a 10,000th-level Hermit, or a 783rd-level Trickster. But I thought that might take something away from the theory, which is quite serious. What do you think?’

‘God,’ I said. ‘You’ve really thought this through.’

‘One thing that’s quite neat about it is that it probably negates Newman’s theory altogether,’ Josh said. ‘If “true” heroes are being sent off on the Road to Perfection all the time, and the freaks, fools and tragic heroes get obliterated and come back to hang out, in purer form, with the pizza-guzzlers, then eventually what you’ll have left in the Second World is the whole Periodic Table of Spirits, all the ultimate superbeings who refuse to act like pathetic heroes, and they can form the one basic spirit and then overthrow the Omega Point. But it seems unlikely that the fundamental spirits, who when they re-form become guardians of the universe, would let the Omega Point be created in the first place. So there you have it. An afterlife that I hope you’ll agree is better than Newman’s.’

‘It is better than Newman’s,’ I said. ‘Why are you so down on the hero all of a sudden?’

‘Well, I’ve realised that I’m never going to be one.’ Josh looked at the wall and then back at me. ‘I think that’s a good thing, though. I like all that stuff Vi says about globalisation and power and the stories told by Western governments that means that
they are the heroes fighting terrorism or whatever. She’s also right that the very concept of “hero” is a paradox, especially in Christian democracies. The hero is the person who has the right to kill to get what they want. Who gives that right? It has to be God, otherwise anyone could give themselves that right – and they do, of course, but other people disagree. It can’t be a cultural right because culture isn’t permanent. But what sort of God would decide that people can be divided into those who can kill, and those who must be killed? Surely a God would love us all equally. So the hero can’t exist. But what do you think of the whole theory? Are you convinced?’

‘Honestly?’

‘Yes.’

‘I think you should fictionalise it. Spend some time at Orb Books, and then suggest it as a series to Claudia. I think it would be excellent.’ I saw his face falling. ‘Look, Josh, I’m a novelist. I think fiction is a great place for these ideas. I’m not doing them down by saying that they’d work well as fiction. And I’m not even doing them down by saying that Orb Books should be the publisher. I’m guessing you want a big audience for all the work you’ve done. One of the paradoxes of writing is that when you write non-fiction everyone tries to prove that it’s wrong, and when you publish fiction, everyone tries to see the truth in it.’ I bit my lip. ‘Of all the theories of the universe I’ve come across, it’s probably the best one. Honestly. But I can’t accept theories of the universe. I think it’s too big to theorise.’

‘But isn’t the point of being alive to try to answer the big questions?’

I shook my head. ‘For me it’s about trying to work out what the questions are.’

We finished our pizzas. Josh wanted to have ice-cream, and there was still wine left to drink. ‘Hey,’ I said. ‘You could run something weird that happened to me through your theory if you like, and see what you come up with.’

‘But you don’t believe it.’

‘Ignore me. I don’t believe anything. But you might like this.’

‘Go on.’

‘OK, well, you know that Rosa Cooper – the famous actress who died, the one who was going out with Drew – was a childhood friend of mine?’

‘No. Was she? That’s weird that she ended up with Drew.’

‘Yeah. After she died, I had this vivid dream. It was very realistic. Well, sort of. The content seemed realistic at the time. We were on a kind of astral plane, and she basically told me that she wasn’t dead. She showed me how she’d faked her suicide.’ I filled in the rest of the details for Josh, including Rosa’s revelation about her relationship with Caleb.

‘Uh-huh,’ Josh looked interested now.

‘So while I was in London I saw that one of the newspapers had the following headline:
Rosa Cooper Still Alive?
I couldn’t believe it. There’d been a sighting in Hertfordshire of someone who looked just like Rosa. Hertfordshire was where she told me she’d gone. By the time the
Evening Standard
came out, dental records had shown that it was definitely Rosa who had died. But there was a moment when I thought my dream had been real. Everyone half-believes in telepathy and stuff. Even me. I’m not sure about a grand theory to explain it, but …’

‘Keep reading the papers,’ Josh said. ‘I bet you anything she’ll turn up alive, just as you dreamed it. I’ve already worked out that you’re a 40th-level High Priestess. Or possibly a 38th-level
Hermit. I’m not entirely sure. But you should certainly have some telepathic powers, healing skills and access to some pretty powerful magic.’

‘Gosh. The numbers go … ?’

‘Down to one, which is the archetype.’

‘What are you?’

‘I’m not sure. I know I’m a Trickster of some sort. I don’t have any real powers of my own, but I can discern powers around me. I don’t know what that means. I think I’m between levels fifty to a hundred. Probably an even number. It’s pretty good. But you’re better. You’re psychic, and, like I said, I bet you anything that what you dreamed will turn out to be true.’

‘But I don’t really want it to be true,’ I said. ‘I mean, it’s not that I want her to be dead. I just don’t want to be in any way psychic. I half-want to vaguely believe that some of this stuff is possible, but I don’t want “special powers”.’

‘Most people do.’

‘Most people want to be millionaires, and then when they are they’re miserable because they haven’t got anything left to do except go shopping.’

‘Jung said that everyone secretly believes in magic and the supernatural. He says that in public people say they don’t believe, but privately, everyone does.’

‘Maybe that’s right.’ I shrugged as if I didn’t have an opinion.

By the time we paid the bill it was gone five to seven. We hurried out of Rumour and up to Birdwood House. I wondered what I could say to Vi. Would just ‘Sorry’ be enough? Perhaps we’d already said sorry to one another in our newspaper articles. There were about fifty chairs set out in the long, thin room, and about a third of them were filled. But I couldn’t see Vi anywhere.

‘I thought you said Vi was coming?’ I said to Josh.

‘She said she was. She and Frank are staying in the organic vegetarian B&B at the top of Cistern Street specifically so they could come to this tonight and hang out in Totnes a bit. They arrived yesterday. You know, of course, that she’s officially in Devon to open that Labyrinth tomorrow? They’re planning to go to Dartmouth on a River Link ferry. I think me and Dad are going to go on one too, maybe a bit later. Vi said she wanted to go earlier to “try out” the Labyrinth.’

‘Yes, I knew about the Labyrinth. I wonder where they are, then.’

‘No Kelsey Newman either.’

‘Well, it’s only …’ I got my phone out of my bag to check the time. ‘Oh, it’s one minute past seven. God, what’s this? I’ve got eleven missed calls. Who … ?’ I mumbled away to myself as I found the command that phoned my voicemail service. Then the phone started to vibrate again just as I heard Tim’s voice begin speaking on voicemail. He must have heard about his book. Since Newman had yet to show, I gestured to Josh that I would just be a minute, and pressed the button to abort the voicemail and answer the call.

‘Hello?’ I said.

‘Oh God, Meg. Thank God you’re there. Do you have a car and a torch?’

‘Tim? Hello? What’s wrong? Your voice …’

‘It’s the Beast. It’s eaten Kelsey Newman.’

‘What? Tim? What did you say?’

‘The Beast has eaten Kelsey Newman. I tried to shoot it, but it didn’t work. There are people here who say they know you. Can you come? Do you have a car and a torch?’

‘Where?’

‘Longmarsh. It’s on the river …’

‘I know Longmarsh. Where’s the Beast now?’

‘He swam away.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why are you phoning me? I don’t understand …’

‘These people. They …’

There was the sound of rustling, and the phone being passed to someone else.

‘Meg? This is Vi.’

‘Vi. What’s happened?’

‘I’ve got no idea.’

‘Did the Beast … ?’

‘I don’t know. I’m not sure there is a Beast. But Kelsey has disappeared and I’m worried about him. It’s too dark to see anything here now. Have you got your car with you? And a torch?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can you come? I don’t think there’s any danger. But if you think there is we can just leave.’

‘What about Tim?’

‘He’s in a bad way. I think we need to get him out of here too.’

‘OK.’

‘I’ll explain more when you get here.’

I hung up. Josh had come out to look for me.

‘What’s up?’ he said.

‘I don’t know. Something really weird has happened.’

‘Is it Dad? Or …’ He started to twitch, and I wondered what he was counting.

‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘It’s Kelsey Newman. I don’t want to tell you what’s happened, because I think you won’t like it and I’m not sure it has really happened. But I’ve got to go. Vi and Frank are there, and an Orb Books author. I think you should go home. There isn’t going to be an event.’

‘I think I want to come with you.’

‘There won’t be space in the car. I’ve got to bring at least three people back into town.’

‘OK,’ he said. ‘Well, thanks for having dinner with me.’