Our Red Hot Romance Is Leaving Me Blue (12 page)

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Authors: Dixie Cash

Tags: #Humorous Stories, #Contemporary Women, #Contemporary, #General, #Romance, #Chick Lit, #Humorous Fiction, #Fiction, #Texas

BOOK: Our Red Hot Romance Is Leaving Me Blue
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A shiver zoomed up Debbie Sue’s spine. “Jesus Christ,” she whispered. She shot a stunned look toward Sophia, her mind scrambling for a logical interpretation of what Sophia had just said. She tapped on the pickup window. “Ed, buzz down the window.”

The tinted power window slid down three inches. All Debbie Sue could see was Edwina’s eyes.

“Let’s get out of here, Debbie Sue,” Edwina said, her voice coming through the window with a quiver. “I told you earlier—”

“Now you listen to me,” Debbie Sue stage whispered.

“You’re the one who thought we should call this psychic person to come here. Far be it from me to point out that you’re making an ass of yourself.”

“I don’t care,” Edwina said. “I deny everything.”

Debbie Sue pointed toward Sophia. “That girl
remembered
you, Ed. That’s all. She r
emembered
you from fifteen years ago. Hell. Maybe she’s just got a good memory.” But as Debbie Sue said that, she wondered if it was even possible.

“You probably haven’t changed one damn bit,” she continued. “Not to mention that if you took the news from her
grandmother about Jimmy Wayne and that money in his boot as well as you’ve taken what you
think
you heard just now, I’d say you made a definite impression on her.”

The window lowered another three inches. “Okay,” Edwina whispered, “I’ll admit she might remember me, but how did she know about Vic?”

“I don’t know. But I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation.” But Debbie Sue continued to wonder.

“Bullshit,” Edwina said. “That kid must’ve inherited that mystic shit from her grandmother.”

Debbie Sue sighed heavily. “You don’t have to whisper, Ed. She can’t hear you.”

“How do you know? I’m not budging from this pickup, Miss Smarty Pants, until you give me a good explanation for how she even knows Vic’s name.”

“Hell, I don’t know, Ed. Maybe she Googled the Domestic Equalizers on the Internet. I don’t doubt she did because she would’ve wanted to check us out. I’m sure she found our bios, which include who we’re married to. Especially the one you submitted. You told everything about yourself. You practically told your and Vic’s favorite sex position.”

“I did not. What I said was—”

“Stop.” Debbie Sue lifted a palm. “I don’t want to talk about it. The point I’m trying to make is it’s not hard to find out information about us.”

“I’m not buying it. What if she doesn’t have access to the Internet?”

“Well I’m pretty sure she reads, Ed. She
is
a schoolteacher
and
Texas Monthly
did do a real nice article on us, if you recall, including the mention of Buddy and Vic. And it
is
on the Internet.”

Debbie Sue expected more of the window would slide down but instead she heard the pop of the door latch releasing. Edwina gingerly opened her door and looked at Debbie Sue sheepishly. “I feel like a turd.”

Debbie Sue reached out and rubbed her friend’s right arm soothingly. “Aw, I’m sorry. Would it make you feel better if I said you
look
like one, too?”

The beginning of a grin twitched at the corner of Edwina’s mouth.

Finally she broke into laughter. “Oh, hell, yes. Please do.”

“Great. Now let’s go see if we can salvage this situation before it turns into a regular goat-fuck.”

S
ophia mustered what she hoped was an engaging smile as the two women came toward her. In her vision, she hadn’t seen exactly how tall and slender the one named Edwina was. Five ten, Sophia guessed. Sometimes the visions were a little scarce on detail.

At this moment, she deduced that Edwina was psychic-phobic. Many were and it was best to know that up front. Sophia would have to be mindful of Edwina’s fears. Gran Bella had taught her to never reveal unsolicited information unless a person’s well being was at stake. So Sophia saw no point in telling Edwina all she had seen in that brief moment when she had held Edwina’s scarf in her hand. Truth be known, Sophia was having some trouble believing it herself.

Debbie Sue started by introducing her partner. Sophia didn’t let on that she already knew Edwina in ways Debbie Sue probably didn’t.

“Look, Sophia,” Debbie Sue said. “I’ve said all I’m going to on your behalf to Justin Sadler. I warn you, he’s gonna be a hard sell.”

“Right,” Edwina said from behind Debbie Sue’s shoulder.

“Justin doesn’t believe in psychics.”

Sophia almost sighed with relief. At least they weren’t telling her to get in her car and go back home. “Oh, we aren’t called psychics these days. That’s a word that conjures up images of mysterious women wrapped in head scarves and speaking mumbo-jumbo over a crystal ball.”

“You mean you don’t do that?” Edwina asked.

“These days, those of us who have the gift prefer to be called mentalists. My grandmother was called all kinds of things, many of them disrespectful, but she paid them no mind. I would like it if you call me a mentalist.”

“Okay,” Debbie Sue said, ignoring her partner and raising her palms in a gesture of surrender. “Mentalist. Call yourself anything you want to. All we care about is your being honest. We have to think of our client’s best interest. But I’ll keep my mouth shut and give you a chance to convince him you’re the real deal.”

Sophia realized her honesty was questionable, since she had already lied to them. “Oh, thank you so much. I promise I am honest.”

“Okay, then. I guess we can go on up to the house. Justin should be expecting us.” Debbie Sue turned and started back
to her big red pickup. Even psychic powers wouldn’t permit Sophia to imagine how it would feel to drive such a huge pickup truck.

“You go first,” Debbie Sue said over her shoulder. “If you follow me you won’t be able to see for the dust. Just drive on up this road. It really isn’t a road. It’s really Justin’s driveway.”

Sophia felt her stomach dip. Was Justin the man who had scolded her earlier?

“After about a mile there’ll be a split in the road,” Debbie Sue said, gesturing with her hands. “Stay to the left and you’ll drive right up to the house. We’ll be behind you.”

“I understand,” Sophia called back to her and slid into her car.

Debbie Sue watched and waited for Sophia to slowly move forward. “You can come out from behind me, Ed,” she said.

“I wasn’t behind you,” Edwina snapped indignantly.

“Let’s go.” Debbie Sue climbed behind the steering wheel. Edwina fumbled into the passenger seat and settled and adjusted the floaty garment she was wearing. “I don’t know about you,” Debbie Sue said, following Sophia’s car, “but all of a sudden, I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“I’d just as soon not talk about feelings, thank you very much. I’m more nervous than a surprise guest on
The Jerry Springer Show
.”

“But it’s not about you, Ed. Not everything in life is about you, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. I surely don’t. And furthermore,
I’ll have you know everything in
my
life
is
about me. If I can hear it, see it, smell it or touch it, it’s about me. If it brings a reaction
from
me, it affects
me
. So you see, it is all about me.”

In some weird, convoluted way Edwina was right, Debbie Sue thought, so she didn’t argue. “I feel kinda sorry for her. She’s so young to be in her situation. She told me she didn’t have any living relatives that she knew of or a penny to her name.”

“Bless her heart. Broke and alone. That’s a road I’ve been down so many times I’ve worn the rubber off my tires.”

“At least she’s got a good education,” Debbie Sue said.

“That’s something no one can take away from her. She’s lucky that way.”

“What she needs is a good man,” Edwina said. “She’s heartbroken, Justin’s heartbroken. What a great reason for a relationship.”

Except for the fact that she was closely following Sophia to their destination, Debbie Sue would have hit her brake. She stared at her partner, making no attempt to hide her incredulity. “Good God almighty, Ed, you can’t be serious. We’re taking her to communicate with Justin’s dead wife who he’s still in love with.”

“Dead wife,” Edwina said. “D-E-A-D. It’s not like the woman’s gone shopping in Abilene or taking a long vacation in Fort Worth. She’s out of the picture, Debbie Sue, permanently.”

Debbie Sue frowned and bit down on her lower lip.

“God rest her soul,” Edwina added.

“Ed, don’t you dare try any of your matchmaking tricks with these two. You just mind your own business and let nature take its course.”

“I’m a firm believer in that,” Edwina said.

Sophia’s car came to a stop in front of Justin’s home and Debbie Sue stopped behind her. She turned to Edwina.

“Well, partner, here goes nothing.”

Debbie Sue slid from her seat and walked up to Sophia’s car. The girl didn’t seem to notice her. She sat intently staring at the black Toyota pickup parked to the side of the house. Was she in a trance? Debbie Sue wondered. She tapped on the window.

Startled, Sophia jerked her head toward her and buzzed down the window. She killed the ignition and opened the door. “Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.”

“I’ll say,” Debbie Sue said, unable to mask the sarcasm. “I was afraid you were going to drive off. Are you nervous?”

“Very. As I told you back at the gate, I’ve never done this before. I’ve seen things in my mind all my life and I’ve watched my Gran Bella, but I never thought I’d step into her shoes.”

“Well, look on the bright side. If things work out for you on this job, maybe you’ll want to do more work as a, uh, mentalist.”

“Goodness, no. The responsibility is too much. And it can be very painful. My grandmother saw to it that I got a good education to prevent this very thing from happening.”

Edwina walked up. She was removing the wrapper from a piece of gum. She folded it into a compact square and popped it into her mouth. Between smacks she asked, “What’s up? We going in or not?”

Debbie Sue turned to Edwina. “You’re the one who’s been dragging your feet all along. Now you’re anxious to go?”

“I never said I was anxious to go. Just ready. There’s a big difference.”

Before Debbie Sue could say more, Justin’s front door opened and he walked out onto the porch. “Hi, Debbie Sue, Edwina.” He said nothing to Sophia, only looked at her with a puzzled expression. The slightly elevated porch gave him a height advantage and he scanned both Sophia’s car and Debbie Sue’s pickup several times. “Where’s the older woman from El Paso?”

Smiling weakly, Debbie Sue glanced at Edwina, then Sophia, then back at Justin. “Justin, what do you say we all go inside and have a talk?”

Justin reached behind for the door handle and opened it wide for all three of them. Edwina urged Sophia to take the lead with her following. Debbie Sue, then Justin brought up the rear. Catching Debbie Sue’s arm, Justin leaned toward her and whispered, “Who’s that other person? I’m confused.”

Debbie Sue patted his hand reassuringly. “That’s okay. We’re all a little confused right now. But I promise we’ll get it all ironed out.”

Once they were in Justin’s living room, Debbie Sue said, “Justin this is Sophia Paredes. She’s from El Paso. She’s the granddaughter of the woman you were expecting.”

Justin’s upper body leaned back, his distrust blatant. “I saw her earlier on the road when I was coming back from EZ Stop. What’s going on?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have some coffee or some iced tea, would you?”

“Sure. Please sit down. What would everyone like? Coffee, iced tea?”

“You got any tequila?” Edwina said.

Debbie Sue shot her a murderous glare. “Ed, for chrissake, it’s still morning.”

“Well my nerves don’t wear a wristwatch. I gotta tell all of y’all while we’re here together, this is spooky as hell to me. That business with the letters on the refrigerator door just about did it for me.”

“Skip the tequila, Justin,” Debbie Sue said.

Sophia looked at each of them quizzically. “Letters on the refrigerator door?”

“Before we get into that,” Debbie Sue said, “I think we need to explain to Justin the change in circumstances. Justin, Sophia’s grandmother is Isabella Paredes, the woman I talked to you about. I just found out that she passed away a few weeks ago and Sophia has graciously come in her place.”

Justin looked from one to the other. “What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t understand. This isn’t a job I’m putting out for bids.”

Debbie caught a silent breath. The edge in his tone was unmistakable. If this fell apart, not only would it be bad for Sophia, it would badly mar the Domestic Equalizers’ reputation. “Justin, listen—”

“Debbie Sue, you told me this Isabella person had special abilities.” Justin’s head began to shake. “And now you’re saying she’s dead and someone else has taken her place?”

Debbie Sue rapidly explained how her phone call to Isabella had brought Sophia as a representative of her departed family member. She chose to leave out the part about Sophia being destitute and desperate for the money. No point in adding additional tension or suspicion.

When she finished, Justin stared at Sophia. Debbie Sue couldn’t read his thoughts. “Have you ever done anything like this before?” he asked her. “Do you even know if you have this…this mysterious power? I mean, seriously. I don’t want to come across as rude, but I’m not convinced this isn’t a bunch of hooey and if you haven’t—”

“Let’s get that coffee,” Edwina said. “Then we can all sit down in a circle and talk about this.”

“Yeah,” Justin said, seemingly relieved to be doing something normal. “I’ll get it.”

Debbie Sue grabbed Edwina’s arm and dragged her to a seat on Justin’s sofa. Sophia took a seat in a wingback chair. Justin soon returned with a tray holding mugs of steaming coffee and set them on the coffee table.

“I don’t see the, uh, crystal vase,” Debbie Sue said.

“I put it away,” Justin said curtly, his eyes on Sophia. He didn’t sit down. He crossed his arms over his chest and assumed a wide-legged stance. “I’m waiting.”

After a few beats, Sophia scooted to the edge of her seat, her knees and feet tightly together, her palms coming to
gether as if she were praying. Debbie Sue was thinking of praying herself.

“Justin, I understand your concern,” Sophia said. “It’s a lot of money to spend on someone you know nothing about.”

Justin didn’t budge. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m not spending any money until you prove yourself. Didn’t Debbie Sue explain that?”

Silence. Sophia’s expressive eyes grew wide.

Debbie Sue cleared her throat. “Justin, I told her you had agreed to pay for her trip here and back to El Paso, plus any expenses while she’s here. Meals and such. She usually gets her fee up front, but she understands that in this case, the fee is payable only if the results warrant it.”

“That’s fine,” Justin said. “That’s what I agreed to. Sorry to come across as a jerk, but I don’t intend to be a sucker and allow a stranger with a crystal ball
or
access to the Internet coming into our…
my
home trying to make money from the death of my…my…” Turning away he walked to the back door and looked out, his hands stuffed into his pockets. His jaw muscles flexed. Debbie Sue feared he might break into tears.

She didn’t know if Sophia would exit the room in a huff or break into tears herself. She couldn’t blame her for doing either. Before she could say anything to try to make everyone feel better, the young visitor from El Paso spoke in a soft, smooth voice.

“Justin, to take advantage of your circumstances and make money from the loss of your loved one, I’d have to be will
ing to do the same thing to my grandmother. There’s no amount of money that could make me do that. She was all I had in the world.

“The one thing I’m unable to do, Justin, is give you a guarantee. A mentalist is merely an open receptacle, a person who can sort of TiVo someone’s life. Or not. I have no way of predicting when visions will come to me, or even
if
they will come. If I saw things all the time, continuously, I wouldn’t be able to live in this world. I can only promise that I’ll share with you what I learn, when I learn it. I wouldn’t expect you to pay me if my performance doesn’t meet your expectations.”

“Yeah,” Edwina said, picking up a mug of coffee. “That makes sense.”

Justin’s shoulders slumped. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned from the door, looking at the floor. “You must think I’m a real jerk.”

Sophia smiled. “Oh, no. I would never think that. Your reaction is normal and you’re being fiscally responsible. It was earlier this morning, on the road, that I thought you were a jerk.”

Justin smiled and looked intently at Sophia. She beamed, looking back into his eyes.

Debbie Sue exchanged glances with Edwina, who was holding her coffee mug suspended as if she were mesmerized. Edwina leaned to Debbie Sue and whispered behind her hand, “What just happened here?”

Debbie Sue shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe that tequila’s a good idea.”

“I guess you can go ahead and do whatever it is that you do,” Justin said to Sophia.

Debbie Sue breathed a sigh of pure relief. The tension in the room had dissipated. With Justin’s blessing in place, she shooed him and Sophia out of the house so the Domestic Equalizers could get to work installing surveillance devices.

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