Orphans of War (42 page)

If only people in Sowerthwaite knew what she got up to on her evening off…but it was cold outside and her skin had come up into a pink mottled rash and she was brassed off at not getting a date with Greg on his own because Maddy had got there first.

They’d had one foursome with his mate Charlie Afton, a blokey sort of man, nothing about him at all but a line of garages. He’d sat in the cinema not saying a word, separating her from Maddy and Greg and doing nothing to show he was interested in her. If only she could get Greg on his own he’d soon see what he was missing. He had to know there was another offer on the table from a girl who knew what it was like to be poor and shunted around, but who’d make a lovely home for him.

Now there was talk of him coming over for the weekend. It was her turn to charm the pants off him, dazzle him and seduce him good and proper. Maddy had had her chances in Leeds.

Gloria needed Greg to give her a better chance in life. Maddy must have plenty of suitors. She wouldn’t miss Greg. She didn’t need him to help her career or support her. It wasn’t right to steal from your friend,
Gloria thought, but sometimes you have to take your chance, grab the life raft and cling on in stormy waters.

She would cook up some delicious stews, buy a whole new outfit with the funny coupons Ken had got hold of, have her hair restyled. This was where the photo money came in handy. She might not be up to Maddy’s dizzy heights although she could cut a dash in her own way–but she must clear a path to get Greg alone. There must be no competition.

Gloria powdered down her red skin with talc and hoped it would do the trick. She went back into the darkness, pinning a grin on her face. The show must go on for a while longer, even if it was beginning to pall.

Next morning she was walking across the footpath to the shops with the dogs. A Yorkshire spring was still a long time coming, the wind whistling through the bare branches as she opened the rusting iron gate into the Old Vic yard. The hostel was now let out into lodging rooms for mill workers but she still used the short cut.

The great beech tree towered above her, buds now visible; a promise of summer to come, but without Greg it was all so pointless. She paced around the trunk in a frenzy of frustration.

I must have him. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life. He’ll never be suited to Maddy. Why can’t anyone see that? She’s not for him.

Her frustration was like a ravenous hunger inside, this need to make Greg Byrne love only her. She stood
entranced for minutes under the tree, its outline silhouetted against the leaden sky. It’s V-shape like two fingers into the sky, defiant.

How it brought back memories of their wartime escapades, living up the tree, forever friends, those posting boxes in the bark of its trunk where they had played spies sending messages, of being in a gang of off-comers in that first freezing winter, of getting Maddy’s news all wrong, of being second best.

Then she recalled that terrible night in the hostel when, blinded by fear, she’d helped Maddy deliver the baby and hidden the evidence. It was something they had both blotted out from their lives. Neither of them had spoken of it again, acting as if it never happened, whether through shame or guilt, she didn’t know.

Now the remembrance of that night rose up, blinding her with sudden knowledge.

There was a way…oh, yes, there was a way: all was fair in love and war, they said.

She owed Maddy nothing but Maddy owed her a great deal. It was because of her that Maddy was free now to be a mannequin and lead such a glamorous life. No one would have looked at her twice with a baby on her hip. Why should Maddy have all the chances when her own life was going nowhere? Only Greg had brought excitement into it and even that was threatened by Maddy’s charm.

Neither girl would be young for ever, but Maddy would always have Brooklyn and her inheritance, her connections and plenty of men of her own class to choose from.

Gloria needed Greg and his ambitions to give her a well-deserved lift in her rough life. Maddy would just have do without him.

Gloria recoiled at these angry devious thoughts. It was not going to be a very friendly thing to do but she must take her chance when it came. Maddy would thank her in the end. A plan was forming in her mind and she had the Victory Tree to thank for it.

Gloria strode into town, heading into the wild wind with a smile on her face. To the victor the spoils. Who’d have thought their school motto would come in so useful?

Maddy peered into the powder-room mirror with satisfaction for once, touching up her lipstick and perfume. The peacock satin ball gown shimmered under the lights, the satin elbow gloves decorated with motifs in blue, black and green sequins sparkled, and she felt her heart skipping with anticipation.

She’d asked Greg to be her partner at Marshfields’ annual charity ball. They’d got a whole evening of dancing in front of them. It was all so romantic and she wanted this night to go on for ever. She’d been looking forward to it for weeks. Greg coming into her life was the best thing ever, better than having Monty to ride, making exits down the catwalk under the spotlight, better than Christmas. She wasn’t alone any more: there was someone to share all her gossip and mess-ups, someone to wait for at the end of the day.

Plum and Gloria, kind as they were, faded into the background, being so far away, but Greg was close at
hand and such fun. He took her to the fair and they spun on the waltzers and drove the Dodgems; he bought her candy floss and silly toys. He’d taken her to her first football match, screaming Leeds United to victory in the pouring rain. He’d showed her around his latest building site like a king striding over his castle. Greg was so enthusiastic and thoughtful. She’d never been so happy in all her life. What she had felt for Dieter was puppy love, just as Aunt Plum had said, a rehearsal for the big event. She’d been so young and impressionable then.

Greg was rough but he had been there in that terrible time in her life when Mummy and Daddy were lost. He was all mixed up with Brooklyn but he had gone on to find his own way unaided: a warrior who’d found a good friend in Charlie, a businessman who worked as hard as any navvy. He could mix with all types and not be overawed. He loved the countryside as much as she did. He was the only man who’d known her when she was inflicted with her squint. It didn’t matter that he was not public school or a professional, that he was struggling to make his dreams come true. He was all she ever wanted in a man. Was this how Daddy must have felt when he met Dolly Mills over a piano stool? Class barriers hadn’t bothered them. They knew they were soul mates, and Maddy sensed now she had found hers.

The Assembly Rooms were festooned with flowers and hothouse plants, the dinner was over and now it was time for dancing the night away. Work had taken her away from him lately–buyers’ parades, the new
season’s range to model–but this night had been kept clear. Tonight was her turn to show him off to the world; this thoughtful man who left flowers on the doorstep after a long day, letters and cards in the post. He often waited for her late into the evening to bring her home, foot sore and weary. He cooked her the only thing he could make, hot vegetable broth and grilled chops, in his little flat off Mornington Road. There was always his cheery taxi service to rely on.

It wasn’t hard to fall in love with this dashing young man in his borrowed tuxedo. She needed to repay his generosity with a gesture all of her own. All the other mannequins lusted after him. She knew Gloria found him attractive too, but Greg was her man, her future and she was so lucky to have found him again.

Tonight the orchestra were playing all their favourite tunes: ‘I’d Like to Get You on a Slow Boat to China’, ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’, ‘Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better’, which they mimed and laughed, and then he took her into his arms for the slow croony tunes.

Maddy wanted this night to go on for ever as they sat together in comfortable silence, smoking and watching the other dancers drifting across the floor under the spotlight. There was a smell of perfume, leather seats, cigar smoke and lust in the air.

When you were so in love, words were not necessary; just eyes catching and holding, fingers caressing each other through satin gloves.

All too soon the band played the National Anthem and it was time to go.

Greg hoped his surprise would go down well. He felt nervous about asking her to the hotel he’d booked nearby. He wanted to show her how much he loved her. He sensed she was nervous about lovemaking, holding him at arm’s length. Alone together for a night they could relax and take all the time in the world. It was his way of saying thank you for the expensive tickets. She hadn’t let him pay and that unnerved him at first. Charlie had loaned him his dinner jacket but his patent leather shoes had pinched him all evening.

Tonight was made for being as close as a man and woman could be, he mused as he waited while she collected the little white fox fur cape that Plum had given her. She looked so sophisticated. She kissed him on the ear and smiled, ‘Home, James.’

‘I’ve got a surprise. I hope you’ll like it,’ he whispered, leading her by the hand out of the foyer into the chill night.

‘Not another of Charlie’s flash taxis? You’ve spent enough money.’

‘No need,’ he said. ‘Look over there…The George. We can go in there now.’

Maddy smiled and looked across. ‘For a drink? The bar’s closed by now.’

‘But the hotel’s not. I’ve booked us a room,’ he said, waiting for the hug that didn’t come.

‘Thanks, but I’d better not. It’s late and I’ve got an early start,’ she said, and he felt her stiffen as if he’d said something wrong.

‘I’ve booked us a room,’ he insisted. ‘I thought you and I might like…’

‘And that’s why I can’t come with you. It wouldn’t be right,’ she replied.

‘Not right?’

‘You know.’ Her voice trembled. ‘I can’t spend the night with you…I’m not ready…It’s not right.’

‘But I thought—’ he said.

‘I’m sorry, Greg, but I’m not that sort of girl.’

There was a silence between them and with a sinking heart he knew he’d got it terribly wrong.

‘Forgive me. I think too highly of you to compromise your morals…I love you too much,’ he added, kissing her forehead.

‘And I love you.’ She didn’t look at him.

‘So what’s wrong?’ he asked, puzzled by this unexpected resistance. ‘I respect you and I can wait. I know you’re not the sort of girl to mess around with. When I was abroad, well, you know what soldiers are…I did the usual things, but you are so special to me.’ There was an awkward silence. ‘I just thought it was time…I got it all wrong, didn’t I?’

‘A bit…I made my mind up ages ago not do anything until I’m married. I want to make it special on my wedding night. I want things to be perfect.’

‘You want a ring on your finger…I see. I’m not quite in a position for that yet. In a year or two…’ He was too stunned to continue.

‘Neither am I, Greg. Let’s not jump the gun…just forget all this.’

Her words were like ice in her heart. He suddenly felt stupid. How could he have misread the signals?

‘It’s not that important,’ she added.

‘Oh, but it is,’ he replied. ‘You’re right. I’m glad you’ve got standards. I saw too many poor girls flinging themselves down on their backs for the price of a loaf, selling their bodies so cheaply. I want my wife to be mine alone. I don’t want a slice off a cut loaf so I’m willing to wait.’

Somehow the romance of the evening evaporated from that point onwards; the balloon popped and there was nothing he could do to rescue things.

Maddy pecked him on the cheek. ‘I’d better be going then. I can get a taxi.’

‘Don’t even think about it. The car’s parked round the back. I’ll walk you to the door.’

They drove back to her flat in silence and she jumped out, feeling sick at this turn of events. She kicked off her slippers and raced up the stairs with her key, her lips trembling with disappointment, fear and confusion.

What is wrong with me? I’ve ruined everything. Why can’t I just jump into bed with him? It’s not as if I don’t want his body and his love. I’ve humiliated him. He thinks I don’t care, that I’m only interested in marriage. How can I explain how afraid it makes me to let myself go…without telling him the truth? I am a slice off a cut loaf. He couldn’t have spoke truer words.

The last time I let myself be carried away…I can’t risk the fear. I have to be safe, safe within marriage, no more mistakes. Damn and blast, the past is past and
I
can’t alter a thing. Would it matter to him if I wasn’t a virgin?

Somehow she sensed that it would. That was the scariest thing of all. Maddy threw off her gown and flung herself on the bed, sobbing into the pillow. How could she have got it so wrong? There was still so much to Greg Byrne she didn’t understand.

Greg drove back to the hotel in a daze. How stupid could he get, trying to be sophisticated! What a total mess he’d made of it! Was he out of his mind? It wasn’t that didn’t want her. He’d made love to her in his mind for months, ever since the first night he’d clapped eyes on her–but perhaps she didn’t feel the same. A girl of her class would want a honeymoon in Paris in the best hotel. Maddy deserved only the best, a lovely wedding day, a precious ring. He couldn’t give her any of those things yet. Now he’d spoiled everything. She thought he was looking for a quick fumble.