Origin (12 page)

I stood there, feeling like the biggest third wheel in all the galaxies. Eyeing the door, I knew I should walk that way. Should leave this room and scurry back to my own, pull my blanket over my head and not think about what was going to be happening in this room. The level of desire and need had grown until I felt I could smell it.

Then I realized it might be me. That flowery scent could be coming from me. Shock froze my lungs when words spilled out of my mouth. “What did you say to him, Claybourne?”

“I said that I could never want a man on a permanent basis and not one like him, a—” he broke off, took a deep breath. “A man who doesn’t care where he puts his dick and one I could never trust. I’d been drinking and was so damned scared because I was ready to give in. He’d been seducing me for months and I knew he’d won.”

“I don’t understand. Why would you say that then?”

“I never wanted to love anyone again. Had vowed to not ever put myself in a place where someone could hurt me like that again. Then I walked in and saw him in a sea of female parts and it ripped my heart out. It was too late. Already too late.”

It was so easy to see what happened. A drunk captain mouthing off in fear, saying the one thing guaranteed to send Anders off to do what was expected.

Clay frowned. “Gods, Anders, do you smell that?”

“It’s Siri. She did that in my room.”

“I know it’s her. She did this with me before too. But if we both smell it…” Clay took a deep breath, shuddered. He turned to look at me for what felt like forever. Long enough for my heart to race, my breaths to pick up and my pants to get damp. He still held Anders to the wall and I looked up to find the bigger man locked on me as well.

“I can’t help it,” I whispered.

“You like what you see, sweetheart?” Anders whispered.

I nodded.

Clay tightened his lips. “I want to hear about the noises, Siri. The ones I heard coming from you and Anders in his room. Noises that have had me beating off in here every single night since. Sometimes even during the day.”

My knees buckled and I leaned against the wall. Shook my head.

Clay turned back to Anders. “Then you tell me.”

I stood there, shaking, letting the wall prop me up and waited, holding my breath.

It took Anders forever to open his mouth and when he did, his tone was so gravelly and low, I had to lean closer to hear him.

“She wanted to try something. I make her feel safe.”

“What did she want to try?” Clay whispered.

“Being close to someone on her terms. Maybe kissing. That’s all she planned. She crawled onto my lap. We both had our clothes on. She straddled my lap.”

Clay groaned, lowered their clasped hands and turned to push Anders onto his bed. “Tell me on the bed. Sit on it the way you did with her.”

Surprise made Anders’s jaw slack as he crawled up the bed and sat against the wall.

Clay turned to me. “Want to join us?”

I did and I didn’t. My indecision must have been blaring because he nodded once. “Will you stay?”

I clasped my hand to my throat, not sure I could do that, but pretty damned sure I couldn’t walk out of here.

Clay reached over my shoulder to press a button. Part of the wall slid up, revealing a built-in seat like the one in the observation deck with black cushions. “I’d like you to stay.”

“Why? This is about you and Anders. It has nothing to do with me.”

“I think it does. Having you around has opened my eyes to a few things. Maybe life is too hard and too short to be so stubborn and afraid.”

Resentment made me frown at him.

“Oh no,” he whispered, touching my cheek. “I didn’t mean you at all. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. I meant me. Maybe I’m letting pride and fear stop something I need.”

Anders made a sound, buried his face in his hands. “Fuck,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I need him. I think he needs me too. But I listened to you two in his room.
Really listened
. He needs you too. And it’s not my imagination there’s something between us. Who knows? Maybe it isn’t a coincidence that we found you instead of Lashin.” He cupped my face, kissed me softly. “Will you stay?”

I nodded because there was no way I could leave, not after that and in the next couple of minutes, I realized I might never leave this room as long as the two were in it together.

Clay walked to the bed, crawled across it and straddled Anders’s lap, putting his face at the same level. “Where did you touch her?”

Anders clasped Clay’s hips and tugged the smaller man closer until he straddled the hard ridge tenting Anders’s loose pants. “She was here,” Anders said on a gasp.

“Right here?” Clay asked, sliding his hands up Anders’s chest to cup his neck. He moved his hips back and forth, a sinuous movement that had me collapsing onto the seat behind me.

My legs felt too shaky to continue standing.

“Fuck,” Anders muttered again.

I smiled, couldn’t help it. The man sure did like that word. And it looked like he was about to experience one aspect of it.

Clay slid his hands higher so his fingers were in Anders’s hair. He tilted Anders’s head and pressed his mouth to his.

I had a good view, could see his mouth brushing Anders’s lips over and over, could see his tongue drag over Anders’s bottom lip. Anders opened his mouth and Clay swept in with a groan and his hips moved again, stroking Anders’s cock, much like I had. But instead of Clay trying to get off, he was doing his best to take Anders over, and at the rate Anders started to thrust his hips and gasp, it wasn’t going to take long. How long had it been for the man?

Anders pulled his mouth away from Clay, pushed him back slightly, then held on to his arms. His green eyes glittered harshly in the low light. “Wait.”

“Hell no, Sullivan. I want what you didn’t give her the other day, what you’ve apparently not given anyone in some time. It’s mine and I want it.” He moved off Anders’s lap and crawled down the bed until he could grasp Anders’s legs and pull.

I covered my mouth to stop a laugh. Anders’s surprised expression struck me as funny. He was such a big man and probably wasn’t at all used to being manhandled like that. When Anders was flat on his back, Clay came up to tug his T-shirt off, forcing him to partially sit. Then the captain pressed his chest until Anders lay flat again. He ran his hands over Anders’s shoulders, down to ply his fingers through blond chest hair—as I had.

My hands curled into fists because I wanted to touch that hair again myself.

Clay ran his palms over Anders’s stomach and I realized I wanted to see more. I stood so I could, drawing both men’s gazes toward me momentarily. Clay frowned and I could tell he was expecting me to take off. I just shook my head, wanting him to go back to touching Anders so much, I sat back down. His grin then was so naughty, so turned on, I didn’t feel any fear about what was happening and I did not want to leave. In fact, I wanted to be on that bed with them.

But I held back, scared to move again in case it made them stop. I’d watched others take pleasure, but never—not once—had both parties been willing. Even the ones on the upper levels of the ship—the ones who’d willingly paid to be used—my owner had forced me to watch on the cameras hadn’t been entirely willing. Nearly all had been controlled by drugs of some sort.

Anders suddenly showed that he was very willing. He sat up, grabbed the captain’s head and pulled him in for a kiss that showed he was one hundred percent into whatever the man wanted to do with him. I got the feeling he was usually the aggressor because there was a nervousness to his expression when he let Clay go that tore into me.

And apparently into Clay as well because he pressed him back onto the bed, breathing so hard, the sound filled the room. In the next instant, he was moving his mouth down Anders’s body, leaving open-mouthed kisses, sucking and biting and running his hands all over Anders’s arms shoulders and again down to his waist. He dipped fingers into the loose waist of Anders’s pants and the big man nearly came up off the bed.

He was gritting his teeth, his eyes shut tight and then, his hands were clenching into fists in the sheets as Clay hooked his fingers into Anders’s sleep pants and slowly pulled them down.

I tightened my fingers in empathy, knowing what Anders was feeling. Feeling it in every part of my body until I raised my legs and wrapped my arms around them. I pressed my lips to my knee. Hard. There was a vulnerability in lying still like that. In trusting another person with your body. In giving them permission to touch…to please you.

A vulnerability in the gift of believing this person would please you. And not hurt you.

I’d never seen anything so beautiful. The only thing that marred it was something in Anders’s eyes when he opened them again.

The captain must have seen the same emotion because he hesitated. “Hey,” he whispered, sliding one hand under Anders’s clenched fist to straighten his fingers. He threaded their hands together, propped his other hand on the bed on Anders’s side and leaned down until their faces were inches apart. “What are you afraid of?” he asked softly.

Anders just shook his head.

Clay lowered his body onto the bigger man’s.

Anders sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“No.” Clay let go of his hand, grabbed his chin. “Look at me. What’s causing that expression on your face? It’s killing me.”

“I’m not afraid.” Anders opened his eyes, locked them onto Clay.

“Bullshit. Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

“Not on purpose.” Anders’s gaze never wavered. “But you’re one of two with that power.”

I held my breath, uncomfortable again, sure I shouldn’t be here, witnessing this…this private thing between the two men. Then Anders pulled his gaze from Clay to look at me.

His expression, the intensity in his gaze let me know I was the other of the two people with the power.

Me.

With the power to hurt.

Another person.

I shook my head, covered my mouth with my hand as hot tears made me blink.

“Yeah, sweetheart, you.”

Clay’s crystal-blue eyes turned to me. He didn’t smile and I understood. Knew the devastation sweeping through his chest at the thought of hurting Anders. Again.

I had it too and I’d never harmed him. I tried to smile but it wobbled and died. I wanted them back to that place of passion from before. “Do you want Clay to touch you?”

Anders looked back up at Clay who still hovered above him. “Yes.” He held out his hand toward me. “But I want you closer. Up on the bed with us.”

My gaze flew to Clay. His smile was full of welcome. I watched as he looked back down at Anders, his gaze darkening as he ran it over the big, gorgeous body stretched out before him. He ran one palm over Anders’s chest, down his stomach.

Anders gasped again, still holding his hand out to me.

I forced my muscles to unlock, my body to move. I half crawled to the bed and up onto it. “I’m leaving my clothes on.”

“You can do whatever you want.” Clay stretched over Anders to press his lips to mine. “Whatever you want. Remember. Your choice.”

“My choice is to just be happy I’m here right now.”

“So am I,” he said against my mouth before pulling back to wink. Then he turned all his attention on to Anders, narrowing his eyes and looking at all that gorgeous, golden flesh. He sat up on his heels and lifted Anders’s knees, propping his legs up to get his sleep pants off easier. He ran his palms up the inside of Anders’s legs, over his hips, up his chest to cup the sides of his neck. He slid his thumbs over Anders’s jaw, one over his bottom lip. He slowly lowered his still-clothed body on top of Anders.

But Anders put his palms on Clay’s chest to stop him. “Wait. I need to know that you forgive me. Fully.”
 

“Did a long time ago.”

“Then why?”

Even I knew what Anders asked without him needing to finish the question. Why wait so long? Why hold him back?

“Truth?”

“Always.”

“You scare me, Sullivan.”

“Then we have to stop this now.” He pushed Clay’s chest farther away from him.

But Clay shook his head. “Put your hands on the bed and let me finish.”

A smile tilted the corner of Anders’s mouth, but he lowered his hands. “So bossy. You always think you can take me.”

“And you don’t?” Clay lifted an eyebrow.

Heat filled my neck and cheeks because the temperature in the room went from hot to scalding.

“Is that your intention here, Claybourne? You planning to take me?”

Clay just smiled and I sucked in a loud breath, actually squirmed against the headboard by Anders’s head. Everything was in that smile. Confidence, desire, intent.
Power.

“Fuck, Claybourne,” Anders muttered, clenching his knees on Clay’s hips.

“I hadn’t intended to take it this far, but find I can’t stop now. I want you.”

“I can tell.” Anders reached down and clasped Clay’s cock through his pants. “Lose the clothes, Captain. Now.”