Oriental Hotel (46 page)

She laughed sadly. ‘ You sound very sure of yourself.'

‘I know that I love you and you love me and that we can have a marvellous life together. Then you will wonder why you ever hesitated.'

‘You think I will stop feeling guilty in time?'

‘Of course you will.'

She sighed. ‘But that's for the future. What about now? What are we going to do about Hugh?'

His face darkened. ‘I will settle Hugh. Then I have to go away for a couple of days, as I said. But I will be in touch immediately I get back. All right?'

‘All right.'

She wished she could be as sure as he was, seeing things in the same clear-cut black and white. To her there were so many grey areas in between – too many things to be considered, too many people who might be hurt.

Can I take my happiness at the expense of other people? she wondered. Or am I flattering myself anyway? Perhaps Gordon would prefer me to go rather than to stay unwillingly. Is it more of an insult to him to remain out of mere pity?

And what about Hugh? Brit had said he would settle him, whatever that meant. But supposing that proved impossible?

She sighed again, shaking her head at the enormity of it all. But of one thing she was determined: whatever she did, Alex must not suffer. If he did, she would certainly never forgive herself.

And she had two days in which to decide what to do.

Through the streets, still sunlit, seeing nothing. Walking as if into a haze.

This is so much more complicated than I ever dreamed it would be, she thought. So many decisions to be made, and all so important – a single step one way or the other would change things irreversibly. I love Brit, I really love him so much; if this were a novel I would just say, ‘The hell with it! I have to be with him whatever it costs.' But it's not a story; there are real lives involved – Brit's, Gordon's, Alex's, mine … As for Brit working for Intelligence, I still can't take that in even now. But it isn't something you'd invent – it's true, it must be, but it's so unbelievable!

She was no nearer coherent thought by the time she reached home, but when she went through the gates and saw Gordon's car standing in the drive her heart seemed to stop beating.

What was he doing home at this time of day? He never came home in the afternoons.

Alex! she thought in panic. Something must have happened to Alex!

She ran up the steps and into the dim hall. It was full of perfume from the flowers she had bought that morning from a flower seller near the Star Ferry Terminal; as she paused to pat her hair into place and remove any possible lipstick smudges, the scent rose again in a sweet heady wave, making her catch her breath.

‘Gordon – Gordon, where are you?'

‘So you're back!'

She swung round to see him standing in his study doorway. After the bright sunlight outside she could not see his face too well, there in the shadows, but his voice had sounded strained and it struck terror to her heart once more.

‘Why are you home? What has happened?'

In the brief pause she seemed to live a hundred years. Then he said with heavy deliberation, ‘As if you didn't know.'

So that was it! All the pieces came together, even that strained ‘So you're back.' He knew!

‘Hugh told you,' she said flatly. There seemed no point in subterfuge any more.

‘Did you really think he would not? Did you imagine everybody is as damnably deceitful as you are?' When she didn't answer, he went on, ‘No, you didn't. You knew that when I saw him the game would be up. That's why you were asking me about him last night – trying to talk me out of phoning him. My God, when I think how you made up to me to take my mind off phoning him, and I was stupid enough to think you actually meant it!'

‘Gordon, I did mean it!'

‘Don't insult me with lies, Elise! How long has this been going on? All the time he was ‘‘looking after you'', I suppose. And maybe even before then? Is that why he got you this passage? No, don't bother to answer. I don't want to hear the sordid details.'

‘Give me a chance to speak! I didn't know him before …'

‘Well, it is quite obvious that as soon as he saw you he knew he was on to a good thing. And he was right, wasn't he? Six weeks alone with a grateful woman – oh,
he
knew what he was at! But not satisfied with that, ever since you got back he has been encouraging you to meet him under my nose at the Peninsula. The nerve of it! Did you really think you could get away with it – or didn't you care?'

‘I did care – I do care …'

‘Then why did you go to see him again this afternoon, after Hugh had given you his ultimatum?'

She was cold and shaking, but her numbed mind was beginning to work again,
Lie if you must. Ease the situation somehow
.

‘I had to see him. He's offered to take Alex and me to safety in Australia.'

‘He's
what
?'

‘You won't take the situation seriously, Gordon. I had to turn to someone who does. He promised to arrange …'

‘Oh yes, he's very good at arranging, isn't he? Like all the Brittains! Elise, how you could do this to me I cannot imagine. That you should deceive me with anyone is bad enough – but one of those bloody Brittains …' Gordon rarely swore; when he did, infrequency added impact to the simplest oath.

‘I had to see him, I tell you,' Elise protested. ‘ I must think of my son's safety.'

‘And you deny going to bed with him?' She made no answer and he swore again. ‘You must think me a pretty fool. And the damnable pan of it is that I trusted you completely. Even when you were half-way round the world, I
trusted you
.'

‘Well, I'm sorry.' Shame and guilt made her voice sharp, almost hysterical. ‘If I fail to come up to your expectations, I'm very sorry. I am only human, I'm afraid. I have failings like everyone else.'

‘You mean that everyone else behaves in this disgraceful manner and that makes it right?'

‘Oh, don't be so pious, Gordon! Don't pretend to be so damned perfect! You were married before you met me and divorced. What went wrong? You never told me. You have always hedged and said that things didn't work out, that we didn't want to waste time talking about Olivia, who had made such a mess of your life. But I happen to know there were reasons why it didn't work out, in the shape – and shape is the word – of your secretary of the time.'

‘Where did you hear this?' Gordon's face was a picture of outrage and astonishment and Elise laughed hysterically.

‘Girl talk, Gordon, girl talk. It's not only men like Hugh who unburden themselves. And your behaviour made quite good gossip at the time, I imagine – especially when the pace became too hot for your ‘‘Girl Friday'' and she departed when she knew she was going to be named in a nasty, scandalous divorce suit. But Olivia was not willing to take you back, was she? It wasn't what you had told me at all – that you provided her with the necessary evidence to make things easy for her. She wouldn't forgive you! And now that you are on the other side of the fence, you don't like it at all …'

‘Go to your room!' Gordon's eyes were blazing fire in his pink face.

‘
What
?'

‘Go to your room!'

‘Gordon, I am not a child. Do you know how ridiculous you sound?'

‘No, and I don't care. I have heard enough from you, Elise, and now I shall have my say. The past was all over and done with before I met you, and there is no reason for you to drag it up now except in an attempt to justify your own junketings. Well, that makes no difference now. There will be no more trips to the Peninsula, Elise. You will not leave this house alone again. And if you do not agree to do as I say …'

‘Yes? What
will
you do if I ignore this ultimatum?'

‘If you do not do as I say, I will divorce you and I will make sure that you never see Alex again.'

The silence was endless. If he had said that the world was coming to an end in half an hour, she could hardly have been more shocked.

‘
What
did you say?' she whispered at last.

Those gentle blue eyes, now cold as icebergs, held hers. ‘ I cannot make you do anything, Elise. You are quite right; you are not a child and I cannot lock you up. But I will not have Alex involved in this kind of scandalous behaviour.'

‘You could not do such a thing …' All her defiance, all her anger had died in the face of his threat.

‘I would not advise you to put it to the test, Elise.'

The blood was singing in her ears. Not to see Alex again –
ever
! Then she heard other sounds, doors slamming, footsteps, voices – Su Ming and Alex.

‘Mummy, where are you? We're home – we're home!'

She could not move; her eyes, mutely pleading, held Gordon's. His lips tightened and he turned and went into his study just as the door burst open and Alex came running into the hail, throwing himself at Elise with such force that she almost lost her balance.

‘Mummy!' His arms were round her legs, holding on tightly, his face was buried in her skin. ‘Mummy, for a minute I thought you'd gone away again. You're not going away again, are you, Mummy?'

She was trembling all over. ‘No, darling, no. Of course I'm not.'

‘Mummy, we saw soldiers. Tell her, Su Ming!'

Elise experienced a chill that dominated all other emotions.

‘Soldiers, darling? Where?'

‘Down by the harbour on the Island. They were marching.'

That would be the volunteers, she thought. ‘Was Mr de Gama with them?'

‘I didn't see him. But they all looked the same in their uniforms.'

Faceless soldiers, all looking alike. One of the harbingers of war!

‘And they had guns!'

‘Guns! Oh, darling!'

Beneath her fingers his hair felt silky-soft, like a baby's still. He mustn't stay here, she thought. Whatever happens, he must be safely out of the way before the Japs come; before the beginning of the end. There would be fighting in the streets then: bombs, shelling, death. Houses would burn, prisoners would be taken. And for anyone left in the Colony there would be no escape. She looked up sharply.

‘Su Ming, will you please look after Alex for a little while longer? I was just having a talk with Mr Sanderson.'

‘But Mummy …'

‘He had been looking forward to seeing you, Mrs Sanderson.' Su Ming's tone was critical, her expression disapproving. That girl is getting above herself, thought Elise.

‘Su Ming, will you please do as I ask,' she said coldly.

Her resolve was returning now, fired by Alex's mention of soldiers, and when Su Ming left with a protesting Alex she went into Gordon's study.

He was standing by the window with a glass in his hand; the sight of it shocked Elise again, for Gordon rarely drank. That he should be drinking before dinner was a sure sign of how upset he was.

When he heard her enter the room he turned accusingly.

‘Well?'

‘I have to talk to you.' Her voice was level now, if a trifle unsteady. ‘I meant what I said about wanting to take Alex to Australia. That was not a lie nor a ploy, whatever you may think. I believe there is a very real danger of Hong Kong being invaded. Everyone says so: the government – Hugh de Gama …'

‘Hugh de Gama wants to play at soldiers,' Gordon said nastily. ‘And if there is anyone else you intend to quote at me, please refrain.'

She ignored the barb. ‘This war is real, Gordon. The threat is real – you must realise it. We should all go – you too! the Japs …'

‘The Japs!' He spun round, jabbing at the air with. an angry finger. ‘I have spent three years of my life building up a business here and I refuse to abandon it to a lot of foolish fat little men in pebble lens glasses. Do you know what would happen to the business if I left it? Gone! Kaput!' He clicked his fingers. ‘The Japs will not be here to take it, but I can tell you who will: the damned Chinese! Oh no, we have nothing to worry about from the Japs, I assure you.'

‘At least let me take Alex,' she pleaded.

‘And undermine confidence in the business by adding to the panic-mongering? While I can tell my contacts and associates that you and Alex are still here, I am demonstrating my faith in the future of …'

‘So that's it!' She was furious now. ‘You are a fool, Gordon, sitting there like Canute telling the tide to go back. Worse – you are a hypocrite, pretending to care about us when all you really care about is the business. Well, now I know!'

‘I am doing what I believe to be best for
all
of us,' he said stiffly.

‘You expect me to believe
that
? All you ever think about is the business – morning, noon and night. And you have the supreme gall to criticise the Brittains for the self-same thing!'

‘Elise – I'm warning you …'

‘Warn away, but let me tell you this. Perhaps if you had been here a little more, putting your family first sometimes, I would have found neither the time nor the inclination to go to the Peninsula.'

‘All right, that's enough!' He set down his glass on his desk so roughly that gin slopped over onto the polished surface. ‘I don't want to hear another word of this … I am telling you, Elise, I stay here and Alex stays here. If you don't want to find yourself cut off from him, you will stay too. Now, I am going back to the office to finish the work I had to leave when Hugh interrupted me with this devastating bombshell. I shall be back in time for dinner and I shall expect all this to be forgotten. If not …'

‘Yes – if not?' Her defiance was merely token now. She had become frightened, suddenly, by the way the situation was going and the things they were both saying.

‘I have already made the position clear, I think, Elise. I do not intend to waste my breath repeating it.'