Operation One Night Stand (21 page)

“What?”
He spread his arms out in front of him.
“Being an asshole is part of my manly essence.”

“You, my friend”—Sarah poked her utensil at him—“are not an asshole.”

“You’re right.
I’m too
safe
”—he cocked his eyebrow at me—“to be an asshole.”

I immediately began choking.
Sarah jumped up.
“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”
I coughed.
“Something.
Wrong pipe,” I managed to squeak out.

“Was it something I said?”
Brian laughed as I threw my napkin at him.

“Eavesdropper.”

Sarah doubled over with laughter.
Siobhan got up to retrieve another bottle of wine.
“I certainly don’t think we’re drunk enough.”

The rest of the night continued as if we’d known one another our whole lives.
Siobhan asked a million questions about Yolanda and Michael, jotting each answer down in her well-worn notebook.
Sarah and Brian teased each other easily and chatted a bit about her job as a high school science teacher.
And even though my stomach flopped every time I caught Brian looking at me, it was easy.
Easier than when I was around Ryan.
He made my skin crawl in a way that would lead only to an orgasm.
Both good feelings, but it was like I couldn’t relax around him.
With Brian, I don’t know.
It felt simple.
Like I said, easy.

Before we knew it, it was almost two in the morning and we’d polished off a little more than a half dozen bottles of wine between us.
I was certainly feeling it.
Siobhan had passed out on the couch, curled up in a tiny red-headed ball.

“When did she fall asleep?”

“I have no idea.”
We laughed because at that point, everything was funny.
Another bottle and the giggles wouldn’t come as easily.
We were at the point where if we stopped, maybe we wouldn’t embarrass ourselves.

“I need to wake her up.
We should really get going.”
Brian started toward his sister.

“No.
Leave her there.
You guys can stay here.
You don’t want to walk home in this.”
Sarah pulled back the curtain to reveal the several inches of snow that had fallen.

“I wouldn’t want to put you out.
I can come back in the morning and get her.”

“No.
Really.
It’s no problem.
You can sleep in my room.”

Brian raised his eyebrows at me.

“Not like that.
I can bunk with Sarah.”

“Not what I had in mind as far as a bedmate, but beggars can’t be choosers.
I’m beat.
Good night, Brian.”

“Good night, Sarah.”

Brian and I stood by the window, both feeling the effects of a night of wine and Chinese food.
I watched as he licked his lips and remembered how they felt last week at the bar.
I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

“So, this is awkward.”
He snapped his fingers before clapping a hand over a fist.
He rocked back and forth on his heels.

“I don’t think it’s awkward.”
Liquid bravery set in as I stepped closer to him and tugged lightly on his shirt.

“Well, we should get to bed.”
He wrapped his hand around mine and pulled it away from his shirt.

“Right.
I think I have a pair of Steven’s pajama pants that I never returned to him.
You can wear them if you don’t mind wearing douche pants.”

“I don’t mind at all.
I’ve always wanted a pair.”

I opened the door to my bedroom and saw that Sarah had already put his coat on my chair.
Brian stood at the threshold.

“You can come in, silly.
I won’t bite.”

“Oh, well then I’m not sure I want to come in now.”

He walked around my room, stopping to look at photos and flip through my books.

“You read a lot?”

“All the time.
You?”
Please say yes.
Please say yes.

“I do, actually.
A Separate Peace
by John Knowles was always a favorite.
You probably think that’s weird.”

“No!
I love that story.
How Gene was unable to get past his own shortcomings and how envious he was of Phineas.
Phineas was such a free spirit.
I loved how real he was.”

“You don’t think he was pretentious?”

I flopped on my bed.
“Pretentious?
Absolutely not.
He embraced goodness.
Gene, to me, represented the darkness we all have inside.”

“All?
Including Phineas?”
He sat on the bed next to me and placed his hand on my knee.

“Well, I guess so.”
I lay back and stared at the ceiling.
My head was all over the place.
Forget the fact that I was a little drunk.
I hadn’t felt like this since I was sixteen.
It felt new and scary and right.

“Care.
You know.
I know I’m not the wild and crazy
whatever
you’re looking for.
I’m okay with that.
But I’ll have you know, I’m not
safe
, as you say.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.
I just meant, I mean, I just got out of a five-year black hole.
I can’t do that again.”

“Who says I’m looking for a relationship?”

“No one.
I didn’t mean it how you’re taking it.
It was supposed to be a compliment.”

Brian eased back until he was lying next to me, staring at the ceiling with me.
His hand reached for me and he intertwined his fingers with mine.
Rubbing his thumb along mine, he sighed.

“You don’t have to sleep in Sarah’s room if you don’t want to.
I don’t want to put you out.”

“It’s okay.
I don’t mind.”

“I meant, you could sleep here, too, unless you think something will happen that you don’t want to happen.”

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of their sockets.
“Um, yeah sure.”

“How about you give me those pajama pants and I’ll go get changed in the bathroom?”

I shot up and rifled through my bottom drawer.
He took the bottoms, pushed a curl out of my eye, and left the room.

As soon as he left, I closed the door and did a quick pit sniff.
At least I smelled good.
I ran a brush through my hair.
Bad idea.
Anyone with curly hair knows this.
I threw it in a sloppy bun.
Taking off my pants, I ran my hands over my legs.
Thankfully there wasn’t much stubble.
I threw off my shirt and reached for my favorite Dave Matthews Band T-shirt.
I had just unhooked my bra and tossed it on the floor and was slipping the tee over my head when Brian walked in the room.
His eyes widened.

“I’m sorry.
I thought I gave you enough time to—”

It would have been enough time had I not stopped to check out my personal hygiene first.

“No, it’s okay.
I’m just on autopilot.
I wasn’t thinking.
Go ahead.
Pick a side.”

A sexy smirk played on his lips.
“Are you going to put on some pants?”

I looked down.
I totally wasn’t thinking.
The T-shirt barely scraped my hips and I was standing in the middle of my room, in front of Brian, in my underwear.
Thank Jesus they were at least a cute pair I’d picked up last week when I was preparing for Operation One Night Stand.

I quickly grabbed for a pair of tiny shorts.
I tripped as I tried to put them on and fell into Brian’s grip.
His hands were firmly on my upper arms and I carefully stood and looked up at him.
His eyes sparkled in the lamplight.
Bending down slightly, he smiled as his hands rubbed my shoulders.
As he softly brushed his lips against mine, I was brought back to last weekend at the bar when I first met him and—

Ryan.
Shit.

“What’s wrong?
I was kidding.
You can sleep in that if you want to.
I mean, I really don’t mind.”

“It’s not that.
It’s just—”

“Ryan.”
He took a step back and dropped his hands from my body.
The flicker of light I saw in his eyes moments ago dimmed.

“Yeah.”
Suddenly a tiny stain on the carpet grabbed my focus.

“Hey look.
You said it yourself.
Ryan’s your guy.
I’m the safe one here.
So it’s
safe
to say nothing’s going to happen tonight.”

He climbed into bed, settled in, and pulled back the covers.

“Stop saying you’re safe.”

“Well, that’s what I am, right?
Now get some sleep, Care.
And don’t think so much.”

I put on my shorts and climbed in next to him.
The inches that separated us may as well have been miles.
Clicking off the light, he rolled over so his back was to me and I was relegated, once again, to staring at the ceiling; this time alone.
Since when did life get so complicated?

B
rian was gone by the time my eyes snapped open at 6:03 the next morning.
His coat was gone and the pajama pants were carefully folded on top of my dresser.
The only indication he had been there was that the mattress was still warm.
He hadn’t left that long ago.

I threw the covers off, pulled on the oversize pajama pants that he’d worn the night before, and tiptoed out into the hallway.

“Come on, Siobhan, let’s go.”
I heard Brian’s voice.

“I’m so tired!
Why couldn’t we have just slept in a bit longer?”
Siobhan’s voice took on the whiny tone of someone who clearly wasn’t ready to be out of bed.

“I’ll get you coffee on the way.”

“I didn’t get to thank them for letting us stay over.”

“Call later.”
Brian was obviously in a hurry to get out of Dodge.
I could hear him juggle his keys.

“Fine.
I don’t know why you’re in such a hurry.
Did something happen last night?”

“No.
Nothing happened.”

“Did you want it to?”

“Shiv, I’m tired.
I have a lot to do today.
We can talk about it later.”

“You like her.”

“Who?”

“Who?
Caroline.”

“You’re crazy.”

I held my breath.
Even from the hallway I could hear the lie in his voice.

“Crazy intuitive.
Why don’t you just tell her?”

“Because she’s with Ryan.
I don’t have time for this.”
The lock unlatched and opened.

“I don’t think she is.
And I don’t think you think she is, either.
You always do this.”

“Do what?”

I didn’t hear her answer because the door closed behind them.
I blew out the breath I was holding and unclenched my hands.
Leaning back against the wall, I slowly banged my head a few times.
What did it matter if he liked me or not?
Not like we knew each other or anything.
He probably just wanted what Ryan had gotten, a romp in the sack.

Making my way to the kitchen, I prepped the coffeemaker and pulled down my favorite polka-dotted mug.
I had just turned to the cabinet to get the sugar when the door opened.
Standing in the door staring at me was Brian.

“I didn’t know you were awake.”

“I always wake up this early.
It’s some sort of punishment for something terrible I did in a previous life, I’m sure of it.”

“How long have you been up?”
He was still standing in the doorway, looking unsure of himself.
It was a different look for him.

“A couple of minutes.
Did you forget something?”
I turned away and took the coffee creamer from the refrigerator.

“My sister, she um, forgot her notebook.”

“Oh.
Well, I can help you look.”

I motioned for him to come in and began looking under the sofa cushions while he checked the tables.

“Found it.”
I held up the small pink notebook.

“Thanks.”
He walked over and I handed it to him.

“You’re welcome.”

We stood in front of each other not making eye contact.

“Look, Care.
About last night—”

“What about it?
Nothing happened.”

“I know.
Ryan’s my friend.”

“He’s mine, too.”
I turned and walked back to the kitchen.

“I just don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.”

“I get it.
Look, no big deal.”

He shoved his empty hand into the pocket of his navy peacoat.

“You’re interesting.”

“Interesting?”
I looked at him over the rim of my coffee mug.
“Isn’t that the compliment of the century.”

“Yeah.
And well, I like getting to know you.”

“I like getting to know you, too.”
I put the mug on the counter.

“Well, okay then.”

“Okay then.”
I repeated.

“Brian!
Did you find it?”
Siobhan walked into the apartment and stopped cold when she saw the two of us looking at each other.
“Oh.
Good morning, Caroline.”

“Good morning.”
I didn’t take my eyes off Brian.

“We should really be going.”
Brian stepped toward the door.
“Thanks again for finding this.”
He held up the notebook before handing it to his sister.

“Anytime.”

“See you.”

“Yeah.
See you.”
I made eye contact one last time before he closed the door.

I dropped my head to the counter.

“What the hell was that?”
Sarah yawned as she made her way to the coffeemaker and poured herself a cup of coffee.

“What did you hear?”

“All of it.”

“Then you know.”

“You two slept together last night?”

“Slept together as in slept.
Nothing else happened.
Well, we kind of kissed.”

“Kind of kissed?
What does that even mean?”

“Yeah.
It was barely a kiss.
Then we fell asleep.
Well, he slept.
I stared at the ceiling all night.”

I tucked my legs under me as I took up my spot in the couch.
I was glad to find my ass still settled into the cushion perfectly.
Sarah sank into her chair.

“So what does that mean?”

“Nothing.
He doesn’t want to step on any toes.”

“I got that part.
What does that mean for you?”

“I don’t know?
Nothing?”

“Something?”
Sarah called me on my bullshit.

“Maybe.
Who knows?
I’ve been out of the game for so long—”

“Don’t make excuses.
If you like him, you like him.
Doesn’t make you a bad person because you slept with his roommate.
You didn’t even know him then.”

I placed my mug on the side table.
“Exactly.
I still don’t know him.
And he doesn’t know me.
So why all the weirdness?”

“Because I don’t think he wants what you think he wants.”

“Which is?”

“A good romp.
I think this guy is into you for more than sex and I don’t think you’re in the mind-set to expect that from anyone.
But you’re into him, too.
And I think it scares you a little.”

I leaned my head back on the sofa cushion and closed my eyes.
Sarah was right.
After Steven, I wasn’t sure I was in the right frame of mind to be in any kind of relationship that required emotions.
I was wrung out and wasn’t sure I could handle any more.

“Look,” she continued, “Ryan wasn’t even supposed to be part of the equation.
He was supposed to be a one night stand.
What you need to decide is if you would be as conflicted if he and Brian didn’t know each other.”

Her words rang true.
I needed to look at things from a different angle.
The new me would take the time to think things out before writing them off.
I owed it to the old me.

“You’re right.
I’ll think about it.”

“You do that.
I’m going to get dressed.
Early gym today.
I have a lunch date with Drew.”

I thought about Brian and what he’d said, what I’d heard him say.
I kept going back to the same thought.
The best feeling was when I’d look at him and find him already looking.
That had to count for something.

“Melody’s meeting us here before spin.”
Sarah interrupted my thoughts.
“She had a date with Danny last night.
I’m hoping he’s the one that finally erases Nick the Dick from her mind.”

“We’ll see.
She’s pretty fickle.”

“True, but I think, kind of like you were, maybe she’s finally decided that being treated like a thing, like a fuck buddy, isn’t really a relationship.”

“Is that all I’ll be to Ryan?
And does it matter?
What if I want to get to know Brian?”

“I don’t know.
And if it’s what you want, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
You just have to decide what would make you happy.
Ryan and his promise to be your fuck buddy friend or Brian and whatever that brings.
You certainly can’t have both.”