Operation Foreplay (25 page)

“What about my real job? You know, the one I start on Tuesday? The one that will pay me actual money?”

“Up to you. Keep it until all this materializes. Either way, Berk said the job is yours now or later. Whatever you want.”

“That’s crazy. He’d do that for me? He doesn’t even know me.”

“He’d do it for you because of me. Because I asked him to do it for you.”

“For real?”

“Yep.”

“I don’t know, Mel. I don’t want it be some crazy restaurant that’s open all hours of the night. The point of my own place is to not have to live at work. I was hoping to start it out only for breakfasts or lunches and move from there. Not sure I’d make a lot of money or anything in the beginning, if ever. I mean, I would totally pay you and your dad and Berk back—”

I placed my finger over his lips. “Shh. Relax. One step at a time. And I am investing. Not loaning. You can do this.”

“We can do this.” He bit the tip of my finger.

I turned the radio back up, rolled down my window, and smiled the entire ride home.

*  *  *

“Why does your suitcase feel ten times heavier than it did when we left?” Jared hefted the last bag to the landing as I unlocked the door.

“Little stressed? You should expel some of that.” I giggled.

“Oh no. You don’t get to do that. I’m fine. I am in control of my boner.”

“Clearly.” I looked down at his basketball shorts and saw he was clearly not in control.

“Shut it.” He carried my bags to my room.

I kicked off my shoes and started riffling through the mail Sarah was nice enough to collect for me. Bills and junk mail. The only reason the Postal Service was still in existence. I rolled my eyes, tossed the junk, and stacked the bills for tomorrow. Still on my mini vacation high, I didn’t need to be bothered with real life just yet.

“Holy shit, Melody! You weren’t kidding!” Jared yelled from my bedroom.

“I wasn’t kidding about what?” I walked into my room and stopped short a few steps in. On my bed was a large pile of vibrators, dildos, porno mags, and various other accoutrements I’d used to spice up my now-on-hold sex life. I waved my freak flag on the regular, but for some reason seeing Jared with evidence of my fucktastic lifestyle kind of made me ill. “Why are you going through my drawers?”

“Well, my dear”—Jared walked over with a pair of handcuffs dangling from his finger—“I figured you had a naughty drawer. I had no idea you had an entire shop in your bedside table.” He laughed and picked up my wrist, fastening a cuff to it before moving on to the other. The snap of the metal locking made me feel flush.

“You see”—he walked me over to the bed and sat me down—“there are rules to this challenge of ours and I didn’t want you to be tempted. I, however, didn’t expect to be so fucking turned on by your arsenal of toys. And this?” He held up the DVD Caroline and Sarah had given me.

“Wait, but—” I wanted to explain.

“No talking. I think we’re just going to have to go through these and figure out which ones we are keeping and which ones we are tossing.” He sifted through the toys in the pile. “Who needs this many butt plugs? Seriously, Melody.”

“Look, I’m not going to use them. According to the rules, I’m not allowed to have an orgasm. And besides, it’s not just those things you have to worry about. I don’t need batteries.” I gave him a two-fingered salute, highlighting that I was just as dexterous with my hands.

“Who said anything about allowing you to have an orgasm? Besides, that’s easy enough to remedy. One”—he held up a finger—“no locking the bathroom door when you’re in the shower. Any longer than a ten-minute shower, then the other person can come in and make sure there is no funny business. And two”—he returned my two-fingered salute—“same goes for the bedroom. No locks.”

“Well, you’ll be sleeping in here with me, right?” I looped my cuffed arms around his neck.

“That would be best, I think. Not sure if I can trust you to keep your end of the deal.” His fingers dug into my hips.

“I am a naughty girl. You might have to punish me.”

I felt his chest heave up and down and I knew he couldn’t find a good rhythm to control his breathing. He pushed me back down on the bed. I guessed it was more to remove me from his space than to suggest a delicious romp.

“Let’s see what this one is about.” I heard plastic snapping open and a drawer sliding shut. My television clicked on and the porn DVD started playing. I refused to open my eyes. The sounds of skin slapping skin were almost more than I could handle. I started counting backward from one hundred.

“You won’t break me, you know.” I finally said. “All this will get to you first. I can smell your erection.”

“Is that so?”

“That is exactly so. I think we better quit while we’re ahead.”

He looked at me, at the television, and back at me before grabbing the remote and clicking off the movie. Stuffing a hand into his pocket, he retrieved the key to the handcuffs and unlocked them. Slipping them off my wrists, he stuck them in his pocket. “These stay with me. That”—he pointed to the treasure trove of sexual exploration on my bed—“should be packed up. We wouldn’t want you to be tempted to do something—”

“Naughty.” I finished his sentence. He curled his lips and flared his nostrils before leaving my room.

“Where are you going?” I called after him, laughing.

“Shower. Cold.” The bathroom door slammed on his words and I fell on the bed.

“Ouch!” I reached under my lower back and retrieved a large gold dildo Sarah gave me for my twenty-first birthday. I studied it and thought back on all the memories Goldie and I had shared over the past nine years. Sighing, I tossed him on the bed, got up, and rummaged through my closet for shoeboxes. By the time Jared was done with his shower, I had two stacks of boxes sitting in the hallway.

“What is that?” He pointed at the tower of sin.

“You told me to box my shit up.”

He looked confused. “But why are there so many boxes?”

“Oh, that. Well, sweetie, you only checked my side table. But look, I organized them. This stack is stuff that’s been used. So I guess we can throw that pile of boxes out. This one”—I stood and presented him with the second stack like I was a game show model—“is filled with lovely toys that have never been used. This pile, I was thinking, maybe we can keep.”

“The stack of used is bigger than the stack of unused.” His eyebrow rose as he looked at me.

“What can I say? I get bored sometimes. I like change. Oh, except for Goldie. He stays.” I opened the box that held only the giant golden dildo. “It was a gift.”

“I don’t need to know that, Melody.” He dropped his head.

“Not from a guy, silly. Your sister gave it to me.” I opened the hall closet and put the keeper boxes at the back.

“Wow.”

“What?”

“‘Your sister gave it to me.’ Works better than ‘stinky pussy.’” He pulled his shorts out and looked down. “Yep. Dead.”

“I’ll have to remember that. Are we staying in tonight?”

“Yes.” My cell phone rang out and I danced to the happy ringtone. It was Caroline.

“Hey lady!” I wiggled my ass toward Jared to drive an extra nail into his orgasmless coffin. Who was I kidding? We were bunkmates in that coffin.

“Are you home?”

“Yep. Got in a little bit ago. What’s up?”

“Can I stop by?” She sounded odd.

“Sure. You okay, Care?”

“Yeah. Good.” She paused. “I’m good. I’ll be there in thirty?”

“Perfect. See you then.” I clicked off and stood staring at the phone, chewing on my lip.

“You all right?” Jared’s hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up at him and shrugged.

“That was Caroline. She sounded really weird.”

“Weird how?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“Not sure. And”—I checked the time—“she should still be at work.”

“When is she coming?” His hands massaged my shoulders, which were suddenly tense.

“Thirty minutes.” I turned around and hugged him.

“What’s this for?”

“Just because.” I pulled up on my toes and kissed him on the chin.

“Why don’t you go take a quick shower and I’ll clean all this other stuff up. When she gets here, I’ll run to the store or something so you two can have some privacy.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I rested my head against his chest and squeezed him in a hug. He really was unbelievable.

“Don’t worry about it. Besides, there’s nothing in the fridge except a few apples.”

“You.” I kissed his shoulder. “Are.” I kissed his other shoulder. “Awesome.”

He cupped my rear end and lifted me off the ground. “Well, just remember, if all goes well, in thirteen days you’ll literally be fucking awesome.” He dropped me, smacked my ass, and walked away.

I strolled down the hall and it was a few steps before I understood the joke. “Ha. Ha! Not funny. Torture the girl with no orgasm. I’ll remember that.”

I laughed and closed the bathroom door.

By the time I finished showering and getting dressed, Jared was on his way out the door, grocery list in hand.

“Need anything?”

“You mean besides a good dicking? No thank you.”

“Try not to think about it. I did notice you were low on gummy bears.”

I whipped my head around. He’d found the stash I keep in the spaghetti pot in the cabinet under the counter. Of course, I never cooked so there would be no need for me to go in that cabinet other than to procure a handful of those tiny German gummies. Of course Mr. Chef Extraordinaire would be drawn to unused pots and pans.

“Did you actually fill the spaghetti pot with them or—”

I kissed him on the lips to keep him from talking. It was embarrassing enough to have him find out I stash food, it was even more embarrassing to think he’d find out how much I stash. “Don’t you worry about that.”

“I was just thinking that if you were worried about thieves running off with your candy, I figure they’d snag that sixty-inch screen you have on the wall.”

“I’d be lost without my gummy bears.”

“Would you like me to pick you up some more?” His snaked his hands around my waist.

“Yes. Please. And I would think it best you and I not discuss this matter in the future.” I was dead serious but the look on his face told me he was having a difficult time understanding the gravity of the situation.

“I assure you, I will do my best to see that your gummy bears are replenished and the mission remains a covert operation. ”

“You joke. Gummy bears are serious.”

“I can tell.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “By the way, why do you have such a big television? It’s high def, all the bells and whistles.”

Hand on my hip, I answered bluntly. “Two things in life deserve to be seen on a high definition big screen: football and porn.”

He blew out a breath. “Jesus Christ, Melody.”

I shrugged. “You asked.”

“Fuck me, I sure did.” He bounced up on his toes a few seconds before saying, “Be back soon.” His hand found mine.

He opened the door just as Caroline was about to knock. I quickly let go of his hand, hoping she hadn’t noticed and kind of wishing I hadn’t been so hasty to let go. I wanted to talk to Sarah about Jared and me first. Her eyes were red and puffy. Definitely not a good sign.

“Hi,” she mumbled and walked into the apartment, barely making eye contact as she headed for the kitchen, stopping at the wine fridge for a bottle of white and an opener.

“She okay?” Jared nodded toward Caroline.

“Don’t think so. I haven’t seen her like this since she found her fiancé inside the intern.”

“What?”

I shook my head. “Never mind. Long story.” I placed a hand on his chest, my fingers grazing across his nipple. The two of us shuddered at the same inappropriate time. It was certainly no time to be muttering about stinky pussies and blister dicks. Both of us knew it the moment we made eye contact.

“Well”—Jared kissed me chastely—“I’ll leave you two to talk.”

“Thanks.” As I closed the door, I noticed him adjusting his pants and smiled.

Turning around, I yelped. Caroline was standing toe-to-toe holding an overpoured glass of wine in my face.

“What was”—she pointed between me and the door with her eyebrows hidden in her hairline—“that about? You banging Sarah’s brother?”

“I am not
banging
Sarah’s brother.” Not for at least another thirteen days but I couldn’t tell her that. “Not everything is about sex.” I took the glass from her and settled on the couch.

“Since when?” She plopped down next to me, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I will gladly have this conversation with you. I am
dying
to have this conversation with you. But first, I want to know why you”—I swirled my finger in front of her face—“look like someone killed your bunny.”

She did nothing but twiddle her thumbs and stare blankly ahead.