Operation Family (8 page)

“I bare my soul but you get to brush me aside, is that how this works? If you won’t talk to me, how am I supposed to trust you? One thing Shawn never did was treat me as a lesser being because I was the twins’ nanny, and I won’t stand for you to do that to me either.”

“I’m not.” He ran a hand over his head, feeling the buzz cut under his fingers. “What do you want me to say? I led my men into an ambush, two of them were killed on-site, and a third is now an amputee because of my decision. That’s what sent me down the spiral of doubt. Will that make you sleep better tonight, knowing I failed them?”

“Mac—”

“Don’t.” Without looking back, he headed for the door. “I need some air.” He had to get away from her before he made things worse, or before he could see what he expected to find in her eyes. There was no way he could stand to look at her every day if she thought he was a failure.

Cold to the very core, Nicole was unsure how to handle Mac’s outburst. She wanted to go to him, but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel as if this was a battle they had to cross before anything could develop between them. They needed to be on solid footing for a friendship, for any kind of relationship. Lies or secrets would only make things more difficult further down the line.

What the hell am I doing? I’m only the girls’ nanny, that’s all he’ll see me as. He only wants me in Virginia so he can stay a SEAL.
She cursed herself for thinking she might be able to have a relationship with him. She was far too geeky once men started to get to know her, and she never attracted men like
that
. There was no doubt in her mind. Men like Mac went after cute little blondes with perky breasts, and stick figure bodies. That was something she could never compete with—her brown hair and eye combination was nothing spectacular, but it was the curvy figure that also pushed men away. She learned long ago some men didn’t appreciate a body that had what her grandmother called
childbearing hips
, extra curves, and a little more to love.

Friendship was all she could hope for with Mac, and it was what they needed in order to raise the girls together. She rose from the sofa, grabbed the baby monitor, and with determination, set out to find him. Before she finished packing for Virginia, she had to let him know that she was sorry. She wasn’t sure why it mattered so much that she had to do it then, instead of waiting until he had time to cool off, but everything in her told her she needed to do it now. That he had to know that his confession didn’t change things.

She didn’t even make it around the sofa before her cell phone started to vibrate in her pocket. Tempted to ignore it, she took another step before she forced herself to at least look at the caller ID.
Mom.

Shit.
She knew what her mom was calling about and the calls wouldn’t stop until she answered. It was better to get it over with while Mac wasn’t around, so she slid her finger over the screen and brought it to her ear. “Hi, Mom.”

“I’m sure the guardian who was appointed for those children has arrived. When are you coming home?” With no
hello
or
how are you
, her mother cut straight to the point.

“I’m not.” She leaned against the back of the sofa. “I’m going to be away for a while.”

“What?” Her mother’s voice rose another octave.

“I’m going to Virginia with the girls’ guardian to help. It’s a hard time for them right now, and this will make it easier for them.” She didn’t explain that it might be a permanent solution.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, girl, you gave up your successful career to care for some screaming brats. You’re ruining your life.” Her mother let out a deep sign. “It’s time you get your head out of the clouds, get back to work. Then you can find a man and have a family of your own instead of raising children who don’t even belong to you.”

“Mom, I hated being an accountant.”

“Then get married, have a bunch of babies, and stay home. Don’t go running off to help another man raise his unless you’re going to marry him.” She let her mother ramble on about how it was a woman’s place to marry and have children, and tried not to hold it against her. It was how she was raised, and there was no changing her mother.

That was all she cared about, making Nicole an honest woman. Since the day she gave up her practice and moved in with Shawn there had been tension between them. The day Shawn died, her mother didn’t give her sympathies, or ask if there was anything her or the girls needed, instead all she wanted to know was when Nicole was moving back home.

Well, it wasn’t happening, even if things didn’t work out in Virginia. She would never go back to her hometown and begin her accounting practice again. In just a few short months, this had become her home. If she had to rebuild her life, she’d do it here.

I can’t think about it falling apart, this is my chance to stay in the girls’ lives. It’s what I want, and I’m not going so I can be near Mac…he’s just an added bonus.

The Texas air was bone chilling in a way Mac hadn’t expected. When he thought of Texas, the first thing that came to mind was the heat, and even after all his years of traveling, Texas was one state he hadn’t marked off the list. With less than two weeks until Christmas, he didn’t expect to feel the same chill in the air as he did in Virginia. The air felt cold enough to snow, but that was rare, wasn’t it?

He sunk down on the steps of the porch and pulled out his phone.
Christmas.
Guilt, regret, and undying sadness poured through him. The first Christmas alone for the families of the two SEALs he’d gotten killed. He flicked through the pictures on his phone until he found the one of the men together, taken just days before the mission that changed the team forever.

The minute they stepped out of their Humvee and headed to the door of what they were told was an informant’s house, the gunfire erupted all around them. There had been no safe place to take cover and the vehicle was too far. They hunkered down the best they could and returned fire. Every time they took out an insurgent, two more took its place. A fucking setup, and they were on their own. No backup was coming to get them out of the ambush they’d walked into. After twenty years in the military, he should have known better. Faulty intelligence got two of his men killed, another disabled, but it could have got them all killed.

“Commander…” The urgency in Bad Billy’s tone cut through the gunfire.

Mac had turned his head enough to glance at Bad Billy from the corner of his eye, and what he saw sent a new rush of anger through him. “Fuck!” He grabbed James’s ballistic vest and tugged him closer to the wall. Blood stained the ground around them red. “Rebel!”

“I got him, Sir.” The team’s medic, Rebel, pulled his pack out and reached for the tourniquet first. “Stay with us, James, you hear me? Stay with us.” His tone held insistence; it was a demand, as if to tell James he had no other choice but to live. He hurriedly tied off the arteries to cut the blood flow.

“Goddamn it, don’t you fucking die on me.” Mac looked around to assess the damage to his team. Two were missing. “Where’s—” He didn’t finish his sentence before Bad Billy pointed farther down the line.

“Britt is in a bad place, but Rebel did what he could.”

He glanced at Britt’s pale face. “Ace, Boom, get a smoke screen ready. We’ve got to get back to the Humvee. Rebel, can you move him?”

“Don’t see a choice, Commander.” Rebel threw his equipment back in his pack.

“Whiskey and I will get the others.” Bad Billy grabbed the fallen member of the team, leaving Whiskey to grab Britt.

“Let’s go.” Mac nodded to Ace and Boom who had the smoke grenades ready.

“Mac?” A soft female voice called through his thoughts. “Hey, are you okay?” She laid a hand on his shoulder and it took him a moment to realize it was Nicole.

“Fine.” He closed his eyes and forced the memories back in the bottle he kept them in, stored away where they didn’t haunt him every second of the day.

“I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just didn’t know.” She leaned against the pillar, her gaze on the ground instead of looking at him.

“Don’t worry about it.” He slid his thumb over the screen and brought the picture back up. “I failed my men, but I won’t fail you or the girls. That you have to believe.”

“I don’t believe you failed them. Just in the few days you’ve been here I know you’re not the type of man who would be careless. You did everything you could to bring everyone home safe and in one piece.” She brushed against his shoulder with her fingertips, rubbing along the collarbone. “No one understands the cost of war better than the troops, but you have to remember what we’re fighting for. What your men died for.”

“What’s that? Honestly, some days I wonder if I even know what we’re fighting for anymore. Even when the country isn’t at war, there’s always some mission. It
should
be to keep our country safe, but it seems like every time we make our land a little safer, another threat pops up. Will we ever have a safe world for Gabriella and Sophia to be raised in?”
He tipped his head, pressing the side of his face against the back of her hand. “Even after losing my men, I didn’t doubt we were fighting for a better future. Now I look at those two little girls and think of how many children have lost their parents because of war.”
What if I’m the next casualty?

“No one understands the losses more than you and the others who serve, but in the end, isn’t our country worth it? Nine-eleven started this latest battle, and lives have been destroyed and lost, but that doesn’t mean what we’re doing is wrong. I’ve seen the protestors as the funerals, but I’ve also seen the patriot guard riders who form a guard around the families to keep the harassment at bay. You can’t tell me what you do isn’t worth it. You keep dangers at bay that we don’t even know about. That’s honorable and courageous.”

“
Amore
.” It slipped out before he could stop it. What was he thinking calling her
love?
She was too young for him. Instead of letting his mind take over, he pressed his lips to the back of her hand, gently placing a kiss there. “You have the heart of a saint, but you have no idea what you’re getting into. Do you?”

“I don’t, but I’m about to dive in head-first.” She gave him an easy smile. “That doesn’t change things, I’m still committed to it.”

He let the silence fall over them like a comfortable blanket, just enjoying the moment with her, trying not to question the future he couldn’t change. If the military life was too hard on her, he was willing to step back and let her bring the girls back to Texas. She’d raise them and he’d be as involved as he could. It was the right thing to do, not only because of his career but also because of her love for the babies. His life had always been about doing the right thing, no matter the cost or personal discomfort, and this would be no different.

“García is Italian, and so is
amore
…but you don’t look it.”

“You mean my blond hair and blue eyes makes you doubt I’m Italian?” He joked. “I was adopted at birth, my adoptive parents were Italian. It throws people off guard, when they hear Mac García they expect someone with deep olive skin and dark hair.”

“Do you speak Italian then?”