Open Your Eyes (27 page)

Chapter Fifty-five

The next
eight months passed in a blur.

Sarah came to visit Olivia and the attraction between Daniel and Sarah blossomed into a sweet romance.
It went so well that Sarah decided to stay longer, to both Olivia and Daniel’s delight.

As for the rest of the family, everything was as it always had been.

Christmas was wonderful. We were all together again, as a family, for the second time since Gabe and I had resuscitated our marriage. I made my traditional and by now famous gammon and trifle. Sarah and Olivia had spent days in the kitchen baking an assortment of goodies as well as a lovely fruity Christmas pudding.

I
marveled that in spite of the heat at this time of year, we always stuck to the old traditional recipes. The table was laden with food and silly hats and crackers, exactly the way it had always been since the children were old enough to celebrate Christmas. And Olivia delighted in decorating the biggest fir tree she could find.

“This year I think we should have a pink and lime
color theme – a little twist in the traditional red and green,” she announced as she unpacked the bags of new decorations she had purchased.

Gabriel still had his demons about the demise of his father around this time of year, but thankfully it was far less stressful and he seemed less depressed than what he always had been. I took it as a good sign, that he was finally coming to terms with it.

It was a bittersweet time of year for me. Exactly two years ago, Olivia and I had been in New York. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Nick in over a year and a half. Sure I still occasionally checked the Internet for news of him, but it hurt so much to see how he had moved forward without me, that I had done it less and less over the last months. Especially since the news hit the headlines of his pending engagement to a prominent New York socialite. I had to admit that a small part of me was envious although I was happy for Nick, happy that he found someone he could build a life with.

Nick
deserved happiness and love. Both things that I couldn’t give him.

* * *

It was New Year’s Eve. Josh and Connor had arrived the day before to spend time with Sarah over the festive season, and as usual Gabe insisted that they stayed over at our house as well. He had forgiven Josh and the topic of his uncle never came up in conversation.

Olivia and Josh sparred frequently; theirs was a relationship that was difficult to comprehend. It appeared as if the chemistry between them was fiery, sparks flying when they were in close proximity to one another
. Olivia kept insisting that Josh was not her type. Yet she didn’t get romantically involved with Connor either – keeping him at a safe distance even though he was supposedly her kind of guy. Gabe and I just shook our heads and decided the best policy was to stay right out of it.

Nobody complained about the queues at the bathroom and everyone did their share of chores to contribute to the cooking and cleaning up.  One big happy household.

Yet every time I looked at Josh, my heart did a strange little crunch, a feeling I couldn’t quite describe, but I knew it was because he reminded me so much of Nick. The way he quirked his head sideways when he was deep in thought, his Romanesque nose and above all the beautiful megawatt smile that melted my heart and had me gasp for air, the oxygen leaving my lungs in an instant. It was both pleasing and disturbing at the same time.

Strangely I actually hoped Olivia would
not
hook up with Josh and was pleased that she didn’t seem to like him. I couldn’t bear for Josh to become a part of our family – to be reminded so acutely of Nick every single day. As it was, I counted the days till he and Connor left. Not that I didn’t like them as people, but I could do without the heart-tugging reminders.

This evening the youngsters were getting ready to paint the town red to see in the New Year, but this time Daniel would accompany them.

It was with heaviness in my heart that Gabe and I waved them off after dinner. My mind kept returning to the evening when Nick and I had stood waving them off in the Hamptons. Time had gone so quickly, yet it felt like yesterday. If only I had known then what life would throw at me only hours after the New Year had begun. I would never have guessed that I would be standing here tonight, back in Sydney with Gabriel.

Life was great
. I was happy. Yet, I still often wondered how things could have been different.

“Hey, the kids are gone, we have the house to ourselves
.” Gabe laughed softly into my ear as he hugged me. “I have plans for us.” He grinned as he wiggled his eyebrows.
Oh my.

He led me back up the stairs and into the bedroom. “Close your eyes,” he commanded as he opened the bathroom door. The sweet fragrance of jasmine and roses filled the air, soft music playing in the background. I opened my eyes and saw candles flickering – Gabe had lit hundreds of tea light candles, giving the space an ethereal glow. Rose petal were strewn everywhere, just like in the movies. I giggled with delight. I was a hopeless romantic and loved that he had thought of this even if it sounded cliché.

Wasting no time at all, he pulled me into his embrace and immediately started ridding me of my clothing, laughing softly as his hands rubbed down my ribs and came to rest on my hips as he lifted me into the bath.

I sank down under the bubbles, allowing the warm water to caress my skin as I watched Gabriel disrobe from under my lashes. His glorious erection sprang free as he grinned in my direction. He walked over to the wine cooler and withdrew a bottle of
Moët, which he poured into two fluted glasses.

He handed me a glass as he raised his. “To the next decade together. It just keeps getting better and better with you. I am so grateful you chose me.”

“So am I, Gabe, so am I.” I smiled back at him. “It's been a really good year. I am sure it will be this good even when we grow old together.”

As
I took a sip some of the champagne bubbles wrinkled my nose, and I gasped as I remembered another time in the bath, sipping bubbly. A familiar pain gripped my chest, but I quickly pushed it away.

Gabe climbed into the bath behind me and pulled me to his chest. His
erection throbbed wildly in my back and I pushed back into his hardness. His hands slipped around me and cupped my breasts, his fingers thrumming over my nipples. I let out a soft moan and went limp against him, taking the pleasure that he was so generously bestowing on me.

His hands rested on my hips as he lifted me onto his sh
aft. His body shuddered as I slipped down the length of him, my insides already wet and slippery and very aroused. God, it felt so good; his one hand on my breast, the other on my clit, hard as a pebble now. His fingers circled the hard bud, making me moan louder and louder.

I reached back and placed my hands on his upper thighs and lifted until only the very tip of him was inside, then slid down again, feeling every inch of his hardness inside me, the friction driving me insane with pleasure. I repeated the action, only this time I rammed down and slammed into his balls. He let out a feral moan, his hands instantly on my hips, moving me up and down faster and faster.

“Babe, I am going to come so hard,” he breathed in my neck and I knew he was ready to erupt. Both hands were squeezing my breasts now as I pushed down hard again and felt myself come apart, my head falling back on his shoulder as I let out a deep moan, my insides clenching wildly around his length.

“Fuck, that’s it!” he groaned and I felt him pump inside me, squirting his hot seed into me. I went limp, sagging against his chest as he buried his face in the back of my neck against my damp hair.

“That was so good.” I felt his mouth curl into a smile on my shoulder.

He proceeded to soap his hands and massaged the soap into my skin, paying particular attention to the area between my legs, even though he was still inside me. My bones melted under his touch, every inch of my skin still sensitive and loving his hands on me.

I lifted off him. He was just about to complain about the loss when I turned around in the bath, facing him this time. I soaped my hands and stroked up and down his cock, one hand cupping his balls as the other fisted his length. Oh my, it was getting hard all over again.

“Bab
e, what are you doing to me?” Gabe breathed, his eyes on fire.

“Fucking you, Mr
. Lawson.” I smiled sweetly as I directed his length back into me. “But this time I want to see your face as you orgasm.”

He sucked a nipple into his mouth. I wasn’t sure who groaned louder as I pushed my chest forward so he could take as much of me into his mouth as possible. He bit down softly on my nipple and I squealed as both pleasure and pain coursed through my body. “Gabe,” I murmured as his tongue gently soothed the pain.

His hands on my hips helped me rise and fall on his hard cock, water splashing wildly over the edges of the big bath. But we didn’t give a damn. We were as crazy for one another as ever, his eyes nearly black, his tongue sweeping over his lower lip, his mouth so ready for the taking.

I leaned in and placed my lips on his, my tongue plunging into his silky wetness. He groaned into my mouth, our tongues dancing wildly as I rode his sh
aft, his fingers digging deeper and deeper into my flesh. The second time round was even better. Gabe could hold it longer now, so I took my sweet time, not rushing to a next orgasm, but rather enjoying the intimacy of our joined bodies, cherishing every moment of our deep connection.

Gab
e found my clit and rubbed it. It was my turn to groan loudly as my second orgasm washed over me, ripples of pleasure coursing through my body.

“I want your sweet mouth,”
he bit out, abruptly pulling out of me and stood on his knees, his erection directly in front of me. I leaned over and rimmed the edges with my tongue and flicked lightly over the tip as Gabe sucked in a sharp breath. He held my head in place as he pushed as deeply into my mouth as he could, nearly balls deep. I sucked hard as my head bobbed up and down, knowing he was close, wanting to pleasure him.

My tongue swirled around his tip as my hand furiously fisted up and down his
length. As I rubbed the tip of his engorged manhood between my large breasts, Gabe let out an almighty roar as he ejected straight onto my breasts. Still holding him in my hand, I rubbed his juices into my skin. His eyes glowed, his breath coming in short sharp grunts.

“Natalie, I love you so much,” Gabe said, breathing heavily.

“I know.” I smiled back at him as I slowly soaped my breasts again, Gabe’s eyes following every move as he grinned appreciatively.

Holding out his hand, Gabe helped me from the bath and wrapped a large towel around me. “Don’t bother getting into your
pajamas tonight; you know I'm just going to take them off you later when I have recovered.”
Oh my, we’re in for a marathon session…

S
till naked, I crawled into bed, completely satisfied and feeling quite drowsy and boneless from the warm water and our lovemaking. Gabe pulled me into his arms and molded my softness against his hard body. Limbs heavy, I melted into him, and laid my head on his chest, my eyes fluttering closed as small spirals caressed up and down my spine.

This was pure bliss…the perfect way to go into the New Year with expectations of a great life ahead.

Chapter
Fifty-six

I woke up with a j
olt. Had I just been dreaming?

My body was drenched in sweat. A cold shiver ran up my spine. I could vaguely remember having a dream.

Nick.

Nick was in my dream.

Still naked, I sat up, clutching the sheet to my chest, my heart beating wildly. The morning light of the first day to the New Year was filtering in through the curtains, a light warm breeze blowing into the room.

I peered
toward Gabe, who lay on his side, away from me.

It was strange to see him turned to the other side. Usually he was wrapped around me, always facing me.

“Gabe,” I whispered, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep. He needed his rest after our lovemaking marathon last night. I was exhausted and sore, especially between my legs.

I laid a hand on his shoulder, wondering if I had done something to upset him. He felt oddly cold, in spite of the sweltering hot weather. I hoped he wasn’t getting sick. Gabe hated being ill.

It was then I realized that I couldn’t hear his rhythmic breathing.

“Gabe!” I cried, alarm in my voice now as I pulled at his shoulder. His body was cold and rigid. Panic rose in my chest…my heart leapt into my throat…my mouth went dry.

Oh My Dear God!

Dead.

Gabriel was dead.

In our bed.

On the first day of the New Year.

Chapter Fifty-seven

A
nother massive heart attack. Only this time Gabriel wasn’t as lucky.

Right next to me – in our bed. And he didn’t wake me or make a sound.

I had slept through it, caught up in my own dream world. Instead of helping him.

Guilt wracked my mind. What if I could have saved him? What if he could have been alive now?

How I survived the next few days, weeks and months I couldn't quite recall. I was in a daze for the first few weeks. Then the numbness took over and I went through the motions – living like a zombie as the weeks turned into months.

One of the things I got good at was avoiding my friends. I wasn’t in the mood for sympathy or pity, regardless of how they tried to act normal around me. And hearing stories about their husbands would just trigger pain I could do without.

It was several months since I’d had lunch with Miranda. She called often, inviting me out, and I appreciated that she cared enough not to give up on me, insisting that it would be good for me to get out once in a while.

So after turning her down all too often, I felt compelled to accept her birthday lunch invitation. It was our annual ritual to have a special lunch together to celebrate another year we had survived. Older and wiser, she
’d joke. And she wouldn’t ever forgive me if I broke our longstanding tradition.

Besides, it was time to get back into mainstream life. Even I knew that.

I went shopping for an extra special birthday gift to show her how much I valued her friendship and her sticking with me while I hadn’t been the best of company. And I had to admit, I was looking for a way to take the attention off myself, getting her excited about the Gucci handbag she always wanted was a sure-fire way of doing that.

Or so I hoped. I wasn’t that lucky.
“Jesus, Nat, you are withering away. Do you ever eat a decent meal anymore?” Miranda whined, her eyebrows raised, her lips pursed, glaring intently at me as I pushed the Caesar salad around on my plate. I hadn’t touched my wine either, preferring to sip at the glass of sparkling water instead.

“I'm fine. It's not that easy to pick up the pieces this time. Gabe is gone
forever
. And the kids are taking it badly too, I need to be strong for them.”

“Yes, my friend, I get that. But you have to take care of yourself first so that you are in a position to take care of your kids. It's no accident they make adults put on their oxygen masks in case of emergency on a plane before tending to people in their care. I worry about you
. It's been nearly a year now – ” she said as she placed her hand over mine, concern etched in her eyes.

“You are right. Thanks for caring, you
’re a good friend.”

“Your best friend, remember? And
Nat
…”

The way she said my name made me look up at her.

“Yes?”

“I read online that Nicholas Gallagher broke his engagement to the New York socialite. It
’s all over the gossip columns. Have you seen it?”

“No. No I haven’t
.” I exhaled. Since losing Gabriel and coping with the loss and the kids, I had intentionally not stayed in touch with what was happening in Nick’s world. I just couldn’t add insult to injury. My heart couldn’t bear it, having lost the two loves in my life.

I was all alone.
Invisible
. Again.

I had nobody but Miranda to see the real me. My kids were wrapped in their own worlds – which was a perfectly good and normal thing to do at their ages. They had their lives ahead of them, I wished them only happiness.

“You have to go to New York to see Nick. I know he’s waiting for you.” She scrunched her eyes as she studied me, waiting for my reaction.

“
You’re going mental, my friend. Why would he even
think
of me, let alone
wait
for me? We were over a long time ago; there’s no way he even remembers me anymore.”

Miranda laughed softly.
There was something she wasn’t telling me. I gave her a piercing look, burning holes through her.

“What? Tell me!” I demanded.

“I sent him an email. He definitely remembers you. In fact, he said he was waiting for you, that the engagement was a sham and he couldn’t wait to get out of it.”

“You did
not
!” I yelled. “Miranda, how dare you?”

“I dare because I care
, Nat. I care about you and I want you to be happy. Gabriel is gone. You have mourned his loss. But it is time to move on now, my friend. To find happiness again. Nick is waiting for you. He said so.”

“W
-what d-did he say?” I stammered, my hands all clammy.

“He said he still wanted you. But that this time you had to come to him. And that he was prepared to wait till you were ready. However long that took.” She gave me a knowing look, her eyes filled with understanding.

I let out a slow long breath and felt all the blood drain from my face. How was it even possible? Even after we hadn’t been in touch all this time. Surely this was only stuff fairy tales were made of? It didn’t happen in real life!

“
I can't.
I can't do it. What if you’re wrong? What if I make a fool of myself? I thought Nick hated me after what I did to him. He certainly has every right to, I wouldn’t blame him after the way I treated him in Tuscany.”

Things go wrong. Even in fairy tale romances that started out with a happy ever after. People change.

“Don’t let this slip through your fingers. You’re right; you have put Nick through a lot. But he still wants you. In spite of everything. That should be enough to have your ass on the next plane.” She smiled wickedly.

“I’ll have to think about it first, process it all.
” Every kind of reason
not
to do this ran through my brain. “What about the kids though?”

“There you go again. The kids will be fine. They just want you to be happy. In fact, it helps them move on with their lives too. If you are happy and taken care of, they don’t have to worry about you so much.”

“That makes sense, I know that on an intellectual level, it's just not that easy to let go in real life.” I smiled wryly, even if I didn’t want to admit that she was probably on to something.

“You know I am right. So let me help you plan this. And you know I am always here for the kids if they need anything while you
’re away, so you don’t have any worries there. You really have no excuse, Nat. Because I know deep down you still care as much about Nick as he cares about you. Don’t make the same mistake a second time. Don’t let Nick slip through your fingers again.” She stared me down. I had never seen Miranda more serious in my life.

I swallowed hard. Miranda was right. I still had feelings for Nick. I had buried them
deeply for a long time, but they were there nonetheless.

“You and Nick deserve a
nother chance, don’t you think?” She smiled knowingly.

I nodded my head, unable to speak.
Possibilities. I wanted another chance with Nick.
Badly
. But all this time had passed. How was it possible that he could still want me?

“Well
, let’s get you sorted then. We will go shopping for a new wardrobe. All your clothing is hanging off you since you lost all that weight.” Miranda clapped her hands in glee. Any excuse for shopping was right up her alley.

“OK, let’s do it,” I said, as the fog that had invaded my brain
since Gabriel died suddenly evaporated. I saw with clarity what I needed to do. Gabriel was gone, nothing I did would bring him back. I deserved this chance at happiness – with Nick. It was a miracle he was still interested in me, a miracle I had to be grateful for and grab with both hands while I could.

The next few weeks we
re spent preparing for my trip to New York. Miranda helped with everything as she had promised. My kids were very understanding, encouraging even. Miranda was right about them too – all they wanted was for me to be happy. I finally understood that my happiness was as important to them as theirs was to me.

Now that I
’d decided to do this, I wanted to surprise Nick. Miranda and I had worked it out to the last detail. Nick was doing another exhibition at MoMA. If this wasn’t a sign, then nothing was. The universe was aligning and everything was falling into place. Finally.

The day arrived for me to fly to New York. I said my goodbyes, sad to leave my family just
three days after Christmas. A myriad of feelings flooded me, I was never more afraid of anything in my life, yet I was also excited beyond description at the prospect of seeing Nick again. Sure, it would take time to mend all the hurt I had caused him, but I was ready to give it my all, unconditionally this time. I only hoped that Nick could forgive me and love me in spite of it all.

Second chances.
I was in desperate need of one.