Open Your Eyes (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-eight

My head was spinning this morning after Gabriel’
s request. Not only the enormity of what he asked, but also the really gentle and caring way he came across. So different to the old Gabriel who would have ranted and raved relentlessly. Who would have demanded reconciliation and tried to steamroller me into agreeing.

Instead he was now waiting for my answer. It couldn’t be easy for him. But I wasn’t ready to make such a huge decision yet. I still had Nick to consider – and my very real feelings for him. The timing
was really off. If only I had met Nicholas Gallagher a year or two ago, things may have been very different.

I was glad Miranda had time for a coffee at our favorite café in Darling Harbour
, so I could straighten my thoughts out loud before meeting Nick later. Sure, she was nosey and curious, but she was also a logical and rational thinker – most of the time. Miranda was a good sounding board and usually gave very practical, sensible advice. I was counting on that today.

She wrinkled her nose when I told her about Gabriel’s suggestion. Surprisingly she hadn’t commented on the revelation.
Not yet. It would come sooner or later. She was probably finding it as hard to digest as I was.

“I should have known better than to leave Gabriel alone over Christmas
. It's my fault he had a heart attack and is in such a sorry state now,” I said as I wistfully stared into my steaming latte.

“Don’t be silly. What makes you say a ridiculous thing like that?
How were you to know Gabriel would have a bloody heart attack?” Miranda scowled.

At least Miranda always took my side. That was comforting. But maybe she would change her mind if she knew the whole story.

“His dad committed suicide on Christmas Day. It haunts Gabriel every Christmas. It was very hard for him – he was only a boy when it happened.”

“Shit, how come you never told me before?” Miranda’s eyes widened.

“Because I've always helped him through it. We coped in our own way.” I sighed. Every year around Christmas when most other people were looking forward to a jolly festive season, I dreaded what was coming. Inevitably Gabe immersed himself in drinking heavily, his mood blackening by the day the closer it got to Christmas.

Her curiosity piqued
. “What happened? For his dad to do such a desperate thing?”

I may as well tell her
everything, she won't let go till I do.

A splitting headache throbbed behind my eyes. I rubbed my temples to ease the pain.
“It's a long and terrible story. But in a nutshell, Gabriel’s mother cheated on his father and ran away with another man, taking Gabe with her. His father went crazy. He hunted them down; spending every cent he had. It took him four months to find them. He was an insanely jealous man and swore to kill them both.”

“That’s where Gabriel gets his insane jealousy tendencies from,” Miranda breathed, clutching her chest as it all became clear to her. “Go on, what happened then. Did he –
”

“They were having sex when
his dad stormed in on them. Broke the door down. Gabe was in the next room, fast asleep. His dad went mental and shot the poor bugger point blank. Petrified, his mother screamed so loudly that Gabriel woke up and stumbled into the room just as his father pointed the gun at her.”

‘Oh
God no, don’t tell me…” Miranda was white as a sheet.

The headache was pounding now, blurring my vision slightly.
“No – he couldn’t kill her with their son watching. So he turned the gun and shot himself in the head. It was Christmas Eve.”

“Holy crap – how awful
! And Gabriel’s mother – how did she survive it all?”

My throat drew tight. “She didn’t. She fell into deep depression and started taking drugs. That’s when Gabe was sent away, into one foster home after the other. He hated it. He was abused; mentally and physically.” I couldn’t stop the sob creeping into my voice. It got to me, every time.
Especially when I thought of my own two boys. “No child should have to go through that at the age of nine.”

I found two headache tablets in my purse and swallowed them with some water.

Miranda mulled the information around; I could see her face working through different emotions. “Maybe that’s why Gabriel is so fucked up in so many ways.”

“You think?” I
grimaced.

“But you and Gabriel
– your relationship was different. You never cheated on him – not once – not even when you had the chance and other men came on to you. I never understood your loyalty to him – even when he treated you badly.” She shook her head as things started to make sense to her.

“That’s true – until this Christmas…
until Nick.” I sighed ruefully.

“You
and Gabriel have been apart for so long now. He’s not your responsibility anymore. It's OK to move on if that’s what you want.” Miranda closed her hand over mine. “Just because he asked you for another chance to fix your marriage, doesn’t mean you have to. You have a choice, Nat.
You can choose Nick
.”

I understood what she was saying. It made perfect sense. Yet it wasn’t that simple.

I was walking a tightrope.

“Gabe will always be a part of my life, Miranda. Some part of me will always love him.” We had so much history together, how could it be any other way?
Our decision to separate was mutual; we had simply drifted apart over the years. It wasn’t that we didn’t still care for one another.

“But how does that affect your relationship with Nick?” She peered at me over her glasses – her Serious Miranda look. “Nat, what do
you
want?”

It was a question I didn’t have an answer to yet. It was too damn complicated.

The guilt of wanting to be with Nick last night still gnawed at me. And how much I looked forward to seeing him today, the delightful anticipation of spending another afternoon with him, was beyond ridiculous. I could hardly contain myself. I kept looking at my watch, time wasn’t moving fast enough.

“I'm still trying to figure that out. Trying to decide between what I know is the right thing to do and my own needs and wants. It's
twisting my gut and messing with my head.”

“Well,
despite your headache, you’re looking pretty good for someone going through such an ordeal.” Miranda lifted a well-shaped brow as she studied me. “In fact, you’re looking at your watch all the time. Am I such bad company?”

I laughed at her assumption. “No, my dear, I'm waiting for Nick. He’s meeting us here in
a few minutes. Then you finally get to meet him in person. I was keeping it as a surprise, but you got me.”

Miranda’s hand shot to her hair. “Oh
God, do I look OK? You should have told me, I would have done more effort with my appearance. I look terrible today,” she scolded.

“Nick is a man. And men aren’t that observant
, as you know. To him you will look just perfect. And you do anyway, Miranda – you always do.” I laughed softly at her insecurity. Miranda was a strikingly beautiful woman, yet just like most women, she always doubted that she looked good enough.

It was as if Nick appeared on cue. His grin widened when he saw me from a distance and he quickened his pace to get to us. I fought the urge to run into his arms, rising to my feet instead to await him, an equally ridiculous grin on my face.
My head felt better already, just seeing him.

As he reached me
, he opened his arms and I stepped into him. He smelled so good, and the way he pressed me to his hard body had all my senses on high alert. He shamelessly bent down to take my lips, kissing me passionately, in full view of everyone, including Miranda.

I pushed at his chest, reminding him that we had company. He grinned sheepishly as he let me go
, his arm around my waist, still holding me close. Miranda squinted her eyes and watched the spectacle in awe.

Nick turned to her and unleashed his sexiest smile on her, taking her hand in his and kissing her fingers. “You must be Miranda. I am so pleased to finally meet you.”

He had her at hello. Miranda was under his spell, just like every other female he cared to bestow that sinful smile upon. She didn’t stand a chance against Nick’s charm. I couldn’t supress a giggle as I watched a blush spread over her cheeks. Miranda
never
blushed and always teased me when I did.

Karma is a bitch, my friend.

Chapter Thirty-nine

Nick

Spending time with Natalie was exactly what I needed. She showed up every day, bright and cheery, to spend part of the day with me. But the sadness was back in her eyes. She wasn’t aware that I noticed; it was only in fleeting moments when I caught her off guard that I could read the anguish in her eyes.

I’d been in Sydney
nearly a week now, and although Natalie clearly enjoyed every moment we spent together, she refused to come up to my hotel room or to see me in the evenings. She insisted that she needed to be home to take care of Gabriel. I had a good mind to show up there, to check the stakes out – to check Gabriel out. Was he really in need of her constant care or was it all a ruse to keep her to himself?

If only I could have her all to myself.

It
drove me crazy. Every minute of every day. I could think of nothing else. My whole being came alive when she was near; agony possessed me when she wasn’t. I was like a freaking rollercoaster. There was only one solution – to be with her all the time.

I needed a plan to make that happen.

Lunch with Miranda was pleasant enough, I understood why Natalie enjoyed her company so much. She was witty and smart, and also flirted shamelessly with me. But I needed to be alone with Natalie. I’d had a call from Tom White earlier today and I couldn’t wait any longer to share it with her.

After coffee, I quickly pay
ed the bill and excused us. I offered Natalie my arm and led her to an intimate little bar we’d been to a few days earlier, overlooking the water. The cosy corner seats were unoccupied, waiting for us. Knowing we would need a bit of fortification when she heard my news, I ordered a bottle of red wine.

“OK. Tell me,” she said as I swirled the glass around and sniffed
deeply at the burgundy liquid before taking a sip.

I laughed softly. She knew me well. “Can a man not keep any secrets from you?”

She smiled knowingly. “You can try – ”

“Tom called this morning. The New Year’s Eve case has been solved.” I watched her face as she absorbed the news.

She pulled in a sharp breath. “
And?
”

“Jonathan was responsible. He provided the pills to spike the drinks. But he had a partner in crime. You won’
t believe
who
. I still can hardly believe it myself – ” I took a slug of wine, and pulled a face.

“Tell me – who?”

My chest tightened. “Irene. He was fucking Irene. Old habits die hard. She gave him all the info about me. Jonathan was convinced that she and I were an item. He couldn’t resist her just like he couldn’t keep his dick away from all the other girls. He’s one sick fuck.” I shook my head.
Even after all these years…

Natalie’s face paled, her breathing shallow. “That’s why she was at the Broadway show as well
– ”

“God, yes
! I never thought of that. You’re right. They must have planned it all along. Anyway, I fired her as my agent before I came to lunch. She’s under police investigation too now. An accomplice.”

“And Jonathan?”

“Turns out my cousin has been involved in drug dealing for some time. Smuggling between the two continents. The family business wasn’t enough for him. Greedy little bastard.”

“Oh my God.
Drug dealing?”
Her eyes widened. She rubbed at her temples.

“Yes.
He’s part of a big drug ring. How he had access to the pills in the first place. Actually he was running a racket selling them. Even online. The nerve – ” I spat out, clenching my fists.

“So what now?” She took a few gulps of water, ignoring her wine.

“Tom says Jonathan will be put away for a few years. The young guys he sold the pills to will get off with a lighter sentence as it was their first offence. They were scared shitless. Serves them right,” I smirked as anger seethed below my skin.

As for Jonathan. If I never saw him again in my life it would suit me just fine. I hoped he would rot in jail.
Scumbag.

Chapter Forty

Natalie

Miranda never liked Gabriel. According to her, Gabriel dominated me, controlled me. Gabriel didn’t have much time for Miranda either. He said she was loud and brash; her incessant talking gave him an instant headache.

“I've always
hated alpha males. The whole ‘me Tarzan, you Jane’ thing. Their domineering ways.” I could still hear her voice in my head, full of disdain.

I always wondered at the back of my mind if maybe she would sing another tune if Gabriel had chosen her instead of me.

Gabriel pretty much honed straight in on me, had only eyes for me, and treated me as if I was the only woman in the universe. That had to piss her off. She always intimated that she thought she was prettier than I was; she was certainly taller and skinnier, so she just couldn’t understand the instant chemistry between Gabe and me.

Gabe
was convinced that Miranda influenced me. He didn’t like the idea that we shared intimate information – as best friends do – and he always made derivative comments about her being nosey and wanting to know everybody’s business – including ours. He absolutely hated that she was the confidant I turned to when I needed to vent – especially after we had an argument.

Although Miranda agreed that in principle Gabriel was a good man and father, she was always wary of him. She knew
that while we were married, he would never cheat on me – his morals were too strong. And Gabe didn’t suffer fools gladly or tolerate anyone who was ‘different’ either. He abhorred homosexuality, racist and religious extremists, and infidelity alike.

I agreed with Miranda that sometimes Gabriel’s thinking was archaic: Some men did like sticking their dicks up other men
’s arses, not all fanatics were terrorists and public stoning for infidelity had long been abolished. But that was Gabriel. Set in his ways and beliefs, not easily swayed to change his mindset.

Th
at was why I was absolutely caught off guard by the new Gabriel as he started changing before my eyes.

I
had stolen a few hours out of every day, trying to spend as much time with Nick as I could before he had to return to New York. Nick made it abundantly clear that he wanted to start a new life with me, that he wanted us to be a couple, to have a future together.

But
at the same time Gabriel made it very difficult to be indifferent to him, to not consider his request seriously. He was courting me again. And he took it seriously.

Evolving Gabriel
was kind and thoughtful, even massaging my neck and shoulders when I worked for long hours at the computer. Since Gabriel had become my patient, my boss had agreed that I could work from home most days for a few weeks so I could keep an eye on him. Fortunately the Human Resources department of the global healthcare company I worked for had a policy of practicing what it preached, taking good care of employees that had difficult circumstances. A phone, a computer and an Internet connection was all I needed most days.

***

It was early Monday morning and I needed to complete a work report that was due today, before going to meet with Nick for lunch.

Gabe sauntered in
to my temporary home office, bringing me a steaming mug of chai tea. He sat on the chair in front of my desk. I looked up from my spread sheet, curious that he chose to linger.

“Let’s sponsor a child through World Vision,” he said. “I found this kid on the website, a boy from Ethiopia. His name is Nesredin and he lives on a farm with three siblings and his parents. They all look starved, so if we support him it will help the whole family.”

I tapped my pen, listening.

“Really, you would do that?” I asked as I took a tentative sip of tea.

“Yeah. I chose a boy. Maybe you should go online and choose a girl? From India or Peru maybe? Even if we had to eat baked beans on toast some nights, it would feel good to know we were making a difference to someone’s life. Not only the children’s lives – whole communities.”

I was gobsmacked. For years I’d begged him to sponsor a child and he’d refused.

Gabriel rounded the desk and crouched in front of me, taking my hands in his. “I'm sorry I never listened to you before. You’ve always wanted to help others and I didn’t see the point. Always suspicious that the charities were stashing the money and not using the funds appropriately.” His thumbs caressed gently over my knuckles. “But we just have to trust, don’t we? Have a little faith that they will do the right thing.”

He lifted my hand to his mouth, his lips skimming over my fingers. “You were right. It feels so much better to give than receive.”

My mouth opened and shut again.
Just when I started really liking to receive
. Compliments, kind gestures, little gifts. Receiving was as delightful as giving.

He leaned forward and placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb on my lips. “Shh, don’t say anything. Just listen
.” He increased the pressure on my lips. “You’re right. It took me nearly dying to realize what we had and how precious life is. I don’t want to make that mistake again. I want another shot at life – a life with you in it. Surviving the heart attack was the first step. Life gave me another chance. But now it's up to me what I do with that chance.”

His eyes were blazing, an unknown depth in them. “I’ve done a lot of introspection
lately. Hell, I’ve had nothing other to do than think. And I realized the truth: if I keep on doing what I’ve always done, I’ll keep on getting the same bad results.” He sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again and staring into my eyes.

“I want to change. To be a better man. For you. It's taken nearly losing everything that mattered to see what an idiot I’ve been. To see how much you really mean to me. How much I want you and me to work. Please forgive me, Natalie, for all the hurt. For being so blind. Please say you’ll give our marriage another chance?”

I blinked, totally at a loss for words. Turmoil raged within me, twisting my insides out. Slowly the gulf between us was closing. This Gabriel was alluring and sexy as hell.

Why
on earth had it taken so long?
And why was it happening
now
, just as I was falling for another man?

What the hell
am I going to do?

It weighed heav
ily on me, becoming more and more difficult as each day passed. Because while I was spending precious time with each man, I was truly enjoying
his
company. Was I a two-faced bitch? I couldn’t understand how I could simultaneously be so attracted to two men, poles apart in their personalities, both tugging at my heart.

Both men loved me, of that I had little doubt. It wasn’t something anyone could feign. And the weird thing was I loved them both too.

Was I crazy? Twisted?

Tormented – most certainly.

I was at a crossroad; I had to make a choice soon. Too many hearts were dependent on my decision.