Only Tyler (16 page)

“I loved you that much,” she answered softly. And so help her, she still did for all the good it did either one of them now.

“Oh Christ, Katie.” His voice was tortured. “I fucked up. Big-time. I should have told you. I should have faced my fears then, but I didn’t.”

He dropped his head in his hands. “I never gave you the choice. I never let you in.”

“No, Ty. You didn’t.”

“I tried to protect you from the truth but ended up hurting you instead.”

She opened her mouth to answer but couldn’t speak. He had hurt her. The pain sat in her chest, leeching her breath and her energy.

He looked at her with a haggard face. “I’m so sorry, Katie.”

“Me too, Ty. Me too.” Devastated by his admission, Katie focused only on getting through the next few minutes. On overcoming the fresh, raw ache of their lost love.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Slower.

Breathe in breathe out.

Breathe in breathe out.

An eternity passed before she found the strength and calm to speak again.

“There are tests,” she said hesitantly. “You could have found out.”

Tyler nodded slowly, his expression no less anguished. “Do you have any idea what it’s like? Knowing you might carry a gene that will send you over the edge? That will take away any ability to control your own movements and your thoughts? That will kill you long after it’s destroyed you?” Again, he rubbed his hand over his mouth. “Would you do it? If you knew the result might be a death sentence with no chance of reprieve? It’s easier not to know. At least then you still have a one-in-two chance of living.”

Pain lodged anew between her ribs. How could anyone ever build up enough courage and emotional reserve to take a test like that? The nerve-wracking terror of waiting for the results. The fear of death.

The fear of madness. It would be intolerable. Was she strong enough to deal with such news? Was there anyone on the face of the planet strong enough?

She understood his reluctance. “You needed to have the possibility of being okay.”

“It was the only way I could deal with the possibility of getting sick. I needed my future to remain open. The idea that a diagnosis of Huntington’s might be cast in stone…” His voice trailed off.

The thought made her nauseous.

She closed her eyes and thought about Tyler’s predicament.

Thought about the vacuum he existed in not knowing if he was destined to survive or die. Living in a reality where it was easier not to know the outcome of his life.

Katie?

When she opened her eyes his gaze caught hers.

There was more. Something he hadn’t told her. Suddenly she couldn’t turn away, couldn’t breathe. She knew what it was. “You…

you’ve had the test, haven’t you?”

He nodded.

Jesus. What if what if… She couldn’t even think it. “When?” she asked instead.

“About two months ago.”

“You’ve known for two months?”

He laughed hollowly. “No. The process takes a long time. I’ve known a couple of weeks.”

“What changed? Why did you take it now instead of years ago?”

“Steve phoned me. He told me you were getting married.”

Her jaw dropped. “I don’t understand.”

“I realized my best friend was going to live the life I longed for.

He was getting the future I’d voluntarily given up. It knocked the crap out of me.”

For the first time the safety of not knowing was less appealing than the risk of finding out.

“You did it for me?” It came out as a strangled gasp.

He shrugged. “Steve’s call gave me the motivation I needed to find out if I could live a full life.”

“And?” God, she almost didn’t want to hear the answer. “Can you?”

“Yes, Katie. I can. I don’t have the gene.”

“You’re going to be okay?”

“I get to live.”

Just like that the intolerable tension that had wound her stomach into a rigid knot snapped. A flood of relief washed over her, so strong it left her shaking helplessly. She began to laugh and cry at the same time.

“You’re not sick,” she sobbed with a smile.

“I’m going to be fine,” he agreed.

He was going to be fine. Tyler was not going to develop Huntington Disease.

Adrenaline coursed through her a rush of life after a scare of death. She jumped up, unable to sit a second longer. “You asshole,” she growled at him.

“You screwed up my life, you screwed up our relationship, and now you get to be fine.”

He pushed himself up and stepped towards her until his face was inches from hers. “We can both be fine now. I’m back. We can be together again.”

In sheer aggravation she kicked him in the shin. “No we can’t, you idiot. I’m engaged. To your best fucking friend.”

His face hardened. “You don’t love him, Katie. It’s impossible to feel that way about Steve when you still love me.”

“How can I possibly still love you? You took that option away when you stepped on the plane. When you decided I couldn’t handle your future.”

He blanched. “I gave you a chance to find a real man. A man with a future.”

“I had a real man, and I had a future. You took it away from me.”

“I believed I was doing the right thing.”

“For whom?”

“For both of us.”

She seethed. “I was a mess and you were alone. What’s right about that?”

“Nothing,” he rasped. “I can see that now. But at the time, all I could think was that you deserved better. You deserved more than a man with a half a chance at life.”

Christ, the idiot believed what he said. Didn’t he know he was the only man she’d ever wanted? “Yeah? Well, you deserved to live the part of your life that you could to your fullest. You chose not to.”

“I changed my mind.”

“It’s too late,” she bit out. “I’m marrying someone else. A real man who trusts me enough to share his future with me whatever it may turn out to be.”

Tyler flinched. He turned his head to the side and squeezed his eyes shut.

His defenses, however, were not quick enough to hide the pain her words had inflicted.

Katie regretted her malice instantly. She touched his arm. “Tyler, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

He looked at her, exposing the hurt in his eyes. “You can’t marry Steve, Katie. You don’t love him.”

“It’s too late, Ty. We’re engaged.”

“Maybe so, but you’re in love with me.”

She wouldn’t admit it. “Not now. I’m with Steve.”

“You love me.”

“You left me.” She threw it back in his face.

“It didn’t make you stop loving me.”

“My feelings for you are irrelevant. You nullified them when you left.”

Strong words, shaky delivery.

“That’s bull and you know it. Your feelings are as strong as ever.

You love me.”

“I’m marrying Steve.” The high-pitched tremor in her voice betrayed her uncertainty.

“But you love me.”

“But I’m with Steve now.” The pitch grew higher. Too high.

“Even so, you love me.”

“No.”

“Admit it Katie. You love me.”

“No. No, no, no!”

“Not Steve. Me. You love me.”

She punched his chest in desperation. The thunk reverberated through her ears. “Okay, goddamn it, I love you.” She hit him again and then again. How dare he make her admit it? How dare he? “So what?

What are you going to do about it?” Her fists flew freely, landing blow upon blow on their target. “It’s too late. You took whatever chance we had and you threw it away. We can’t turn back the clock now.”

“Katie, stop.” He grabbed her wrists, stilling her hands while he pinned her arms against his chest.

She avoided his eyes, focusing instead on the point where she’d pounded him, where her hands now lay captive in his, bunched into angry fists.

“Look at me,” he said, a little more forcefully.

She stared at her fists, clenched and unclenched them.

“Katie. Look at me.”

She bit her lower lip.

“Look at me.”

Slowly she raised her head. His gazed trapped her. His dark eyes shone.

“I love you,” he said. “It’s not too late.”

And then, because nothing in the world could have prevented her from doing so, she kissed him.

Whatever pent-up frustration or passion she’d been holding in came spilling out in her kiss and in her movements. Her actions were frenzied, desperate, and he matched them move for move. In his life he had never needed a woman more than he needed his sweet Katie.

Her hands, which he’d freed the second her lips touched his, now grabbed at his T-shirt, pushed it up and shoved it out of the way. He broke their kiss only long enough to rip it off before claiming her mouth again.

Salt from her tears mingled with the honey of her mouth as her tongue dueled with his. Her hands were everywhere. Running up his arms and over his shoulders. Clawing at his back and tangling in his hair.

There was an urgency to her actions, a hunger that would not be denied.

He felt an answering jerk in his gut. Blood shot to his cock. Two years he’d been away from her, two years of self-enforced separation.

Compounded with the last two months of torment, of knowing she was with another man, it had been sheer hell. Now she was back in his arms.

Where she belonged. He was powerless to stop this. He couldn’t think, couldn’t rationalize his actions.

He could only do.

Again, he pulled his mouth away from hers, this time to dispose of her shirt.

He needed to feel her bare flesh. He made short work of her bra, so her naked skin seared his. Her full, soft breasts pressed into his chest, and he groaned.

“It’s not too late for us, Katie. As long as you and I are alive, it can never be too late for us.”

Her nipples were hard as beads, and her skin soft as satin.

Need pounded through him. Through her. Even as his mouth met hers, as her lips parted hungrily to taste him again, her hands were at his waist, her fingers fumbling with the button on his jeans, tugging at the zip.

He was so hard he hurt. The flutter of her fingers against his fly drove him to distraction. He had to have her. He had to claim back that which he’d so unwisely given up.

First she shoved his pants over his hips, and then his boxers, allowing his dick to spring up between them. Finally he was free, but before he had time to move she wrapped one hand around his swollen shaft, and cupped his testicles with her other.

“Jesus, Katie,” he rasped. Her hot little hands were electrifying.

“Fuck me, Tyler. Now. I need to feel you inside.”

Not as much as he needed to feel her. The fear of losing her to Steve, of knowing he might never make love to her again, the magnificence of being loved by her again, it was all too much. His urgency flattened his instinct to honor his friend. Nothing was more important than Katie.

This was not the time for sensual seduction. Now he needed affirmation.

Needed to know she still loved him. He needed to be sheathed in her hot, wet body. He needed to be the only man she ever fucked again.

Tugging at the elastic band around her waist, he pushed her tracksuit pants past her hips and down her legs. She kicked off her runners and then slipped off her pants.

Then she stood before him, as bare as the wind-torn rocks that surrounded them. The hunger in her eyes was as primal as the sound of the waves beating against the cliffs. Her need, like his, was elemental.

Their desire as natural as the rocks and the surrounding shrubbery that hid them from view.

He barely had time to yank his wallet from his jeans pocket and take out a condom before she backed up against an enormous boulder.

His hand shook as he ripped it open and rolled the condom over his engorged cock. Fast. It was all happening so fast. He barely had time to appreciate it, yet he couldn’t hold back. Blood surged to his groin. His dick lengthened and grew. Anticipation made him shudder.

“Katie.”

“Now,” she demanded. “I need you now.” Her eyes were glazed, her lips swollen and enticing.

He couldn’t resist. He kissed her greedy mouth, and she rewarded him by wrapping her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his hips. He grabbed her buttocks, lifting, urging. She twisted in his arms and pushed downwards.

He responded on pure instinct, thrusting up to match her carnal movement. Her folds were slick and inviting and offered no resistance as he sheathed himself deep inside her. Right there, standing on the top of the cliff in Katie’s secret place, Tyler found heaven again.

She groaned as he filled her and began immediately to writhe in his arms.

The movement inflamed him. He pulled back and plunged into her again, and then again. On some level he was aware that the rough rock surface abraded the tender skin on her back, but she seemed oblivious.

She rode him wildly.

Each time he thrust up, she bucked down with equal force.

The pleasure was too intense, the hunger too extreme. he’d never last. he’d waited too long to have her again. The pressure mounted. The need for release besieged him. Just as his balls tightened and his body stiffened, she dissolved around him. Her inner walls clamped down on his cock, and she moaned his name out loud.

As Katie’s orgasm consumed her, Tyler exploded.

In this position, it was impossible to move or to think. Not that she wanted to. Tyler’s head was buried between her legs, his tongue tracing delicious circles of pleasure in areas he should not be delving. She shook and cried out his name, and kicked the doona off the bed as he lapped her clit with his tongue.

He looked at her with an evil glint in his eye. “Still want me to leave?”

“Huh?” Oh jeez. His mouth was wet from her juices.

“Should I pack my bags and go?”

He lay between her naked thighs, taking her to the edge of sanity and he expected her to answer? She couldn’t think in this state, never mind form rational sentences.

She began to tremble. “Tyler, please…”

He grinned wickedly. “Please what?”

“Please…” She twisted around him, lifting her hips, desperate for his mouth.

“Ah.” He ran his finger over her wet folds. “You don’t want me to stop.”