Only Forever (6 page)

She turns in my arms, gazing across the stage. “Don’t hate this place or what I did. Emerald’s isn’t who I am. But I
am
better for it. I’m stronger because I pushed myself.”

Holy. Shit.
I love this woman. “Way to make my asshole mistakes sound like some shitty stepping stone in life.”

“Ha.”

Holding her to me, I wave bye to the men standing in the room. “Ready?”

Her smile curves as she leans back into me, but then she pops onto her toes and kisses my cheek. “I’m going to get my purse and keys, okay?”

I squeeze her before letting go. She runs off and grabs her things, saying her goodbyes, and then she’s back in my arms, and I’m dragging her out the door. Fresh near-dawn air hits us. I drink in the cool morning and turn to look at Emerald’s a last time, briefly thinking back to the moment I saw fear in her eyes. Never again can I let that happen. Once again, I’m consumed by a dizzying need to run my hands over her, to make sure she is fine.

We make it to her Jeep, and I manage to stow her safely in the passenger’s seat before my hands clasp her cheeks, and my mouth takes hers. I breathe her in as our lips brush against each other. Her tongue caresses mine, and I push away the sudden spring of fear. Life’s too unknown, with hidden enemies and unseen terrors. The idea that I could lose her again… it’s unbearable.

“I love you, baby,” I murmur against her lips. “I’m not the best guy out there.”

“You might be.”

“But Jesus fuck, I promise you, Emma. I will be the best one for you. No more working shit jobs, no more paycheck to paycheck. I’ll figure it out.”

Her eyelashes lower as if she’s lost in thought. But then her hands cover mine. I realize I’m clinging to her.

“We’ll figure it out. I didn’t work this hard here because it was my only option, but because I needed to control what I could of my future.” She studies me. “Does that make sense?”

Her words roll through my mind. She doesn’t need me to survive, but she wants me by her side, making it better. There’s a big difference between those two things. “Yeah, I think it does.”

“Sweet.” She settles against me, her legs hanging off the passenger’s seat as I block her in. She sighs against my chest and asks, “What’s next?”

“Guess we go home.”

She leans back. “
We
go home?”

“Yeah, baby. We go home together.” My hands run down her shoulders, holding onto her biceps. “Us, under the same roof.”

“With our daughter.”

Point, Emma.
My heart explodes in my chest. “Don’t be too perfect, pretty mama. Otherwise, I’m likely to propose in the parking lot of a strip joint. That’d be an awkward story to tell our kids.”

Her face lights up, with big eyes and an unhinged mouth. She silently mouths
our kids
.

I kiss her on the forehead, buckle her in, and shut the door. Kids. Plural. She’s my family. I want her as my wife. I’m not sure how I’ll pull it all off, but it will happen. I toss the Jeep keys in the air as I walk to the driver’s seat and climb in.

She leans against her door with sleepy eyes. “What a night. Glad it’s over.”

I chuckle. “Me too, baby. I can’t handle any more right now.”

“We’ll get a couple hours sleep before Cally wakes.”

“Perfect.” I pull my wallet and phone from my back pocket, turn the engine over, and notice a light flashing on my screen. No one has this number except the Titan guys and Emma.

And Mazie.

I slide the screen on, and there’s her text:
There’s a guy looking for you. Pops is dead.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Emma

My thumb hovers over the button to snap another picture, but really, I’m studying Grayson, wondering what’s wrong. Is he angrier about Emerald’s than he let on, or is he continuing to rehash all of his regrets?

I kick off my flip-flops. The cool grass scratches the bottom of my feet and tickles my toes. Summer is my favorite season, and I bask in the warmth of the slipping sun. There are a million excuses to go outside, a million things to take pictures of, especially around sunset.
Especially
when Grayson is manning the grill on the back patio.

But as much as I’m enjoying the view and taking pictures of Gray flipping burgers and Cally trying her best to do rolls in the grass, Gray’s smile isn’t genuine.

I snap another picture and check back in the viewfinder to study him. Sexy man. But that’s not a true smile. I haven’t seen one on him since we left Emerald’s yesterday.

I hold my camera up again. “Smile.”

Again, a smile without a spark. I’m unnerved, and despite all of his words, I have to wonder if the guy who was so quick to want to join Titan needs more excitement than Cally and I can offer. Sure, grilling out is fun. Having a beer in the backyard while watching our kid is my dream come true, but now that real life is settling in for Gray and me as a couple, is he having doubts?

“Everything okay?” It’s the thousandth time I’ve asked him that today. Maybe he’s not over the Emerald’s thing. Maybe he is upset that Mazie took off back south, and I wasn’t overly interested in hearing about it. I rolled my eyes when he called her this morning. He said something about her checking out of the hotel room for him, I think. Maybe, maybe, maybe. My mind spirals as I let the camera hang on my neck.

Are you mad at me now? Hurt or bored or antsy?

No matter how I’ve asked, all of his answers are the same. He isn’t mad, angry, or holding a deep grudge because I shook my booty for cash at Emerald’s. Honestly, I’m surprised he let me off the hook for that, but then again, he made it perfectly clear we’ve both made our choices and we should move forward. I like that. Except my sixth sense is going berserk.

He flips a burger. “Yeah, I’m good.”

I bite my lip, scared to ask the only question I have left. But it has to happen, especially with him staying here. I walk closer, even though I’m already way out of earshot of our girl. “If you’re not ready to do this, we don’t need to talk to Cally.”

His spatula-holding hand drops, and his eyes go wide. “What? Why?”

“Because something is off, and I don’t want to rush this.” I go back to biting my lip. “I don’t want to ruin us because we rushed. Everything is really perfect right now, and I know that doesn’t last forever, but I don’t want it to stop so soon.”

“Baby.” He drops the lid on the grill, puts down the utensil, and pulls me into his arms. “It’s not like that. I promise. This isn’t rushed. Hell, it’s far past due.”

“But there is something.”

He doesn’t answer, and my gut drops all the way to the floor. “Please, just tell me.”

He’s holding me, but mentally, he’s drifting. “It’s really nothing.”

“You’re killing me.”

His chest expands with a giant breath in, making the tight T-shirt stretch over his sculpted body. I watch as he holds it in, dropping his head back to look at the sunset sky, then lets it out. As he does, I feel as if he goes with that lost breath.

“Just tell me,” I whisper, hoping my words will somehow bring him back to me.

“Pops died.”

“What?” That’s not what I expected to hear, and I have no idea what to say.
Good riddance? Are you okay?
I’m not sorry. Really, I don’t know what I am, so I stare up at the orange-pink sky and lean onto his chest.

Finally, he pulls back, opens the grill, and pulls the burgers onto a waiting platter. When he’s done, he tosses the spatula down with a clatter and lowers the lid. I still don’t know what to say, so I walk behind him and wrap my arms around him. My hands clasp against his chest, and my chin rests on his shoulder blade. Under my backward hug, his body relaxes, and he turns, letting my hands drop to his side, though I refuse to let go. I can see a thousand emotions warring for prominence on his face.

“See?” His lips twist into… not really a frown, but definitely a furrow. “Confusing, right?”

“Grayson…” I release my hold on him and run my palms over his stomach, up his chest, and down his shoulders, finally stopping on his biceps. “Your dad died. He was awful, but still, he was… your dad.”

His face skews even more. “Yeah, about that. Turns out, he wasn’t.”

My eyes peel back. “What? What do you mean?”

“That Mazie-diner night? I saw him earlier, and it clicked.” He spins me around and nods to Cally. “How could I feel something so deep for her in a matter of seconds, but he… never once did he care.” Grayson turns me back to face him then pushes my hair off my face. “Anyway, I called him on it. He didn’t disagree. Randall’s not my dad.”

“Well…” I lean against him as he lays his arm over my shoulder. “God, Gray. I’m not sure what to say.”

“Confusing, right?”

I angle into him and study his expression. “Yeah.”

“I hate him.” His lips press into a flat line, making their color fade. His eyebrows bite together. “The bastard was mean. A nasty, angry drunk. He hated the world and hated me. But, God…”

“What?”

“I think he really loved my mom. She was with him, right? So, he couldn’t have been all bad, maybe, a lifetime ago.”

“You don’t know that,” I whisper. “People stay in relationships for a lot of reasons. A weakness, guilt, a soft spot.”

“Guess it doesn’t matter.”

“So, who’s your biological dad?”

Grayson shrugs. “No idea. If he knew about me and still left me, fuck him for that. If he didn’t know I existed, then that’s the way it goes.”

“So, is there a funeral? Or what happens?”

“Nothing. I’m not planning it.”

I nod. I never thought about what happens when a person no one cares about dies. “How’d you find out?”

“Cops knew what hotel I was staying at, and Mazie was still there. Front-desk girl directed them to my
fiancée
.”

“Wow.”

“She said sorry again, by the way. The girl feels like shit about how you two met.”

I watch Cally play in the grass with her toys. “If she’s your friend, I don’t hate her. I was just caught off guard.”

“She’s nuts. That happens a lot.”

I laugh. “Okay. But about Pops.”

“What about the asshole…”

Gray’s right to feel that way. “So, which has been bugging you—Pops dying or knowing he wasn’t your dad?”

“Actually, neither.” He pulls me under his arm and holds me close.

I love the way he smells and the way I fit in the crook of his arm, and right now, I love how I can feel how calmly his heart beats. “But something’s been up.”

“I’ve been thinking about Cally—or really, about me. If we’re going to tell her that I’m her dad, then I want to think about what kind of dad I’ll be. I’m terrified my past will come back to haunt me. But, you know, mind over matter. I won’t be Pops. I just refuse.”

My eyes slip closed. Sometimes, I can’t believe the amount of love that comes from this guy. It was like he was meant to be a dad, to make up for all the evil inflicted upon him.

Grayson’s grip flexes into my shoulder. “Think I can be a good dad, considering my example?”

“Of course you can.” I put my hand over his. “Plus, he wasn’t the only example you had growing up.”

“Ryan and I talked about your folks a bit—”

Ryan?
That catches me off guard. “You did?”

He nods, folding me to him and pressing his chin to the top of my head. “Your dad treated me like a son sometimes. Doing guy stuff. Camping, basketball practice, stuff like that.”

“I know.” Having Gray as a sort-of brother made for some confusion when we were growing up.

“But I’ve also made some bad choices. Like enlisting when I freaked out and walking away from you instead of telling you the truth.”

“That was years ago,” I say, hating that he still can’t let go of his guilt.

“They were still my decisions.” Grayson moves so that we face each other. “I want a good life with the two of you more than I want to regret my past or worry over how Pops will affect my future.”

“You can do that.”

“I have to believe if you want it badly enough…”

Deep inside, I ache for him. “The only thing you need to do is forgive yourself.” I want to beg him, to force him, but I can’t. All I can do is make sure he knows that I believe in him. “I need you to do that, Gray. For all of us.”

He stares at me in a way I can only describe as adoration. It warms me from the inside out. He needs me as much as I need him. “Grayson, however it happened, this is us. We either make progress toward our future or we drown in our excuses. You’re not going to let Pops dictate your life. Right?”

“I won’t.”

“I’ll say this as clearly as I can. The wrong choice, bad people… I don’t know, sometimes we deal with those things because they bring us to the right spot and make us ready for the future.”

He blinks. “You believe that?”

“Down to my soul, Grayson.” I watch him, willing my belief to sink into him. “And when you do too, I’ll know our life can be okay.”