Only Emma (8 page)

"He's a dreamer."

"You don't trust men."

Lissey dumped the box of canned goods on the counter. Where did he get that idea? He had it right, but…. "You've got a lot of nerve."

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"That's none of your business."

He followed her out the door, heading back to the dock. "I don't know about that. I might want to make it my business."

Her heart pounded at his words. She shivered. This was not something she expected, bargained for, even wanted. Or completely understood. Did he think she was a sucker for a good-looking man? They kept walking toward the boat but she would not meet his eye.

"You're not going to answer my question?" he asked.

"What question?"

"You know. Do you trust men? That live-aboard guy played dirty with you?"

She laughed at his choice of words. Played dirty? Leaving her pregnant, was that playing dirty? Of course, and she'd held that against every man she'd met since then. Was Peter such a bad guy? Was Jake?

She stopped on the dock and turned to face him. "Somebody did and I haven't met a man I can trust ever since."

"The guy hurt you."

"You might say that. I'm over him now, I don't give a damn anymore."

Jake shook his head. "What did he do?"

"You're a nosy so and so, aren't you?'

"Call me curious. You're not over him if you don't give a damn anymore."

Lissey blinked in surprise. His words hit home, felt absolutely true and painful. "I don't want to talk about this. Louis and I will unload the boat."

He raised an eyebrow. "You need to talk about it."

"I don't need a shrink."

"Didn't say you do, but talk to me."

"Why you?"

He shrugged and smiled. "I don't know. You intrigue me. And I'm a good listener."

She picked up a tin of tea and smiled. "You think you're hot stuff."

"What I am is beside the point. Talk to me. What did he do?"

He wasn't going to give up. What the heck, she could tell him anything she wanted, he was nobody to her. In a week or so he'd up anchor and disappear. "He promised me the moon and stars, then left me with a baby growing in my belly. He just took off and sailed away."

"That was the child who died?"

She nodded and a sob caught in her throat. Damn it, how did they get into this? She kept walking with the tea.

He stayed beside her, his arms loaded with sacks of flour.

"I'm so sorry. What was her name again?"

"Caroline." Tears threatened again but she scrunched up her eyes and shut them down. She'd cried enough in front of him.

He did not reply, just swung open the shop door as they reached it and followed her inside. Lissey headed for the kitchen.

Her mother stood at the cash register. The smile on her face died away as soon as she caught a glimpse of Lissey's expression. She started to speak but closed her mouth when Lissey shook her head. Instead, she stepped in front of Jake and blocked his path.

"What did you do?" she hissed.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Never mind, you stay away from her."

"That's a little hard—"

"Just leave her alone. Mind your own business."

Jake sighed, then nodded and set the flour down on the nearest table. "I tried—"

"She went through enough shame and pain. She doesn't need to live it all over again."

Jake opened his mouth to reply, but Lavinia cut him off again. "Just go away."

He glanced toward the kitchen, but Lissey was nowhere in sight. Emma appeared in the doorway of the shop. He opened the door, took her hand, and led her down to the dock.

Lavinia entered the kitchen. Eyes red, a tear sneaking out, Lissey stood by the oven. She knuckled the tear away.

"What did he do to you?" her mother asked.

"Nothing, Mama. He was just trying to be nice."

"You call that nice? He's got you all upset," Lavinia sputtered.

Lissey nodded. "He asked too many questions. About Caroline."

Lavinia gaped at her, a frown creasing her brow. "How did he know about her?"

"I told him the other day. Never mind, Mama, he meant no harm."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

Lissey nodded. "Yes, Mama. Now, I have to help unload the boat."

"He won't bother you anymore."

Lissey cocked an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"I told him off, told him to disappear."

Lissey's heart deflated for some reason. "You sent him away?"

"Don't sound so horrified. He had no right to upset you like that."

Didn't he? He tried to be friends, to offer sympathy when he heard her story. She hadn't really revealed her grief to anyone when Caroline died, had kept her pain and sadness to herself all these years. Who to trust. There'd been the shame of the unmarried pregnancy to deal with, and some people still hadn't forgotten that little detail even now. Jake had touched a wound that still lay open, but he'd done it with a good heart and that felt warm and strangely comforting now that the shock had worn off. "Where is he?"

"I have no idea. I told him to go away," Lavinia snapped.

Lissey left the shop and hurried down the path. All the goods she'd bought lay piled up on the dock. Louis was taking Jake and Emma out to their boat. She stopped abruptly and watched them go, realizing she would probably have been tongue-tied if she'd had a chance to talk to him. But she wanted to talk, wanted to cuddle Emma, just not feel so abandoned and alone.

Louis dropped them at their boat and headed back in. Lissey had no desire to explain herself to him, not feeling as she was at the moment. She grabbed a carton of canned goods and started for the shop. Maybe she could talk to Jake when he came in for breakfast in the morning. Or if he came ashore for dinner again this evening. She sighed. He wouldn't leave Emma with her mother again. Lavinia had put quite the end to that. And he wouldn't take the child with him to the Sea Horse either, so that took care of seeing him for dinner.

CHAPTER FOUR

Moonlight draped the room through the open shutters, but that had not a thing to do with bringing her out of sleep. Half-waking dreams, fantasies of Jake making love to her kept tumbling through her head. Pure unadulterated sex, over and over again, bringing her to orgasms that lit her on fire. She rolled over in the bed and opened her eyes, not sure where she was. Her nipples were as hard as tiny stones, and between her legs was wet, so real had the dreams been. She sighed. The man was sexy as all get out, in her imagination at least. Loving too, by golly, and her mother had chased him away. Lissey frowned and crawled out of bed.

Slipping a pair of threadbare shorts under her nightie, she stumbled out the front door, heading for the waterfront. If she couldn't sleep she had to move, do something. She got as far as the shop and, arms wrapped tight around her breasts to ward off the chill nighttime air, she leaned against a column of the verandah and stared out at the harbor. He was out there, sleeping in his boat, buried in a shadow silhouetted by the moonlight floating across the still water.

She wasn't sure, but was that his boat, that gray blob in the darkness? Jake was getting to her, clogging up her mind, a presence she could not forget. A handsome hunk of a man, below the hairline at least. That horrible red dye job, how could he think that made him inconspicuous? What would he look like when his hair grew out? She sighed. Not good, dreaming of the man in terms of lust. Huh, that was what she had going, pure unadulterated lust. No, that wasn't all of it. Her fantasy had included a wonderful, warm and caring man. Well, he was a good man, so that was entirely realistic. Not self absorbed the way Peter was either. The way he treated Emma, the man could not be sweeter. And, except for that little run in when she woke him up that first day, he'd been totally delightful with her. She laughed softly. She hadn't been a charmer that day either, so he could be forgiven for his brusqueness.

A whisper of a breeze stirred her nightie but she barely noticed. Even Mother Nature seemed to be asleep; there wasn't a ripple on the water.

She wanted to forgive him. The thought hit her like a truck. She wanted Jake Wainright. Period, no matter what. Maybe she'd be repeating the mistake she'd made with Ramon, but she was wiser now, more careful with her body and her feelings. A one night stand, take a chance with him? Why not, she'd lived like a nun these last five years. A woman had needs after all. And Jake had been wonderful all day long, in and out of the shop, trying to talk to her between customers, downing coffee after coffee, helping unload the boat with Louis, clearly trying to make an impression with her. If she wanted sex with any man who better than Jake Wainright? She didn't have to give him heart like she did with Ramon. And come to think of it, what was she forgiving him for? He'd been quite the perfect hunk all day.

She groaned. What was wrong with her head? Rationalizing about sex, calmly considering a one night romance with a guy she barely knew. If you wanted a relationship with a man there had to be a very strong chance of a future with him. Hadn't she been raised to believe that? Not to mention that she should be delirious with passion, madly in love with the man, out of her head entirely. Yeah right.

She shook her head, then smiled as the idea spun out in her imagination. She should want to do something like take a dinghy and row out to him. Slide into his bunk and wake him with a kiss. A flicker of excitement stirred her heart. Actually, that was not a bad idea. Not for the sake of lust, of course, just to spend time with him. They could cuddle in the cockpit and tell each other stories under the stars. Except she wasn't much of a story teller and Emma would wake up and that would be the end of that.

She shivered briefly in the night air. So silly, Patti would laugh at her, making such a big deal over sex. Over nothing. But sex wasn't nothing, not for her, not where her life was concerned.

She hugged herself a little tighter, not because of nighttime chill this time. It would be so lovely to feel his arms around her, feel his strong taut body warm against her own. Not tonight though, not until she could get to know him better than she had so far. Good grief, aside from trying to talk to her all day he hadn't even made a real pass at her. Her far too erotic imagination needed to be hog tied and stuffed in a closet.

A splash out on the water caught her attention. Fish feeding on the surface? Her dad would love to be out there with his rod about now. Another splash, the fishing would be good, she should wake Sam up. Then she saw it.

A shadow stumbled up the beach, dragging something. A rubber dinghy? Somebody just came ashore and here she was parading around in her nightie. She turned and started back to the house.

He, it had to be a he, he was too tall to be a woman. And besides, what would a woman be doing rowing ashore at this hour? He was heading for her house. Heading for her. Oh good gosh.

"Lissey?"

It was only a loud whisper but she knew that voice. A frisson of excitement ran through her body as he came up beside her in the faint gray light of the full moon.

"Jake?"

"Hi," he said softly.

"What are you doing rowing around in the middle of the night?"

He touched her arm, a gentle touch, but oh so intimate in the silence of the darkness.

"I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about you."

Heat rushed to her face. A good thing it was nighttime, he couldn't see the blush. "Where's Emma?"

"She's okay. Now before you get upset. I told her I was going ashore. She's got the boat horn to signal if she wants me."

"You shouldn't leave her alone."

"I told her I was going ashore to see you. She liked that."

Her breath caught in her throat. He'd had the same idea she had, but he'd acted on it. Oh wow, he wanted her. Despite the nip in the air, warmth flooded her from head to toe. Could they have some chemistry between them? A twinge of anxiety tugged at her stomach. He could be another Disappear in the Night Ramon for all she knew. Hiding out the way he was, he had more reason to sail off over the horizon than Ramon ever did. She was about to challenge him but he cut her off.

"What are you doing outside so late?" he asked.

"You're not the only one who couldn't sleep."

Silence followed briefly before he murmured, "Unfinished business."

"What?"

"Insomnia. You have something on your mind."

"I sleep very well, thank you."

His head bobbed in a nod. "Except tonight. Are you worried about something?"

"No, I'm fine." No way would she tell him about her randy dreams and that lovely little dinghy fantasy.

He touched her arm again, a soft brush of fingers that set her heart to dancing.

"I wanted to see you." He hesitated and then went on. "I wanted to spend time with you without angry mothers and noisy motors getting in the way. I thought we could walk the beach or watch the stars together."

Flustered by his words, she bit her lip. He obviously liked her and by gosh, even if he'd simply come ashore looking for sex, she'd had the same idea, hadn't she? Although, if that was all he wanted he must think she was easy. Had she done anything to give him that impression? She hoped not. Stargazing with him sounded like a very sweet idea though.

He chuckled, a lovely sound in the darkness. If only she could see his expression clearly. He seemed to be smiling; she hoped he was.

"What do you say? Want to walk with me?" he asked.

Her breath caught. She stared at him in the faint light of the moon. There was no smile, no leering grin on his face. A smidgeon of a breeze ruffled her cotton nightie, but she felt no chill, only the warmth of his body standing so close beside her. She could reach out and stroke his cheek with a twist of her hand but she resisted the impulse. Her once bold desire to seduce him was no more.

"Where do you want to walk?"

He laughed softly. "We don't have much choice. Either the road or on the beach. I'd say the beach."

A stroll on the beach with him sounded wonderful. How much trouble could she get into taking a walk? "Okay."

He put his hand to her back and nudged her toward the ocean, the push no more than what a man might do when dancing. Once they were moving, he broke that contact and reached for her hand instead,

He didn't say a word for a long moment and then spoke in such a soft murmur she could barely hear his words. "The moon is really bright tonight."

Lissey glanced up at the sky. The moon seemed quite normal to her.

"I'll have to take you for a moonlight sail one of these days," he went on.

Her pulse quickened. That sounded like a romantic invitation. Except for one minor detail. "With Emma?"

"Sure. She can captain the boat for us." He chuckled softly.

"You're not serious. Are you?"

"Sort of. I would like to take you for a moonlight sail though."

"With Emma on the boat? That's a horrible thing to do with a child."

"Whoa, I'm not talking about doing anything we'd need to be ashamed of."

"Oh." Heat rushed to her cheeks. Thank goodness he couldn't see it in the darkness.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "You were getting some risqué ideas, I think."

"I just—I misunderstood you."

He squeezed again. "Good, I'm glad you did. Now I know you're open to the idea."

Lissey was pretty sure she knew what idea he meant, but she wasn't going to encourage him any more than she already had. She was considering a reply when he spoke again.

"Were you born on the island?"

Odd change of topic, where had that come from? "We moved here when I was in high school."

"From?"

"Where did we move from? The States, New Jersey. My father was disgusted with corporate life and wanted to get rich."

"You don't live like you're very wealthy."

Lissey laughed sardonically. "Not even close."

"Ever give a thought to leaving?"

"The island? Once in a while. Why?" Where was he going with this? It was no business of his if she wanted to go back to the States. She'd probably never get there anyway with her parents depending on her as they did.

"I think you're pretty special."

She drew in a deep breath. He had an agenda; this was a time to be careful. Strolling the beach in the moonlight, stargazing with this man, was not wise. It held all kinds of possibilities and implications, losing her heart to him as she had to Caroline's father being one of them. He was too attractive and he was growing on her. She should go back to the house, but instead of a "goodnight" very different words tumbled from her lips. "Thank you but I'm very ordinary."

He said not a word, but took her hand in his as they neared the velvety sand close by the water's edge. She walked in silence for a moment, content to feel the warmth of his strong hand in hers.

"You're anything but ordinary, Lissey. You're beautiful inside and out. The more I see of you the more I want to be with you."

A frisson of excitement stole up her back. "Don't, please don't."

"What?"

How could she tell him? He put her heart in turmoil, joy and desire and fear spinning like a top. She'd gone walkabout wishing for a bit of fun with him tonight, but she was losing control of her emotions. But if she told him that she'd be completely vulnerable. What could she say?

He waited and when she didn't respond he murmured, "A penny for your thoughts."

"I can't deal with this. You mustn't talk like that. Talk about yourself."

He sighed. "Okay. I still feel like I'm married."

"You told me your wife was dead," she whispered, her heart stumbling in her chest. Hadn't she checked the woman's accident report herself?

"I know. I'm sorry. My heart hasn't let her go yet."

He began to talk about his wife, how they used to lie on a blanket in their yard during the summer months and talk and enjoy the night sky. How they used to sail together and take long walks together and play pinochle with friends. How thrilled they'd been when Emma was born.

"Diane was expecting again when she was killed," he said softly.

"Oh. How terrible."

"She'd just told me she was pregnant again."

Lissey nodded in the darkness, not sure what to say.

"We were thrilled. Emma was going to have a little brother or sister."

"You didn't know which it was yet?"

"No, it was too early for an ultrasound." He went silent for a moment then added, "She was so happy. Until that damned drunk killed her."

Lissey squeezed his hand. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, sending a gentle wave of warmth rushing to her heart.

He went on. "I can't forgive that bastard."

"Did he go to jail?"

"Six months, that was all." Jake sighed and Lissey let him ramble on, her own thoughts churning. What was he trying to tell her? His wife was still alive to him; she'd find no place in his life? It was almost as if his wife walked there on the beach between them, a partner Lissey would never see the end of. Or was he looking for permission to make love to her? The idea flashed through her mind, startling in its intensity.