One Wore Blue (17 page)

She hugged her pillow close to her body. She walked to the window, wondering if he would appear beneath it again. But he did not, and the cold of the evening swept around her. She closed the window and stepped back. She lay back on her bed, again hugging her pillow to herself.

At last, she slept.

If the day ended in a tumult, her night was haunted by the sweetest of dreams.

Kiernan had barely opened her eyes when she heard Lacey calling to her excitedly, “Kiernan! Come down. We’ve company!”

She leaped up, her hands shaking. It was Jesse, she was certain, and Daniel. They’d come back for breakfast.

She washed hastily and searched through the gowns she had brought. She decided on a soft green gown with a sweeping wide skirt and a green velvet jacket. The sleeves were elegantly large beneath the elbows, while the jacket was snugly fitted. She struggled a bit with her corset since Lacey was not available to help her, and a sudden nervousness caused her to fumble. How would she greet him today? Would it be different to see him?

Yes, it would never be the same again.

At last she was dressed. She picked up her brush to do something dignified and elegant with her hair, but she hadn’t time and besides, her fingers were trembling. She brushed it out over her shoulder, then swept it into a simple coil at her nape. Its honey color was caught by rays of light and glistened with gold highlights. She stared at her reflection and bit her lips for color. Her cheeks were already flaming. Her eyes, brilliant with her reckless excitement, were flashing like emeralds.

She couldn’t blush so!

She was furious at him, she reminded herself, and she had to remain furious at him.

She gave her hair one last pat, then spun around with her skirt swirling and headed for the stairs. She forced herself to walk slowly and came down the staircase with commendable decorum.

Her heart was thundering. Jesse was back.

But Jesse was not back. Her heart swung heavily against the wall of her chest as she reached the landing in the parlor.

“Kiernan!”

It was Anthony who called her name, and it was Anthony
and his father and her father and Lacey’s husband who had all come back this morning.

Her father, whom she loved dearly. His misty gray eyes were upon her, damp with emotion, and his wrinkled and weathered cheeks split into a glad smile of appreciation. She knew instantly that he had heard of the trouble at Harpers Ferry and that he had worried himself sick over her.

“Papa!” she whispered.

Although she had really been longing for Jesse, she ran to her father.

She didn’t reach him. Anthony said her name again and stepped forward. She found herself plummeting into Anthony’s arms as he rushed toward her.

“Kiernan, oh, sweet Kiernan! You’re here, you’re well, you’re unhurt!”

She looked up at him. Anthony Miller was a handsome man with golden hair that had a tendency to curl. His eyes were a soft brown like the hue of mahogany. His features were lean and finely honed.

And his concern for her was real and deep. She read it in the anguish that tightened his face and burned in his eyes. She would have pulled away from him except that guilt suddenly and swiftly tore through her. She couldn’t marry him, she knew that, but she couldn’t hurt him either.

She set her hands upon his arms and smiled, then reached for his cheek to reassure him. “I’m fine, Anthony. Absolutely fine.” She had never realized how deeply he cared for her until now, when she was going to hurt him so deeply.

“Oh dear, there’s the door again!” Lacey murmured, and hurried to see to the rapping.

Anthony didn’t release Kiernan.

He pulled her closer, crushing her to his chest. His chin rested upon the top of her head, and she felt his trembling as his fingers smoothed over her hair, cradling her head. There couldn’t have been a more tender picture of concern.

It was then that she heard Jesse’s voice.

“Excuse us. It seems that we’re interrupting.”

She pulled back quickly, meeting Anthony’s eyes first, then turning to see Jesse and Daniel. Jesse was greeting
Kiernan’s father, but his eyes were on her, blazing blue orbs of condemnation.

Damn him! He must realize that she couldn’t possibly be cruel to Anthony!

“Jesse, my son, you’re not interrupting us in any way!” Kiernan’s father told him, taking his hand and clapping him on the back. “I’ve not had a chance to greet my own daughter yet, what with young love and all, but you lads are always welcome.”

“Indeed,” Jesse said pleasantly, smiling at her expectantly. “Young love. How touching.”

She wanted to throttle him. He stood shaking her father’s hand, staring at her.

Lacey was suddenly back in the room, bearing a silver tray with small wineglasses upon it. “My very best blackberry wine, gentlemen. And lady!” She acknowledged Kiernan with a wide, brimming smile. “We must celebrate, everyone being here and well and beneath my roof!”

“Hear, hear!” Daniel said, laughing and availing himself quickly of a glass.

Kiernan wasn’t sure how or when, but at last she was disengaged from Anthony. She hugged her father fiercely, realizing that she was heartily glad to see him again.

But then she found herself uncomfortably close to Jesse. His head bent low, he whispered to her.

“Haven’t quite told him that you’re not marrying him?”

She lifted her chin, smiling, trying to appear every bit as casual as Jesse did.

“Why, Captain Cameron, I haven’t even begun to make up my mind about such things as yet!”

“Perhaps you should. Soon.”

“Perhaps you should see to your own affairs, Captain. To my mind, they are in grave disarray.”

“Perhaps I should ask your father for your hand. Perhaps we should bare our souls before him—and about the other things that have recently been bared.”

She swung around, seeing amusement in his eyes.

And a warning.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Kiernan, I’d dare anything, you know that.”

“But you won’t, please. For my sake.”

He inhaled sharply, watching her, and she knew that she had hit the proper note with him. Jesse
would
dare anything. But pleading with him had a different effect.

For the moment, she was safe.

Safe? But she loved him!

And she hated him for the stand he was taking.

Lacey soon had everyone seated. John Mackay and Thomas Donahue and Andrew and Anthony Miller all demanded to hear the details of everything that had happened in their absence.

“It was right distressing to be in the mountains hearing about the things going on down here,” John Mackay said. “Right distressing. Word was so vague. One minute, the whole town was up in arms. The next minute, it was nothing but a little bitty skirmish. Daughter,” he told Kiernan, shaking his head, “I’ll not be so quick to leave you alone again, ever.”

“Pa, I’m just fine,” Kiernan said.

“Thanks to Captain Cameron,” Lacey murmured vaguely. Kiernan froze. Lacey looked up and realized that everyone was staring at her. “Oh, I am sorry!” she said with distress.

“Lacey Donahue, what are you talking about?” John Mackay demanded. He was on his feet facing Lacey, who looked as if she were about to cry. John swung around on Kiernan. “Young lady, what is she talking about?” He didn’t wait for Kiernan to answer, but swung on Jesse. “By the soul of my dear friend, your departed father, young man, I demand an answer.”

Jesse shrugged and looked at Kiernan, giving her the option to answer.

“Oh, Pa, it was nothing, really. A few of those scoundrels surprised Lacey and me, and they decided that I would make a good hostage.”

“Lord!” Anthony exclaimed in horror.

“But nothing happened!” Kiernan insisted. “Jesse came along, and they took off. It was nothing, really.”

“Nothing, really! Why young woman, I do hope you displayed a proper gratitude to Jesse.”

“John,” Jesse murmured. His eyes were on Kiernan again, and she didn’t much like either the amusement or the hint of danger within them. “I assure you, Kiernan displayed a gratitude unequal to any I have ever known.”

Damn him! Her cheeks were flaming, but she determined to fight fire with fire. She smiled sweetly for her father. “Indeed, Father, I thanked him fully. After all, Jesse was such an incredible … gentleman.”

“One cannot say enough for your daughter’s strength and courage and … passion, sir!”

Oh, if only she could throw something!

But suddenly Anthony stood up and faced Jesse. “Captain, I am in your debt. I am ever so beholden to you!” Emotion trembled in his voice.

Jesse looked at Anthony, and for a long moment Kiernan thought that he would explode with some damning words.

But he did not.

Beholden indeed, Jesse thought. Anthony, you poor fool, you owe me nothing. I took what was dear to you on your very own property, and now we are both here playing to her whimsy.

He leaned back, sipped his drink, and replied casually, “Kiernan and I are old friends, Anthony. I happened along at the right time.” He sat forward, and his eyes met Kiernan’s again. “Heaven might have found some pity for Mr. Brown after all, had he managed to seize Kiernan.” He smiled to take the sting—and the truth!—from his words. “Perhaps we’d never have needed to storm the place had he snared Kiernan. She’d have given him a political tongue-lashing and sent him running instantly to surrender!”

John Mackay roared with laughter, while Anthony looked uncertain. Kiernan cast daggers upon Jesse with her eyes, and Lacey hastily refilled the glasses.

Kiernan’s father sobered. “Still, Jesse Cameron, in truth, we are in your debt. All ended well here, but you young people do not remember the Nat Turner rebellion in the Tidewater region back in ’31. Fifty were killed then, dragged
from their beds and murdered. Women and children. Bless the good Lord that a like thing did not happen here.”

They were all silent. Kiernan glanced at Jesse, and he watched her very soberly.

Jesse, I
am
grateful for everything! she thought. And I do love you.

But there was no way to let him know her thoughts. Nor did she want to—he was holding himself away from her and from everything that he should profess to love.

His somber eyes did not leave hers as talk continued.

Though he was invited, Jesse declined dinner. He swept his hat off to wish them all a good day.

There was nothing that Kiernan could do then but watch him leave the house. She felt a touch on her shoulder. It was Anthony. He put his arm around her. “My God, Kiernan, you’re safe!” he whispered. “It is all that I prayed for, night and day, since we heard the news. I vowed my life for yours, but there was no way to give it.”

I can’t marry you, Anthony, she thought. The words were in her heart and on her lips.

But she couldn’t say them, not now. She forced a smile, and feeling ill, she returned inside with Anthony.

Daniel Cameron had remained. He told them that their trip to Pleasant Valley the night before had yielded no sign of rebellion. “Just sleepy farmers and slaves who were afraid of John Brown more than they were intrigued by him.”

“So it’s really over with then,” John Mackay said with satisfaction.

“All but the trial and the hanging,” Daniel said.

The men continued talking, and Kiernan realized that Daniel was watching her closely.

She pleaded exhaustion and fled from them all, upstairs to the haven of her room.

In the morning she learned that Jesse had been called back to Washington.

Kiernan didn’t see Jesse again until John Brown’s trial, which began on October 27.

Brown had been brought to Charles Town, which lay a
few miles from Harpers Ferry, the day after his capture. He and four other captured raiders were arraigned on the twenty-fifth, and the next day they were indicted for treason against the Commonwealth of Virginia, for conspiring with slaves to rebel, and for murder. Each defendant pleaded not guilty, and each asked for a separate trial.

The trials began with Brown’s.

John Mackay was determined to attend, as were Anthony and Andrew Miller and Thomas Donahue.

They all frowned upon Kiernan’s attending, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be there herself.

But she knew that Jesse would be there. She was certain that the prosecution would demand that he be on hand if they needed him as a witness.

Anthony had remained very kind. She did love him, she realized, as a very dear and important friend, one whom she would never injure, if it was in her power to avoid it. There would one day be a way to talk him. But for now she managed to evade his determination to propose an engagement. When he pressed her, she came up with the excuse that she hadn’t received all the education that she desired.

“Kiernan,” he had told her politely one evening, “we are not getting any younger.”

He didn’t mean
we
—he meant
her
. For some reason, men were allowed to marry at any age they chose. He was, as always, unerringly tactful in reminding her that she was already eighteen, several years older than most women in her social class were when they married.

“Then Anthony, perhaps you should look elsewhere.”

“We’ll speak of it later,” he assured her quickly. “Kiernan, take your time, study where you will. All the more will you grace my house.”

“Anthony, I am not sure—”

“There is no other woman I could want.”

“Anthony,” she said in a rush, “I’m not sure that I love you.”

“But I love you. Enough for both of us. Kiernan, nothing that you can say will dissuade me.”

Not even the fact that I have slept with another man? she wondered in silence.

Or that I love that other man? Have always loved him?

She knew that she had to speak the truth. But she didn’t know how to do it without wounding him.

When they arrived at the Charles Town courtroom, she knew that she should have been more decisive. Anthony was escorting her when she looked across the room and saw that Jesse had already arrived—and that he was watching her upon Anthony’s arm.

It was amazing that he had spotted her so quickly, she thought. The courtroom was packed.