One With the Shadows (33 page)

“Aren’t you coming?” she called, but it was too late. He was gone. Around her, sand shushed against the tent, and the wind howled and plucked at the canvas. The air was thick with dust, which only slowly settled, laying a fine grit over everything. The tent was dim, the sun that would normally cast a light through the canvas almost blotted out by the storm. She stood, unnerved and alone except for some muffled shouts that sounded weak against the backdrop of the wind. She pressed her lips together, frightened. The fury of the storm dwarfed their puny efforts to prepare for it. She’d always considered herself brave. But that was in the face of bad men, hunger, the disapproval of society, an uncertain future. Now the very elements that made up the earth seemed to be going mad around her. Her imagination began to cycle. What if Gian was buried in sand before he could get back to the tent? What if the wind ripped the tent and her mouth and nose and lungs were filled with sand? The shouts outside were gone, either lost in the wind, or the men who made them silenced.

But she had a job to do. The wind was fluttering swirls of sand under the edge of the tent. She threw herself to her knees, pulled the excess canvas at the bottom of the tent walls to the inside and heaved sand onto it in great, two-handed scoops. That made the tent walls sturdier. She worked with all her strength, edging around until she’d circumnavigated the tent.

Then she was done, with nothing to do but wait and listen to the wind attacking the tent. It covered her gasps in overwhelming sound. She found herself shivering, though the heat was oppressive inside the tent. She couldn’t sit. She just stood there, trembling. It seemed like forever until a whoosh of sand eddied in at the tent door. Gian stumbled in, pulling a horse with him.

“Tie the flap,” he shouted. Already the air in the tent was filled with swirling sand.

She didn’t need to be told twice. With fumbling fingers she found the ties. Her eyes stung with sand. He was beside her, pulling the flap taut against the force of the wind. Lord, but he was strong. The eddies of sand and air died as she tied the overlapping flaps shut.

“My God, Gian, are you all right?” She pushed back the hood of his burnoose and ran her hands over his face. It was caked with sand. His hair was full of it.

He nodded, gasping, and bent over, hands on his knees. Then he straightened and went to the horse, who was sneezing and shaking his head. It was his dapple-gray. Gian took a cloth from the pack and wiped the horse’s nostrils and dabbed at his eyes. “There, better?” he asked the animal, and wiped his own face and neck. He tapped the horse’s knees and the beast sank to the ground. He practically filled the tent. Gian looked up at her and shrugged. “I couldn’t leave him out there. He wasn’t hobbled or his eyes protected. He never would have lasted.”

“You don’t see me objecting.” She cleared her throat. “My … camel?” Her voice sounded small over the wind clawing at the tent. She began to shiver again.

“They’re pretty hardy creatures.” He didn’t make any promises. His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. He bent to the pack and brought out two water sacks, some packets of food wrapped in cloth. He handed her a water sack. “Drink some of this.”

The water was warm and tasted of leather as she squeezed it into her mouth. But it was heaven. “How long will the storm last?” A quiver laced her voice. Where had that come from?

“No telling.” He rubbed some water over his face and wiped it with the cloth again. “This looks like a big one, though.” He took the water bag over to the horse and squeezed some into the side of its mouth. Its thick tongue snaked out to lick its lips. He glanced back to her. “We should have enough water to last if we’re careful.” He sat. There were no bedrolls or brightly colored rugs to cover the sand. She realized how much luxury he had provided for her up to now. “Come.” He patted the place next to him.

She sat and hugged her knees.

“Now, I’m going to feed you dates while you talk to me.”

“Talk? What about?” How could the man want conversation when the world was going insane around them?

“Anything you like.” He popped a date into his own mouth. “Take my mind off the situation, you know.”

“Oh.” Well, she could do that. It never occurred to her he might need comfort, or that such an arrogant creature would ever admit it. He offered her a date. She had grown to like the sweet, chewy dried fruit. They tasted like dessert, only you could eat them all the time, but her stomach rebelled at the very thought of food. She shook her head. “I’m not going to shout,” she warned.

“Settle in closer. That way I can hear you.” He put his arm around her. In spite of the heat, it felt good. She had to admit that. Nothing could protect her against the force of the wind, if ever it tore its way through the tent walls. But if she had to die, she could think of worse places to do it than in Gian Urbano’s arms, even if he didn’t love her. Even if he was something supernatural.

“I never believed in the supernatural, you know.” She had to start somewhere and it was the only thing that occurred to her.

“I find that odd.” His voice was so intimate, breathing into her ear. “You who are the most supernatural creature I have ever met.”

“Me!” She chuffed a laugh. “This from a vampire.”

“But I think myself very natural.” He made it sound reasonable.

“I suppose you wouldn’t think your powers abnormal since you grew up with them.”

“Leaving aside the word ‘abnormal’ for a moment, since I do not cede you that, perhaps that’s why you don’t consider yourself supernatural.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t supernatural. These visions I have are definitely beyond the norm. I only said it was ridiculous for a vampire to call me the most supernatural creature he’d ever met.” A thought occurred to her. “Besides, I’m not sure the abnormal part is even me. I never had a vision until the stones.
They
are the supernatural force. They ruined my entire life.”

“Ruined…” He sounded sad. Then she felt him straighten. “But you didn’t have the emerald when you had the vision of Elyta torturing me. That was the first night I met you.”

“Oh, dear.” He was right. She
had
been possessed by visions before she stole the stone. “Maybe it’s you that induces this … effect in me. It must be something. I’m a charlatan, remember? Really quite ordinary.”

“Hardly ordinary, Kate. You are a charlatan of the first order.” He chuckled. They sat there, him holding her, listening to the angry, howling wind. Kate realized she’d stopped shivering. The hard feel of his body against her side was having its usual effect. God, but the man could make her crazy for him even in the middle of a sandstorm. How long had it been since they had been intimate? Since the chapel …

He kissed the top of her head. “I’ve an idea. Tell me what you first remember.”

“Why?”

“Can you just humor me for once without bickering about it?”

“I wasn’t bickering.” She looked up, feeling mulish, and saw the warning look in his eyes. “Oh, very well.” She took a breath. She had told no one about that time before Sir found her, not the sisters, not Matthew. “The first thing I remember is waking up in a trash heap behind a tavern.”

She could practically hear him thinking. “But you were what, six, you said? Most people can remember lots of things before they were six.”

“Well, I can’t.”

“I think you’re just not saying to spite me.”

“I wouldn’t dare spite you. Defy the great Urbano? Hardly.” Still, it was hard to feel rebellious cradled in his arms. She chewed her lip, thinking.

“For most people, the first thing they remember is a face.”

She wasn’t most people. Still … “I guess I remember a face.” It was just a vague outline though. She didn’t even know whose face.

“Man or woman?” he murmured.

“A woman.” Fear began to circle her. “She smelled like lavender.” Lavender came rushing over her. Kate began to breathe hard.

“Is it a nice memory?”

Kate shook her head. She didn’t want to remember this. She knew she didn’t. But the smell of lavender was everywhere, and the woman’s face. And she knew who the woman was and why she looked like that. She began to shake. “No. No … I don’t want to do this.”

But she couldn’t help it. The memories were rushing over her now. “My God, she’s shocked. I think she was shocked at … at me.” But there was more, much more. “I remember … her arguing with a man. They were shouting.” And then some floodgates within her burst, or perhaps it was the wind bursting through the tent walls and into her soul. “They were arguing about … me.” Memories whirled in her head like sand. “And he said I was unnatural and he wouldn’t have me around, and she … she said she had no one to whom she could give me. She promised him I wouldn’t say anything about what I’d seen anymore. And he said she’d promised that before, and I always blurted out something and frightened everyone. And he said he was tired of being put out of their lodgings because of me. And I was just a girl, and who would they marry me off to, with what I was?” The scene replayed itself, and Kate couldn’t stop it. “And then she cried and said she loved him. And that … she’d get rid of me…” Kate’s voice had sunk to a whisper. Surely Gian couldn’t hear her, but it was all she could manage. She felt scoured out inside. She couldn’t even cry, perhaps because in those first days after the trash heap, she’d cried so much. Maybe that was why she never cried when Matthew beat her, or when Sir shut her out in the cold because she hadn’t come back with anything to sell.

Gian squeezed her shoulders and leaned his cheek against the top of her head.

“They abandoned me because I was having visions even then, didn’t they?”

“Yes. And you suppressed your visions because they made people you loved, and who were supposed to love and care for you, abandon you.”

The roar of the storm was far away. There was enough roaring inside her. She had to master that before she could think about the storm. She realized she’d stopped breathing when her lungs heaved a breath of their own accord. “You’re so lucky your mother loved you. She still loves you.” She felt wrung out, exhausted.

“Yes, I am. Vampires often abandon their children. It’s a perversion of the Rule that says we live one to a city. I was lucky. My mother kept me by her. When my powers came on me at sixteen, she taught me how to manage everything raging inside me. You know how sixteen-year-old males can be.” He took a breath. “Young male vampires are worse. Then she sent me to Siena, only fifty miles away. She came to see me often.”

“And what of your father? Did he and your mother not stay together?”

“They couldn’t. Not for more than fifty years. He was human.” Gian’s voice was rough.

So many questions dodged about her head. “Is that why your mother could have you? I mean, you said having a child was rare … for your kind.”

“Probably.”

“So, you never knew your father at all.”

“Quite the contrary. I watched him grow old and die like any human child. He taught me how to grow grapes on our estates at Montalcino. I loved him. But I’ve never forgiven him for breaking my mother’s heart.” His voice got far away now, following his thoughts back in time. “He was taken as a slave from a Barbarian army in the first century before Christ. She bought him, freed him, and married him. Sometimes I thought I’d give my canine teeth to have known them when they were courting—what it was about him that made her crazy for him. I can never imagine him being her slave. But that would have been interesting to say the least. It almost killed her to watch him age. She’s never found another love to match that one with him.”

In almost a thousand years. The enormity of his mother’s love for his father, for him, the length of his own life, dwarfed her own pale experience. She found herself depressed. What could someone who lived but a single lifetime offer to someone who had experienced everything? And yet, his mother fell in love with a man who lived and died in a single life span. “Why didn’t she just infect him with the parasite?”

“It is forbidden. If every one of us made vampires every time we fell in love, just think what would happen. People separate, then think themselves in love again. Then ones made would make others, and soon our world would be unsustainable.”

Interesting problem. “Can … your kind drink other vampires’ blood?”

“No. Very old ones can drink the blood of the newly made. But Companions of the same strength war with each other.”

That was it then. No wonder it was forbidden. She felt very inconsequential. Then her usual rebellious spirit rose inside her. “Mr. Rufford is made, and he made Beth.”

“And they’d be dead today at a born vampire’s hands if he hadn’t saved us all by killing Asharti. They are the exception that proves the Rule. And the Rules are all that stands between us and chaos.” He made his voice hard. The rebellion she felt growing inside her might crash in waves against the stone behind that tone and never crack it.

Realization washed over her. “So … is the pain you saw your mother experience why you never keep a lover for long?” Of course it was. It didn’t matter what he said. He never let himself get attached to avoid the pain he’d seen all around him growing up.

She felt him stiffen. He said nothing.

After a moment she just went on. “So why don’t you find one of your own kind?”

“One to a city, remember?”

More rules.

“Sometimes we get together briefly, but it doesn’t last.”

“That’s why Elyta hates you, isn’t it?” He had abandoned Elyta, in fact, but she didn’t say that. Still, it sent a chill through her. Maybe she could understand Elyta’s wrath.

“Yes. But she also hates the fact that Mother cares for me. Her mother cast her off.”

“Oh, that’s rare.” Kate snorted. “Now I have something in common with Elyta.”

“No.” He pulled her close. “You are strong. You didn’t let it twist you. She did.”

“But I am twisted, I think.” Her voice was small in her own ears. Maybe the fact that she was abandoned as a child was why she was so afraid of Matthew abandoning her. She had never let herself care for him, even though he said he was her father. Could one care for Matthew? Perhaps not, but she had never tried, and right now, that seemed to be because she didn’t want his inevitable abandonment to hurt more than it must.