49
Christmas Day, December 25
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By eight o'clock Christmas morning every member of the Rowan family but Becca had gathered around the tree for the Secret Santa exchange. Nora had knocked on the door of the den, and when she'd gotten no answer, and feeling a bit concerned, she had gone inside only to find her granddaughter in a deep sleep. Nora was loathe to wake herâshe looked so peacefulâbut the family was waiting anxiously.
Once woken, Becca had promised to join the others as quickly as was possible. Ten minutes later she took a seat in the living room. She knew that her familyâwell, David at leastâprobably expected her to ruin Christmas morning by breaking her promise and making a dramatic announcement. She wished she could ease their worries by a look or a signal, but she acknowledged to herself that she needed every moment she could get to gather the courage she knew it would take to give her gift to her daughterâwho was to remain her niece as long as need be, even if that meant forever.
The proceedings began. The twins, young enough to be exempt from the exchange, were given their gifts first so that they would be occupied while the adults shared their own gifts. “Wait your turn” were words that fell on deaf ears when you were eight years old and it was Christmas morning. Together Michael and Malcolm tore open several boxes containing the robot building sets they'd been clamoring for since the first television ads had hit the airwaves in late October. David mumbled something about the stuff being a waste of plastic, but the boys were oblivious to their father's disapproval.
Among the adults, there was in place a long-standing order of gift-giving. It seemed to Becca to be based on little more than habit. First Nora gave her gift, then Steve gave his, and it went on from there. Becca was the one to give hers last.
Nora handed a rectangular package to Naomi, who carefully removed the ivy-printed paper without a tear. Inside was a beautiful wool cardigan Nora had knitted for her.
“It's my favorite shade of blue,” Naomi exclaimed. “Thank you, Nora. I can't wait to wear it. I'll put it on as soon as I get out of my nightgown after breakfast.”
Rain also approved. “The color is perfect with your eyes, Mom,” she said. “And that beige scarf you have, the one Dad bought you, that will work really well with the sweater.”
Naomi rolled her eyes. “My fashion consultant.”
“I wish! If you let me, I could do a total makeover. You wouldn't even recognize yourself.”
“Uh, thanks, I think. But I'm fine the way I am.”
Steve was the next to give his gift. He'd drawn James in the Secret Santa exchange, and gave him a cookbook entitled
Around the Hearth.
“You mentioned it the last time you were here,” Steve said. “I hope you haven't bought it in the meantime.”
“No, I haven't. And thanks very much.” James looked to his wife. “I look forward to making Olivia something special when we get home.”
Becca noted this exchange. Maybe something good had happened between her sister and brother-in-law last night. One could only hope.
“Merry Christmas, Becca,” Julie said, interrupting her daughter's thoughts. “And I'm certain this is something you don't have.”
She handed Becca a thin, white envelope. Puzzled, Becca opened it. She smiled. Her mother was just not going to give up on her mission to force her daughter to have a life. And maybe that was a good thing.
“What is it, Aunt Becca?” Rain asked.
“It's a subscription to a travel magazine.
The Happy Traveler
.”
“Are you going somewhere?”
“Let's hope so!” Julie said. “All work and no playâ”
“I get the hint,” Becca said, but nicely. “Thanks, Mom, really.”
Becca caught her brother eyeing her after this exchange; he looked tense. She smiled what she intended to be an open, friendly smile. David frowned and looked away. Olivia was presenting him with a package. In his usual manner, David tore the wrapping off the gift and tossed it aside. There was no reusing wrapping paper once David had been at it.
“It's a book on genealogy,” he announced.
Becca thought Olivia seemed suddenly embarrassed. “I'm sorry,” she said. “It's probably not your sort of thing. I'll give you the receipt and you can exchange it.”
David, as he'd been known to do, rose to the occasion. “You know what, Liv?” he said. “I'm going to read it. If studying the family's past is so important to you, I'd like to know more about it. Thanks.”
James squeezed his wife's shoulder. “It's my turn,” he said. “Merry Christmas, Julie.”
Julie accepted an oddly shaped package from her son-in-law.
“What is it, Mom?” Lily asked.
“Well, let me get the paper off first and I'll tell you!”
It was a new leash and collar for Hank.
“I noticed the one he's wearing now isn't in the best of shape,” James explained.
“And he knows how you hate to spend money until it's absolutely necessary!”
“David!” Julie cried in mock offense. “Are you saying I'm cheap?”
“Not at all, Mom. Justâexceptionally frugal.”
“Well, anyway, thank you, James. This is a very thoughtful gift. Hank! Come here, boy!”
Ever the attentive companion, Hank bounded up from where he'd been curled on a braided rug and went to Julie.
“Now me,” David announced. “I wrapped it myself.”
Nora grinned. “Yes,” she said, accepting her grandson's gift. “I can tell.” Inside the lumpy package covered in garish purple paper were a few skeins of very good wool. Even Becca, who'd never held a knitting needle but who knew how to shop, recognized the quality.
“David,” Nora said after a moment of emotion, “I know I should say âyou shouldn't have,' but the truth is I'm very glad you did. This is lovely. Thank you very much.”
“And now . . .” Naomi handed Lily a neatly wrapped package. Inside was a slim, brown leather envelope for storing or carrying papers.
“I know it seems a bitâcorporate,” she said. “But you are going to law school next year so . . .”
“It's gorgeous,” Lily cried. “And so soft!”
“My friend Sally and her husband are leather workers. See? Your initials are on the bottom there.”
“This is so special, Naomi. I don't know what to say.”
“Just say that you'll be the best, most honest and hardworking lawyer you can be.”
Lily looked at her father and smiled. “Just like Dad.”
“My turn.” Rain hopped up and gave her grandfather a package wrapped in candy cane paper.
Becca felt a swell of pride as Rain planted a kiss on her grandfather's forehead.
“Merry Christmas, Grandpa. I hope you like it.”
“If it's from you,” he said, “of course I'll like it.”
“What is it?” Julie asked when her husband unwrapped a square box.
“It's an add-on light diffuser for the built-in flash on my camera,” Steve explained. “But, Rain, how did you know I wanted one?”
Rain grinned. “I overheard you talking to Alex when we were here at Thanksgiving. I hope you didn't buy it for yourself already!”
“No, no. But what were you doing eavesdropping, young lady?”
Rain laughed at her grandfather's mock-stern tone. “Have you heard how loud Alex talks? You can't help but overhear at least his part of a conversation even if you're two rooms away!”
Becca smiled to herself. Yes, Alex didn't exactly speak in a whisper. He was not a person who insinuated. He was a person who barged. It occurred to her that there seemed little to fear from someone so open.
It was Lily's turn to give her Secret Santa gift. She handed Olivia a small, simply wrapped box. Inside was a pin, oval in shape, set with a large blue stone Becca couldn't identify. From the bottom of the pin hung delicate metal fringe, and on its top was a small cluster of pearls.
“It's an antique,” Lily explained, perhaps unnecessarily, as the peculiar style of the ornament announced its age. “I got it at one of the antique shops on Charles Street. I know it's not from our family, but, well, I thought you might like it anyway.”
“I do like it, Lily,” Olivia said. “Thank you.” She turned to James and asked him to attach the pin to her sweater. Becca noticedâas did the others, she was sureâthat Olivia looked at her husband's face with appreciation as he attached the pin. Yes, she thought, something good definitely had happened between them. For James's sake, she was glad. Okay, and for her sister's sake, too.
And then, finally, it was Becca's turn to give her gift. She figured that by then, everyone had concluded she'd drawn Rain in the Secret Santa. And she assumed that David still fully expected her to ruin this happy Christmas morning with a big announcement. The deep frown on his unshaven face told her as much.
Well, she was sorry to disappoint him.
“Merry Christmas, Rain,” she said, leaning over to pass the girl a large rectangular package wrapped in heavy marbled paper. “Open the card first.”
Becca could feel the tension radiating from her brother. His wife could, too, because she took his hand to comfort him.
“ âThe merriest of Christmases,' ” Rain read, “ âand the happiest of years to come, Your Always Loving Aunt Becca.' Oh, I can't wait to see what it is!”
Rain tore at the wrapping in much the same way her father had torn at the wrapping on his present. Becca smiled to see the similarity in habit. In a moment, Rain was holding up a pair of leather boots in a style currently popular with teen fashionistas. Personally, Becca thought they were hideous.
“Oh, Aunt Becca, thank you! I absolutely love them! How did you know I was dying for a pair of BoHos?”
“Your mom mentioned it in passing about a month ago. I was going to wait until your birthday, but when I drew your name in the Secret Santa, well, I figured, why wait?”
Becca hoped her message had been received. She thought that it had. David's face looked downright slack with relief. She struggled not to cry. She knew that if she allowed one tear to come, many, many others would follow.
Naomi, however, allowed her tears to flow.
“Mom,” Michael said, looking up from the plastic robot villain he was already assembling, “why are you crying?”
Naomi blew her nose loudly on a tissue Nora had passed her and managed a clogged laugh. “I'm just so happy,” she said. “I'm sorry.”
“Now, there's no reason to apologize for being happy!” Julie sent a beaming smile around the room, a smile that fully included Becca.
“Hear, hear!” her father added. “To happiness!”
50
Torn wrapping paper had been gathered for recycling and Julie had collected what paper she could reuse. Ribbons and bows were in a pile under the tree. David sat leafing through the book Olivia had given him. Around the living room others read the morning paper or enjoyed their gifts. The twins sat among what looked like thousands of plastic robot and robot transport parts. Hank was sprawled in plain view in the middle of the room. Henry Le Mew, always wary of groups, was lumped majestically under the tree, his back against the trunk. From there he could keep an eye on the action and, if need be, make a rapid retreat up into the tree's lower branches.
Nora turned to Lily, who was straightening an ornament on the tree that had gone awry, and beckoned her to follow.
“Was is it, Grandma?” she asked when Nora had closed the door to her room behind her.
“I have another gift for you.” Nora took a package loosely wrapped in tissue paper off her bed and handed it to her granddaughter. “I want you to have this, Lily. It's old, so handle it with care.”
“What is it?” Lily asked, even as she unwrapped the present. And then: “Oh, Grandma! It's beautiful!”
“It's my wedding veil. In case you'd like to wear it on your own wedding day.”
Lily kissed her grandmother's cheek. “Of course I want to wear it.” She laughed. “Assuming I get married someday!”
“Oh, I think you will. But there's plenty of time, you know. Plenty of time to chose the right man.”
“Like you chose Grandpa?” she said softly. She was coming to understand and wanted her grandmother to know that.
“Yes. Like we chose each other. Lily,” Nora said, “you must forgive your grandfather. I did, long ago. I forgave him and I continued to love him. You must do the same.”
Lily thought a moment before saying, “You know that old expression: To err is human, to forgive is divine. I used to think that meant that only God could forgive. But now I think I see that when we, when humans, forgive someone, that's acting like God. I mean, assuming there is one.”
“Whether there is a God or not, to forgive is one of the most noble things we can do in this life.”
“Thanks, Grandma.” Lily carefully rewrapped the veil and smiled. “You'd better stick around long enough to see me wear this!”
Nora laughed. “I'll give it the old college try.”
“Now, there's an expression I never understood!”
Nora turned toward the door. “We'd better get back to the family.”
“Wait, Grandma,” Lily said, “before we go. I've been thinking about Becca. Do you think she'll ever really be happy?”
Nora thought of Alex and of the possibilities a relationship with him might offer her granddaughter. She thought about her conversation with Becca the night before, how Becca had admitted to such great loneliness, how she had admitted to her repeated attempts to prove her worth to her family. And then she reviewed what Becca had done for the family that morning, how she had gotten her troubles in hand and done the right, self-sacrificing thing. She wondered about Becca's innate potential for happiness or, at least, for contentment.
“If she wants to be happy,” she said finally, “she will be. Happiness doesn't fall into your lap. You have to want it and work for it.”
Yes,
Lily thought.
I'll have to work for happiness now that I'm starting over without Cliff.
It was both an inspiring and a frightening realization. “What if,” she asked her grandmother, “you want happiness and work for it, really hard, but it never comes? What then?”
Nora laughed. “Oh, that's a question for which I'm not even going to attempt an answer. Now let's go.”