One True Loves (35 page)

“I think so. I think we're good together.”

“Oh, Jesse, that's so wonderful. I'm really so glad to hear it.”

“I wanted to tell you . . .” he says, and then he drifts off.

“Yeah.”

“I get it now. I get what you were saying. About how falling in love with Sam didn't mean that you forgot me. That it doesn't change how you once felt. It doesn't make the people you loved before any less important.

“I didn't get it back then. I thought . . . I thought choosing him meant you didn't love me. I thought because we didn't work out, it meant we were a failure or a mistake. But I understand it now. Because I love her. I love her so much I can't see straight. But it doesn't change how I felt about you or how thankful I am to have loved you once. It's just . . .”

“I'm the past. And she's the present.”

“Yeah,” he says, relieved that I've put it into words for him, that he doesn't have to try to find them himself. “That's exactly it.”

I think you forsake the people you loved before, just a little bit, when you fall in love again. But it doesn't erase anything. It doesn't change what you had. You don't even leave it so far behind that you can't instantly remember, that you can't pick it up like a book you read a long time ago and remember how it felt then.

“I guess what I'm saying is I've come around to your way of thinking. I am immensely thankful I was married to you once. I am so grateful for our wedding day. Just because something isn't meant to last a lifetime doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be. We were meant to have been.”

I am sitting in the front seat of my car with the phone to my ear, unable to do anything but listen to him.

“You and I aren't going to spend our lives together,” Jesse says. “But I finally understand that that doesn't take away any of the beauty of the fact that we were right for each other once.”

“True love doesn't always last,” I say. “It doesn't always have to be for a lifetime.”

“Right. And that doesn't mean it's not true love,” Jesse says.

It was real.

And now it's over.

And that's OK.

“I am who I am because I loved you once,” he says.

“I am who I am because I loved you once, too,” I say.

And then we say good-bye.

M
y grandmother Linda Morris lived her entire life in Acton. She passed away a few weeks before I sat down to start this book. It was my trip home that October for her memorial, with the beautiful leaves and crisp air, that made me realize just how deeply I love the place I am from. And just how much I wanted to write about it in tribute to my grandmother. The people in my life whom I have cherished the longest are people from Acton and its surrounding towns. So this is my way of saying not just
thank you
but also
I love you.

This book—and every book I've written—would not be possible without three particular women: my editors, Greer Hendricks and Sarah Cantin, and my agent, Carly Watters.

Greer, thank you for seeing all the things I can't see and for having the faith to know I will find a way to fix them. Both of those qualities were in dire need this go-around and I could not be more grateful that you were on my team. Sarah, thank you for being such a great champion. I know that my work is in great hands at Atria and that is because of how good you are at what you do. Carly, thank you for always getting just as excited about my work as I do and for knowing what I'm going to ask
before I ask it. Four books in, I still feel so lucky to have you as the face of this operation.

Crystal Patriarche and the BookSparks team, you are unbelievable publicity all-stars. Tory, thank you for handling every crazy question I have with patience and grace. Brad Mendelsohn, thank you for not only being an awesome manager who thinks ten steps ahead, but also finally putting together your daughters' trampoline.

Thank you to everyone at Atria, especially Judith Curr, for making Atria such an exceptional imprint to be a part of. I feel incredibly fortunate that my book travels from one talented hand to another on its way to publication.

To all the bloggers who have supported me time after time, this book exists because you've rallied readers. You make my job fun and your passion for great stories and characters is infectious. Thanks for always reminding me why I love what I do and for helping me reach a diverse and incredible readership. I owe you one (million).

To all the friends and family I've thanked before, I thank you again. To Andy Bauch and my in-laws, the Reids and the Hanes, I have dedicated this book to you because as much as I love Acton, I also love Los Angeles, and it is in no small part because of all of you. Thank you for always supporting me and for making this huge city feel like home.

To mi madre y mi hermano, Mindy and Jake, I love you guys. Mom, thanks for moving us to Acton so I had an exceptional education, an incredible support system, and, eventually, a place to write about. Jake, thanks for moving to LA so I have someone who I can talk to when I miss the Makaha and the Honey Stung Drummies from Roche Bros.

And last but not least, Alex Jenkins Reid. Thank you for reading
all of my work as if it were your own—for being thoughtful enough to see what there is to love about it and honest enough to tell me when it sucks. And—on those occasions when it does, in fact, suck—thank you for going to get me an iced tea and a cupcake. Thank you for waiting until I'm ready to try again and then rolling up your sleeves with me and saying, “We'll figure this out.” You're always right. We always do.

ONE TRUE LOVES

A Q&A with

TAYLOR JENKINS REID

When you set out to write
One True Loves
, did you know whether Emma would end up with Jesse or Sam? Did you find yourself rooting for one or the other as you wrote?

That is
the
question! I spent a lot of time, before I even sat down to write the first word of the book, trying to decide what I believed the truth of the situation would be. I asked myself (and a lot of my friends) what they thought they would do. I decided that there was one answer that simply felt more honest than the other answer. And I went with it. So when I started writing the first draft, I knew the ending.

As for whether I was rooting for either, I swear that I remained entirely neutral—and that I'm still neutral—about who I
wanted
to win out in the end. I only felt that one was more likely and I told the story I felt was the most real. But I love both Jesse and Sam madly and I worked hard in the hopes that readers would, too.

How have you developed as a writer over the course of crafting your four novels? Are there differences in how you approached writing
One True Loves
compared with your debut,
Forever, Interrupted
?

I'm embarrassed to say I don't have a concrete answer for this! I think my readers might be a better judge of that than I. I'm inclined to turn the question around and ask,
of those who have read all of my work thus far, how do they see [my writing] changing?

One of the most obvious evolutions for me to recognize is that once I've talked about something in one book, I find myself working double time to avoid talking about it in another. So with
One True Loves
, I put in a great deal of effort to create challenges that my characters in other books haven't faced before. The more you write, the more you have to go out of your way not to emulate your past work—and that has led me to some really fun places I might not go [toward] as naturally.

What does “true love” mean to you? What about this concept did you want to explore in
One True Loves
?

My main goal was to put forth the idea that just because a relationship ends, it doesn't mean that it has failed. I don't think that true love means lasting love. If you remove that requirement and you start looking at the people you have loved in the past, you start to ask yourself: Did I love that person with all my heart? Did they change me for the better? Was I good to them? Am I glad it happened? And if that's the case, I think we should call that relationship a success.

What inspired you to set part of
One True Loves
in your hometown?

As I say in the acknowledgments, my grandmother passed away right before I was to start writing this story and it absolutely devastated me. My brother and I were raised by our mother with a lot of help from my grandmother, Linda. I dedicated my first book to her. She was
so encouraging and believed in me with everything she had. I am a stronger and kinder person because of her influence on me. She lived her entire life in Acton, Massachusetts. I was lucky enough to spend what to me are my most formative years, from twelve to eighteen, living there. And I always took it somewhat for granted.

When my grandmother passed away in the fall of 2014, I went home to attend her memorial. I usually only go home during Christmas, or perhaps the summer. This was the first time I'd been home in the fall in probably a decade. When I got to town and saw how beautiful the changing leaves were, and how kind the people of Acton were in supporting my family during a very hard time, I realized I had not given enough credit to the wonderful town I am from.

Some of my very best friends—people that feel like my family—are people I met in Acton. And I have such fond memories of growing up there. So I decided to set the book in Acton as a way to honor both how much I appreciate the town and how much my grandmother loved it.

You based the bookstore Blair Books on Willow Books in Acton, MA. Do you have any memories of Willow Books you'd like to share?

My most fond—and very New England—story about Willow Books is from when I was about fourteen. My best friend, Erin, and I went to see
The Vagina Monologues
when it came to Boston. We were both completely riveted by it. We loved it. This was revolutionary stuff back then. So after we saw it, we decided we wanted to get
the book, but it wasn't easy to find. We went into Willow Books and they kindly agreed to order copies for us.

A week later, I got a message on my family's home answering machine from this older woman who said, “I'm calling from Willow Books. The uh . . . the book that you . . . the monologues . . .” And then she just gave up and said, “The book you ordered is here.” The poor woman couldn't bring herself to say the word “vagina.” But she got me the book. And I read it cover to cover. That was probably my first unequivocally feminist moment, that book. No other store had it for me. But Willow did.

What is your favorite aspect of the writing process? What aspect is the most challenging for you? What are some things you do to overcome that challenge?

Oh, boy. When I'm writing a first draft, I'll tell you my favorite part is editing. When I'm editing, I'll say my favorite part is when it's done. When it's done, and I'm promoting it, I'll tell you that I want to get back to
writing.
I'm always convincing myself that the grass is greener on the other side of the street. I think, truthfully, the only part that is always as fun as I think it will be is coming up with ideas. The very beginning, when it's all potential, is very intoxicating.

And I find, somehow, even when I'm cursing whatever stage I'm in, the cumulative effect of all the stages still manages to be joy. Sort of [like] how they say, “The days are long but the years are short.” Writing is frustrating, but being a writer is near bliss.

How were you able to imagine Jesse's mindset and experience after the helicopter crash? Did you do any research on crash survivors or near-death experiences?

I did some research about real people who have survived being lost at sea. There is a wide range of stories to pull from and no two stories are alike, which, at first, was very frustrating because there was nothing I could really pin down. But then I realized it was freeing because it gave me permission to be entirely unique.

The biggest research came from deciding where he could land, what he could live on, what challenges he would face. When I decided he would be in the Pacific, I had to narrow down what areas made the most sense, what vegetation was there, what the currents were like. And then comes the human element: What happens to the human body without protein? Without social interaction? What happens when you've cut yourself or been stung? What happens to your teeth when you can't brush them?

I wanted the reader to focus on Emma's tragedy, so I used only as much information about Jesse's as necessary to move the story forward. We've seen desert island stories. We've seen tales of men's adventures trying to get home. I wanted this to be about the woman left behind.

What do you think is the most important step in creating three-dimensional characters?

People don't make sense. They lie without even realizing they are lying. They are selfish while believing they are selfless, etc. I think the biggest thing I focus on is making
sure that my characters are recognizable and knowable but not convenient or streamlined. Real people are messy. They are interesting because of the mess. I try to recreate that on the page.

In the book, Emma takes a circuitous route to becoming an avid reader and bookshop owner. What inspired you to have your protagonist have such a strong—and at times conflicted—relationship with a bookstore? Have you always wanted to be an author? What initially drew you to writing?

Yes, Emma definitely has an untraditional love story with books. And I did that because I think so often in the reading community, we focus on people who have loved reading their entire lives. But [in my case], I was not an avid reader until after college. And even then, I don't think I realized just how much I loved reading books until I realized I liked
writing
them. I feel vaguely embarrassed about that sometimes. Because I was the kid who didn't do her summer reading so that she could watch TV. I wanted to show a different story about how someone falls in love with reading.