Walking into the kitchen, I find the customary birthday breakfast that my mom makes for her kids every year. It’s no mystery why I have an ass the size of Texas. There is no doubt that an entire day’s worth of calories is set out buffet-style on the counter. She’s made biscuits and gravy, hash browns, bacon, eggs, and cinnamon rolls. My mom loves to cook, and I know she’s been in the kitchen, preparing this meal, for hours. It smells delicious, so of course, I’ll eat it even though I shouldn’t. I’m probably the only kid in the world who wishes that her mom hated to cook or at least that her food tasted like shit. But neither is the case.
My parents are sitting at the kitchen table. This is a rarity, and in itself, having both of them here could be my birthday present. They aren’t typically in the same room for five minutes.
“Wow, Mom. It smells great. Thank you!” Standing behind her, I squeeze her shoulders and kiss the top of her head.
“You’re so welcome, baby. Happy birthday!”
I sit down in my chair, directly across from my dad’s seat.
“Happy birthday, Reese.” He lays the paper down and looks up at me.
“Thanks, Dad.”
My relationship with my dad is strained, to say the least. I feel like a failure in comparison to my older sister, Kara. She’s his pride and joy. She’s tall like him, thin like him, and smart like him. And she’s a bitch. I avoid her at all costs. Kara is happily married and lives out of town—thankfully—with her perfect husband, Adam. They purchased a cute cottage home shortly after they had gotten married. Adam is actually pretty great. He’s down to earth and really funny—unlike my sister. I kinda like him even if he has bad taste in women.
My dad slides a card across the table to me. I open it, and a hundred-dollar bill falls to the table. He simply signed the card,
Dad
.
Yeah, love you, too, asshole.
I’d gladly trade the hundred dollars for an
I love you
.
“Wow. Thanks, Dad!” I smile, grateful that he even went through the trouble of getting me a card at all, and I place the card back into the envelope.
My mom, fully aware of what I’m thinking, rescues me from my misery. “You’ll get mine later, sweetheart. I have something special planned for us.”
“Sounds great, Mom.”
My parents and I finish breakfast with small talk about what I plan on doing this summer. I’ll be busy during the days, working at the Tiny Tot daycare in town. I tell Mom that Chelsea and I want to take a trip to the amusement park a few hours away.
As I leave the table to take my dish to the sink, Kyle joins us, yawning and stretching his arms. Again, I take a moment to savor the sight of him at home.
As I head back to my bedroom, I shoot a text to Chelsea, letting her know to meet me at the coffee shop.
I only have to wait for Chelsea and Connor for a few minutes before they arrive.
“Happy birthday, bitch!” When Chelsea reaches me, she holds her arms out.
I stand, and she hugs me tight.
“Thanks!” I squeeze her back and yelp as she lifts me in the air.
As she sets me down, Connor sneaks up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist and lays his chin on my shoulder. “I want in on some action, too, baby.” He presses himself into me. “I have a present for you.”
“Ugh! Shut up! You are disgusting!” Turning to face him, I try to shove him off of me. “Get off me, you perv!”
He pulls me into a hug. “Happy birthday, Reese!” He slides his hands around me until he has two handfuls of my butt.
I snake my arms around his neck and whisper into his ear, “Thanks, Connor. Now, get your hands off my fucking ass.”
I shove him hard, and he stumbles into a table behind him, earning dirty looks from a few elderly women.
“Why did you bring him, Chelsea?” I glare at him, shaking my head. “What is your obsession with my ass, Connor?”
“It’s just such a perfectly juicy booty. Honestly, I’ve never seen one so luscious.” He makes a motion with his hands like he’s massaging something.
He is such a creep. He gets some kind of thrill out of saying stupid shit to me. I’m over it now. I rarely even get embarrassed anymore. I usually just punch him when he takes things too far, which is about every time I am around him. I don’t know how Chelsea deals with it.
Connor nods his head and smiles at a few ladies who have noticed our interaction. Chelsea and I shake our heads as we laugh at him, and we take our seats in the nearest booth.
“Connor, coffee, please.” Chelsea motions toward the counter.
Like a good boyfriend, he pulls out his wallet as he heads for the counter.
“So, what are your plans for the day?” Chelsea leans in close.
“Mom has something planned for us later, and that’s it.” With my elbows on the table, I rest my chin on my folded hands.
“Well, that sounds anticlimactic,” Chelsea says as she digs through her bag. She produces a card and passes it to me.
I lift my head and take the card from her. “Yeah, let’s hope it is. I don’t think she’s cool with me climaxing just yet.”
We laugh.
“What’s so funny, ladies?” Connor returns with our coffees and passes them to us.
I smile.
“Nothing that concerns you, babe.” Chelsea scoots over in the booth to make room for Connor.
He drapes his arm over her shoulder, and she moves closer to him before tucking herself under his arm.
We talk for a while before Chelsea starts on her mission to get me out for my birthday.
“I was just getting ready to remind the birthday girl here that she promised she would go to The Pit with us tonight. So, we will pick her up after her mommy-daughter date.” She smiles at me with her matter-of-fact look that I hate.
Connor raises his eyebrows and flashes his creepy pedophile smile at me.
“Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that one—at least if you’re going.” I shoot a dirty look at him.
He laughs as usual. This guy is just not fazed by my rudeness.
“Not optional, babe.” Chelsea shakes her head as she digs into her purse. She produces a purple envelope and offers it to me.
I give her a condescending look. Then, I open the card and read it. It’s mushy, and I don’t do mushy, but I manage a genuine smile. “Thank you.” Inside is a gift card for the only store in the mall where I care to shop. I see a new pair of boots in the near future.
“You’ll come with us tonight right?” Chelsea pleads.
“I think we’ve already covered this!” I stick my tongue out at her and laugh as I slide across the seat. “Seriously though, I’ll think about it. Right now, I have to scoot.”
We make our way outside and walk to Connor’s car.
Chelsea stands in front of me. “I am not taking no for an answer.” She grabs my face, looking me in the eyes, and pecks me on the lips. “It’s your fucking birthday, bitch. You’re not sitting at home.”
She runs around to the passenger side of Connor’s car and opens the door. “We’ll pick you up at nine, okay?”
“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?” I holler at them as they get into the car.
As Connor begins driving away, she hangs her head out the window and shouts at me, “No, you don’t! Be ready!”
My mom made an appointment at the salon for us to get our hair done along with mani-pedis.
We’re lying back in our chairs, enjoying a foot massage.
“Um…Reese?” She waits for me to look at her. “I know we agreed that when you were ready to be sexually active, you would tell me, and I would make an appointment for you to get birth control.”
Time and place, Mom!
“Mom, seriously? You want to talk about this now? Here?” I’m mortified that she would choose right now to have this conversation. I shield my face with my hand in case someone else is listening.
“Well, it’s as good a time and place as any. I’m talking softly, Reese. It’s not like anyone can hear me.” She’s using that motherly tone that says,
Stop being immature, Reese.
“I don’t want to talk about this now.” I lay my head back and stare at the ceiling.
“I’m just going to say this, and I’ll drop the subject. I made an appointment for you to see Dr. Lana next Friday. I made it on my day off. I know you might feel awkward having me there, but if you want me to go with you, I will. If you want to take Chelsea, that’s fine, too.” She raises her eyebrows.
“Okay, Mom. Can we please stop talking about it now?” I do sound immature and whiny, but I have no interest in talking about this with her today—or ever.
She smiles and reaches over to rest her hand on mine. “I love you, Reese.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
Somehow, she’s able to refrain from continuing the discussion about birth control while we get our manicures. Now that she brought it up though, that is all I can think about. While getting my hair washed and highlighted, I wonder if she thinks I’m as weird as I think I am for being a seventeen-year-old virgin. Let’s be real. It’s just not the norm these days.
Then, I move on to thinking about more important things, like the fact that I’ve known Dr. Lana forever. My mom has been a midwife in Dr. Lana’s practice since I was a kid, and that same doctor will be looking at my lady bits.
Lovely.
Then, of course, there’s the issue with my mom being able to pull up my file and see all my business—not that I have any.
Maybe it’s a trap to see if I’m behaving.
If she were worried about it, she would insist that I immediately get on birth control.
This is just too much.
On the ride home, she doesn’t bring up the doctor’s appointment, but I feel the need to ease her mind.
“Mom?”
For a second, she looks my way and raises her eyebrows.
“Um…I just want you to know that I’m not doing anything. I mean, I haven’t done anything…with a boy…you know what I mean.” I twist my fingers in my lap and look out the window.
“You haven’t had
sex
? You can say the word, Reese. It’s not a dirty word.” She glances at me with a soothing smile.
“Right. I just want you to know that I’m still a virgin. Honestly, I don’t see that changing anytime in the near future. There are no guys that I like that way, so I can’t even imagine being that way with a guy…you know. I don’t know. I just wanted you to know that.” I want to crawl out of my skin.
She pulls into the driveway and shuts off the car. Before I can open the door, she grabs my arm, stilling me.
“Reese, I want to tell you something. I’ve wanted to tell you this for years, but you weren’t old enough or mature enough for this conversation. Now that you are, I have to get it out. I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear it, but please just listen to me. Then, please take some time to really think hard about it later on.” She shifts in her seat so that she’s facing me. With the most serious look that I have ever seen on her face, she continues, “I’m afraid that I’ve been a bad example in the relationship department. Without going into details that I know you don’t want to hear, your father and I are not the picture of a healthy relationship—”
“Mom, what’s going on?” I interrupt her. “You’re scaring me.”
“No, no, Reese. Don’t worry. Nothing at all is going on. The point that I’m trying to make is that affection, um…sex is not a bad thing.”