One Swinging Summer (37 page)

"It's too late Caleb. Don't you see that? Trust can't be started over. Trust is either there or it isn't, and you broke that."

"But you can't just be done. We have been through too much. You can't just walk away now. You still care about me. You still love me, I know it."

"That's true. I do. But when you broke my trust, Caleb you broke everything. You know how you have often told me how much you like and admire that I jump in with both feet? That I am all in, whatever the situation?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well, that works in reverse for me as well. I'm either all in, giving everything I've got, or I'm all out. There is no in between with me Caleb. Something disconnected in me when I found out that you have all these phone numbers. You broke something in me that will never be fixed. You are right, I do still care about you. You will take a long time for me to get over. But I will get over you. It will be hard to see you here on Friday nights, but I will survive. I will dance with you, and be friendly. I'm not planning on being a bitch about the whole thing. But I am done."

I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed Caleb quietly on the mouth. "Goodbye Caleb. There will never be anyone else like you." And I walked away from him.

I thought about staying, proving some kind of point by dancing and trying to have fun, but I just wanted to go home. I closed my tab with Lana and left the bar. I knew I would break down and mourn Caleb and the what-could-have-beens of this relationship, but not right now. Right now I was calm. I had gotten the answers I needed from Caleb. He wasn't the one for me. I needed something more normal. I needed someone who thought the world revolved around me and his life would not be complete if I wasn't central in it.

I briefly thought about the serve guy's brother who had asked me out. I received an email earlier today canceling that delivery. His brother was right, he was not supposed to be served. I could go back by there, take him up on his offer of a date. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I discarded the thought almost as quickly as I had picked it up. I wasn't ready. I needed to be by myself for a while, like I had planned to before Caleb crashed into my life. No, I would just call the brother in the morning and let him know it was canceled and that I didn't need to meet with him after all.

I thought about next weekend. About coming here and trying to dance and visit with Caleb around. It would be painful at first, but I knew I would be fine. I realized that next weekend was Labor Day weekend. The official end to summer. It had been one hell of a summer, that was for sure. One I was not likely to ever forget.