One Past Midnight (27 page)

“We're so proud of you, sweetheart,” Dad said, walking me to the front of the school grounds, where Miriam was waiting. Miriam, Lucy, and I had long planned to get ready for the evening together.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“I can't believe my youngest child has finished school,” he said, shaking his head proudly.

“Yeah. You're getting pretty old,” I quipped.

He looked to the sky as if having a private word with God and smiled.

“Your mom and I will see you at the party. We are still invited, aren't we?”

“Yes, but remember—”

“Just for two drinks,” he said, cutting me off. “After which we have to leave.”

I nodded, satisfied it wouldn't be my parents who would linger annoyingly. Including them in the cocktail portion of the night was a nice gesture and all, but some parents could be reluctant to leave.

I spotted Dex as I slipped into Miriam's car. He was heading out with Noah—probably to go hang out at Brett's before the evening. He winked and threw me a look that suggested he couldn't wait for the night ahead. There was a time I would've killed for that look. Instead, my fingers went to my lips and my thoughts traveled to another world. To another person altogether.

“Come on!” Miriam yelled. “We only have, like, two hours to get ready and get to the Pavilion!”

She was right. I closed the car door. “Let's go.”

“I've got first dibs on the shower,” Lucy snapped.

“Three bathrooms, brainiac!” Miriam replied.

“Oh yeah.” Lucy laughed. But then her eyes narrowed. “I've got the first turn with the hair straightener.”

Silence. Then both Miriam and I erupted. “No way!”

The bantering and laughing didn't stop until we were dressed and ready.

Lucy wore a shimmering golden gown with tiny spaghetti straps. It looked amazing against her olive skin and perfectly styled dark-brown curls. She kept her makeup simple and looked all the better for it, applying her trademark strawberry lip gloss at the very end.

Miriam had gone with a cherry-red color and the dress floated effortlessly around her perfect figure, highlighting everything it should. Her hair fell loose and wavy around her shoulders and she wore a thick gold retro necklace low around her neck. On anyone else it might've looked weird, but Miriam owned the look.

Beside them, staring into the full-length mirror, I was wearing the black dress I'd coveted since first laying eyes on it. It was simple but elegant. A slim column all the way to the ground with a small kick in the fabric at the base. The top of the dress cut a straight line across my chest, and the straps draping my shoulders were made of intricate lace that was also featured in a corset at my waist. I had my hair down and styled around my face, thanks to Miriam, and black strappy shoes to finish the look.

“We look perfect,” Miriam said, clapping her hands.

Lucy and I couldn't help our small nods.

“Tonight is going to be amazing,” Lucy agreed. “And just think, come tomorrow, everything will be different.”

Lucy didn't realize just how right she was.

“Sabine, what is it with you? You've been doing that all day,” Miriam said, starting to laugh.

I looked into the mirror again and saw I had my fingers pressed to my lips. “Oh, nothing. I . . . I . . .”

“Am just thinking about Dex?” Lucy offered.

I nodded even as I swallowed hard.

“Brett says that Dex is totally making all these plans for you guys in the future. He said he wouldn't be surprised if he asked you to move in with him after your first year at Harvard,” Miriam said.

“Oh. We'll see,” I said in a daze, my fingers unconsciously going back to my lips. Because the thing was, despite my efforts, despite keeping myself busy all day . . . I hadn't been able to get Ethan out of my mind.

“You two are so cute,” Lucy continued. “You know, love like yours only comes around once in a lifetime, if that.”

I bit my lip. What if . . . What if a love like the one I
wanted
only came around once in any of my lifetimes? What if . . . ?

Shit.

“Girls! The boys and cars are here!” Miriam's mom called out. And suddenly I was rescued from my thoughts and caught up in the buzz of the night—the photos, cars, guys turning up, and our all-important entrance to the Pavilion. Any time I had a second to myself, someone interrupted it,
expecting me to smile. And I did. Wanting to be who I was supposed to be in this world. And I was.

Mom and Dad performed perfectly, playing the happily divorced couple, leaving not first but in the first third of departing parents. I would thank them tomorrow. Dex's parents were not so compliant and it took him a while to finally load them into a car and get them out of there, which gave me a little breathing space to get my head right.

By the time we settled into each other's arms on the dance floor and I had sipped on a glass or two of the boys' “special punch” that was covertly making the rounds, I was confident that this was the right thing. I was doing the right thing. Ethan was . . . It didn't matter. Dex was my constant. He cared about me and wanted a future with me. That's what I needed to concentrate on.

“Can you believe school is over?” he said, as we danced.

“No. It's surreal. But good surreal. I'm looking forward to starting college.”

He nodded, pulling me closer to him. “I'm looking forward to being able to spend the next couple of months alone, with you.”

The lump in my throat wouldn't go away. So I smiled and hugged him so he wouldn't see my face.

“Are you ready to get out of here?” he asked.

This was it.

I could be sure about this—about my place in this world. I couldn't base my choices on someone else, just because I couldn't stop thinking about what it was like to be wrapped in his arms. No. I was the master of maintenance. I couldn't have changed so much in such a short space of time.

My Wellesley life was a great life. I couldn't live in a reality based only on, “What if?”

I slid my hand down and took hold of his. “Absolutely.”

Dex drove, since he didn't drink, and I gave him directions to the hotel I'd arranged in the city. We only got lost twice, which for me was pretty good.

When we pulled into the Liberty Hotel, Dex's face was pure delight. “Nice. I've always wanted to check out this place. You know it used to be an old prison before they turned it into a hotel,” he said, pulling into the valet area.

I hadn't known that. And now that I did, it really wasn't helping my state of mind.

We walked to the front desk hand in hand. While we checked in, I couldn't stop my mind spinning with all the things Ethan had said to me.

Out of nowhere, I gasped.

Dex looked at me quizzically and I forced a smile. He went back to talking to the hotel receptionist, who was speaking with a strong and lilting foreign accent.

My thoughts continued to spiral. Ethan had said he
loved
me. Even by simply admitting that, he had risked everything. He was supposed to be part of the medical staff. He was
supposed
to be counseling me,
not
loving me. Surely there was no method of therapy that would condone or encourage that. But something
was
off—I was sure of it. Ethan was keeping something big from me, and it made me doubt everything more than I already did.

Dex carried on his conversation with the receptionist while still holding my hand. Eventually he squeezed it, drawing my attention. “Oh, wow, that's great. Hey Sabine, Annika here has upgraded our room to a king suite.”

Hooray.

The fair-haired woman bobbed her head. “
Kylla
.” She nodded again. “I mean, yes,” she corrected.

Kylla?
Where had I heard that before? What language was that?

“Babe, do you want to wait here? I've just got to get our stuff from the car,” Dex said.

I nodded, still looking at the receptionist.

“Um, what language was that?” I blurted as soon as Dex had left.

She smiled politely. “I'm Finnish.”

Finnish. Oh my god. The words. I'd completely forgotten Ethan's request. Now, what were the chances of coming across someone, at this very moment, who could help me?
I could just imagine Ethan smiling and saying something about everything happening for a reason.

And suddenly . . . I had to know.

Shit.

“I . . . I . . . Could you translate something for me?”

My hands were now flat on the desk as I leaned toward her anxiously. What were they? I couldn't remember the stupid words!

Shit.

“Of course.” She smiled. “What is it?”

Shit, shit, shit.

Think. Think, Sabine. What were they?

“Um . . . um . . .
Ukso
, no
uskon
!
Uskon
is the first word and there's one more. Argh, I can't remember, something like
sins
, or . . .” I fisted my hand.

The receptionist smiled. “
Uskon sinua?
” she suggested.

“Yes! That's it. What does it mean?” I was close to bursting. I saw Dex approaching the glass doors with our bags. I turned back to the woman urgently. “Please!”

She started to laugh at me. “It means, ‘I believe you.'?”

Dex had me by the hand. We were walking down a hallway. Stopping at a door. How did we get there?

Had I lost time?

I couldn't think of anything but
uskon sinua, uskon sinua, uskon sinua, uskon sinua.

Ethan.

Believed.

Me.

Crazy, locked-up, self-harming, digoxin-swallowing, two lives
me
.

We were inside a room. Crisp white linen, flowers, fruit bowl. Views over the city lights.

Ethan believed me.

A glass of champagne was suddenly in my hand. I was sipping it and must have looked confused.

“I brought it with me,” Dex said, standing right in front of me. “I wanted tonight to be perfect.” He was holding a glass too, a sip's worth in the bottom.

How could tonight get any more perfect?

Ethan believed me.

“This is amazing, you should check out the bathroom. There's a hot tub,” he said, coming back from his inspection of the room and sliding his arm around my waist.

My hand holding the champagne flute was shaking. What was going on? Why couldn't I get a grip?

I swallowed nervously and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

Dex ran his hands down my back, settling them low.
Too low
,
a voice buried deep inside me screamed. I downed my glass of champagne and held still.

“I've been waiting so long to see you, Sabine. Please tell me I can take that dress off?”

Shit.

I struggled for some kind of sanity. I had to regain control of the life Ethan had just detonated with the three most explosive words ever. He'd done the one thing he'd always tried to convince me could happen. He'd made my worlds cross over. And now . . . I was here, he was there, and everything had changed.

Forever.

Dex, however, wasn't waiting for permission and had already begun to unzip my dress, moving me toward the massive bed. I was on my back before I knew it and his hands . . . were everywhere.

I had to clear my mind. Find words. I should have been thinking only of Dex, but I couldn't. It didn't matter what I thought I should do, something in my mind—no, in my heart—wasn't going to let me.

“Dex,” I said nervously.

“Hmm,” he replied, not stopping.

“Dex, I . . . I can't.”

He just moaned.

Shit.

“Dex, stop,” I said, lifting the volume.

He pulled his head up from my neck and looked at me, confused.

“What?”

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I . . . I just can't.”

His eyes narrowed, but he recovered quickly. “Sabine, we've been planning this for ages. I've never put pressure on you, because I knew we would get here eventually, but . . .”

I spoke quickly. “I know, Dex. You're amazing and kind and good and I'm so lucky to have been your girlfriend, but you deserve more than I can give you. You deserve someone who will make you really happy—”

He cut me off, sitting up. “Oh, whoa! Wait! This isn't just about tonight, is it? You're breaking up with me?”

I scrambled to sit up against the headboard. “Dex . . . I'm so sorry,” I whimpered.

He jumped off the bed, glaring at me. “You're seeing someone else, aren't you?” he yelled, jabbing his finger at me.

I didn't respond. I honestly didn't know what the right answer to that question was.

He scoffed, “Oh, you bitch! You've been stringing me along. Teasing me!”

I shook my head urgently. “No, it's not like that at all. I thought . . . I really wanted this to work with us. I swear. It's complicated.”