One Night with Her Ex (9 page)

She felt weirdly on edge. Prickly. As if a whole hive of bees had taken up residence inside her.

And what exactly was she going to do for the rest of the afternoon? She couldn’t read. Couldn’t work. Couldn’t do any of the activities the resort usually had to offer as everything had been cancelled due to the storm that was brewing. There was the gym, but even if that had appealed Kit had muttered something about heading that way when they got back, which ruled it totally out.

And as for simply lying back and relaxing, well, that was out of the question too because in the absence of anything else to do it seemed that she was going to be spending the afternoon driving herself mad with if onlys and what ifs, wondering what he was thinking, what he was doing and if there was anything she could have done differently to make him want her again. The rest of the time she had left on the island she’d have to spend avoiding him.

Or would she?

A clap of thunder boomed across the sky, rattling the windows and making her jump. And get a grip.

Hang on, she thought, jumping off the bed and beginning to pace as her brain suddenly started whirring. What was she? Some kind of a wimp? Who was this woman who shied away from a challenge? Where was the woman who’d been so determined to have it out with him that she’d accidentally stood on a sea urchin?

Was she really going to meekly accept that they weren’t going anywhere and just leave things in the past? Was she really going to give up without knowing for sure that there was no future for them when the opportunity to find out was there for the taking?

No, dammit, she wasn’t.

What the hell did she have to lose by confronting him? Her pride? Well, that had gone years ago. Her sense of self-preservation? Hah. She’d been kidding herself that she ever had one in the first place.

And what was she so frightened of? That he might turn her down? Or that he might not?

Lightning split the sky, illuminating the room for a second, and Lily felt her heart begin to race as what she had to do, what she
wanted
to do, became clear.

She couldn’t go home not knowing what could have been and she couldn’t stand another minute of the uncertainty. And yes, the outcome of what she was about to do was a fairly scary unknown, and yes, the weather was diabolical, but in all honesty, she thought grimly as she grabbed her cagoule and pulled it on, she’d faced far worse.

* * *

Making it back from the gym to his villa a second before the heavens opened, Kit strode into the shower room and flicked on the water with perhaps more force than was strictly necessary, but frankly he was all out of patience, and all out of hope.

He’d done his best to get Lily to want him the way he wanted her, but his best simply wasn’t good enough. He had to accept the fact that Lily just wasn’t interested in him the way he was in her.

The memory of her sitting on the edge of the beach shot into his head. The moment he’d caught the tiny sound she’d made that could have been pain or something else and their gazes had locked. The highly charged moment in which it had seemed to him that they were teetering on a knife-edge. In which he’d been willing her to take the chance on them. And in which she hadn’t.

The moment that had pretty much told him everything he needed to know.

Steeling himself against the stab of pain that struck his chest, he stripped off his gym kit, tossed it into the laundry basket that sat in the corner of the bathroom and stepped into the cubicle.

Switching the water to ice-cold, Kit winced and felt his muscles relax after his workout, but as for the ache in his chest, well, that, he suspected, was going to be more difficult to assuage.

But he’d just have to because he could take a hint. Or lack of. He wouldn’t seek Lily out any more. He wouldn’t try to change the way things were. It had been a mistake to think that there was any chance of a reconciliation. They had too much baggage and the past should remain right there, in the past.

It had definitely been a mistake to come here, he thought grimly, turning the tap to hot, grabbing the bottle of gel and beginning to lather himself up. With hindsight he’d have stayed the hell away.

But never mind. He only had another twenty-four hours or so on this godforsaken island and then he’d be home. Back to normal. More or less. He’d put Lily out of his mind and get on with his life. He’d move on. Just as he should have once he’d discovered his little ‘problem’ had been solved. He’d get over the distaste at the thought of meeting someone else. Of course he would. In time.

He’d have to because whatever the future held, one thing was certain: it didn’t hold Lily.

What with thunder crashing through the sky, the hammering of the rain on the roof and at the windows and the pelting of the shower over his body—not to mention the rushing in his ears at the acknowledgement that he and Lily really were over—at first Kit didn’t hear the pounding on the door of his villa.

Then he did and he frowned because who the hell was out in this weather? And what was so urgent that it couldn’t wait until it passed?

With a scowl, he switched off the shower, grabbed a towel and wrapped it round his waist. Feeling so tightly wound he thought he might be about to snap, he stalked out of the bathroom. Headed into the hall.

And stopped dead because—it was Lily.

The last person he wanted to see. The only person he wanted to see.

With an eerie sense of fatalism, Kit walked over to the door, his heart thundering and his stomach churning. He opened it and flinched at the gust of wind that whipped in.

Wearing some kind of waterproof top that didn’t have any chance of standing up to the full force of a tropical storm, Lily was sopping wet and dripping onto the step. Her hair was plastered to her skull and her eyes were wild in the dim light of the afternoon. There was a tension gripping her body that drew him. Confused him. Made him wish he were wearing considerably more than just a towel.

Ignoring the disturbing effect she was having on him, he pulled her inside and then with some effort closed the door.

‘What the hell are you doing out in this weather?’ he growled, deliberately channelling his feelings of frustration and confusion into anger to stop himself from dragging her against him and in all likelihood getting a slap to the face. ‘Are you insane?’

‘Very probably,’ she said with a shiver as she peeled her cagoule off.

He stepped forwards to take it from her and then, before the scent of her could get to him, wheeled off to hang it in the bathroom. He brought back a towel and handed it to her.

She rubbed her hair and all Kit could do was watch and wish he were doing it for her. With his brain a mess and his body a mass of tension and need he didn’t trust himself to speak so instead he waited until she was done.

‘I knocked for ages,’ she said eventually, dropping the towel on the sofa and raking her fingers through her hair.

‘I was taking a shower. I didn’t hear you.’

‘I apologise for the interruption.’

Kit frowned at the shakiness of her voice. It might be hot and humid outside but now he thought about it she sounded cold. Sort of numb.

And then it struck him like the lightning that was now flashing all around them that Lily had always been terrified of storms. At the first crack of thunder she’d always dived beneath the duvet, shivering and sweating and breathing far too fast. The only thing that had calmed her was taking her into his arms and letting her burrow right up against him until it was over.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked, the desire and frustration hammering through him making way for a thread of concern.

She blinked up at him. ‘Of course I’m all right. Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘You hate storms.’

She stared at him. ‘What?’

‘You’re terrified of them.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘You used to be.’

‘Oh. Well. Yes. But I saw someone,’ she said, linking her hands and, he thought, for some reason holding on tightly. ‘Did a course. Got over it.’

‘You did a course?’

‘Yes.’

‘I didn’t know that.’

‘There are a lot of things that you don’t know about me.’

‘Clearly.’ Such as... ‘What are you doing here, Lily?’

For a moment she just looked him. Swallowed. Then pulled her shoulders back. ‘OK, well, the thing is...’ She paused then took a deep breath. ‘The thing is, I want to know what’s going on here, Kit.’

At her words Kit went very still and his brain went on high alert. ‘What do you mean?’

‘With us.’

Wasn’t it obvious? He’d thought it was. But maybe it wasn’t. His heart began to thump, though with what he didn’t know. ‘What do you think is going on?’

Lily blew out a breath and threw her hands in the air, as if some sort of dam had burst and she couldn’t hold back any more. ‘I don’t have a clue, do I? First you’re all “let me in we need to talk it’s urgent” and pushing me up against a wall, next you’re rushing halfway across the globe to come and find me, and now you couldn’t be less interested. I don’t understand it.’

Kit blinked as if he’d just been thumped in the chest. She thought he wasn’t interested? Why would she think that when he’d gone overboard trying to show her just how interested in her he was? ‘I’m interested,’ he said roughly.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms beneath her breasts. ‘Oh, yes, sure. In a brotherly kind of way.’

His jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed. What the hell? ‘You think I’m being brotherly?’

‘What else would you call it?’ she said, jutting her chin up. ‘The constant helping hand and all the buddy-buddy stuff. The sea-urchin-spine-vinegar thing. Not to mention this current seriously misplaced concern for my well-being.’

‘Not brotherly,’ he said tightly. ‘Not brotherly in the slightest.’

‘Then what is it?’ she said, her cheeks pink and her chest heaving. ‘Because it’s driving me nuts. Completely nuts. I don’t want your help, Kit, and I don’t need your concern.’

Kit could feel the rush of blood to his head, the pounding of his heart. ‘What do you need, Lily? What do you want?’

‘What do you think?’

‘Tell me.’

‘OK, fine, I miss you.’

He went very still, every cell of his body hovering, waiting. ‘We’ve spent the best part of the last four days together.’

‘I miss your touch. I miss your nearness. I miss your kisses.’

‘So what’s the problem? Sexual frustration?’

‘Damn right that’s the problem,’ she said, her eyes flashing and her breathing going all choppy. ‘Partly. You owe me an orgasm.’

‘Well, why didn’t you say?’

‘I’m saying it now.’

He took a step towards her, his eyes not leaving hers. ‘Say it all,’ he said.

‘Everything?’

‘Didn’t you say that honesty was the best way to deal with this?’

She gulped. Her breath caught. ‘These last few days have been hell, Kit.’

‘In what way?’

‘I want you so badly it’s practically eating me up, while you...’ She shrugged. ‘You just don’t seem to feel the same way.’

‘I do.’

Her gaze snapped to his. ‘You do?’

‘Very much so.’

‘So what has this all been about?’

‘Me needing you to want it as much as I do.’

‘I do,’ she said, her voice breaking. ‘I really do.’

There came a crash of thunder. ‘Then show me.’

NINE

Lily didn’t
need telling twice. After all the stress, the uncertainty and the tension that had been churning around inside her, the knowledge that Kit wanted her as much as she wanted him just about undid her, and with her heart pounding madly and heat flooding through her she flew into his embrace.

She threw her arms around his neck and plastered herself against him and held on for dear life as Kit whipped his arms round her waist and crashed his mouth down on hers.

His tongue delved into her mouth, sweeping over hers, tangling with hers, so fiercely, so desperately, that her knees nearly buckled.

As desire rocketed through her she pressed herself close and Kit pulled her even tighter, and she could feel the length of him beginning to harden against her abdomen.

He swept his hand up and buried it in her hair in a move that was so familiar it made her heart ache. Taking matters into her own hands and summoning up the courage to face him had been the best thing she could have done, and battling through torrential rain and gale-force winds, getting soaked, had been worth it. So worth it.

Because she’d missed this so much. Missed him so much. Pressing herself closer, Lily ran her hands down over his shoulders and then his back, tracing the contours of his muscles, feeling him tremble beneath her touch.

Then she reached the towel tied at his waist, and, filling with a longing she could barely contain, she tugged at it until it fell to the floor and he was naked. She dug her fingers into the muscles of his buttocks, pulling him closer and tilting her hips so she could rub herself against him.

Breaking off the kiss and breathing heavily, Kit stared down at her, his eyes hot and dark and glazed with desire, before dropping his hands to the hem of her top and pushing it up. She raised her arms to help him lift it off her and toss it to the floor. And then he was unzipping her skirt and tugging it down together with her knickers and she was stepping out of both and kicking off the trainers she’d donned to make the wet, sandy journey over here.

Pulling her back into his arms, and capturing her mouth with his once again, Kit manoeuvred her round until the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed and down she went. She fell back onto the soft mattress and he came down on top of her, taking her wrists and pinning her arms to the bed as he kissed her.

She moaned and wriggled but he didn’t release her. Instead he tore his mouth from hers and as she panted and gasped for breath he began trailing kisses down her neck and over the slope of her left breast until his mouth closed over her nipple and she couldn’t help but abandon all attempts to free herself.

Beneath the force of the electricity and sheer wanton need that was shooting through her, her brain virtually melted and she stopped struggling and simply gave into revelling in the heaven he was taking her to.

Kit moved down her body, his mouth scorching her skin wherever it travelled, until he reached the hot, wet centre of her and she gasped at the heat of his breath over her.

He let go of her wrists, which should have given her the opportunity to touch him the way she’d been so desperate to, but then he was holding her hips still and slowly lowering his head to her and she was going so dizzy with desire that all she could do was clutch at the sheet.

‘Hey,’ she said softly, hoarsely, trying to make light of what potentially was so overwhelmingly powerful that she feared there might be no going back. ‘I thought
I
was supposed to be showing
you
how much I wanted this.’

Instantly stilling, Kit lifted his head, looked up at her and murmured, ‘You were. On the other hand, as you so perceptively pointed out, I owe you an orgasm.’

‘There is that,’ she said dazedly, her mouth dry and her blood roaring in her ears.

‘But it’s your call.’

As if she were going to stop him now. As if she could move anyway. As if she even wanted to. ‘I think I’d better just shut up.’

‘Good decision.’

And, boy, it was. As Kit returned his attention to the hot, wet centre of her her eyes fluttered closed and her body vibrated with the sensations rocketing through her.

When his tongue touched her clitoris she arched off the bed with a soft groan. He sucked. Licked. Slid one finger, then another, into her and gently, achingly slowly moved them inside her. Expertly building the tension inside her, knowing exactly how to, speeding up and slowing down until she thought she’d go mad with either desire or frustration.

She moaned. Cried out in desperation. Began to pant and writhe and was practically on the point of begging when Kit combined the licking and the sucking with a clever twist of his fingers and the tight ball of tension deep inside her exploded. And then she was spiralling out of control, hurtling into oblivion and splintering into a billion tiny pieces as she convulsed and clenched around his fingers with his name on her lips.

‘That certainly evened up the score,’ she mumbled, once the tremors had subsided, her vision had cleared and she’d got her breath back.

He pushed himself up and took his weight on his elbows as he looked down at her. ‘Good.’

‘I want more.’

‘Demanding.’

She shot him a wicked smile. ‘Oh, you have no idea.’

‘I’m intrigued.’

‘I still need to show you how much I want this. And you.’

‘Then what are you waiting for?’

‘Absolutely nothing,’ she said, curling a leg around his hip and rolling him onto his back.

Straddling his hips, she leaned forwards to kiss him and, taking him in one hand, positioned him and, unable to wait any longer, sank down.

He groaned into her mouth and she gasped at the feel of him stretching her, filling her, so tight, so deep. He began to move but she stilled him.

‘Wait,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘Patience, my darling.’

‘Not one of my virtues. Although I must say I’ve astounded myself this last week.’

‘Really?’

‘Like you wouldn’t believe. Not as much as you’re astounding me now though.’

‘You like this?’ she said teasingly.

‘I always did. You know that.’

‘Me too.’

He reared up then and, clamping one hand to the back of her neck, the other to her hip, held her close. She could feel his heart thudding against her. Inside her. And then unable to help herself she began to move. Rocking slowly against him, rolling her hips forwards as he thrust up.

The rain continued to pound the roof and the terrace, and sweat coated her skin as the heat inside her grew.

Kit brought her head forwards, caught her mouth with his, and she clutched at his shoulders, barely able to stand the pleasure coursing through her. She whimpered. He moaned and she felt the tension, the desperation clawing at her.

‘God, Lily,’ he said, breaking the kiss for a moment, his breathing harsh and fast and his face tight.

‘I know.’ She was trembling so much, feeling so much she thought she might burst with the pressure of it.

‘I love you,’ he said quietly, looking deep into her eyes.

‘I love you too.’

And then his grip on her tightened and he was moving harder and faster and she was grinding down onto him and then with one last powerful thrust he buried himself deep inside her. She felt him pulsate and throb, and the vibrations and the words he groaned into her ear tipped her over the edge, her body erupting in ecstasy.

* * *

Lying on the sun lounger and gazing up at the canopy of stars with Lily snuggled between his legs, her head resting on his shoulder, both of them wrapped in his sheets, Kit thought it was kind of hard to believe that only a couple of hours ago he’d been considering jacking it all in with her.

At one point he’d been about as low as he could be but now, after the craziest, best afternoon he’d had in years, there were possibilities. Infinite possibilities.

Just as the storm had cleared the heavy tropical air of dust and heat, leaving everything clean and fresh, they’d cleared the air of the doubt and frustration that had lain between them.

Now he and Lily had the chance to make a new start, and he intended to take full advantage of the fact that those doors were no longer merely ajar but wide open.

‘Have you really been thinking about this for the last four days?’ Lily murmured, cutting into his thoughts as she gently ran her fingers along his forearm, which lay across her beneath her breasts.

‘Pretty much every second.’

‘I never guessed.’

‘Nor I about you.’

‘What a lot of time we’ve wasted.’

Her words held a note of regret and he smiled faintly. ‘I don’t think so.’

She tilted her head back and round to glance up at him. ‘No?’

‘Well, put it this way, if we’d done this days ago we’d never have seen or done half the things we have. In all likelihood we wouldn’t have left the villa.’

‘That’s true.’

‘I’d never have learnt how good you are at fishing.’

‘That was just beginner’s luck.’

‘We wouldn’t have seen the Madagascar anemonefish.’

‘We wouldn’t. And it was incredible. Still, I’m pretty sure I’d rather have been doing this.’

She had a point. ‘Good to see our ability to communicate is as strong as ever,’ he said.

‘Yeah.’

‘When did we get so bad at reading each other?’ he murmured, idly stroking his fingers through her hair and feeling her shiver.

‘You have to ask?’

He grimaced in the dark. ‘Not really.’

More of a gradual descent than a sudden drop, it had started at around the time of the third failed cycle of IVF, he knew. They’d had such hopes. Dashed once again. Unable to deal with the devastating disappointment, Lily had withdrawn into herself, slowly turning into someone he didn’t recognise, and as he hadn’t had a clue how to help her he’d spent more and more time at work, telling himself he needed to do it in order to move on and up, but, more likely, subconsciously wanting to avoid her, the situation and the disintegration of their relationship.

‘Anyway,’ she said, pulling him back, ‘I think the last couple of hours proved that we’ve rediscovered the art.’

They had indeed. Their bodies instinctively recognised each other. Moved together as if they’d never been apart. He remembered what she liked with barely any effort of thought and she remembered what drove him wild.

A gentle gust of wind ruffled her hair and he felt it slide against his fingers like silk. ‘I like this,’ he said.

‘My hair?’

‘It suits you short.’

‘Thank you.’

‘When did you change it?’

‘Years ago.’

‘A new start?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Why did you never remarry, Lily?’

At his question, Lily went still, tensed a little, then relaxed in the kind of way that felt as if it had taken some effort. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said lightly. Too lightly, he thought. ‘Once bitten, twice shy, maybe.’

‘That’s all?’

Where the question had come from Kit had no idea, but now it was out there he was rather interested, rather hoping she’d admit that she’d never truly got over him.

She sighed. ‘No. Not really.’

‘Then why?’

‘I never met anyone.’

‘Seriously?’ He found that rather hard to believe. Lily was gorgeous. Fun. Successful. He’d have thought she’d have been snapped up within weeks. Was very glad she hadn’t.

‘To be more accurate I suppose I never let myself meet anyone,’ she said, twining her fingers through his. ‘At least not anyone I could be properly interested in.’

Kit frowned, unable to work that out. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I guess I always figured a deep and meaningful relationship would put me in a vulnerable position or something. I didn’t—don’t—ever want to be in a situation again which could lead to the kind of pain and heartache and desolation I went through with you. Does that make any sense whatsoever?’

‘More than it should. So what are you saying? You’ve been celibate all these years?’

‘No, of course not,’ she said with a soft laugh that clearly didn’t take into consideration the jealousy lancing through him at the thought of her with other men. ‘I’ve been out with guys. Nice guys. Had flings and things. But none of them involved the earth-moving, mind-shattering, fireworks-and-explosions kind of sex we had. It was more a case of the scratching of an itch. Which suited me just fine at the time.’

‘But not now?’

She turned her head and smiled up at him. ‘What do you think?’

Kit thought that she was never having sex—good or bad—with anyone else ever again.

‘Anyway, what about you?’ she said. ‘Why haven’t you ever remarried? You always did want children and it can’t have been for lack of opportunity.’

‘It wasn’t.’

‘Silly me for asking.’

The trace of jealousy in her voice made him smile. ‘But every relationship I’ve attempted tended to be hampered by the problem you solved on New Year’s Eve.’

‘Your impotence?’

He winced. ‘Ouch. Do you have to?’

‘Sorry,’ she said, not sounding sorry at all. ‘What would you call it?’

‘A temporary psychological problem to do with certain issues relating to intimacy.’

‘Not all that temporary if it went on for five years.’

‘No.’

‘And that sounds like something a therapist would say.’

‘It was.’

Shifting out of his embrace, she sat up and turned round to stare at him, surprise written all over her face. ‘You saw a therapist?’

‘I did.’

‘But it didn’t help?’

‘Nothing did.’

‘That must have been frustrating.’

‘You have no idea.’

‘Well, now you’re cured you can go back and take your pick.’

Kit looked at her thoughtfully. ‘I could,’ he said eventually. ‘But I won’t.’

She went very still, not taking her eyes off him for a second. ‘Oh?’

‘Because this—us—isn’t just sex, is it?’

‘I don’t think so,’ she said, so softly it came out as almost a whisper. ‘I’ve spent the entire last week remembering why I fell in love with you.’

‘Ditto.’

‘And now I think the real reason that I’ve never really had a proper relationship since us is that despite everything I tried to tell myself I never fell out of love with you.’