One More Taste (31 page)

There was only one way out of this spiral into disaster. One of them had to be strong enough to say
enough.
She'd been the one to say enough when she'd run away from home, and she needed to be that strong again.

She looked at Knox. His eyes glowed with pride for her. Then she looked at the roomful of investors who were watching her, assessing her bankability and waiting for her to speak to them.

She opened her mouth and said the two most important words of her career and love life. “I quit.”

The dinner guests' only responses were quizzical stares.

Knox stepped in front of her, angling into her line of sight. “Say that again?”

Though her mind was buzzing with a thousand different topics and she could barely focus her eyes, she tried to hold his gaze. She owed him that much. “I can't work for Briscoe Ranch anymore, and I can't work for you. I don't want the restaurant. I quit.”

And then she did the only other thing she could think of. She ran. Out of the restaurant, down the hall, and through the door to the employee staircase. She'd taken two steps down the stairs when Knox's voice called to her. “Emily, wait! Stop!”

No, she would not stop. Eventually, she owed him an apology and explanation for humiliating them both in front of his investors, but she was going to do it on her terms, after she'd had the chance to lay out the broken pieces of her life and figure out what she felt and what she wanted to do. But that wouldn't be tonight, and certainly not because he was commanding her to stop. She picked up her pace down the stairs, though she heard his footfalls fast approaching.

He caught up to her as she reached the stairwell entrance to the lobby and slammed his hand against the door, holding it closed. For a moment, all either of them did was breathe.

She closed her eyes. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. But Knox, please, let me go.”

He touched her chin in an attempt to shift her gaze to him, but she jerked her face away. She couldn't bear his touch lest she lose her nerve to walk away.

“What happened back there? You earned the restaurant and now you've got it. I don't understand what's wrong.”

The phrase
careful what you wish for
came to mind. “The only reason I earned it was by sleeping with you.”

His jaw stiffened. “You know that's not why you got the job, so don't insult us both by claiming otherwise.”

“Then tell me what happened, Knox, if this isn't because we were lovers.”

“
Were?
”

God, this hurt like hell. But she had to reclaim her life. She had to put herself back in the driver's seat and that would be impossible with Knox holding sway over her. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Past tense. For now, until I can think straight again.”

He swallowed hard. His focus slipped to the empty space past her shoulder. “Okay, then I'll tell you what happened. I challenged you to make me think about food as more than fuel. You did that and so much more. You made me crave things I never knew I needed. You brought me to life. You opened my eyes to so many aspects of living and myself that I'd been blind to. You're brilliant, Emily. You're the most brilliant light I've ever seen.”

How could he say that after she'd embarrassed him in front of his business partners? “You've opened my eyes, too. You've helped me see that the thing that's been holding me back all the time has been me. I've let fear of my parents and fear of the unknown dictate every single choice I've made since running away. I feel like a bird who's never exercised its wings for fear of falling. And now, instead of flying on my own, I'm using you and Briscoe Ranch as crutches.”

“Not crutches, support. There's a difference. Everybody needs a support system. Even you, Emily.”

“Knox, please don't argue semantics. Phrase it any way you want, but the truth is the same. I was letting you dictate the terms of my life. And I have to knock that shit off right now before it drowns us both. I can't be with you if it's not as your equal.”

He clamped his lips together. Because, clearly, he knew she was right.

All these years, she'd convinced herself that she didn't need love and companionship, but now she knew that had been her fear talking. Knox had helped her see that she needed both. And, not only that, but he'd helped her realize that she was strong enough to risk her heart to love. Maybe from Knox, or maybe from someone with whom she didn't share such tangled connections.

There was only one way for her to find out, and that was with space and time and distance. “I have to go.”

With a stunned expression, he lowered his hand from the door and stood aside so she could pass. Emily flung the stairwell door open and raced through the lobby. She no longer heard Knox's footfalls or voice, but she continued to push herself faster until she burst into the night through the main doors—escaping her past, escaping her fears, and escaping the sheltered box of a future that would have only held her back while she finally learned to fly.

 

Chapter Eighteen

Emily pounded on Carina's door for a second time, ready to spill the confession she'd been poised to share with Carina before the dinner party. Knox had been right about one thing: Emily did need a support system, and hers was her best friend. She wasn't sure what advice she hoped Carina would give her—to support her quitting or encourage her to go groveling back to Knox and his investors—but either way, Emily was bound to come out of their talk with a clearer idea about what she felt and what she wanted to do.

At the sound of the door unlocking, Emily drew herself up, trying to look poised and in control of her faculties. Decker opened the door, looking sleepy in a pair of tattered sweatpants and flannel shirt with a day's worth of stubble on his cheeks. When he saw it was Emily, he flicked his eyebrows in a bored greeting and stepped aside for her to enter. “Can't you womenfolk powwow in the morning? What is it with you two and these late-night gabfests?”

It wasn't that late, only ten o'clock, but for a rancher like Decker who woke before the crows to tend to the horses, the hour was well past his bedtime. Emily darted past him into the house. “Sorry. I need to talk to Carina.”

She found Carina sitting on the sofa watching TV, her belly protruding between her bent knees as though she were wearing a watermelon under her pajamas. “What's wrong?”

What a question. What
wasn't
wrong? There was only one place to start the story. “I slept with Knox. A lot.”

Carina gasped, then made a cumbersome attempt to leap to her feet. Decker snatched his cowboy hat from a peg near the door. “Okay, that's my cue to scram. I'm gonna go check on the horses.”

Emily had never seen a man disappear so fast.

Carina waited for the door to close behind Decker, then smacked the sofa cushions in time with her words. “You what? You what?”

Emily let the humiliation wash over her. She knew this was the worst Carina had ever seen her, but their love was unconditional, so she had nothing to hide from her friend. “I slept with Knox,” she repeated, more slowly this time.

“By
a lot
, do you mean a lot in one night? Or…”

“More than one night. A lot of nights. My place. His place.” Emily cringed and closed her eyes. “His mother's place.”

“Oh my God, Em. How?”

Restless and agitated, Emily started to pace absentmindedly in front of the sofa. “What do you mean
how
? You're the one who's pregnant. I think you're plenty aware of how it's done.”

“You know what I mean! I need details. You … and Knox … you two—” Carina's words were cut off by a grunt of pain. “Ow. Damn it.”

“What happened? The little guy's kicking harder?”

“Well, yeah. But this was just another Braxton-Hicks contraction. Don't mind me. I need details, now! I can't even picture you and Knox as a couple. He's so … so … reserved. And you're … you.”

“We're not a couple. The thing between us isn't even physical,” she said, almost to herself. It was a nutso idea. Of course, their attraction was physical. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. “I mean, it is. He's so hot, I can't even deal … I mean, that body … and the sex is … wow … but it's not…” But when Emily thought about everything she loved about Knox, the aspects of him that had captured her heart, his eight-pack abs didn't even make the list. It wasn't his body. It wasn't infatuation or lust. Her feelings ran so much deeper than that.

Carina groaned. “You're driving me crazy. Spit it out already.”

She whirled to face Carina, fully aware that her horror was showing on her face. “I think I'm in love with him. I think that's what this is. Love.” She nearly choked on the word, it was so foreign a concept. She grabbed fistfuls of her hair. “This is horrible. It feels terrible. I can't sleep and food doesn't taste good at all and I feel like my life's spinning out of control and all I can think about is him.”

Carina was back on her feet. “You're
in love
? You've only known him for a month.”

“I've practically been living in his house for that month. I've been studying him for a month. I climbed inside his mind and his soul, and then I let my guard down and I let him climb inside me.”

Carina scrunched her face up. “That doesn't sound all that romantic.”

“Huh? No, not like that. I mean, yeah, but—” A frustrated growl. “Double entendres are the bane of my existence! You know how I get when I want to fix someone the perfect meal. I get inside their heads.”

Carina snagged Emily's hand and tried to drag her down onto the sofa next to her. “That's what makes you such a great culinary artist.”

“Yeah, well, I got inside Knox's mind and I learned everything about him. And then he got inside my head, too. And I fell in love.”
Holy shit.
She was in love. Her throat tightened even more. She gasped, struggling to draw a full breath. “I ruined my career over a man. Over love, of all the goddamn terrible things.” Dizziness made her sway. This time, she allowed Carina to pull her down onto the sofa, where she pressed her hands over her eyes. “What have I done?”

Carina rubbed her back. “Your career's not ruined. Knox is a professional. He's not going to let—”

“I quit, Carina. Tonight, in front of all the partners at his firm. I quit the resort. I turned down the restaurant because I can't live like this anymore. He has too much control over me and my future.” Her throat tightened. “He boxed me in.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. You quit your job here?”

“It was the only way.”

“You don't have to do this, Emily.”

Emily could see shades of Knox in Carina's expression and tone of voice when she spoke the words that echoed his. How fucked up was that? She'd slept with her best friend's cousin? Knox was practically family. That was how low she'd sunk. “Yes, I do. I don't have a choice. He left me with no other options.”

Carina pulled Emily into a hug and released a long, slow exhalation that prompted Emily to do the same. “I've got you,” Carina cooed. “Everything's going to be okay.”

A knock sounded at the front door.

After exchanging looks, Emily pulled away from Carina to peer through the peephole. When she saw who it was, her heart gave a painful squeeze. “It's Knox,” she whispered. “I can't talk to him. I need time.”

Carina wiggled and scooted her butt to the edge of the sofa then held out her hand. “I'm going to tell him that, okay? Let me handle it. Just help me up first.” Emily pulled Carina to standing, then hustled to the shadows of the kitchen as Carina opened the door as wide as her body.

“Is she here?” Knox said.

The sound of his voice sent a shiver down Emily's spine. Tears pricked her eyes.

“Yes,” Carina said.

Emily looked in his direction to make sure he wasn't trying to push past Carina to get in, which he wasn't, and found him watching her. She met his troubled gaze, pride forcing hers not to turn away.

“Emily,” he rasped from behind clenched jaws.

“Give her time to calm down, okay?” Carina said.

Knox's nostrils flared. With his attention locked on Emily, he offered a terse nod.

Decker appeared behind Knox and set a firm hand on his shoulder. “Tomorrow's as good as tonight, man. You want to go grab a beer with me?”

Knox scowled, the contortion of his lips reflecting the monumental effort it was taking for him to remain poised. “Can't. I have a restaurant full of investors waiting for me to return with an explanation about why the talented chef I've been telling them about just quit. I wanted to ask her one last time if she'd reconsider.”

Shit. She'd embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. Yet another way their relationship had messed with her judgment. She walked toward the door, prepared to apologize for putting him in such a terrible place. “That's what this visit is about? Your investors?”

“Of course, it's not,” he growled. “It's about you and me and whatever the hell happened back there. But more than that, I want you to—” his voice broke. “I want you to succeed in your career, with your passion. I'm trying to be your support.”

“Tomorrow,” Carina pressed. Decker's hand appeared on Knox's shoulder once more.

Knox's eyes remained steadily on Emily. “Tomorrow.”

Emily swallowed and turned away from the door. Then tomorrow she'd need to be long gone.

 

Chapter Nineteen

He was going to fight for her. After too many sleepless nights alone in bed spent playing the events of the past month over and over again, this was the one truth Knox kept circling back around to. He refused to lose Emily over this decision. And though he was no closer to understanding why she'd quit, he was going to fight for her presence in his life.