One More Kiss (7 page)

She shook her head. “Definitely not. I’m sure they have stuff that’s not that high-profile. Doesn’t seem like sending you to a red-carpet event would suit your personality.”

“Yeah, I’d have to ask about that. Lucien offered to let me try it out for the next few days until I have to re-up. That way I can see what they do.”

She crossed those long legs of hers and swung her foot as she listened to him. Distracted, all he could think about was pulling her onto his lap, putting his hands around her waist and holding her close to him.

“I think you should give it a try. You said you were back here to see if there was something else for you—that you were at a crossroads. I can’t imagine a job that would make your transition easier. I mean, you could try a government job, but I don’t see you as a desk man.”

“I’m definitely not a desk man.”

“So, I guess that’s settled,” she said.

“Is it?” he asked.

“Isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. I want to give it a chance. But the crazy part is I don’t even have a house. I always live in hotels when I’m on leave. If I do this it will mean a complete lifestyle change.”

“You don’t own a house?”

“I’ve never needed one,” he said.

“What about an apartment?” she asked.

“No. I’m seldom in the States and when I am I use temporary quarters on base.”

“Jay—no wonder the idea of being married to me sent you running. You’ve never had anything in your adult life like it,” she said.

“I take it you own a home?”

“Yes. And a rental property with my brother,” she said. “Do you still want to come to the beach with me tonight?”

Hell, no. He had just established that he liked being apart from others and keeping himself removed, but he did want to spend more time with Alysse. So, he’d go to the beach tonight. Five years ago, it had been the thought of her big network of friends and family that had partially driven him to leave and this time...well, he guessed it was time to face them.

“Yes, I guess I do. But I don’t have a surfboard or a wet suit. And I haven’t surfed in over a year.”

“No problem. I’ll take care of that for you.”

He walked her back to the bakery and then rode away on his motorcycle, pondering the fact that in the course of a few hours he had a job offer and a date with Alysse and her friends. He certainly wasn’t in the Corps anymore.

* * *

A
LYSSE
HAD
GIVEN
Jay directions to the beach. It wasn’t the one that the Marines stationed at Pendleton used. This one was farther up the coast near San Clemente, which was where she’d grown up. They were meeting Toby, her older brother, his girlfriend, Molly, Tommy and Jean, who’d gone to college with Toby, and Paulo and Frida, who they’d met at the beach about eight years ago and had started playing volleyball with.

Toby was a marine biologist as were Molly, Tommy and Jean. His true passion was the ocean and he spent as many hours on the water as he could. Tonight he’d spotted a new grouping of sea lions and they were all going to paddleboard out to look at them.

Paddleboarding consisted of standing on a board—similar to a surfboard, and using a long pole to steer and move the board along. Alysse usually avoided going to these events even though Toby, who was two years older than she was, called her at least twice a week and invited her to do something with him and Molly.

And she usually went but lately she’d been busy at Sweet Dreams. Though it pained her to admit it, she was also a little jealous at Toby and Molly.

“’Bout time you showed up,” Toby said, giving her a hug as she unloaded cookies from the back of her car.

“I’m early,” she pointed out.

“I meant after putting me off for days. What made you change your mind tonight?” he asked as he grabbed her board from the roof of her car. She slung her beach bag over her shoulder and locked the car.

“I invited a guy to come along and join us,” she said carefully. She hadn’t realized that she was sort of setting Jay up by bringing him to meet her brother until she’d arrived here.

“Great. It’s about time. So who is he?”

Toby knew about her marriage so she had a feeling that he’d be less than welcoming, which was why she’d come early.

“It’s Jay.”

“Your ex?”

“Yes. He’s back in town.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Toby said as they reached the beach area where he already had a small bonfire burning. He put her board down and turned to her with his hands on his hips. “Are you sure about this?”

“No, I’m not. But the bakery is a success now and I really don’t know what to do next. I want to date, have a relationship, I thought, now I just don’t know. I’m going to spend some time with Jay and see what happens.”

Toby grimaced and stared out at the ocean. “God knows I don’t have any advice for you on marriage, but I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“Me, neither,” Jay said, joining them on the beach. “Sorry to interrupt.”

She glanced past her brother at her lover. He wore a pair of khaki shorts and a Marine Corps T-shirt. He had those aviator sunglasses of his on and he looked every inch the tough badass that he could be. Toby glanced over at him.

“I’ve got my eye on you, Michener, and if you hurt Alysse again I promise you there is nowhere you will be able to hide from me.”

“Good. That’s how it should be,” Jay said.

“Well, then...are you much of a surfer? I’ve brought a spare board you can use,” Toby said.

“I’ve surfed a time or two.” Jay stood taller than her brother and he had a more muscular build. For the first time in a long time she was seeing a man next to Toby who could hold his own. The few guys she’d brought surfing didn’t really have what it took to cut it on the waves or with her brother. But Jay looked like he could.

“Great. You want to hit the waves with Alysse and I until everyone else gets here?”

Jay glanced over at her and she nodded. She and Toby had spent a lot of time surfing in their youth, waiting for waves and just talking quietly about whatever was happening with them. Their parents had divorced when they were four and two years old respectively, and their teenaged years had been interesting, to say the least.

“Love to. But I’m not really prepared, I don’t have a wet suit,” Jay said.

“I’ll hook you up. Come with me,” Toby offered.

Jay looked at her, and she said, “Go ahead. I’ll change in my car and be right back.”

“Sounds good,” Toby said and led the way.

She admired Jay’s backside and his muscled body as he followed Toby. She was definitely going to enjoy every moment she had with him because the last four years of her dating life had left her parched. And Jay was exactly the man to quench her thirst.

She grabbed her wet suit and then decided she’d just get changed right there on the beach. She should have put her bikini on before she drove up to meet Toby but she had wanted to get here before anyone else.

She donned her bikini under her sundress and then pulled on the bottom part of her wet suit. Most of the other people on the beach were doing the same thing. The families with young children had left for the day and the older crowd was coming out...well, young adults anyway.

“You ready?” Toby asked when he came back.

Jay was wearing the wet suit her dad used when he came to visit, and he had Toby’s spare board tucked under his arm. He tossed his sunglasses in her bag and gave her a rakish smile.

“I like the way you look in that wet suit,” Jay said, giving her a hot once-over with his dark chocolate gaze.

She blew him a kiss. “You look good, too, hot stuff.”

Toby made a gagging sound, which was typical of her brother. Alysse laughed, thinking how perfect this moment was with her brother and Jay and the waves at their toes. She was so afraid to believe that things were good. And that worried her because with Jay she was always going to be waiting for him to leave.

7

J
AY
HAD
SURFED
off and on since he’d been stationed at Pendleton. Growing up on a ranch in North Texas he hadn’t ever thought of surfing or the ocean much at all. Put him on a horse and point him toward some cattle and he felt at home.

But as he watched Alysse on her board catching the waves he was in awe. He caught a glimpse of how natural she was in this setting. This was a side to her he’d never seen before and he just sat back and lapped it up.

Toby had put on a friendly face in front of Alysse but in private had told Jay he was watching him. And Jay had to respect that.

He didn’t have any friends or close confidantes that he’d mentioned his brief marriage to, but she had
family—close family and friends. People she socialized with today who knew he’d married and left her.

Thinking on that made him wonder if he should just leave now. Alysse was way too good for the likes of him and the burden of being accepted by her friends was a high one. But then she paddled her board over toward him and sat up and smiled. Really smiled all the way to her soul, he imagined.

“Are you having fun?” she asked. The sun was behind her, casting her face in shadow, but he knew that she was enjoying herself. Her body language and easy laughter were all indications.

No, he wasn’t having fun. But he did enjoy watching her enjoy herself and that made it worth it. He’d wiped out twice and even though it was just water swirling around him he felt as if he’d gone ten rounds with Lucien in a mixed-martial-arts match and gotten his ass handed to him.

“I’m a bit rusty,” he said at last.

“Ah, that’s not a big deal. Last summer we were slammed at the bakery, lots of weddings and special events, and I didn’t get to surf once all summer. Come September Toby ‘kidnapped’ me from work and made me come out. I wiped out three times before I got out of my head. Maybe that’s your problem...you seem to be weighing something very heavy.”

He shrugged. There were a lot of positives about the Corps to him and one of them was that he didn’t have to think about what to do next. If he reenlisted he’d have everything just the way it had always been.

If he didn’t...he might have Alysse, a new job, a house... “There’s a lot to think about.”

“Of course there is. But this is a moment when you can let go and just for these few hours forget everything else and have fun with these people.”

“There is only one person on this beach I’m interested in having fun with,” he said.

“Me?” she asked, giving him a sultry look.

“Hell, yes,” he admitted. “But you know that already, don’t you?”

“I do,” she said. “I am very interested in you, too, Jay but I don’t want to make the same mistake I did before.”

“It did sort of work for a while,” he said.

“It didn’t work at all. It was nice until reality started closing in. This time I want to know the real Jay. Who is the man with his clothes on?”

“And here I’d rather let you see me with my clothes off,” he said.

“I like that, too, but today I learned that you don’t own a home... That’s huge.”

“Is it?”

“Yes,” she said, riding the swell of a wave that bobbed their boards. “It tells me you don’t like roots.”

He couldn’t believe she was talking about this now. He wasn’t prepared for it, but as natural as Alysse was on the water it probably felt like sitting around a kitchen table to her.

“That’s true.”

“What else don’t I know about you?” she asked.

“You two going to take any waves or just keep talking like old women?” Toby called as he paddled over toward them.

Alysse called back, “We’ll take a wave when we see one we like.”

“Whatever,” Toby said, paddling to catch the first in the next set that rolled under them.

“You should try to get to know some of the people in the group tonight. It’s hard, believe me I know, but you’ll enjoy it.”

“Will I? Is that a guarantee?” he asked.

She leaned over and kissed him quickly on the lips. “Nope, but if you try it and it works, that’s way better than the alternative. You taking this wave?”

He glanced back, thinking of what she’d said. He didn’t have any answers and only knew what he wanted to happen but Alysse was right; he couldn’t control any of that tonight. “I am.”

He paddled toward the wave and his instincts and athletic ability kicked in.

The wave swelled behind him and he felt the board moving the way it was supposed to; he stood up and rode it. The sun was setting behind him and the beach seemed far away and there was no real noise around him except the sound of the water. This all felt so unreal. Not even a week ago he’d been up to his ass in desert sand without a drop of water in sight and now he was immersed in it. Alysse had been a memory; now he was with her, next to her, and who knows...

He tumbled off his board and was pulled into the water. The wave crashed over him and dragged his board; he felt the tug on his ankle strap. He held his breath and then swam to the surface watching out for his board so he didn’t get conked on the head with it. He made his way to the beach and took off his ankle strap before picking up the board.

“You okay?” Toby asked from a distance.

Jay nodded and put the loaned board off to the side. There were other people there at the bonfire and they looked up at him with tentative smiles, but the conversation had ground to an abrupt halt as he’d approached.

Immediately, he turned away from the group and began walking down the beach. He didn’t belong in Alysse’s life, did he need more evidence than what he’d just seen? This was a big part of her world and he was never going to fit in here.

He didn’t understand its currents and patterns the way he did the corps. It didn’t matter that he’d spent all his adult life in the Corps, he should be able to adapt to almost anything. What was the matter with him? Did he really not want to be with Alysse?

That was the answer he’d been searching for, and it’d been right here in front of him the entire time. He didn’t fit in Alysse’s life because he couldn’t adapt the way she did. He’d seen her go from the bakery, where she was very at home, to the beach, and she probably had a dozen other roles she filled with ease.

He only had one. Marine. Did he want to leave the Corps behind and take a chance with Lucien and Company B? Or was he simply going to continue his same path? Honestly, he just wanted to stay where he was, but he knew that wasn’t the way to a successful life, not anymore. Not for him, anyway.

“Jay?”

He turned and saw Alysse jogging toward him. She still wore her wet suit, which lovingly hugged every inch of her body. Her ginger hair appeared darker, almost brown, as it hung in long, wet tendrils around her face and his heart soared. He didn’t want to leave her and yet he had no idea if he could stay.

There was no way he could ask her to be a part of his life while it was a mess. And tonight had proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that his life was really still FUBAR.

* * *

A
LYSSE
HAD
THOUGHT
TWICE
about catching Jay, but in the end he’d looked so forlorn that she had no choice. He carried himself with pride. The man was an island and she felt acutely that he didn’t want or need her or anyone else. But she couldn’t just leave him to it.

Admittedly, she hated that she cared about Jay, because she shouldn’t. He’d hurt her and she knew better than to trust him. But there was a part of her that understood the struggle he was going through.

“You okay?”

He clenched his jaw and she saw a glimpse of a man she’d never seen before in his eyes. He was a hard man and she had no doubt that he could survive in any dangerous situation he was dropped in, but seeing him now, like this, made her pause. He didn’t know how to get along here.

She reached for his arm. He flinched away. She pulled her hand back and wrapped her arms around her waist, comforting herself. No matter what she projected on Jay, he was still a man whom she barely knew outside the bedroom. And though he’d never hurt her physically, he seemed to have an uncanny ability to find the right gesture to cut right through her.

“Of course I’m okay,” he said, his tone terse.

“Whatever. So you’re fine. If you don’t want to talk to me I’m happy enough to just walk back. Is that what you want?” she asked. She was setting herself up here. It was a big gamble, giving him an ultimatum. But she had to try something. She hadn’t even had a chance to introduce him to the others.

He didn’t react and she started to return to her friends.

“No, wait. I don’t want that.”

She stopped and faced him. “What
do
you want?”

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected tonight. Only knew that she needed to keep from being alone with Jay. But seeing him like this—uncomfortable and not himself—wasn’t what she’d had in mind.

Even suggesting that he let himself forget about his troubles and just enjoy the waves hadn’t helped for long. He wasn’t like everyone else and she suspected that was part of the reason why she was so attracted to him. Yet that difference was something she didn’t know how to bridge.

“I don’t know,” he admitted at long last.

“You’re the only one who can actually fix that,” she said. “Listen, I’ve got a short fuse where you’re concerned so maybe I’m not the best one to be here with you right now.”

He turned his head to the sea and she stepped closer to him, putting her arm around his waist because he seemed so alone. She wanted to comfort him. To take care of him, and she had a revelation that that was one of the very things that she’d always wanted to do for him.

“What do you want from me?” she asked.

“I don’t know that either,” he said. “Hell, I’ve gone from a man who had a career path he was sure of and a life that worked for him to this. I have no idea.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “You’re figuring it out. One thing I do know is that you can’t keep hiding all the time. You need friends and you need to meet people who aren’t in your line of work. Come back and eat with my friends. You
will
like them.”

She tried to lead him back but he refused to budge. She sensed there was more to it than just being around strangers.

“What were you thinking on the waves?” she asked. “You were doing really well and then all of a sudden...”

“I wasn’t thinking, like you said, and then I realized how ironic it was that I had been surrounded by sand not even a week ago and here I was on the water. It was just a surreal moment and I couldn’t shake it. It got me thinking about going back and then I fell and you saw the rest.”

“Wipeout,” she said. “The water is a good place to think.”

“Unless thinking makes you drown,” he said.

She laughed because she thought that was what he intended her to do. But it was forced and she had some doubts that she was the right woman for Jay. For the first time she understood why he’d left her; her life was so different from his.

“I guess so. You’re used to always being on edge. Maybe one of the other guys has a better surfing tip for you.”

“I don’t give a crap about surfing, Alysse. I’m not going to be out here all the time. I came here for you. I want—no, need—to be with you. That’s all that really matters to me.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to that. His words touched a place deep inside her that she was afraid to admit she still had. And she wanted him to really be here for her but she wasn’t too sure he could be.

“I can’t promise you anything. I’m seeing now how different we really both are,” she said. She understood that her dreams of the future were bound to be very unlike his because he had never even had a home of his own. How could he possibly look at her and see plans for a distant future together?

“Why just now? What did you see that you didn’t before?” he asked her.

“I thought we had some kind of common background, but I’m beginning to suspect we don’t. I never asked you about your past. We never did the fifty-questions thing that most couples do when they first meet.”

“Well, we sort of did, but the questions were more, do you like the way my mouth feels on your neck?” he said.

She shivered as a pulse of desire went through her. It would be easy to let this be about sex, but she refused to let it go that way right now.

“We both know I like it,” she said.

“No, we never did the getting-to-know-you part, did we?”

“So...” she said, not about to let him divert her again. There was so much more happening with Jay right now than a bonfire on the beach. This was her chance to really get to know him and she wasn’t about to pass it up.

“My family’s from Texas, the northern part near the Oklahoma border. My dad had a ranch,” he said, his voice taking on a reminiscent quality. “Our family had been ranching there for over a hundred and fifty years.”

“Why aren’t you a rancher?” she asked.

“We lost the ranch in my senior year of high school. Had to move into town and live over the diner where I worked as a dishwasher.”

“What kind of work was there for your dad?” she asked, trying to imagine how horrible it must have been to move during your senior year of high school.

“He took to the rodeo circuit taking care of the livestock on the road,” Jay said.

“At least you had your mom with you,” she said. “That kind of change must have been hard.”

“It was.”

Silence grew between them and she realized that Jay wasn’t going to offer anything else. Good thing she had a million questions.

“What did your mom do for a career?” she asked.

“She was a bank manager,” Jay said.

“They make pretty good money, why did you have to live over the diner?” Alysse asked.

“Because she left us when I was eight. Had enough of the dusty, isolated ranch,” Jay said. “Dad had to mortgage the ranch when she left and by the time I was in high school he’d fallen behind on the payments.”

“That’s horrible. Why didn’t your mom take you with her?” Alysse asked. Jay’s childhood had been so different from hers. Her dad had owned a car dealership and made good money. He and her mom had doted on both her and Toby and they’d had a fairly good life.