One Heart (28 page)

Authors: Jane McCafferty

BOOK: One Heart

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I arranged a service for you in the Unitarian church, in the same bright room as the one we had for Wendell. Louis came alone. He's still not married, and I still see him once or twice a year, and he's still Louis, a warm and predictable son, but he couldn't stay for long. Back to sea.

James didn't make it up.

Raelene didn't make it eitherâshe has a brand-new husband with an autistic son. Still, when I told her the news she was heartbroken, called me every day for a week. Just last month she sent me a card saying she hoped I was doing all right.

*Â Â *Â Â *

When they lowered you into the ground, everything in my body pulled up, up, up. I never felt so strong in my life. I thought for a second it would work, that I would pull you back into the world.

It doesn't have to be cold and rainy like it is today for me to sit at the table and drink tea and know in my heart I finally understand you.

I know now, Gladys.

I know why you couldn't just pick up the pieces and move on.

A certain kind of loss takes away your one heart and gives you another heart, a heart you hardly recognize.

That you had to die for me to understand you, Gladys.

Your voice, your face.

*Â Â *Â Â *

You could've got yourself a cane to match mine, and down the lane we'd have gone together.

I remember one night when Ann was three she whispered to me, “Sometimes I think we should all just skip in a circle.” Her eyes were shy but shining, it was like she'd found a solution to a big problem.

What I'd like to think is you and Ann are somewhere now, united. I look up at the stars and think, Is it possible?

Wendell's there too.

I can't be sure of anything. Nothing. It's surprising.

I believe in the chills I get when I look at the stars alone at night.

The chills I get.

Also by Jane McCafferty

Director of the World and Other Stories

First you Try everything

Thank you for the Music

Copyright

The first chapter of
One Heart
was previously published in the
Kenyon Review
, Summer/Fall 1998, Vol. 20 3â4.

O
NE HEART
. Copyright Â© 1999 by Jane McCafferty. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

FIRST EDITION

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McCafferty, Jane.

One heart : a novel / Jane McCafferty. â 1st ed.

Â Â p.Â Â Â cm.

ISBN 0-06-019263-1

EPub Edition August 2013 ISBN 9780062325570

I. Title.