Authors: Nona Raines
When Andie returned to the deck, Matthew's eyes were drifting appreciatively over Tania's form. "You don't look like a librarian," he remarked.
Andie's lips firmed. See, she knew it. A player. She barely restrained the impulse to smack the glass down on the table top in front of him. "Here you are," she murmured.
Tania laughed lightly. "What's a librarian supposed to look like? Oh, I know. Thick glasses, hair pulled back in a bun, long ratty sweater. Pfft." She waved the image away. "Don't believe it. Strictly a stereotype."
"I guess so," Matthew replied, with a slight grin.
Now that her friend had forced her into the role, Andie refused to be seen as a poor hostess. She noticed Matthew did not pour himself any wine. "You don't care for wine? I have some soda...diet soda..."
"No, no. Please don't bother."
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"Or some water?"
Matthew shook his head, his eyes meeting hers for the first time. A throbbing began in her abdomen and spread lower.
Oh, Lord.
"Or maybe something hot? Coffee?" Andie cursed her out-of-control tongue. Moments ago she couldn't speak. Now she couldn't shut up.
"He said no, Andie." Tania frowned, giving her a stern look.
Stop it.
Andie sat and began playing nervously with her napkin, folding it into small geometric shapes until she caught the glare Tania was sending her way.
"So," Matthew said, looking again at Tania. "Both of you work at the library."
"That's right. I'm in Reference, and Andie here is in Adult Services."
This time when he looked at Andie something flickered in his eyes. Instantly her worst fears were realized. He
had
seen her watching him last night. She looked away, her hand lifting the glass to her lips, her teeth clicking against the rim.
"Adult Services. Really?" he asked. "What kind of services do you render?"
Andie almost choked on her mouthful of wine as she registered the double
entendre
. But there was nothing suggestive in his smooth expression. She looked to Tania for help.
Well, answer him, dummy.
So Andie played it straight. "Well, I, uh, plan programs and assist patrons. Select books to add to the collection."
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Most people's eyes glazed over when she spoke about her job. He actually nodded his head, at least pretending to be interested. Again there was a glint in his eye, a glimmer that had nothing to do with planning programs and assisting patrons.
Oh hell
. Andie felt herself growing moist and gave an inaudible sigh of relief when he turned again to Tania.
"I didn't think reference librarians were even needed anymore," Matthew was saying. "With the internet and everything, don't people google what they need?"
Tania's russet eyebrows arched on her forehead. In spite of her anxiety, Andie bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. He didn't know he'd hit on one of Tania's pet peeves.
"Sure, you can google," she replied. "And get thirty thousand hits on a single entry. Do you have any idea how long it can take the average person to find what he needs?"
"There's a lot of information out there."
"Yes, and a lot of garbage. Believe me, reference librarians are still needed to help patrons sift through all that extraneous junk."
A little smile quirked Matthew's lips. Tania's ire clearly amused him.
Tania shot Andie a look urging her to contribute to the conversation in some way. But at the moment Andie's mind was a frozen wasteland. Tania's expression became one of utter exasperation.
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She made a great point of checking her watch. "Oh my gosh, is that the time? Gee, I've really got to get going. I promised Latisha I'd meet her downtown at seven."
"But there's still time," Andie blurted.
Don't leave me
, she wanted to cry while Matthew got to his feet at the same time as Tania did.
"I hope I'm not running you off," he said. "I wasn't trying to offend you."
Tania waved his words aside. "No, don't worry. I really do have to meet my friend. Sit down, stay a while." She grabbed her purse from the back of the chair.
"Say hi to Latisha for me." The redhead was already halfway down the steps when Andie spoke.
When she turned back to Matthew, he was still on his feet, watching her. "I couldn't help notice your father's away?"
Andie nodded. "He's catching up with some old friends over the long weekend. They're meeting in New York to go sightseeing, catch a couple of ball games. Y'know—guy things."
"Oh, sure, guy things." When Matthew smiled Andie's mouth literally watered. "So, you're...uh..."
"I'm here to dog sit Daisy. She's old and doesn't do well in the kennel."
Matthew looked at Andie as though waiting for her to say more. Finally he spoke. "Can I ask you something?"
Her heart stuttered.
Were you watching me last night?
She read the question in his eyes.
How long were you there?
Did you like what you saw?
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"Would you have invited me over if your friend hadn't done it first?"
A reprieve. Andie almost sighed aloud. She thought of lying, but as she stared into his eyes she found it was impossible. Hazel eyes. "Probably not. No."
"Why not? Am I scary or something?"
Yes. Very scary. Because when I look at you, I want things
I can't have.
She flushed and looked away. "Of course not."
Silence hung between them. When Andie looked back at him, Matthew smiled and gave a shrug. "Well, then. I'll have to remember to thank Tania the next time I see her."
That smile started a rush of heat flooding her and electricity zinged along her spine, radiating to her most erogenous zones. Her breasts grew taut, her nipples hard.
She tingled from her lips to the soles of her feet.
Good God. Every time she was around this man, she became a seething mass of hormones. Could he tell?
"Take it easy," he told her as he headed down the steps.
"I'll be seeing you."
Andie was shy. She was barely able to look at him on the deck. But she'd looked her fill last night. And since he'd caught her staring, Matthew hadn't been able to think of much else today, except how long it would take to get her into his bed.
He'd seen her infrequently on her visits to her dad but hadn't paid her much notice beyond offering a wave and a friendly hello. He'd been preoccupied with his business and his new house—and recovering from the break up with 27
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Chelsea. That mess left him feeling so shitty he didn't even want to think about sex.
Just goes to show what happens
when so-called love kicks you in the nuts
.
But now Matthew was ready to feel good again, and Andie was exactly what the doctor ordered. Funny how he was only now noticing how cute she was—big brown eyes, full lips, pretty round face and the cutest hint of a cleft in her chin.
Plump breasts and, oh man, that perfect lush ass. How his hands itched to hold it while sinking deep inside her.
He was sure she wanted to feel good, too. Matthew saw the hunger in her, hidden behind the reserve, and he was famished. With any luck, they could satisfy their appetites together.
But it wasn't only about sex. There was loneliness, too, in her eyes, the same kind of loneliness eating him up. God knows he wasn't in the market for some big romance, but maybe he and Andie could find a little comfort together as well as help each other feel a little less alone.
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Andie was enjoying a big exciting Friday night—sitting in her jammies and hanging out with Daisy. She purposely stayed as far from the kitchen as possible, determined to avoid the temptation of peeking at the next door neighbor.
She tried to read for a bit, but the silence left her low and lonely, longing to talk to someone. Tania was likely still out with Latisha, and Andie knew she dumped too much on her friend, anyway. She called her father's cell, to say hello and see how he was enjoying his trip, but she got his voice mail.
There was really only one voice Andie wanted to hear. She kept replaying her conversation with Tania about Douglas.
Though he and Andie hadn't really been happy in some months, she still missed his presence. They'd lived together for more than a year, had been seeing each other for almost two. How could she not miss him?
Don't think about it
. She turned on the TV and mindlessly flipped through the channels, hoping to find something to distract her. She settled on an old black and white movie and tried to pay attention to the action on the screen.
Maybe Douglas missed her, too. He'd been vague about where he'd be staying. He might already be regretting his sudden decision to move out. It was now a whole week since he'd left. Maybe he was sorry and too embarrassed to let her know. But if she called him...
No. Bad idea. Tania would wring her neck. Anyway,
he
should make the first move.
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Andie glanced at the clock on the wall above the television.
Ten seventeen. Fighting with herself, she lost the battle. She picked up her cell phone from the coffee table, muted the old movie she'd been half-watching, and called Douglas.
A woman answered. "Hello?"
Andie was dumbfounded. "I...uh...I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number."
Then she realized, no—it wasn't the wrong number. His number was programmed into her cell.
"No, I don't think so," the woman answered in a calm tone. "Is this Andie?"
"Uh...is Douglas there?" Andie's heart was thumping in her ears.
"One minute." The woman's voice sounded farther away.
"Douglas, it's her."
It's her?
Andie heard his voice in the background. "For God's sake, Gretchen, who told you to answer my phone?"
Gretchen?
"For God's sake, darling," Gretchen mimicked. "Don't you think it's time you told her about us?"
Andie sat frozen with the cell phone in her hand. When Douglas' voice came on the line, she immediately snapped the phone shut and clapped it down onto the coffee table as though it burned her hand.
What just happened?
Numbness spread through Andie, starting with her fingers and toes and slowly swelling through her body until she 30
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couldn't feel her lips. Her brain was as sluggish and slow as a hiker lost in a blizzard.
Andie, honey, when a man tells you he wants space, it's
code
.
The ice surrounding her began to crackle and break apart.
Gretchen.
It's code.
Code for "I'm getting back together with my old girlfriend.
The one I had before you came along."
Also code for "I'm a lying, cheating bastard, and you're the dumbest bitch on the planet."
It all made sense now—Douglas's distant politeness, his late nights spent "working" on the computer, the lack of sex.
He hadn't become more understanding and sensitive. He simply found a new playmate. Or rather, hooked up again with an old one.
Gretchen.
When Andie met Douglas, he'd been on the rebound. His girlfriend had dumped him not long before to hook up with another man. Andie had sometimes suspected Douglas's initial interest in her had simply been a way to show his ex her betrayal had not broken his heart.
Either Gretchen's relationship was now kaput, or she was as big a cheater as Douglas. Whatever the scenario, apparently the two of them had re-connected. Andie didn't waste time wondering how. Now she knew the truth.
Humiliation scalded her, followed by boiling rage. Rage at the coward who'd crept away, without even having the decency to tell her the truth.
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And rage at herself for being such an easy mark.
She wanted to leap up and storm around the room, scream, throw things, break them. She wanted to drive over to wherever they were and kick down the door, pummel Gretchen into a pulp and beat the living shit out of Douglas.
But Andie was paralyzed. Because she knew she was incapable of doing any of those things. And her anger, her humiliation, her sense of helplessness all congealed into a giant mass of hate. She hated Douglas, she hated Gretchen, but most of all she hated herself. The dumbest bitch on the planet.
You're a winner, Andie. You sure as hell can pick 'em.
She became totally motionless as understanding dawned.
That was the problem. She had never picked them. She never had the nerve. Never thought she deserved to be the one to choose.
When Andie thought back to the men in her past, what few there were, there had always been a pattern. She always sat back in the corner, waiting, hoping, somebody might choose her—chubby, plain, boring Andie.
And who chose her? The liars, the cheaters, the clueless.
And why did she allow herself to be with them? Because she was afraid no one else wanted her? Because she thought she didn't deserve better?
But maybe she could change. If
she, for once,
made the first move.
Andie stiffened her spine and pulled her shoulders back.
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She
would
be the one to choose. And she knew exactly who her choice was. Heat burned in her belly and radiated to her thighs, her breasts, her brain.
She bit her lip and glanced at the doorway of the den, toward the hallway that led to the kitchen. Was he out there?
She imagined Matthew sitting on his back steps again.
Waiting? Waiting for her?
She snorted and turned away, staring blindly at the TV.