One Eye Laughing, the Other Weeping (7 page)

Daddy and Max play every Tuesday night, but they’re too incredibly boring to watch. Sometimes I think it’s not really a chess game but a contest to see who can take the longest time
considering
where to move without actually moving.

The chess players at the coffeehouse move much faster, and each time they make a move they smack down their buttons on top of this double clock device that sits between them.

When I was smaller I would just turn around in my seat and peek, but one day a man winked at me and motioned for me to come over. I swiveled around that instant and pretended that I hadn’t seen him. But a couple of minutes later, when I thought for sure the

coast would be clear, he was still watching me and again motioned me over, patting the seat next to him. I’m usually pretty shy with strangers, but he looked like a nice man so I went over.

He said I was welcome to watch them play any time I wished and he called me “young lady,” which made me blush, although I don’t think he noticed.

When someone makes a move that the onlookers think is either really brilliant or really stupid they oooh and aaah or shake their heads in disbelief. It’s really very funny.

The chess players are a lot more fun than Uncle Daniel and his friends. All
they
ever talk about is themselves.

If you took the word “I” out of their vocabulary, they wouldn’t be able to communicate at all. They talk about the most insignificant things and no one really listens to what anyone’s saying.

Hugo-von-something-or-other is the worst. He’s a poet. He wears a top hat and checkered trousers, has no chin whatsoever, reeks of tobacco, and talks in this really, really high voice while waving his hands around like he’s pretending to be a schoolgirl.

According to Uncle Daniel he paints his toenails.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1938

At one o’clock today, Radio Vienna broadcast Hitler’s speech from Berlin. It was the first time they’ve ever broadcast one of his speeches. He has an Austrian accent, which shouldn’t surprise me since he was born here.

There must have been a lot of people because you could hear them all shouting
SIEG HEIL SIEG HEIL
, when he arrived.

His voice was hoarse — probably from all that ranting and raving he usually does. Although he sounded crude, there is something about the way he speaks that makes you listen. It was like when I’m on the Ferris wheel at the Prater and I look down even though I know I shouldn’t because I’ll be scared.

He went on and on: The speech lasted for three hours.

Daddy was disappointed that Hitler didn’t say anything about his meeting with Chancellor Schuschnigg, but relieved he didn’t say anything awful about the Jews, the way he usually does.

Max said it was obvious the meeting didn’t go well.

(There have been reports that Hitler shouted at the Chancellor and humiliated him.)

Uncle Daniel listened with us and he assured everyone that it would all blow over. That what is happening in Germany is not our concern.

Daddy said Uncle Daniel talks like Hitler is on the other side of the world, rather than just three hours away.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 1938

Ernst Resch said hello to me this morning, which was odd, because he has never said hello to me before. All day long it bothered me. There was something not quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then, tonight, while I was brushing my teeth, it came to me. He didn’t say, “Hello, Julie.” He said, “Hello, Jew Lee,” just like that, Jew Lee, separating each syllable

and grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I’m not going to tell anyone about it, though. It would just make things worse.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 1938‌

We listened to Ella Fitzgerald today. I have never, ever heard anything like that. She is
the best
and my favorite song is “Someone to Watch Over Me.”

Next week we’re going to listen to Helen Ward, but I just want to keep listening to Ella Fitzgerald.

Miss Sachs said there are more people each day who want to learn English in case they have to emigrate.

I never thought about that. We could never leave Vi-enna. Daddy’s office is here and we have always lived in Vienna and, besides, where would we go? But then, why is Daddy having me take English lessons?

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1938

Mother is very upset. Mrs. von Schaukel, “The Beauty Queen of Vienna,” canceled her facial for the second week in a row.

Everyone is looking forward to Chancellor Schuschnigg’s speech tomorrow.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1938‌‌

Daddy said he thought the Chancellor’s speech sounded hopeful, but Daddy sounded more hopeless than hopeful.

Too little, too late, Max said.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 1938

Daddy gets upset every time he reads the newspaper now. I asked why he just doesn’t stop and he said he wants to know what is going on.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1938

Daddy asked me how my lessons with Miss Sachs are going and I told him fine. He asked if anyone has seen me coming or going. I’ve never seen Daddy so concerned.

I asked Miss Sachs if she gets tired of teaching English all day — I just assumed that’s what she did — but in the mornings she teaches retarded children.

She gave me a good-bye kiss. She doesn’t wear

any makeup or lipstick so I don’t have to worry about wiping it off so no one will ask me who kissed me.

Now we sing “Someone to Watch Over Me” at the end of
every
lesson! Miss Sachs puts her arms around my shoulders and we sing really, really loud — but not as good as Ella.

“Someone to Watch Over Me”

There’s a somebody I’m longing to see I hope that he

Turns out to be

Someone who’ll watch over me.

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the woods I know I could

Always be good

To one who’ll watch over me.

TUESDAY, MARCH 1, 1938

Milli is working on Hitler’s horoscope. She said he is an Aries, which, according to her calculations, is ruled

by Mars, which means he’s courageous, impulsive, willful, and certain to accomplish great things.
‌

I found a small picture of Hitler in the drawer of her night table. I’m sure I’m the only one who knows about it but I don’t want to say anything.

I’m afraid to ask her about it because she might ask what I was doing looking in her drawer. (Actually, I was looking for a deck of playing cards, but she would
never
believe that.) I’m also afraid of what her answer might be. She’s changed since Hitler’s speech. She’s not the same Milli I knew.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 9, 1938

There is to be a vote this Sunday to see whether or not we will remain an independent country or be joined with Germany. Everyone hopes the vote will end all of this frightful worry about the fate of our country.

THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 1938

People are running all over Vienna painting pro-Austrian slogans on the sidewalks and buildings; there are marches and demonstrations in every district; vans

drive around; while planes drop leaflets urging all to vote YES for Austrian independence and YES to remain free of German rule. Everyone is going to vote for Chancellor Schuschnigg and not for Hitler. It is all very exciting.
‌

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 1938

There is
not
going to be a vote!

There was a special announcement on the radio and then they just returned to the music like it was just another day in Vienna.

All the color is drained out of Daddy’s face, although I can see that he is trying to conceal his concern from me. More
horrible
news! Chancellor Schuschnigg has
re-signed
. German troops are about to invade our country.

He doesn’t want bloodshed so he has ordered the army not to fight.

He is giving up — letting the Nazis take over our country without firing a shot!

SATURDAY, MARCH 12, 1938

Hitler is coming to Vienna!

Everywhere they are preparing to welcome him.

Swastika flags are flying from the buildings and there is even a gigantic banner with his face hanging on the Kärtnerstrasse.
‌

SUNDAY, MARCH 13, 1938

German bombers are flying low in formation overhead; wave after wave of them fill the sky and the sound of their huge engines makes the ground tremble.

Max said he heard rumors that German troops have crossed the border and are headed our way.

He thinks there will be war, but he always thinks the worst.

TUESDAY, MARCH 15, 1938

Hitler is here! In Vienna!

He spoke from the balcony of the Hofburg.

Schools, shops, and factories were all closed so that everyone could come out to greet our new leader. Hundreds of thousands of jubilant Viennese filled the streets and formed a torchlight procession through the

inner city as church bells chimed incessantly in celebration of our union with Germany.

We are no longer Viennese. We are no longer Austrians.

We are all Germans now, just like that. We have no country.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16, 1938

I am frightened even to write. My hand trembles as I do.

Late last night Mr. Heller called to warn us that they were attacking anyone in the street who even looked Jewish. People were being pulled from taxicabs and streetcars and beaten.

While Daddy was talking to Mr. Heller there were shouts coming from the street. I started toward the window but Max pulled me away.

He turned off the light and slithered along the wall and pulled back the curtain. There were trucks filled with men and there were swastika flags flying from the trucks as they drove. He still couldn’t make out what they were shouting.

Then the trucks were passing right below us. So

close I could feel the building shaking, and now I
could
hear what they were saying. They were screaming:
KILL THE JEWS, KILL THE JEWS, KILL THE JEWS.