One Day Soon (19 page)

I would be worrying about other things.

Hopeless things.

“Maybe we should go into town. See what’s going on. There’s a carnival in the square. I saw the fliers last week,” Yoss suggested, taking my hand and holding it between his palms.

He did that a lot lately.

Held my hand.

He had taken to kissing the top of my head or wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I knew this was significant for him. For the man who shied away from physical contact as if it would hurt him.

But he touched me. And that made me feel special. Important.

Because I was learning, that to him, I was.

Di rolled onto her side and propped her head up with her hand. Besides Yoss, Di was the one I felt the most comfortable around. Despite the metal in every available piece of skin, and her buzzed head that gave her a fierce appearance, she was, in truth, compassionate and thoughtful.

For the longest time, if Yoss hadn’t been around, I felt disconnected. Like an outsider. But that changed one night at the bridge. I had been sitting by myself, watching a couple of guys on their skateboards. Karla was shooting me evil looks, like she always did, and I was trying not to think about Yoss.

I couldn’t think about him.

Not while he was gone.

It would have driven me crazy.

“Hey, you look a little lost over here. What’s up?” Di had asked, sitting down beside me. She was skinny, like all of us, but she was dangerously so. Yoss had told me she struggled with drugs, which is why her parents threw her out of the house.

“I’m fine,” I had told her, feeling a little weird around her.

“We don’t bite, ya know,” she said, picking up a handful of rocks and shaking them.

“I know. I’m just trying to stay out of the way,” I found myself admitting to her.

Di had frowned, looking confused. “Why do you need to stay out of the way?”

I shrugged. “You’re Yoss’s friends. I know he told you guys to look out for me, but I don’t want you to think you have to babysit me.”

Di dropped the rocks one at a time. “Look, Yoss cares about you. A lot. And if you’re special to Yoss, you’re special to us.”

To them, it was as simple as that. They were friends. More than that, they were family. And they accepted Yoss’s feelings for me and embraced me because of it.

I looked at the tough girl with the tattoos and piercings and smiled. “He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”

Di played with the ring in her lip and looked thoughtful. “I met Yoss right after I left home. I was fourteen. I was coming down hard from some serious shit. My parents had thrown me out after finding dope in my room for the third time. Not that I blame them, I guess. I was a serious pain in the ass.” Di smirked a little painfully.

“Anyway, I ended up here and some jackass started messing with me.” She glanced at me out of the corner of my eye. “Yoss stood up for me. He wasn’t much older than I was, but that guy took off. Yoss stayed with me the whole night. He made sure I was okay. He stayed with me while I came off the drugs. Man, he rubbed my back while I puked my guts out. He didn’t have to do that.”

She inclined her head towards Bug, Karla, and Shane. “He’s done that for all of us. He’s been there, looking out for us. No matter what.”

“It seems to be his MO,” I murmured.

“Yeah, he has a bit of a savior complex, but that’s what makes him different than the rest of the assholes out here. He’s not just looking out for himself. He looks out for everyone. And when he cares about you, he’ll never turn his back. No matter what.”

“Where is he, Di? Where does Manny take him?” I had asked her.

“You and I both know what’s going on. But if you want the details, you need to talk to Yoss. It’s his story to tell.” Di had gotten to her feet. “Come hang out, Imi. It’ll make waiting for him to come back easier.”

And that one sentence had bonded us. Our friendship began and I was thankful for it.

“You want to go to the carnival? Seriously?” Di asked incredulously. “It’ll be a bunch of kiddie rides and bad music.”

Yoss looked down at me, his eyes sparkling. “What do you think, Imi? Should we go?” He sounded excited and I would never be able to say no to him when he looked like that.

“Sounds good to me,” I agreed and Yoss grinned.

“Ugh, okay. But how are we gonna get in?” Di griped.

“We’ll find a way in. Don’t worry about it, Di.” Yoss ran his hand over her shorn head and she swatted his arm.

“You in Bug?” Di asked, sitting up.

Bug was laying on his back, staring up at the sky, his eyes glassy and unfocused. “What?” he asked, his voice strange.

I saw that Di and Yoss shared a look. “We’re heading into town. Come with us. It’ll be fun,” Yoss said, letting go of my hand and getting to his feet.

“I don’t know. I think I’m good here,” Bug said, his words slurred.

Yoss’s face darkened. He went to stand over his friend and peered down at him. “What are you on, dude? I thought you were staying away from that shit.” Yoss was angry. Really, really angry.

I didn’t understand why he looked so murderous. It wasn’t unusual for Bug to be lit. He smoked pot as much as he was able. But lately it had become obvious that weed wasn’t his only drug of choice.

Di yanked on Yoss’s arm, pulling him back. “Just leave him, Yoss. You know you can’t talk to him when he’s like this.”

Yoss made a noise of disgust. “You’re gonna kill yourself, you fucking idiot. That crap you buy from Dez is nothing but bleach and cough syrup. What the hell are you doing?”

Bug lifted a sluggish hand and waved away Yoss’s comment. “Shut up, I’m not on anything. Maybe just a little bud. Leave me alone.” Then he rolled onto his side, his fingers running through the grass over and over again. “I just want to stay here and feel the earth. That’s all. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Come on, we just have to leave him,” Di urged.

“What’s wrong with him?” I whispered. Most of the time Bug was a funny, sweet kid. But there were times he was
something else
.

“He’s a junkie, that’s what’s wrong with him,” Yoss growled. He grabbed my hand again and pulled me towards the embankment. “Come on. Let’s go to the carnival. If he chokes on his own vomit, that’s on him.”

I had never heard Yoss sound so pissed off. It worried me. I glanced back at Bug and he hadn’t moved. Di followed us as we made our way into town, following the curves of the railroad tracks.

“Shouldn’t someone stay with him—” I started to suggest. It wasn’t like Yoss to be so dismissive about his friends.

“He’ll be okay, Imi. He does this shit all the time,” Yoss said more gently, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it. “He went three weeks this time without using that crap. I had hoped…” His words trailed off, blowing a cloud of smoke into the air.

“You know as well as I do that he can’t just stop, Yoss. Don’t be so naïve,” Di chastised.

“You did,” Yoss pointed out, flicking ash onto the ground.

“Yeah, well I wasn’t willing to do the things Bugs does to score. Not all of us have the stomach for that,” she said and Yoss tensed, his face stony.

“Some people don’t have a choice. But Bug does. And that shit will kill him,” Yoss said softly.

Di patted him on the back. “Let it go, man. You’ve got your girl beside you. It’s a beautiful day. We’re going to a fucking carnival. Don’t let Bug’s bullshit ruin it.”

Yoss squeezed my hand, taking another drag of his cigarette, and my heart felt full despite the knot I felt in my stomach about Bug.

Di had just called me Yoss’s girl.

Is that what I was?

Was I Yoss’s girl?

“You’re right.” Yoss beamed his pretty smile down at me and even though there were a hundred things to feel bad about, right then everything felt
right.

“Were you planning to leave us behind? Seriously?” Karla called out. She and Shane scrambled up the side of the hill, joining us.

“Can you keep your charming personality in check?” Di asked with a healthy dose of sarcasm. I snorted and then coughed to cover it up.

Yoss nudged me with his elbow. “Hey, none of that,” he whispered, his mouth close to my ear. f I turned my head right then, our lips would meet. What would he do if I kissed him first?

Would he pull away? Would he kiss me back?

Was I really
his girl?

Karla stuck out her tongue and hurried to Yoss’s other side. “You doing to the carnival?”

“That’s the plan,” Yoss told her.

“Cool. I know a guy who’s working the cotton candy booth. I bet he’ll give us some for free,” she said sweetly.

“I bet I can figure out how she knows him,” Di muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

Karla ignored her.

“That sounds awesome.” Yoss dropped his cigarette onto the ground and then put his arm around her bony shoulders. I tried not to get jealous. It was hard when I noticed the dreamy smile on Karla’s face.

The center of town was teeming with people. I could smell the carnival before I saw it. Fried food and sugar.

It was an annual tradition. I remember as a child begging my mother to take me. If she were in a particularly good mood, we would go.

I recalled sticky faces and my stomach flipping over as I screamed and screamed on the Scrambler. My mom used to take sadistic delight in making me get on rides that made me nauseated.

I couldn’t help but feel excited though. There was something about the sound of rigged games, the dirt on your shoes as you walked the midway, the press of the crowd as they pushed their way to the next ride that made me feel like a kid again.

“Come on, let’s head over there.” Yoss pointed to a low overhang of trees on the edge of the carnival.

“Imogen, Di, and I could try charming the hottie at the gate,” Karla suggested.

The “hottie” was a middle-aged guy with more hair than teeth, and that wasn’t saying much.

“Come on, Karla.” Di grabbed her arm and pulled her along with the rest of us.

Yoss glanced around and quickly took off his shirt, laying it over the fence. I tried not to stare at his lean, tanned frame.

Like the rest of us, Yoss was skinny. I could see the outline of his ribs underneath his skin but he was beautiful despite that. My mouth became uncomfortably dry and I wasn’t the only one staring. Karla was grinning suggestively.

“Just hop over,” Yoss instructed. Shane was first. He climbed over with little effort. Di followed him. Then Karla. She struggled a little and conveniently had to hold onto Yoss.

“You coming, Imi? I can’t hold the fence down forever.” Yoss laughed and I scrambled over the barbed wire. My hand pressed into his chest as I used him to leverage myself up and over.

It was only when I was close that I saw the scars. Lots of them. I had seen a few around his neck and collarbone, but it was nothing compared to what was hidden by his clothes.

Long, jagged lines. Small, white circles. Crisscrosses over his chest. On his back.

Up and down his arms.

He was a patchwork of pain.

My fingers recoiled at the feel of the rough skin and I hated myself for it. Because Yoss noticed and the guilt was overwhelming.

“It’s okay. Some of them have been there a long time,” he whispered, his eyes heartbreaking.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Hurry up! Are you guys just going to hang out by the fence all day?” Karla complained.

I waited for Yoss to climb over and he quickly put his shirt back on, hiding his scars once again.

“Let’s go,” Yoss said. He pulled out a small wad of cash from his pocket. “We can even get some tickets to go on the rides.”

I didn’t want to use
that
money. But I couldn’t tell him no. I didn’t want to hurt him. Not ever.

“Sounds good,” I told him, relieved when he took my hand again.

For the next hour, the five of us had a great time. Karla was able to flirt her way onto the Ferris wheel, and the rest of us got free rides too. We scored some cotton candy and caramel apples from the guy Karla had mentioned earlier. He certainly leered at her as though he knew her well enough.

My chin was sticky and Yoss laughed as he wiped my face. “I can’t take you anywhere,” he joked, licking caramel off his finger.

We were standing in line to get into the House of Mirrors. Karla, Shane, and Di were watching the really bad band play on the stage. Yoss had gotten us a few tickets for the attractions and I felt like maybe, it was a date.

Did homeless kids actually have dates? Was it possible?

Is that was this was?

“I’m a messy eater, what can I say?” I shrugged, grinning the whole time.

“You’ve got some on the corner of your mouth.” Yoss ran his thumb along my lower lip and our eyes met. They heated. They boiled over.

He was going to kiss me. Finally.

I leaned in. He leaned in. We were so, so close.