Once with a Cowboy: Loving Day Collection (One Night Only Book 1) (6 page)

              “Nessa!”
Maybe this had to do with her distance of last night.

              She glanced over her shoulder but didn’t stop until she reached the flower bed where she sank down on a mosaic bench–a leftover piece of furniture from the previous owners.

              “Nessa?”

              Her body shook but he heard nothing.

              “Not now, Ty.” The words sounded gritted out, as if pushed between clenched teeth.

              He shook his head, not caring that she couldn’t see him. “Not gonna just walk away.”

              “Why? You know nothing about me.” The low, angry tone to her voice made him hiss.

              “So, tell me,” he urged, hoping to understand what was going on.

              “You love me?” She lifted her head, anger burned in her brown eyes along with, pain and confusion clear on her face.

              “Aunt Patsy got— ” he started then stopped, trying to find the words that would put her at ease or stop her from hurting.

              She snorted. “Of course, how could you love a disappointment like me? I can’t even hold down a good job or keep an asshole of a man—or so my parents believe Why would a good guy like you want me? I ruin everything I touch, just ask my family.”

              The derision in her tone caused him to jerk back. He’d never heard her say such things about herself, much less in that tenor.

              “Nessa?”             

              “I got fired at my last job. They called it a lay off but it was really a firing.” Fury turned her words so hot they scalded him just hearing them. “I was dating the boss’ son at the time, should’ve made me exempt, right? God, I was so naïve.”

              He winced but remained silent, both horrified and fascinated by what he was learning about her.

              “Not likely. The asshole left me. He even instigated our firings because he was the snitch. Betraying his own father and his company. His inheritance, for money.” Her words became sharper, more pointed as she went on. “You’d think my parents would be sympathetic…think they’d be understanding, right? Not likely. They thought I didn’t work hard enough, said that I didn’t know how to work—unlike my brother—and adjust to the hard blows of life and then I got a job with you at
a bar
. God, my father damn near had a heart attack and my mother freaked the fuck out. You’d think I asked to come home and live with them or joined a brothel.”

              Words he wanted to say started and stuttered out on his tongue as he tried to find something to help her, soothe her, something to smother her past pain and whatever hurt her in the present.

              “I thought I’d made a mistake by moving here. The shit with the movers, the headaches with my mail but you were so sweet through it all. And despite my not wanting to, I gave into my attraction to you, thinking I’ll keep it no strings attached, won’t repeat the past. And now you love me?” She huffed out a breath

              “Nessa, what my aunt said is true.” He decided on saying it quietly to counter the acid she spewed forth.

              Nessa shot to her feet. “Oh, he loved me, too! Loved my curves, loved my naughty suggestions, loved me so much he got me fired to cover his own ass,” she shouted. “And now you love me, too.” She used air quotes around the word love, hurting him to the quick. “And one day you’ll get tired of me. Mark my words, women like Jolene will turn your head and you’ll dump me. I can’t keep a good job, just like I can’t keep a man. Everything always gets fucked up when feelings are involved and I won’t let that happen. Not again.”

              “What?” He got to his feet, at a loss for words from her accusation.

              “Well, the joke’s on you–,” she poked him the chest. “I have an offer from a startup IT outfit in Boston. I can walk away. And I’ll prove my parents wrong! Fuck up? They call me out of the blue, after weeks of not speaking to me to say I’m a screw up? Ha!” She moved around him, heading towards the house.

              “Whoa.” Ty reached only to stop himself from grabbing her arm. “What the fuck? You can’t just drop these bombs on me and walk away. I need information here, Nessa. You got offered a job?”

              “Yes,” the single word came out clipped.

              “So, everything we’ve had; that was all sex? There’s nothing between us? Nothing at all?” Acid burned through his heart and up his throat. Fuck, history was repeating itself with him.
Why do I always hope for something more?

              “Yes.” Another monosyllabic response that only riled him up.

              “So, when were you gonna tell me, or were you just going to give me notice and walk away?” He folded his arms over his chest, his body shook with emotion. It was hot behind his eyes and his face was on fire. His heartbeat pounded in his ears but the din didn’t stop him from hearing her next words.

              “I was going to interview with Briar, find out my options and make a decision.” She met his gaze head on but some of the fire had banked.

              “And when were you going to tell me any of this? Or were you going to hit me out the blue?” A bitter taste filled his mouth at his words. For a second, a sense of déjà vu assaulted him.
Heather
. The name seared its way through his brain, setting everything in its path alight. He ignored it to focus on Nessa.

              “I…” For the first time she stalled. “I…”

              “Don’t stop now, honey. You started this mess, keep going.” He waited.

              She glared at him. “I was going to weigh my options.”             

              “And you think this IT job will make you happy? Make you more money? Protect you from getting hurt? From having some man hold his position over you? Do you really think that little of me?” Each word was bitten off, leaving a foul trail over his taste buds as he uttered them.

              “Ye-yes.” She dipped her head.

              He felt little to no sympathy for her in that moment. “So, we just used each other? Why’d you even move down here, then? Why’d you take the job? You could’ve just told me all this was temporary that you had no intention of staying.”

              She ducked her head.               He moved forward, crouched down and slipped his index and middle finger under her chin to lift her head. Once he could see her eyes, he asked again, “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that we’re more than just fuck buddies.”

              She swallowed but didn’t glance away. Doubt fluttered across her face and her lips turned into a frown. “I…I don’t know what to think.”

              “So when I call you gorgeous or beautiful, that’s just to get in your pants, right?” he pushed, wanting to see how far she’d take this line of thought.

              Her lips thinned and she tried to turn her head, but he held on tight.

              “Say it, Nessa, tell me that I when I go down on you until you orgasm, that’s just me being selfish, right? Or last night when I asked you to please yourself with that vibrator, that was for my own pleasure right? Or all the times that I asked you to masturbate for me or sent you those dirty texts, that was all about me, right?” The more words that came out of his mouth the hotter he became. 

              He pressed on, not giving her a chance to deny him. “And when it’s not about sex, when I show you affection in public, in front of our friends, our regulars, hell, my brothers and mother, well, that’s just me using you, right?”

              “Ty–” Tears glittered in her eyes, she blinked at him. She sniffled but he refused to be swayed.

              “I’m not that guy, Nessa. I’m not what you want to believe I am, some boogeyman who will steal your heart and smash it into itty bitty pieces. Get that out of your head right now.” He shook his head. “And I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me. Been there, done that, got the shit stomped out of my heart to prove it.”

              He let go of her chin and stood, his legs strained and he wobbled once upright. Pain shot through his hip and he grunted.

              “Ty!” She stood, hands reaching out for him.

              “No.” He didn’t brush away her arms, instead, he took a small hop-step back. Pain throbbed up and down his thigh. “I gotta go. I can’t be here with a woman I thought I loved who can’t even do me the courtesy of not only being honest and open with me, but also thinks so little of me that she’d compare me to her prick of an ex.” He hobbled off, going as fast as his throbbing hip would let him.

              “Ty!” Her footsteps pounded out after him.

              He ignored her, made his way to the house, through it and grabbed his keys to the truck.

              “Ty, stop! Your hip!”

              “Fuck my hip! I need air.” 

In the garage, he started the SUV while waiting for the garage door to open.

              She tapped on the car window. He ignored her, opting to turn on the radio and turn up the volume. How You Remind Me by Nickleback blared at him through the speakers.

              “Perfect.”  With an empty driveway and an open road beyond, all he could think of was the freedom it offered him. He didn’t even want to think of coming back or what she would do during his absence. He took off down the driveway, no place in particular in mind. All he wanted to do was cool down and being around her only brought up hurt and anger. His cell phone rang as soon as he hit the end of the pathway. 

              “Answer call,” he told the Bluetooth system.

              “Hey, bro, what the fuck is going on? Nessa called me in tears. What’d you do?” His brother Danny demanded.

              “Let me explain what your new best friend Nessa did.” He poured out the entire conversation, editing out what he’d told her. Their sex life wasn't fodder for public consumption, brother or otherwise.

              Danny whistled. “Dayum. Jesus, shitstorm indeed. Look, she didn’t tell me all that. She could barely get the words out. Something about screwing up. Jesus, bro. So Aunt Patsy spilled the beans, eh?” Danny chuckled.

              “I don’t see how this is funny, Danny.” Despite his brother’s words, her admission of making a mistake didn’t put a dent in his emotions. His heart ached. He actually felt tears burn his eyes.
How could she doubt me so much? How could she let some asshole from her past distort her perception me?

              “The way I see it, her family fucked her up so badly that she doesn’t think she’s worthy of love, much less can make it last.”

              “Fuck.! I said that out loud, didn’t I?” Ty slammed a palm on the steering wheel only to curse at the sting and heat spread through his hand.

              “Yep, you let her get under your skin, and you never do that. Since, Heather, you’ve been careful about getting too close and yet I’ve seen you with Nessa. You don’t act the way you did with Heather.”             

              Curious, Ty prodded his brother for more. “Oh, do tell.”

              “For one thing, you’re more affectionate, and she didn’t look the least bit put off by your attention. There was hesitation, but once she gave in, yeah, it was all you, bro.”

              He could hear the smile in Danny’s voice and grumbled, “And why does that make you so damn happy?”

              “Because we were starting to worry that you’d never let yourself fall for someone again. The fact that you left your ranch instead of kicking her out, tells me a great deal.”

              “Well, doctor?” Ty pressed.

              “Remember when Heather came to your hospital room after your first hip surgery and told you she was leaving you for that movie star and you told her to give back her keys and everything you'd ever given her, then to get out.”

              Ty took in Danny’s words from a distance. “I can hear what you’re saying, but I’m not taking it in,” Ty confessed.

              “And I know that. I’ve been there too, bro. Remember?” A crackling sound came through the speakers.

              Ty decided to try and change the subject. “You home?”

              It didn’t work. “Nope, not gonna let you run away from that.”

              “Then what the fuck am I supposed to do? I don’t know what to say to make it right or make her believe me. ” He hated that they weren’t closer, that she didn’t feel comfortable enough with him to talk about her issues with her parents or her fears about relationships. This whole situation had turned into a mess, one he wasn’t sure he could fix by saying,
I love you
, constantly.

              He pulled to the side of the road. An ache in his heart welled up for both of them. “Damn it!” He hit the steering wheel again. The pain in his hand erupted all over again. “Shit.” He put on his emergency blinkers and slumped in his seat. The rock music only agitated him further. He reached over and turned it off. A few cars slowed to see if he needed help, but he waved them on. He couldn’t deal with people yet.

              “Well, I hate to say this, but you both are idiots. You didn’t push to learn more about her family and she was too burned and scared to open up to you and yet I’m sure you two fell for each other anyway.” Danny snorted.