Once Upon a Christmas (31 page)

And for the first time in his life he’d laid himself bare emotionally. Stripped himself naked in every sense, willing to trust this precious woman with his heart.

For the first time in his life, he’d said
I love you.

He covered his eyes with his forearm and cursed softly, grimly aware that despite the unbelievable physical intimacies they’d shared, Helen hadn’t once said those words back to him.

But, then, Helen didn’t think that love could happen so quickly.

Or did she still think that she was in love with David?

Deciding that he’d given her enough space, Oliver pulled on jeans and a jumper and padded downstairs, pausing on the bottom step as he heard Helen’s voice coming from the kitchen.

He frowned.

He hadn’t heard the door.

‘I’m really glad you came, David,’ she was saying and Oliver froze.

David?
She was talking to David?

And she was glad he’d come?

Unprepared for the pain that seared his chest, Oliver pushed open the door of his sister’s kitchen and saw Helen wrapped in a man’s arms.

David’s arms.

‘Excuse me.’ If he’d had his way he wouldn’t even have announced himself, but to make his escape he needed his jacket and his car keys and both were in the kitchen.

He cast one long look over the man who had once been Helen’s fiancé and who was obviously destined to hold that position again. If he hadn’t heard those words himself—
I’m really glad you came, David
—he would have flattened the guy for the way he’d treated Helen.

But clearly such heroics were uncalled for.

So instead he walked calmly into the kitchen, trying not to notice that Helen was still in her dressing-gown. The thought that she was still naked under there filled him with almost unbearable tension.

Last night she’d been his.

Every warm, feminine inch of her.

‘Oliver …’ Helen pulled away from David and turned towards him, clearly embarrassed and Oliver managed a smile. In fact, he was fairly proud of the smile. Considering the way he was feeling, it was a hell of a convincing smile.

But he didn’t want Helen feeling guilty.

He knew better than anyone how confused she’d felt over David and if she wanted him back in her life he certainly wasn’t going to stand in her way.

‘I need to go to the surgery.’

‘But you’re not working.’

He gave a shrug and reached for his keys and his coat. ‘You know me by now, Helen. I’m always working.’ And he no longer had a reason to stay.

Helen stared after Oliver and suddenly everything was clear.

Like the mist lifting from the mountains, she suddenly saw what she wanted her future to be with perfect clarity.

But was it too late?

Was Oliver just going to walk away from what they’d shared the night before?

She stood frozen to the spot and then the heavy slam of the front door galvanised her into action and she sprinted after him, desperate to talk to him, totally oblivious of the fact that David was still standing in the kitchen.

She tugged open the front door, frantic to get to Oliver, but Oliver put his foot down, scattering shingle and snow as he drove away at speed.

‘No!’ Feeling utterly desolate, Helen’s slim shoulders slumped and she stared after him helplessly. Then she noticed the four-wheel drive.

He’d taken the sex machine. Which meant she could go after him.

Lost in thought, she gave a start as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She’d totally forgotten about David.

He stared after Oliver’s car with disapproval. ‘Who was that? He was driving far too fast for the road conditions.’

‘That,’ she said quietly, ‘is the man I love. And he’s used to the road conditions. He’s lived here all his life.’

She turned, noticing how ridiculous David looked in his expensive suit. She’d always thought he was good-looking but suddenly she found herself noticing that his shoulders weren’t as broad as Oliver’s and he didn’t smile with his eyes. In fact, no matter which way you looked at it, he just wasn’t Oliver.

She tried to imagine David climbing into a ditch to save a woman’s life or making a call on a Sunday unless he was being paid an exorbitant hourly rate.

She tried to imagine David making love to her the way Oliver had the night before.

Her face heated at the memory and she gave a soft smile.

Love.

That was the secret ingredient.

That was the reason it had felt different.

‘Are you seriously suggesting that you love that man? You can’t possibly love him.’ David looked at her in bemusement. ‘You can’t have known the guy for more than a few weeks.’

‘But time doesn’t have anything to do with it, does it David?’ she said quietly, suddenly desperate to go after Oliver and talk to him. ‘You and I were together for six years, but I don’t think you ever knew the real me. And I don’t think I knew you either.’

David looked thoroughly out of his depth. ‘Shall we continue this conversation indoors?’ he suggested, glancing up at the sky with a frown. ‘It’s freezing out here.’

Helen shook her head. ‘Actually, I like it out here. The air is really clean and there isn’t anything more to be said. I’m really glad you came, David, because it helped me realise that we are not a good match.’

‘That’s ridiculous.’ David looked at her. ‘You would have made a perfect lawyer’s wife.’

‘No.’ Helen lifted her chin. ‘I’m me, David. I’m not here to make your life easier. If that’s what you want, find yourself a secretary. And now I need to get dressed.’

And with that she hurried back into the cottage and up the stairs.

She needed to see Oliver.

She found him in the surgery, absorbed by something on the computer.

‘Oliver?’

He lifted his head, his expression distant. ‘Hi, there.’

She remembered just how close they’d been the night before, how he’d held her and made love to her, and wondered how he could be so reserved.

Her heart plummeted.

That cool reserve hurt her more than she could possibly have imagined.

Had she misread the situation?

‘Listen, about David—’

‘It doesn’t matter, Helen.’ His tone was steady and he turned his attention back to the computer. ‘You must be thrilled that he came back.’

She looked for signs of jealousy. Anything that suggested that he minded, but there was nothing.

Misery spread through her.

If he didn’t mind that David had come back, that could only mean one thing. ‘Oliver—’

‘Our relationship probably helped you put your feelings for him in perspective. It was just a bit of fun. I hope you’re not feeling guilty about it.’

Helen stared at him, really shocked by his almost indifferent response.

Last night he’d kissed every inch of her quivering body.

Last night they’d whispered intimacies and shared secrets.

Last night he’d told her that he loved her.

And now he was talking to her as though she were a patient.

‘Tell me honestly …’ Her voice was croaky and suddenly she found that her hands were shaking. ‘Do you regret last night?’

There was a long silence and when he finally turned to face her she noticed the lines of tiredness around his kind blue eyes. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly, ‘I suppose I do.’

Pain stifled her breathing and she backed away from him. She’d heard all she needed to hear.

‘I’m sorry.’ Her voice was barely audible and she grabbed the door handle for support. ‘If it’s any consolation it won’t matter because I’ve decided to go back to London. I’m catching the train tonight. You won’t have to see me again.’

He gave a brief nod, not in the slightest surprised, and Helen was astonished by the depth of her own disappointment.

What had she expected?

That he’d try and stop her? That he’d beg her to stay?

He’d already told her that he regretted their relationship.

There was nothing left to say except goodbye.

But the words stuck in her throat and Oliver seemed more interested in his computer than her.

So Helen quietly put his car keys on his desk, slid out of the room and walked out of the surgery with tears in her eyes.

She’d get a taxi back to the cottage, pick up her bags and go to the station before Bryony and Jack arrived home. That way she wouldn’t be a wet blanket.

She stood for a moment in the car park, staring at the
mountains, thinking that in a month she’d recovered from David.

All she had to do now was recover from Oliver.

But she knew that what she felt for Oliver would be with her forever.

O
LIVER
stared blindly at the monitor, fighting the temptation to put his fist through it.

It had taken every ounce of will-power on his part not to crash his way through his desk and grab Helen.

But the image of her in David’s arms had stayed with him.

He tried to console himself with the fact that four weeks ago his life had been happy.

Four weeks ago his life had been fine.

But that had been before he’d met Helen.

The door to his consulting room flew open and he glanced up eagerly, his broad shoulders sagging slightly when he saw his brother standing there.

‘What’s wrong?’

Tom strolled into the room, pushing the door shut behind him. ‘Bryony just rang from the airport. She’s on her way back. I came to warn you so that you can rethink accommodation for you and Helen.’

‘Thanks, but it’s all sorted. I’m going home after I’ve finished here.’

‘Home to your home?’ Tom lifted an eyebrow mockingly. ‘And what about your roof?’

Oliver didn’t smile. ‘My roof is finished.’

Tom looked at him searchingly. ‘And Helen?’

There was a long silence and when Oliver finally spoke his voice sounded rusty. ‘David has turned up.’

‘David? The guy who left her?’

‘The same.’

‘And she slapped his face, yes?’

‘Not when I was there,’ Oliver said evenly. ‘In fact, they were looking pretty cosy. She came here to say goodbye. She’s on her way back to London, presumably to begin the life she had planned before he ditched her at the altar. He’s about to make her a very happy woman.’

‘Are you sure about that?’ Tom frowned. ‘I just saw her climbing into a taxi, looking as though her best friend had died. She certainly didn’t look like a woman who’d rediscovered the love of her life.’

Oliver gave a twisted smile. ‘Helen’s a sweet girl. I expect she was worrying that she’d hurt me. I tried to pretend that it was all just a bit of fun and that none of it mattered, but I don’t think I was very convincing.’

Tom looked at him, his eyes searching. ‘And you’re sure you didn’t misunderstand?’

‘I heard her say that she was glad to see him,’ Oliver muttered, running a hand over his face and slumping in his chair. ‘Damn, Tom. I never thought it would hurt this much.’

‘Love?’ Tom gave a harsh laugh. ‘Love is the worst pain known to man.’

Momentarily distracted, Oliver looked at his brother, realising that the statement had deeper implications. ‘I assume you’re talking about Sally. I’ve always wanted to know why you ended it.’

‘Because I thought she was too young to make that sort of commitment …’ Tom paused for a moment and his firm mouth curved into a smile of self-mockery. ‘And I was stupid,’ he finished softly. ‘Incredibly stupid.’

Knowing that Tom never talked about Sally, Oliver held his breath. ‘And if you could put the clock back?’

‘It’s too late for that,’ Tom said harshly, glancing quickly at his watch, ‘but it isn’t too late for you. I suggest you go back to the cottage and knock him down. Then drag the maiden back to your lair and have your wicked way with her.’

He’d done that the night before.

It didn’t seem to have made even the slightest difference to her final decision.

Oliver gave a weary smile. ‘Helen’s made her choice.’

Tom frowned. ‘That doesn’t sound like you. If you love her, fight for her! You’ve always fought for everything you believed in. Literally, when you were younger. You had permanent black eyes at one point.’

Oliver shook his head. ‘The one thing I can’t fight is her love for another man, Tom. It has to be her decision. And she’s made it.’

Helen stood on the freezing platform, wishing the train would arrive.

Once she was safely on her way, maybe she’d lose the desperate urge to run back to Oliver.

She glanced around her, realising that she was the only person waiting for the train.

Five more minutes. Five more minutes and then the Lake District would be part of her past.

And so would Oliver.

From the tiny station car park she heard the slam of a car door, a masculine shout and then footsteps. Her heart lifted, only to plummet again as she saw Tom striding towards her.

‘Is something wrong?’ She looked around her but the platform was still empty, which meant that she could be the only reason for the visit.

‘Plenty.’ Tom raked long fingers through his dark hair. ‘Look, I’m probably going to say the wrong thing here—heaven knows, I’ve made a complete mess of my own love life so I’m certainly not qualified to tamper with anyone else’s—’ He broke off and took a deep breath. ‘Do you love Oliver?’

Helen looked at him, startled. ‘Sorry?’

Tom gritted his teeth impatiently. ‘Do you love my brother?’

‘Well, I—’

‘It’s a simple question, Helen. Yes or no?’

‘Yes,’ she croaked, rubbing the toe of her boot on the frosty surface of the platform. ‘Yes, I do. But it was just a bit of fun for him.’

Tom gave a disbelieving laugh. ‘You may love him, but
you don’t know him very well, do you? He thinks you’re reunited with David. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty about going back to him. He’s making things easy for you. It’s pure Oliver.’

‘Easy?’ Helen stared at him and swallowed hard. ‘Seeing Oliver so cool this morning was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to bear, particularly after last night—’ She broke off and blushed, realising what she’d just said, but Tom gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.

‘So you’re not going back to David?’

She shook her head. ‘No. I couldn’t. I love Oliver.’

‘Then why are you going back to London?’

Helen glanced down the track and saw the train approaching. ‘Because I can’t live here and see Oliver every day. It would hurt too much, knowing that he doesn’t love me.’

‘He does love you.’ Tom swore under his breath and stared at the approaching train with something close to desperation. ‘No wonder the path of true love never runs smoothly,’ he muttered. ‘People don’t tell each other the truth.’

‘Oliver has only known me for three weeks.’

‘Oliver loved you from the first moment he saw you,’ Tom said. ‘He moved into Bryony’s cottage, for goodness’ sake, just so that he could be with you because he couldn’t bring himself to leave you on your own.’

Helen frowned, suddenly confused. ‘He was having his roof done.’

Tom sighed. ‘Helen, Oliver’s roof is fine. Rock solid. Not a leak in sight.’

Helen stared at him. ‘But—’

‘He was determined to watch over you. Pure Oliver again.’

Helen’s mind was racing. Oliver had stayed in the cottage just so that he could be with her? ‘That doesn’t mean he loves me. That just means he’s kind. As you say, “Pure Oliver.” He would have done the same thing for anyone.’

‘You need more evidence?’ Tom thrust his hands in his pocket. ‘In order to create a job for you, he bought his practice nurse a flight to Australia so that she could afford to visit her daughter.’

Helen shook her head. ‘But she’d wanted to go for ages.’

‘But she couldn’t afford it,’ Tom said gently. ‘Oliver paid for the ticket and gave you the job because he decided that you needed the distraction of working to get you out of bed in the morning. He was afraid that if he left you on your own all day, you’d brood.’

Suddenly Helen remembered Hilda’s surprise at hearing that Maggie had decided to go to Australia at such short notice.

‘He didn’t need a practice nurse?’

‘Maggie is a perfectly good practice nurse.’

Helen swallowed in disbelief as she assimilated the enormity of the gesture. ‘He did that for me?’

Tom nodded. ‘He loves you, Helen. Enough to let you go because he thinks you love David.’

Helen stared at the train as it slowed and then turned her eyes back to Tom. ‘He loves me?’

‘And you love him.’ Tom picked up her bags. ‘So I suggest you cash in that ticket you bought and let me drop you back in the village. Last time I saw him he was dragging
on his walking gear. It’s what he always does when something stresses him. He takes to the hills.’

Helen was digesting everything that he’d said.

Had Oliver really thought she was going back to David?

Had he thought that he was making the decision easier for her?

She stood for a minute and then gave Tom a smile. ‘Do you know where he’s gone?’

‘I’ve got a good idea.’

Helen breathed a sigh of relief. ‘In that case, do you think you can drop me at the cottage so that I can borrow Bryony’s walking clothes one more time? And then I need you to point me in the right direction.’

She found Oliver by the lake, at a place they’d walked to together several times over the past month.

He was sitting on a rock, throwing stones into the water. He stood up as she approached, his expression neutral.

‘You shouldn’t walk in the mountains by yourself—you might get lost.’

Helen shrugged. ‘I was careful. You see, I have this friend who taught me a game.’

The wind played with his dark hair. ‘And what game is that?’

‘You memorise different landmarks on the way.’ Helen turned to look back down the path she’d taken. ‘I passed a boulder shaped like a sheep, a patch of ice shaped like Africa. If I had to find my way back without getting lost, I could.’

He was silent for a moment, a muscle working in his lean
jaw. When he finally spoke his voice was slightly hoarse. ‘What are you doing here, Helen?’

‘Looking for you.’ She closed her eyes and breathed in the air. ‘It’s lovely here.’

‘Helen …’

He looked so remote, so unlike Oliver, that for a moment her courage faltered. And then she remembered everything that Tom had told her and that gave her the strength she needed.

‘Actually, I’m here because I need to ask you a question. If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer, Oliver?’

His expression was wary. ‘That depends on the question.’

As a response it was less than encouraging, but she ploughed on anyway. This time she wasn’t going to give up until she’d told him how she felt.

‘Do you love me, Oliver?’

He flinched as though she’d struck him and dragged his eyes away from hers, staring out across the mountains. ‘What sort of a question is that?’

‘An important one.’ Suddenly her hands were shaking and she had butterflies in her stomach, but still she carried on, trying not to be put off by the fact that his hands were thrust firmly in his pockets. ‘Last night you told me you loved me. I want to know if you meant it, or if it was something you say to every woman you make love to.’

He didn’t move and he didn’t look at her. ‘I don’t say it to every woman.’

‘So, is that a yes?’

His hard jaw tensed and for a moment she thought he wasn’t going to answer.

Then he stirred. ‘Yes. I love you. Now what?’

Her heart lifted but he still didn’t turn to face her so she walked around until she was in front of him.

‘Now you can ask me a question.’

Finally his eyes met hers. ‘Helen, I—’

‘I expect you want to ask me about David,’ she said quietly, ‘so I’ll just tell you anyway. I don’t love David, Oliver. I’m not going with David. In fact, I should probably tell you that I intend to settle down in the Lake District with my family.’

Oliver was silent for a long moment, his blue eyes fixed on hers, his expression unreadable. Then he cleared his throat. ‘Your family?’

‘That’s right.’ She was taking a huge risk but she’d decided that it was worth it. ‘For a while there’s just going to be me and the man I love, but pretty soon I’m sure we’ll have babies because I’m dying to be a mother and he’s going to be a great dad. And if we’re going to have lots of children we need to make a start.’

There was a long, pulsing silence and Oliver finally stirred. ‘This man you love …’

‘Yes?’

‘He doesn’t live in London?’

She gave a smile. ‘He’d hate living in London. The man I love was born to live in the mountains. They’re part of who he is.’

‘Sounds a pretty weird choice of partner to me.’ Oliver’s voice was hoarse and he still hadn’t touched her. ‘Why would a London girl like you love a man like that?’

‘You want to know what I love about him?’ Helen’s voice was soft. ‘I love the fact that he cares so much about everyone. I love the fact he cares enough to see patients on his day off and pretend his roof needs fixing just so that he can keep an eye on a friend of his sister’s that he doesn’t even know.’

Oliver sucked in a breath. ‘Helen—’

‘I love the way he laughs all the time and I love the way he kisses.’ Helen paused, digging her nails into her palms. ‘And I love the way he pretends that he doesn’t love me so that I can leave without feeling guilty.’

Oliver’s eyes locked on hers. ‘But you don’t want to leave?’

She shook her head. ‘Never again.’ She huddled deeper inside her coat and stamped her feet to keep warm.
Surely he’d touch her soon?
‘My home is here. With you. If you want me, that is.’

And finally the tension seemed to drain out of him.

He gave a groan and dragged her into his arms, his voice muffled as he buried his face in her neck. ‘Oh, God, Helen, I thought I’d lost you. When I saw you with David I thought I’d lost you.’ He squeezed her tightly and then pushed her away slightly so that he could look at her. ‘Once I heard you say you were glad he’d come, I thought that was it.’

‘When you walked out, I almost died.’ Helen put her arms around his neck, sliding her fingers into his hair, loving the way it felt. ‘I couldn’t get rid of David fast enough. But then I came to the surgery and you were so cold.’

‘It was the only way I could stop myself from breaking down and begging you to stay,’ he confessed in a raw
tone, ‘and I didn’t want to do that to you. I wanted you to make the decision yourself, without pressure from me. I thought you’d already made that decision.’

‘I’d already sent David away when I found you at the practice. I came to tell you that I loved you,’ Helen told him, oblivious to the biting wind which buffeted both of them. ‘But after you told me that last night was a mistake, there didn’t seem much point.’