Once More with Feeling (32 page)

“No one has a right to feel this good on a Tuesday,” she countered, pulling off her jacket.

“These days I find myself feeling good on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sunday nights, Monday mornings....” Wearing a lopsided grin that gave him a charming Mr. Potato Head look, he shrugged. “Laura, I’ve got to thank you for introducing me to Claire.”

Ah. So it wasn’t the caffeine. “You’re welcome, but it’s not as if I invited you both over for the home version of
Love Connection.”

“I’m convinced it was some kind of cosmic thing,” Gil said, his eyes rising up toward that great dating service in the sky. Suddenly he leaned forward. “Has she said anything to you about me?”

“Oh, you’ve come up in the conversation once or twice.” Laura didn’t dare let on that she already knew his favorite color, his favorite song, his favorite TV show, and what kind of underwear he wore. “It sounds like you two are really hitting it off.”

“Why not? I’d be a fool not to fall for a woman like Claire.” A wide smile crept slowly across his face. “She’s amazing. She’s soft, she’s sensitive, she’s loving—”

“Claire?” Laura blinked.
“My
Claire?”

“—so giving, so caring—

“Wait. We’re talking about Claire Nielsen, right? A woman who was no doubt a Roller Derby queen in a previous life?”

Gil had a faraway look, as if he were barely listening. Then his smile changed. “Did I mention that she’s also a very ...
passionate
woman?”

“Ah-h-h,” Laura
said knowingly. “Now I’m beginning to understand.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Gil protested. “The fact that she’s able to express herself so openly during our most intimate moments is only a small part of our relationship. She and I click on a much grander scale. My psychic says our auras are so perfectly matched that they mesh like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.”

“Gil, the last thing I want to do is rain on your parade.” Laura spoke slowly, choosing her words with care. “But let me play devil’s advocate for a moment. Isn’t it possible—-just
possible,
mind you—that your interest in Claire is at least partially rooted in the fact that you’re feeling kind of ... hurt right now? You’re still in shock, recovering from what happened with Melanie, and—”

“Don’t mention that woman’s name to me.” The expression on Gil’s face suddenly matched that of the most despicable character in Evan’s most violent video game.

“See that? The fact that you’re so angry makes me think you haven’t yet gotten over her.”

She was expecting a string of protests. Instead, Gil lowered his eyes. “You’re right. Sometimes I manage to forget her—when I’m with Claire, mostly. But other times ...”

When he looked at Laura, there was fire in his eyes. “But I’ve figured out what I need to do.”

Laura shrugged to show she didn’t understand.

“I have to get revenge.”

“Revenge?” Just hearing the word made her think of Claire. “What does revenge have to do with anything?”

“In the cosmic scheme of things, a lot.”

She was tempted to make a joke about Gil having spent too much time with his astrologist. But his steely look told her this was no laughing matter.

“There’s got to be some way of getting back at Melanie,” Gil insisted.

“You mean like trampling her flower beds?”

“Nothing that tame.”

“How about ... I don’t know, running a bulldozer through her pots?”

“Not even close.”

Laura was growing uneasy. “Surely you’re not thinking of turning her in to the IRS.”

“Now you’re thinking along the right lines.”  Staring off into the distance, he said, “I’ve thought of turning the kids against her. But that would hurt them. She
is
their mother, after all. No, they’ve already been victimized enough.”

‘Tell me about it,” Laura interjected.

“I’ve thought about trying to break up her relationship with Roger.”

“Hah! Believe me, being with him is punishment enough.”

“They’re all good ideas, but not great ideas. Still, there’s got to be a way—”

“But what’s the point?” asked Laura. “Why is revenge so important?”

Gil blinked. “For closure, of course.”

“Closure,” she repeated, not understanding.

“I need a way to get past my divorce, Laura. I have to let go. That chapter of my life is over. It’s time to move on. The question is, how?

“And then 1 figured it out. I need a way of evening up the score. Of doing to Melanie what she did to me. If only I could make her suffer a fraction of the pain I’ve suffered, if somehow she, too, could be forced to deal with the same feelings of loss ...”

“Do you really think that would make you feel better?” Laura asked earnestly.

“The idea is not necessarily to feel better. It’s to feel you’ve come full circle. That there’s finally an ending to what’s been going on for so long.”

“You’re not getting that from your relationship with Claire?”

“Claire is wonderful. She’s easily the best thing to come out of my divorce. But this has nothing to do with her. This is between Melanie and me.”

Laura took a deep breath. “I’m sitting here wondering if I dare fill you in on the latest gossip about the Clog Lady.”

“What now?”

“This morning Roger came over to announce that he wants to buy me out of our house.”

“And?”

Laura took a deep breath. “He wants to move back in ... with Melanie.”

“They’re moving in together?”

The vehemence with which he summarized the recitation she’d just given made her recoil, hoping he’d remember not to shoot the messenger.

‘That’s what Roger told me.”

He was staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed, his hands clenched into fists—even the one still clutching his coffee cup. “I’ll kill him.”

“Be my guest,” said Laura. “But please wait until he’s taken out the life-insurance policy my lawyer’s insisting on.”

He didn’t laugh.

“Look, Gil,” she said, her voice much softer. She sympathized with the turmoil—and the pain—he was so clearly experiencing. “I know this is hard to take. It’s as obvious to me as it is to you that Roger and Melanie are acting in a way that’s thoughtless, impulsive ... and just plain stupid. They hardly know each other. They’re gambling not only with their own lives, but with the lives of our kids.

“But the bottom line is that whatever cockamamie schemes Roger and Melanie come up with from here on in are not our problem. The kids are our concern, of course, but it’s inevitable that all of us divorced folks end up dealing with the fallout from our ex-spouses’ follies. You said yourself that you’ve got to let go of the past, to accept the fact that your life with Melanie is over. And that you really are better off without her.”

Gil’s eyes were clouded. “My head hears what you’re saying. But my heart wants to crawl into bed and pull the covers all the way up.”

‘Trust me, Gil. You’ll get through this.”

“She ripped my family apart! Oh, sure, 1 get to see my kids every second weekend. And on Wednesday nights I’m allowed to take them out to McDonald’s. But I miss seeing them in the morning before school and watching TV with them in the evening and ... and just doing normal, everyday stuff....” His voice got thicker and thicker until it trailed off.

“Look on the bright side,” said Laura, doing her best to sound encouraging. “You’re building a new life. You’ve already found someone new. You’ve got”—she paused, still incredulous—”Claire.”

“I know.” He swallowed hard. “She told me you’ve met somebody, too.”

Laura nodded. “I’m crazy about him. I feel as if I’m finally figuring out what love is supposed to feel like, twenty-five years after everybody else.”

“Better late than never, I suppose.” Gil stared thoughtfully into space. “I wonder if I ever really loved Melanie.”

“Of course you wonder. Everybody does. When your marriage falls apart, you can’t help thinking it must not have been built on a very strong foundation. You especially have to be suspicious if you want to believe you’ll ever get a second chance to fall in love again and start a new relationship—this time one that lasts.”

“I guess you’re right. Besides, my astrologer’s been telling me all along to stay clear of Pisces.” Gil laughed, a little embarrassed chuckle. “How’d you get so smart, anyway?”

“Easy,” Laura replied, waving her hand in the air. “I write fiction. I just make up this stuff as I go along.”

“Somehow I don’t think it’s that simple. Hey, this new guy of yours ... ?”

“Cam?”

“Cam. Would you give him a message for me?”

“Sure.”

“Tell him he’s very lucky.”

“Do me a favor, Gil,” she returned, smiling. “Pass that same message on to Claire.”

* * * *

Laura wasn’t surprised to see new faces at the support group the following Wednesday night, nor that some of the familiar ones were absent. Sitting in the circle, making small talk with Carolyn as she waited for the evening to get under way, she wondered what it was about the group that kept her coming.

It wasn’t that she needed a diversion. Since Cam had come into her life, she’d spent nearly every spare moment she could with him. Nor was it merely that the weekly update of other people’s ups and downs was much more engrossing than the Wednesday-night lineup of sitcoms. She couldn’t attribute her loyalty simply to habit, either.

What kept her hooked in was the feeling that she was still on that roller coaster. True, the ride was easing up. The highs weren’t quite as exhilarating, the lows not as devastating. As for the parts in between, they continued to set her heart pounding ... but at least these days she was able to catch her breath. Even so, her car was still very much in motion—and she was still struggling to hold on.

Glancing around the circle as she tuned out Carolyn’s discourse on creative ways to doctor up Campbell’s Soup for One, Laura found comfort in both the familiar faces and the new ones. One of the new faces was particularly intriguing. Bright green eyes shone out from an abundance of wrinkles as the woman who was easily the oldest in the room joked with Ken. Laura could have sworn she was flirting.

“I see we got some new members tonight,” Phyllis began in her gravelly voice. “Why don’t you introduce yourselves? We’ll start with this lady over here.”

The silver-haired woman glanced up. Her chair was pushed up so closely against Ken’s that they sat thigh to thigh. “My name’s Daisy.”

“Hello, Daisy. Welcome. Before we get started, I gotta tell you rule number one.”

“What’s that?”

“We don’t touch. Is there anything you’d like to say to help us all get to know you?”

“Let’s see. How about I just left my husband after fifty-two years of marriage?”

“Why?”

“He was getting old. Acting old, I mean. He didn’t want to go out anymore. He wouldn’t do any of the things we used to enjoy together. Bowling, golf, skydiving ...” Daisy waved her hand in the air. “He kept giving me these cock-and-bull stories, claiming he was developing a whole list of aches and pains.” She rolled her eyes. “First this hurt him, then that hurt him.”

The look on Phyllis’s face was one of incredulity. “Isn’t it possible he was telling the truth?”

“Naw. He was just making excuses. His doctor told me he was fit as a fiddle. I figure you’re only as old as you feel. And Clyde started acting
old.”

“I’m sure you’ll find plenty of support, Daisy. There are so many seniors groups doing interesting things. Weekend trips, volunteer work—”

“Hah! I got no time for that stuff. I’m too busy taking tango lessons with my new boyfriend. He’s a younger man, only sixty-three.” There was a devilish twinkle in Daisy’s eyes. “You should see him dip.”

After a few more members introduced themselves, Phyllis looked around the circle. “So what’s new? Who’s got something interesting happening in their life? If it’s of a sexual nature, so much the better.”

Laura raised her hand. “Something’s come up in my life. A few days ago my ex-husband told me he wants to buy me out of our house.” She glanced around the circle, hoping that making eye contact with a sympathetic audience would boost her flagging confidence. “He’s moving in with his new girlfriend.”

“Men,” Elaine muttered. “They’re despicable.”

“Hey, there’s nothing despicable about that,” Ken countered. “The guy’s just getting on with his life.”

“I think the issue here isn’t what Laura’s ex is doing,” Carolyn interjected. “It’s how Laura feels about it.”

“How
do
you feel about it?” asked Phyllis.

“I feel ... I feel ...” Through Laura’s mind raced all the emotions that Roger’s announcement had elicited. “Mostly I feel afraid.”

“I hear ya,” commented Jake, Ken’s sidekick. “The day I moved out of my house was one of the worst days of my life. And the whole time I was packing up my stuff, my wife was standing there, watching.
Gloating.”

“Hmph,” said Elaine. “You’re lucky she gave you a chance to pack. I took all my ex’s junk, threw it into the car, and hauled it off to the Salvation Army.” With a gleam in her eye, she added, “If you guys hurry, you can pick up Giorgio Armani suits for ten bucks.”

“Things between my husband and me are a little more civilized,” Laura said. “Don’t get me wrong; there’s still plenty of anger. But I keep telling myself that this move is probably for the best.”

“Any kids?” asked Carolyn.

Laura nodded. “A boy, eight.”

“So how come you’re not staying in the house with the kid?” Elaine demanded. “Isn’t that the way it’s usually done?”

“That’s what happened in my divorce,” said Jake. “My wife got the house, the kids, and the Volvo station wagon. I got the beat-up Honda and the child-support payments.” He shook his head. “And she’s the one who had the affair.”

“My husband and I are pretty good about each spending time with our son,” said Laura. “I’m glad Evan’ll still be able to spend part of the time in what’s always been his house.”

“Let me get this straight,” Elaine interjected. “Some new woman is moving into
your
house, with
your
husband and
your
kid.... How about you and me get together for pistol practice sometime?”

“She probably feels this new woman is welcome to her old life,” Daisy interjected.