Once Around (39 page)

"
Karen was pregnant when we got married."

Why wouldn
't he let her go? Why was he still talking and talking when she'd told him she didn't care?

"
I loved her and was glad to find a reason to get her to finally accept my proposal. We were both too young—I can see that now—but I thought I was in love enough for both of us."

She gripped the porch railing.
"I know that feeling," she whispered, despite herself. She'd believed that she loved Robert enough to make up for the fact that he didn't love her the way she'd dreamed about being loved.

Rafe had been overjoyed by his wife
's pregnancy. He'd shared doctor's visits and Lamaze classes, he'd been there in the labor and delivery rooms, coaching and breathing and exulting when his baby daughter came into the world and he cut the cord then held her slippery body in his trembling hands.

She could see the blood and the triumph. She could feel his love and his joy. He was describing her own dreams with one important difference; she never would have left them behind.

"You still walked away from her," Molly said as he joined her on the porch. "For all of that, you still walked out the door. How much does that bond mean if you were able to leave your wife and daughter? You're no different than my father or Robert. You say all the right things but sooner or later, you all walk out that door."

"
You've got it all wrong, Molly." He took her hands in his.

"
The hell I do." She tried to pull away from him but he held her fast. "I heard what the lawyer said, Rafe. Your daughter must be what, ten years old by now? You didn't even know where she was. Miriam had to hire a private investigator to find her. She had to force you publicly to reconnect with your own child."

"
Karen walked out on me. She took the baby and she walked. I wanted my child, I wanted to hang onto my daughter, but Karen told me I was being unfair. Sarah wasn't even a year old yet, she said. Karen had another guy waiting in the wings. She wanted to build a life with him, and I'd only complicate matters for Sarah."

She doesn
't even know you,
his wife had told him.
She'll never miss you. She doesn't need you.

"
You should've known better," Molly said, as her eyes filled with tears. "How could you believe such a thing?"

But that was all he knew o
f family life. His mother had killed herself when he was a little boy, and his father's position in the family was one of resentment and anger. It was hard to believe you mattered when all you'd heard your entire life was how worthless you were, how unimportant, how goddamn good for nothing.

"
I couldn't give Sarah any of the things this other guy could give her. I lived on a broken-down ranch. I had no prospects: My life was going to be the same as my old man's and his old man's before him. Karen wanted better than that for herself and Sarah. Hell, I wanted better for them.. How could I blame .her for that?"

He
'd seen enough kids pulled between parent's after a messy divorce. They ended up straddling two homes, two sets of expectations, and failing both.

Molly saw herself in his words. He was describing her adolescence
, her teen years, when she'd needed a stable family life and had to marry in order to achieve it.

"
I thought I was doing the right thing for Sarah,— he said. "I thought she'd have all the things she deserved, the kind of life a little girl dreams about. That's why I did it. I thought I was doing the best thing for her."

A year later Karen had moved on to husband number three and had headed west toward California with Sarah in tow.

"She used to send me one photo a month. That stopped once she got to California. I never heard directly from her again." A tiny muscle in his jaw twitched as he obviously struggled for control.

"
You could have hired a private investigator," Molly said. She knew she sounded harsh, but there was so much riding on his answer. Three lives hung in the balance.

"
I did," he said, "but investigators cost money. I tried twice, and both times the guy got nowhere. I've been putting money aside to try again early next year."

Something inside her heart shifted
, and she turned slowly to meet his eyes. "You won't have to do that now," she said. "You've found her."

"
I've found her," he said, and she could hear the wonder in his voice, see the happiness in his eyes. Karen was married to her fourth husband and living outside Seattle with Sarah and her two other children.

He wasn
't going to rush into anything. The one thing he didn't want to do was drop a bomb in the middle of his daughter's life. He had to find out if she even knew he existed then proceed from there.

It was enough for the moment to know she was alive and well.

"This picture was taken six months ago." He pulled a snapshot from the pocket of his leather jacket. There was no mistaking his pride.

"
She looks just like you," she said. Her voice broke on the last word, and she turned away.
He didn't leave . . . he didn't leave.
She felt as though someone had handed her the keys to heaven.

It was coming back
, that miraculous sense of connection that she'd experienced the first moment she saw him. He was right. Leaving was easy. Dangerously easy. Staying together required understanding and patience and so much love.

We can work past this
,
she thought. They were working past it. He'd made the wrong decision with the best of intentions. He'd done what he thought was best for his child, and look at what it had cost him.

"
You're doing the same thing, Molly," he said. "You're making the same mistakes."

She spun back around.
"What did you say?"

"
Your husband's a son of a bitch. I'm not going to argue that with you. But he wants a chance to be a father. Don't—"

"
Robert walked out on us," she snapped. "It was his choice. I'll be damned if I reward him for it."

"
You're right," Rafe said. "The bastard doesn't deserve either one of you."

"
Then why should I do it?" she asked. "Why should I let him be part of my life?"

"
For the baby," he said
simply. "Because the baby deserves all the love she can get."

"
Damn." She quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that." She looked up at him. "Why do you care? What difference does any of this make to you?"

He looked awkward and vulnerable
, and in that instant it all came clear for her: the secret to life. Sometimes, if you were very lucky, you found it in a man's dark blue eyes.

"
You haven't figured it out yet?" he asked.

"
No," she said. "I want you to tell me."

"
I love you," he said. "I've loved you from the first moment r saw you standing right where you're standing now. I wanted to kiss away your pain. I wanted to carry you off to the carriage house and keep you safe. I love the baby you're carrying as much as I loved Sarah, as much as I'll love any babies we have together." He stopped, her quiet man, and cradled her face between his hands. "I love you," he said again, "and I'll never leave."

She
'd never been good at making speeches, sweeping declarations of love and longing like the ones she read in books, but this time it was easy. All she had to do was let her heart speak for her.

"
I love you," she said to him. "I never knew just what that meant until I met you." It went beyond sex and beyond friendship and beyond anything she'd ever imagined possible between a man and a woman. "You're my family, Rafe. You and the baby. The two of you are all I've ever wanted."

"
You're going to marry me," he said. "Now."

"
I'm still a married woman," she, said, laughing softly.

"
Then we'll have to do something about that as soon as possible."

"
I think that can be arranged." Not on Robert's time schedule, but on theirs.

"
And then we'll get married," Rafe said, "and this dine we're going to do it-right."

"
As in forever?" she asked.

"
As in for always."

Love.

The secret of life.

Love made all things possible
, even happiness. She looked at the welcome candle twinkling in the living room window, at her belly bursting with life; and Rafe's beloved face, and she finally surrendered herself to joy.

Epilogue

"
What do you think?" Jessy Wyatt Mackenzie performed an awkward pirouette in front of Molly. "It's terrible, isn't it? I look like a whale."

Molly crossed her arms over her belly and peered closely at the very pregnant doctor.
"You're nine months pregnant, Jess. You're supposed to look like a whale."

Jessy eyed her grimly.
"You're not exactly a sylph yourself."

"
I know," Molly said. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Jessy groaned as she studied her reflection in the fitting room mirror.
"Three babies, and you're still glowing about the process. You should have been the obstetrician, Molly, not me."

"
Oh, quit griping," Molly said. "You know you love everything about being pregnant. Why don't you just, admit it? I won't tell Spencer."

Jessy
's serious expression dissolved into the brilliant smile that had become her trademark over the last five years. "You're right," she said. "I love every single thing about it, even the fact that my ankles look like drainpipes, my stretch marks have stretch marks, and that I no sooner get one out of training pants than I'll have another in diapers."

Molly threw back her head and laughed.
"No sympathy here, old friend." Her hands cradled her belly, a gesture that was second nature to her now. "Three in five years."

Jessy pretended to shudder.
"Look at you," she said with affection. "You're a glutton for punishment."

Jessy and Spencer had celebrated their fifth anniversary last month with a trip to Paris. Molly wouldn
't have given them a one-in-a-million chance, but they'd defied the odds and found happiness together. Spencer had become a devoted family man, while motherhood had opened Jessy's heart to both her family and her career. As much as you could tell anything about the state of someone else's marriage, Molly guessed the Mackenzie union was in fine shape.

"
Mommy!" Four-year-old Lizzie burst into the fitting room. Her tumble of red curls was gathered up in a big bright blue ribbon the color of her eyes. "Daddy says to hurry. He wants pizza."

Robert was Lizzie
's father, but Rafe was her daddy in every way that mattered.

Molly opened her arms wide
, and the little girl hurled herself into her embrace. "Did Daddy tell you to say that?"

Lizzie nodded vigorously then looked up at Jessy
, who was trying to wriggle back into her own clothes. "Charlie wants pizza, too." Charlie was Jessy and Spencer's four-year-old son. He and Lizzie were best pals and sworn enemies. It depended on what time of day you asked them.

"
How about you, Tizzy Lizzie?" Jessy asked. "Do you: want pizza, too?"

Lizzie buried her face against Molly
's chest and giggled. Lizzie was prone to bouts of shyness, even with the people she loved most.

"
I think that's a yes," Molly said. "No daughter of mine ever missed a chance for pizza and ice cream."

A few minutes later they joined their men outside. Rafe leaned against the side of the new red truck they
'd bought with the proceeds of his first showing of handmade furniture. Two-year-old Josh sat on his daddy's shoulders. Father and son both wore jeans and cranberry-colored sweaters. Molly's heart almost burst with pride. Their son was the mirror image of Rafe, right down to the dark blue eyes and stubborn chin. Sometimes late at night she'd get up while the house slept. She'd go from room to room, marveling at Lizzie, exulting in Josh, and glorying in the new life growing once again inside her body. That cradle Rafe made had served them well, and would for many years to come.

She thanked God every day for bringing Rafe Garrick into her life. From that chance encounter on the worst day of her life a brand-new family had been created. Miracles were everywhere if you opened
your eyes and your heart to the possibilities..

"
Daddy!" Lizzie tugged on Rafe's sleeve. "Mommy bought a new dress."

Rafe met Molly
's eyes over their daughter's head. "I hope Mammy bought a pretty new dress," he said with a wicked grin.