Once Again (7 page)

Which was attention I neither needed nor
wanted.

Since Monday of this week, I’d been asked out
for the weekend twice, each time politely declining. It had been
somewhat awkward, since the invitations had come from Robbie Taylor
and Chris Andersen, who were part of the crowd that Jessie, Marsha,
Tiffany, and I sat with at lunch. I was friendly with both of them,
and I didn’t want my non-interest in dating them to undermine
that.

Wednesday I’d noticed Zack Weston hanging
around my locker after first period, looking as if he wanted to
talk to me. Thankfully, my daily visit with the girls gave him no
opportunity to get a word in, and he pretty much just stood there
the whole time, staring at the dirty once-white-but-now-gray tiles
on the floor. He didn’t try to talk to me after literature, because
by Wednesday it seemed everyone knew Lucas walked me to my third
period class.

It was Thursday now. Jessie waited for me in
the parking lot, and as we walked into school together, I hoped the
barrage of interest from other guys was over.

If I were really honest with myself, I would
admit there was only one boy I wanted.

I scanned the front lobby for Luke’s six-foot
two-inch frame, coming up empty. Sometimes he was there, but most
of the time he put in a few miles of running before school.

The boy who’d given me the head-nod on the
first day of school stood at the edge of the lobby, with Luke’s ex,
Kara Jennings, and a few other kids whose names I didn’t know yet.
I’d since learned the head-nodder’s name was Lance Garrett.

He approached Jessie and me, falling into
step with us as we made our way down the hall. The warning bell had
yet to ring, so the hallway was easy to navigate. Most kids were
still hanging around in the lobby.

“So Layla,” Lance said. “How’s it going? You
adjusting to Sky Cove okay?”

“I am, thanks.”

Jessie elbowed me from my other side. She
could see what was coming.

“Well, I was wondering,” he began. “There’s a
home football game tomorrow night, and I thought maybe you’d like
to go with me. We could go hang out at The Pizza Place afterward.
Everybody gets together there, so it would be like a group
date.”

Lance was supremely confident, and I wondered
where that had come from. It had been my experience that many times
shorter-than-average boys were insecure. I wondered if my rejection
would damage his self-image, or if he’d laugh it off and decide I
had no idea what I was missing out on.

“Thanks for the invitation, Lance,” I began.
Over the past couple of days I’d perfected my thanks-but-no-thanks
routine. “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m really not ready
to start dating yet.”

Lance looked at me sideways, tilting his head
as if considering my words.

I went on. “I may be at the game, and maybe
even at The Pizza Place after, but I’m still just getting to know
everyone.”

He nodded, that same too-cool nod he’d given
me the first day. Apparently he was going with the “she doesn’t
know what she’s missing” response to rejection.

“Probably not a bad idea,” he said. “Maybe
I’ll see you there.

“Sure,” I said, just as we reached the door
to the chemistry room, where Jessie and I had our first class.

“See you around, Layla.”

And Lance was gone.

He’d handled it pretty well, with no hint of
awkwardness. Of course, he was a senior and not a part of the crew
I socialized with.

The warning bell rang, creating a sea of
people in the hallway. Jessie and I stood just outside the
chemistry room, about to step in, when Kara Jennings breezed past
us, bumping me slightly in the shoulder.

She was never in this hallway, at least not
at this time of day. Still standing near the door, I saw her look
at me, a slight smile on her face. It didn’t reach her eyes, and I
wondered if her trip down this hall had been to spy on my response
to Lance’s invitation.

I wanted to feel smug... to think about the
fact that Luke wasn’t with her anymore and for whatever reason had
developed a friendship with me. The thought that Kara Jennings,
tall and glamorous in every sense of the word, might be jealous of
me should’ve brought smile to my face.

Instead, I just felt small and
insignificant.

However, it was worth a tiny grin to think
that she was not really so confident when it came to Lucas.

Jessie saw my smile, and we shared a little
chuckle before sinking down in our seats.

***

During literature, Lucas said nothing about
the home football game. Of course I knew he had a cross-country
meet immediately after school on Friday, which would run him right
up until game time.

And really, what had I expected? We were,
after all, just friends.

He still walked me to my third period U.S.
History class, though, and our presence still garnered looks from
other students.

At the door to Mr. Boyd’s classroom, he
stopped me.

“Are you coming to the game tomorrow?” He
leaned a shoulder against the door facing, angling his head so our
eyes met.

My heart raced like a thoroughbred at the
Kentucky Derby. The struggle to keep massive eagerness from my
voice was huge.

“Jessie and I were talking about going,” I
answered, forcing myself to talk slow and even. “And maybe meeting
up with Marsha and Tiffany.”

“I have to run tomorrow afternoon, but it’s a
home meet, so I don’t have to travel.” He reached for my backpack,
taking it off my shoulder. He did it so absently that I knew he
didn’t even think about it. The lightness of my shoulders mirrored
the buoyancy I felt in my heart. “I’ll have to go home and take a
shower after I run, but I should be there by half-time.”

Exactly what was he saying?

The question must’ve shown on my face,
because he quickly added, “I’d like to sit with you, if you don’t
mind.”

How in the world could I mind that? Had he
never looked in a mirror?

“Of course I don’t mind,” I answered, a giant
smile spreading across my face.

Though I was still unsure. Had he asked me to
be his date? He’d only mentioned sitting with me.

“You look surprised,” he said.

“Well, I... um,” I stammered. I took a deep
breath and went on. “I just figured you had your own crowd of
people you hung out with at ball games.”

He just shrugged. “I don’t really have a
usual crowd of people, unless you count the cross-country
team.”

“Oh.” I could think of nothing else to
say.

“I heard you’d had a few invitations to the
game already,” he said. “And that you’d turned them all down.”

“Small school gossip.” I rolled my eyes. “No
secrets around here, huh?”

“Not so much,” he laughed.

I had to be careful here. I couldn’t give him
the same story about not being ready to start dating, because when
it came to him, that wasn’t really true. But I also couldn’t tell
him that the real reason I’d turned Robbie, Chris, and Lance down
was because I only wanted to date
him
.

This entire situation was ludicrous. What had
I gotten myself into?

“If I turned anyone down, it wasn’t because I
wasn’t flattered,” I said. “It was because it just didn’t feel
right.”

“Well, if it doesn’t feel right sitting with
me, just say so,” he said, smiling.

“That won’t be necessary.” I smiled back,
reaching for my backpack.

He pulled my backpack out of reach, put a
hand on the small of my back, and guided me into the room.

I was amazed that I could walk on legs that
now felt like jelly.

My seat was in the second row, and Lucas
dropped my bag right next to it. All around us, people stared.

“If I don’t see you after school, I’ll see
you tomorrow in lit class.” He smiled again, turning to head for
the door and to his own third period.

“Thanks Luke.” I gestured to the backpack on
the floor.

“No problem.”

Friday the school buzzed with activity and excitement about the
football game. In the hallways, it was all anyone talked about. The
girls talked about what they were wearing, and guys talked about
washing their cars and their plans for after the game.

Small town, small school must equal first
home football game being the event of the school year.

Despite my better judgment, I told Jessie
about my conversation with Lucas about the game. She was sure it
meant something. I was still shoving my enthusiasm into a black
hole full force.

During our walk from literature to U.S.
History, Lucas reiterated that he’d be at the game by half time,
and he’d find me when he got there.

I walked around the rest of the day in a sort
of haze, waffling between exhilaration and dread. It was
confounding, not being able to decide how to feel.

At lunch Jessie asked me what I was wearing,
and I actually gave in and discussed wardrobe matters with her.
Heaven help me, I’d succumbed to girl talk.

But, it turned out to be worth it because by
the time I left school that afternoon, I had a plan. Distressed
blue jeans, a baby pink tee shirt, and a navy blue sweater that I
could button up if necessary. Because, this was Maine after all,
and September nights got chilly. I also settled on my brown leather
slip on boots. They weren’t cowgirl boots or anything, but I
decided it would be a nice testament to my southern heritage, since
they did look like they were ready for mucking stalls or driving a
tractor.

Neither of which I’d ever done.

Walking through the parking lot toward my
car, with the sky overcast and the breeze just this side of cool, I
realized that somewhere between lunch and now, I’d decided to be
excited after all.

Then I saw Miller-the-idiot standing next to
my Honda.

Great. My mood was now sour.

“Layla,” he said. “I wanted to
apologize.”

I should be forgiving, I knew. But he’d
embarrassed me so much that forgiveness was hard to find.

However, it had kicked off whatever it was
that was going on between Lucas and me, so I supposed I should be,
if not grateful, at least somewhat accepting.

“Okay.” I stopped at the front of my car, not
willing to walk in the narrow space between it and the SUV parked
beside me. It would put me much too close to Miller.

“I was a stupid jerk,” Miller went on. “I’m
surprised Luke didn’t punch me. But that wouldn’t be like him.”

“Yes, you were a jerk,” I replied, my
attitude softening at the mention of Lucas. “But I guess we all can
be sometimes, so I’ll accept your apology.”

“Good,” he nodded, backing out of the space
between the vehicles. “I’ll see you later.”

He took off in the direction of the football
field, gym back slung across his back.

Well, would wonders never cease?

***

At home, I was so keyed up I could barely sit
still. I ironed my clothes and laid them out and freshened up my
make up, but that only managed to kill about an hour. I wasn’t
expecting Jessie to pick me up for another two hours. I decided I
could use some mellowing out, so I grabbed my iPod and curled up on
my bed.

I really wanted to be smooth and cool about
the whole situation. I hated that I was tied in knots.

I only meant to relax, to get my mind off the
intense anticipation I felt about seeing Lucas at the game. But the
subtle jazz sounds drifting through my consciousness soon had me
dozing.

At first, I knew I was dreaming. The pictures
in my mind were all of lovely places in Sky Cove, and I saw them
all as if I was flying above the town, just high enough to see
everything, but not so high that I couldn’t see the details.

When my flight took me over Old Birch Lane,
the autopilot that was choosing my direction stopped and hovered
over Emerson’s Antiques. At first, I saw the silver sedan, and knew
Ashley was inside working.

My lips curved into a smile when I remembered
seeing Lucas there. As if taking instructions from my thoughts, I
felt myself being lowered to the ground behind the house, directly
outside the window to the back room.

I watched from outside as Lucas and I talked
about the paperweight he chose for his mother. It was the strangest
feeling, standing outside the house, yet seeing myself inside.
Dreams really could play tricks on you, couldn’t they?

As the thought entered my mind, the image in
front of me changed. Suddenly I no longer saw Lucas and myself as
we were that day in the antique store. Instead, I saw the versions
of us from my previous dream.

The room wasn’t filled with shelves of
antiques, but was instead almost barren. A miniature wooden table
sat off to one side of the room, with two plain chairs. What looked
to be a wood stove was on the opposite end.

We were worried about something, Lucas and
me. I couldn’t hear our voices, but I could see the concern on our
faces. Tears streamed down my face as Lucas did his best to console
me.

I knew something was terribly wrong. In my
heart I knew Lucas was trying to leave. Not because he didn’t love
me, but because he believed it was necessary to keep me safe. I
wanted to beg him to stay, but deep inside I knew that to stay
would mean his death.

I watched as Lucas put his arms around me and
held me. Even from my place on the grass outside, I could feel the
warmth and the strength of his embrace. I cried harder as he
whispered something in my ear, clinging to him with all my might.
How I wished I could understand what he was saying.

My heart splintered in two as he turned and
walked toward the back door, the love that was inside spilling over
into my being until it bubbled over. The injustice of what was
happening washed over me in violent waves that brought me to my
knees.

Through the window, I read Lucas’s lips as he
said one last “I love you” then walked out the door.