On the Way to Heaven (BWWM Romance) (8 page)

CHAPTER
FOURTEEN

    
“You were right,
Neil.” Trina pulled him along. “That man is the biggest asshole.”

    
“He’s always been.” He straightened his
baseball cap. “He gets worse the older he gets.” They squeezed through the
crowd.

    
“How can a grown man say such horrible
things about a little girl?”

    
“He’s disgusting.” Neil looked at her out
of the corner of his eyes. “You were great.”

    
“What?” She moved to the side to get through
the crowd.

    
“Yeah, you stuck up for Winter and then you
punched him.” He waved his fist. “Pow.” He laughed. “You’ve got a good arm.
Where did that come from?”

    
“I was bullied growing up, just like
Winter. I had to fight a lot of boys, but they got the point.”

    
“You’re something else.”

    
She tingled when she caught him staring
from under his cap. “I did what anyone with a heart would do.”

    
“No.” He stopped her and pulled her to him.
“I appreciate what you did for Winter.” He stroked her cheek.

    
God, please don’t kiss me. I want you to.
Lord knows I do, but it’s hard enough to fight what I feel. Don’t make it so
difficult.

    
He kissed her cheek,
but she got the feeling it wasn’t where he’d intended to kiss her.

    
“You deserve a prize,” he whispered.

    
“I don’t have to get on the Ferris wheel?”
She shrieked with glee.

    
“How about I win you a stuffed animal?” He
pointed to the free throw booth. “I got game.”

    
“Oh, you do?” She leaned back.

    
“Yeah, I played basketball in high school.”
He imitated some moves. “Power forward.”

    
“Wow. I’m impressed. I’d think football was
more your game.”

    
“Not with my momma around.” He laughed.
“She was so overprotective she didn’t even want me going to school.” He pulled
on his cap. “She wouldn’t have let me play football. She’d been scared to death
I would get hurt.”

    
“Hey!” A man waved toward them. “Neil!”

    
“Hey, man!” Neil waved. “That’s one of my
clients. I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into the crowd. Trina laid her
shivering hand on her warm cheek where he’d kissed her.

    
“I know what you’re thinking, girl.” Roxy
appeared in front of her. “He is fine as wine, but you know the deal.”

    
“Yeah, I know.” She crossed her arms. “But
he’s really getting to me. The more I’m around him and his girls, the more I
wonder if Heaven is even worth it.”

    
“Miss Trina.” Roxy tapped her cheek. “Are
you in love with Neil?”

    
“No, I…”

    
Roxy rubbed her arm. “You
are
. It’s as plain as day.” He sighed. “Child, I feel you. When I died, I
was deeply in love with a guy I’d been seeing for five years. I think about him
every day. I keep an eye on him.” He nodded. “He’d better not act up.”

    
She laughed. “Why are you here? Lorraine
sent you to spy on me?”

    
“No. I wanted to say I loved what you did
back there.” He pointed toward the Ferris wheel. “That Louis should be ashamed
of himself. I was bullied, as I’m sure you could guess.” He put his hands on
his tiny waist and swiveled his hips. “It started in grade school. The kids
knew I was gay before I did.”

    
“I’m sorry, Roxy.”

    
“Yeah.” He seemed like he wanted to cry but
kept up the front. “I’m fine, but it does hurt. For all bullied victims, I
thank you for standing up to that bastard. People like that shouldn’t even have
kids.”

    
“I agree.”

    
Neil walked toward them.

    
“You better go,” Trina whispered.

    
“Why?” Roxy stroked his short hair. “He
can’t see me.”

    
Trina grinned. “Get
outta
here,” she said out of the corner of her mouth.

    
“See
ya
’.” Roxy
vanished.

    
“Come on.” Neil grabbed Trina by the arm.
“Let’s finally have some fun.”

* * * *

    
“
Yaaa
!” Trina
jumped up and down as Neil made the last required free throw.

    
“Good job, sir,” the man behind the booth
said. “What would you like?” He pointed at the stuffed animals.

    
Neil turned to Trina. “Which do you want?”

    
“Umm.” She checked out the selection. “That
pink teddy bear is adorable.”

    
“You heard the lady.” Neil pointed to it.

    
“One pink teddy bear for the lady.” The man
handed it to Trina. “Want to go again?”

    
“Nah, we’re done.” Neil waved. “Thanks.” He
and Trina walked on.

    
“Thanks.” She snuggled the bear. “I love
teddy bears. When I was a kid, I always had one that kept me company when I
went from place to place.” She sniffed the sweet-smelling bear. “I actually
thought of it as my best friend.”

    
Neil smiled.

    
“I could tell him everything, and he’d
always listen.” She stuck her nose in the soft material of the bear’s belly.
“He never complained and he loved me unconditionally.” She stroked the bear’s
head.

    
“I hate that you had such a hard time
growing up.”

    
“Me too.” She hugged the bear. “But I’m
grateful because it made me strong. Who knows how I’d—”

    
“Neil?”

    
They turned to see Marisa walking through
the crowd with a large cup. “Hey.” Neil flashed an awkward smile.

    
“Hey.” Marisa glanced at Trina. “When I
asked you if you were coming to the carnival, you said you didn’t think you’d
make it.”

    
“Yeah, well…” He put his hands in his
pockets. “I decided it would be good to bring the girls.”

    
“You decided?” Marisa squinted at Trina.
“Or did she?”

    
“We both decided to come to the carnival,”
Trina said. “Is there a problem with that?”

    
 
“What’s going on, Neil?” Marisa took a deep
breath. “I don’t like being played.”

    
“What’s she talking about?” Trina asked.

    
“Mind your business,” Marisa snapped.

    
“Excuse me?” Trina lowered the bear.

    
“I told you I was on to you before.” Marisa
pointed. “I’m not buying your innocent act, even if Neil’s dumb enough to.”

    
“Now hold on, Marisa.” He reached for her.

    
“You hold on!”

    
People gathered around.

    
“How can you be so stupid, Neil? You act
like Trina’s sent from Heaven, but all she’s trying to do is get in your bed.”

    
“Oh, you have lost it!” Trina yelled.

    
“I know it’s true!” Marisa shouted. “Tell
me you’re not attracted to him.”

    
“I don’t have to tell you a damn thing.”
Trina caressed the bear. “Besides, you’re not mad because you think I want
Neil, you’re mad because he doesn’t want you.”

    
“Bitch!” Marisa slung her cup at Trina.

    
“Oh!” Trina jumped back.

    
Strawberry malt slithered down Trina’s
blouse.

    
“You’re gonna pay for that!” Trina lunged
at her.

    
Neil held her back. “Stop it!” He turned to
Marisa. “What the hell is your problem?”

    
“What’s
your
problem?” She burst
into tears. “How could you do this to me, Neil?”

    
“I didn’t do anything to you, Marisa.”

    
“Bullshit. You know how I feel about you.”
She stomped her foot. “I was always the one there for you, even before
Charlotte died.” She cried into her hands. “I’ve always loved you.”

    
“Marisa.” He grabbed her arm. “Please don’t
cry.”

    
“Don’t touch me.” She yanked away. “You
used me and you didn’t care about my feelings.”

    
Trina shook malt off her arms.

    
“I wasn’t using you,” Neil said. “I care
about you as a friend.”

    
“I’ve loved you since we were kids.” Marisa
sniffled. “I prayed that one day you’d love me back.”

    
 
“I
don’t love you that way, Marisa.” He exhaled. “I’m sorry. I guess I should’ve
made that clear from the beginning.”

    
“I hate you.”

    
“Marisa.” He reached for her.

    
“No.” She slapped his hand away. “Don’t
ever say anything to me again.”

    
“Marisa.” He started toward her.

    
“Go to hell.” She took off through the
crowd.

    
“Damn it,” he whispered.

    
“What’s up between you and Marisa?” Trina
wiped malt off her neck. “And don’t tell me it’s nothing, because it doesn’t
look like nothing to me.”

    
“You heard her.” He pointed in the
direction she left. “She’s always cared for me, but I never felt the same.”

    
“Is that the truth?”

    
“Yes.”

    
“And nothing ever happened between you?”

    
He looked into the crowd.

    
“I asked you a question, Neil.”

    
He grabbed the rim of his cap. “We kissed
once, right after Charlotte died.”

    
“Only kissed?” Trina brushed malt off her
arm.

    
“Yes, but it didn’t feel right. I was
vulnerable, and she was there when I needed someone, so…”

    
“I figured there was more to the story.”

    
“Can I ask you something?” He raised an
eyebrow. “Why do you care?”

    
“I care about you as a friend.”

    
“Is that all?” He took out a tissue.

    
“What more is there?”

    
 
“I
don’t know.” He dabbed off her arm. “You tell
me
.”

    
“I’m ready to go.” She took the napkin and
wiped her shirt. “Suddenly the carnival isn’t much fun anymore.”

CHAPTER
FIFTEEN

    
Neil came downstairs.
“The rug rats are all tucked in.”

    
“Good.” Trina watched television, sitting
on the couch with her legs curled under her. “I know they’re tired.”

    
He sat on the coffee table in front of the
couch. “They had so much fun.”

    
“They had fun because they were with you.”
Trina smiled. “They’ve missed spending time with you.”

    
“I’ve missed it, too. I was reading Violet
a bedtime story, and I’d forgotten how good that felt.” He tapped her foot.
“Thank you, Trina.”

    
She stretched. “Why are you always thanking
me?”

    
“Because you’ve done so much for us.” He
leaned toward her. “You reminded me what’s important, and the girls love you.”

    
“I love those little brats, too.” She
propped her arm on the couch. “
Kinda
makes me wish I
had kids when I had the chance.”

    
Uh-oh.

    
“Had the chance? Why can’t you still have
kids?”

    
“I just mean that I haven’t been in a
decent relationship where I thought it would be good to have kids.”

    
 
“You’re only thirty-five, so you’ve still got
time.”

    
She raised her finger. “Gotta find the
right man first.”

    
What am I saying? I’m
dead!

    
“How do you know you
haven’t found the right man?” He caressed her hand.

    
“Uh…” She pulled it back. “There’s
something I wanted to mention to you.”

    
He watched her with a glazed expression.
“You’re so beautiful.”

    
She cleared her throat. “Neil—”

    
“You are.”

    
“Skip told me about the boat you built for
you and Charlotte.”

    
He wiggled his mouth. “He did, huh?”

    
“He said it was a dream of yours and
Charlotte’s to travel around the world in it, but you stopped working on it.”

    
“She’s dead, Trina.”

    
“That doesn’t mean you can’t still go.”

    
He leaned back. “The point of the trip was
we’d travel the world
together
.”

    
“Yeah, but it was still your dream. You
should see it through. I think Charlotte would want that.”

    
“Why would I wanna finish a boat that
reminds me of my late wife?”

    
“
Because
it reminds you of
your late wife.” She rubbed his arm. “Finish it in her honor. You shouldn’t
give up on your dreams.”

    
“Speaking of Skip…” He raised an eyebrow.
“What did you think of him?”

    
“He’s a nice guy.” She stroked the back of
her tense neck.

    
“Is that all? Do you like him?”

    
“As a boyfriend or something?” She
grimaced. “No way. He’s not my type.”

    
“He likes you a lot.”

    
“Well good, but that has nothing to do with
me.”

    
He leaned toward her again. “What type of
man
is
your type?”

    
You’re my type.

    
“It doesn’t matter.”

    
He took her hand, and slipped his long
fingers between hers. “I think it does.”

    
“Why?”

    
“I wanna know.”

    
She tried to let go of his hand but he held
on tighter. “I think I’m gonna go to bed.”

    
“I really…really wanna kiss you right now,
Trina.”

    
Uh-oh.

    
“Well, you can’t.” She stood with him
holding on to her hand. “Please let me go.”

    
“No.” He looked up at her.

    
“Please, Neil.” She snatched her hand away.
“Goodnight.”

    
She ran upstairs with the feeling that he’d
follow her. She was right. Before she could grab the bedroom door, he’d made it
up the stairs. She closed the door in his face. He opened it.

    
“Neil, please.”

    
“Please what?” He entered and shut the
door. “Don’t kiss you? Don’t hold you?” He walked toward her. “Don’t what?”

    
“Just…” She backed toward the bed. “Don’t
do this, okay?”

    
“What?” He bent down and kissed her neck.
“Is this what you don’t want me to do?”

    
She closed her eyes and moaned. “Stop,” she
whispered.

    
“Why?” He gave her a forceful kiss. “You
know you don’t want me to.”

    
“Neil…” She tried to push him away.
“Please, I—”

    
“I’ve wanted you for a while now. I know
you feel the same.”

    
You have no idea.

    
“We’re adults.” He
lifted her blouse while kissing her. “Why fight something we both want?” He
looked her in the eyes. “Just admit you want me. I care about you.”

    
“What about Charlotte?”

    
“Charlotte’s not here anymore.” He kissed
her, running his hands down her backside. “You taught me I had to get over
that, remember?”

    
“Neil.” Her nipples tightened. “I can’t do
this.”

    
“You darn right you can’t,” Lorraine said.
“You gotta cut it off, Trina. Now.”

    
“I’m trying.” She ran her hands through
Neil’s hair.

    
“Trying?” He kissed down her blouse.
“Trying what?”

    
“Now, Trina,” Lorraine ordered. “You can’t
let it go any farther.”

    
“I can’t stop it.” Trina grabbed Neil’s
head and plunged her tongue into his mouth. “
Mmm
.”

    
“Ah!” He jerked back, holding his head.

    
“What is it?” Trina gaped.

    
“My head.” He gripped it. “I just got this
pain in the back of it.” Lorraine appeared behind Neil with her hand clamped to
his hair.

    
“Stop it,” Trina said.

    
“Stop what?” Neil rubbed his head.

    
“Not you.” She waved toward Lorraine.

    
“What the hell are you doing?” Neil peeked
behind him. “What’s going on, Trina?”

    
“Nothing.” She grabbed his hands. “Are you
all right?” Lorraine let go of Neil’s hair.

    
“Yeah, but don’t know
what
that was.” He reached for her. “Come here.”

    
“Uh…” Trina pushed him away. “We can’t do
this, and I mean it, Neil. We need to stay platonic.”

    
“No, we don’t.” He grabbed her waist.

    
“I’m serious.” She laid her hands on his
chest. “I care about you very much, but please respect my decision.”

    
“Don’t you want me?” She cut her eyes to
Lorraine.

    
“I do, but I can’t do this.” She pushed his
hands off her waist. “Please don’t ask me why.”

    
“You’re rejecting me, and you expect me not
to ask you why?” Lorraine pulled on his hair again.

    
“Ow!” His head went to the side.

    
Trina rolled her eyes. “Lord.”

    
“Damn, what the…” Neil turned around. “I
feel like someone pulled my hair.”

    
“Maybe you got too much sun and it gave you
a headache. You should take something and go to bed.”

    
He rubbed his head, grimacing. “Can’t you
tell me why you’re saying no?”

    
“Because it’s the right thing to do.” She
sat on the bed. “Please don’t make this any harder for me.”

    
“Trina.” He gestured to his protruding
middle. “It can’t get any harder.”

    
My Lord.

    
“Neil, please.” She
held out her hand. “Goodnight.”

    
He yanked the door open. “Women.” He left,
shaking his head.

    
“Why did you do that?” Trina asked
Lorraine.

    
“To stop you from making the biggest
mistake of your life.” Lorraine huffed. “I mean your afterlife. You keep saying
you want to make it into Heaven. Well, if you keep playing around, you won’t.”

    
“I didn’t mean to.” Trina lay on the bed.
“I got caught up. I’m only human.” She slid to the headboard. “Least, I used to
be.”

    
“I know how you feel, believe me.” Lorraine
sat beside her. “When I died, I’d been married over twenty years. I had three
beautiful kids.”

    
“You’ve got kids?”

    
“Two boys, and my baby girl.” She smiled.
“All grown and doing well. My husband was my life, and he’s moved on to another
woman.” She looked down. “People never think about how it is to die. They think
it’s easy, and everything is over.”

    
“That’s what Neil believes.”

    
“If only it were that easy.” Lorraine
chewed her lip. “I think about my family every day. I can
see
them every day. It’s not easy to watch the people you love go on
without you.”

    
 
“No
one on earth really gave a crap about me.” Trina rested her head on the
headboard. “I look back on how I was in my life, and maybe I was already dead.”

    
“What do you mean?”

    
“I feel so different since I met Neil and
his girls.” A warm feeling swept through Trina. “I have a purpose, and that
feels good. I never felt I had a purpose in my old life. I was just out to get
everything I wanted because of how I grew up. All I cared about was winning
cases, getting money, and driving fancy cars. I thought that would make me
happy. It never did.” She touched her hair. “This is the first time I’ve been
happy, Lorraine.”

    
“I know we got off on the wrong foot when
we first met. Lord knows, I couldn’t stand you.” She patted Trina’s leg. “But
seeing you with Neil and his girls…I’m amazed. I had no idea you were such a
wonderful person. When Daniela gave you this assignment, I thought you wouldn’t
last a day.”

    
Trina scoffed. “Me too.”

    
“This is the real you, Trina.” Lorraine
smiled. “That spoiled, arrogant, selfish woman who always threw her weight
around, that never was you.”

    
“You know what I regret the most?” Trina
looked around the room. “That I wasted all those years alive, not being this
person. How much happier I might’ve been if I’d met Neil then.”

    
“I know it’s hard.” Lorraine hugged her.
“No one ever said dying was easy.”