On the Verge (38 page)

“I am having a great time, really. Thanks for setting this up.” We hug.

“Tabitha deserves some thanks, too, you know. She is going to be pretty pissed if she doesn’t get it.”

When I head back upstairs, there seems to be more wine than before. My glass, of course, is full. As soon as I sit down, a waiter comes over with a piece of tiramisu with candles in it. Everyone at the table sings “Happy Birthday” to me.

“Speech, speech!” yells Todd. I want to kick him.

“I just want to thank you all for coming out here tonight. It’s been a kind of strange year. What am I saying? It’s nice to have you all, you know, around. That’s it, I guess. Oh, and please don’t clap again. We’re about to get booted out of this restaurant.”

“Mother of God!” Of course Tabitha ruins our moment. “Let’s pay the check and get to the bar.”

“Oh, there’s more,” I say.

“Look at her being coy now,” Adrian says to Tabitha.

“Watch her act all cute when she offers to pay the check,” Roseanne says jumping in.

“Yeah,
offers.
” Todd makes quotation marks with his fingers.

“Guys, it’s my birthday, quit the ridicule.”

We’re waiting for the L train to take us across town. There’s a guy with one of those pan flutes. Tabitha gives him a bunch of change and asks him to play “Happy Birthday.” They all sing drunkenly. Todd smiles at me. I have to keep telling myself that he is just a friend and not to do anything stupid.

When the guy finishes he launches into the pan flute version of the Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun.” Todd just kind of smiles at me. I look around, but no one in my party seems to notice. When the train comes, I see the wind blowing up through his hair. He smiles at me, like his life is just beginning.

What do I know, I can’t feel my nose?

We are going dancing in the East Village. The city is alive and I imagine it won’t be for much longer. It will be summer soon and the city will empty out because people have better offers—summer houses, vacations and more air-conditioning. But right now, the city is at its peak. I am holding on to Roseanne so that I won’t have to hold on to Todd. She needs to hold on to someone as badly as I do, but I think she would prefer her someone was Pete.

I am in the perfect condition to dance. I balance my large blue drink in my hand and start to sway. Roseanne and Tabitha sort of corral me onto the floor. I am spilling a little, but trying not to get too messy.

I feel someone touching my shoulder. I whip around, thinking it’s some stupid guy, but it isn’t, it’s my sister Monica, and Chuck. I can’t believe it! I give Monica a big hug. “Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here?”

“Well, I had talked to Roseanne and figured it would be a nice surprise.”

“It’s great, I can’t believe it.” I am even happy to see Chuck. I can tell they’re stoned and want to cuddle and chill on the couches so I head over to Todd, who is smoking. “Hey, what are you doing? You don’t smoke.”

“Come on, I’m in New York.” The music changes then to a loungey reggae song and everyone on the dance floor starts bumping and grinding. Todd and I look at each other, not sure what
we’re supposed to do. He raises an eyebrow at me and says, “Better me than any of these other losers, Ms. Vitali.”

We dance and I drop my drink on the floor. He holds me close, laughing. I look over at Roseanne, who is literally making out with Pete on the dance floor, but comes up for air long enough to say very loudly, “Aren’t you glad we got you that wax?”

I’m embarrassed until I realize that Todd has no idea what we are talking about. We dance some more and then he kisses my neck. “Todd! Hey!”

“Listen, I’m sorry about that.”

“No big deal, just took me by surprise.” I don’t want to make an issue out of it.

“Me, too.” We all dance for a while. The crowd swells at one point and the room feels hotter, but we hold our frozen drinks against our faces and keep dancing.

The crowd thins out a little and it gets cooler. Monica and Chuck decide to leave, so I give them my key and urge them to take my bed. I can’t help smiling at everyone, including Tabitha. I know she’s thrilled that I am having such a good time.

The next thing I know, the lights come on and the place is shutting down. I can’t believe it, four o’clock already.

“I am going to be sick,” says Roseanne. Pete rubs her belly and she kisses him. Wow, I guess they are turning into a real couple.

“I’m sure you’ll be okay,” Tabitha says. Her tone makes me laugh.

“Tabitha, are you staying with us tonight?” I’m having trouble focusing on her face, but when I do I see her do the once-over to the guy she’s been talking to. I’ve seen it all before. It makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. “Oh, I get it, I get it. You’ve already found a place to stay.”

“I think someone needs to take the birthday girl home,” she says.

“Tabitha, it’s your birthday, too.” Everyone laughs at me, except Tabitha.

The cab ride is quick. I fall asleep on Roseanne, who is in turn asleep on Pete, who is drooling and snoring against the window. I wake up when I hear Todd in the front asking me if I’m awake. I nod, kind of startled, and he pays the fare.

It’s a tough flight up the stairs, but easier because I’m holding Todd’s hands, tight. When we get into the apartment, I remember
that Monica and Chuck are here, so I drag the futon onto the floor. Roseanne and Pete pass out on the couch.

I can’t stay in my tight black dress, so I head into my room to try to see if I’ve left any pajamas on the floor. It’s dark in there, but I can hear breathing and the sounds of moving sheets. Eww! It’s not something I want to hear or think about. I rub my feet around on the floor until I remember that I cleaned up my room on Wednesday. Shit! Why did I pick this week to be neat? The only way I am going to find my pajamas is if I turn on the light. I am not too drunk to realize that would be a bad idea.

I go back out into the living room. Todd is watching me from the futon. I smile down at him. Once again we are forced to sleep together. “Are you all set with the light?”

“Yeah.” I switch it off and quickly peel off my dress. I hope he can’t see my bra or underwear. I lay stiffly on the other side of the futon. I will not cross over to his side.

“Eve, are you awake?” says Roseanne, shaking me out of dreams. She is all dressed in workout clothes. Pete is standing up next to her. I look down and realize I am only in my see-through black lace bra. I pull the sheet up. I look at Todd, who is sleeping underneath the sheet, he is holding my hand.

“What time is it?”

“It’s noon. I just wanted to let you know that Pete and I are going to Central Park for a jog.”

“What? Why?” There is no way I can understand how anyone would want to do any kind of physical activity.

“It’s a beautiful day out. Your sister and Chuck already left. They left a note. You can go sleep in your bed, if you want.” I can’t move.

“That’s okay. Roseanne, can you just get me a T-shirt or something and some Aleve?” Roseanne comes back with everything and some water. Pete is looking real uncomfortable, so I am as discreet as possible as I slip my T-shirt over my head.

“I’m going to wait downstairs,” Pete says. “Happy Birthday, again, Eve.”

“Thanks, Pete, take care.” Some day that kid has to loosen up.

“I’m probably going to hang out at Pete’s tonight. I hope you feel better and—” she looks at Todd and winks at me “—have fun.”

“Whatever. Give me a call later.”

“I will.” She leaves and I fall back asleep for another two hours.

When I wake up, Todd is staring at me. Weird. Luckily, we’re not holding hands anymore. “What’s up, birthday girl? We slept a long time.”

“Yes, we did. Roseanne and Pete have been gone for a while. Maybe we should go for a walk and seize the remainder of the day. I hear it’s nice out.”

“Yeah, I could go for some coffee, maybe some aspirin.” As I get out of the futon, I am aware how short my T-shirt is. I tug it down and run to my room for some shorts.

After Todd has about four aspirin and I have two more for good measure, we get dressed and head over to 10th Avenue for some outdoor breakfast. It’s really beautiful out. I feel like Todd and I are on a date. I totally think he thinks so, too.

“You know, here we are chomping on bacon and eggs and Pete and Roseanne were up at what seemed like the crack of dawn this morning to go for a run. Crazy.”

“Yeah, we’ll never be one of those couples,” he says. We look at each other awkwardly. “I mean, not that we are a couple or anything.” We spend the rest of breakfast gossiping about Roseanne and Pete and other couples we know. We stay far away from anything that could be about us.

When we get up after paying the check I decide to ask him what I’ve been curious about. “So, whatever happened with that girl in Atlanta?”

“Oh, um, it didn’t really work out. I was away too much, which they tell me is an occupational hazard. Probably why I shouldn’t get involved with anyone else for a while.” We head over toward the pier. Everyone and their mother is outside today. Bikers and roller-bladers whiz by us.

“What about you and that guy?”

“Guy? He was a man. Nothing happened. I don’t even know what happened. I think I liked him too much.”

“He didn’t like you back?”

“He did. I mean I guess he did, but you know, he liked his job a lot, too. I didn’t really like his job and that was a problem. It’s strange that we’re at an age where our jobs could even play a part in our relationships. I feel like it’s too bad I don’t like my job more, then it might be worth it.”

“I like my job and I don’t think it’s worth it. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice things for it.” We settle onto the edge of the pier.

“Did you really like that girl?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think I was hung up on someone else.”

“Oh.” For me to not ask who it is, means I think I know. For him to not tell me, means I’m right. We sit looking at the Hudson River for a while. A dog on a long leash comes over and we pet it a while, getting slobbered on.

Todd tells me to hang out while he goes to get something. He’s gone for almost a half hour. It’s not bad, though, I lean on my elbows and throw my head back, enjoying the sun. He comes back carrying two paper bags. From one he pulls out cheese and crackers. From the other, he pulls out a bottle of wine and tiny paper cups.

“Nice.” We cut up the cheese with his pocketknife and drink the tiny shotlike cups of wine. “Definitely unhealthy.” We sit there till the sun sets, later than usual. The summer is that much closer to us.

“What do you want to do tonight?”

“Well, it’s still your birthday weekend, you decide.”

“Do you want to just rent a movie or something? Or is that lame?”

“Eve, I’ve been here enough times. You don’t have to impress me anymore.”

“That’s reassuring.”

Back at home, we start watching the movie and get through the first bottle of wine (there are two). It seems like we are sitting closer on the couch than we ever would have before. I am more aware of him than usual. It’s strange to be so conscious of him and every move he makes. I find myself staring at his hands as he scratches his knee. I am positioning myself so he can take my hand if he decides to.

“I wish we had some more of that cheese,” he says.

“Oh, you know what we do have?” I don’t know why I am so excited.

“What?” He’s laughing.

“Peanut butter, I love spoons of peanut butter. Come on.” I almost knock the wine over as I get up to pause the movie. He follows me to the kitchen, laughing. I search the cabinets. Where is it? Then I think about Roseanne’s crazy fear of mice. I fling open the fridge. “Eureka!”

Todd is holding on to the Eat in Kitchen table, he is laughing so hard. I can’t get the lid open fast enough. “It’s really good, it’s
delicious. You’re going to want some, I guarantee it.” I dip in a big spoonful. “Mmm!”

“Well come on,” he says, grabbing my hand, “let me get some of that.” I turn back toward the peanut butter. It was a mistake to drink all that wine in the sun. Todd comes up close behind me. I turn around and we’re really close. I hold the peanut butter spoon up to him, unsure of whether or not to feed him. He kind of laughs as I sort of shove the spoon in his mouth, hitting teeth on the way.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, holding his mouth. “But, wait, wait, isn’t it good?” He nods.

Then something weird happens, something that’s been coming. He puts his hands on my waist. I can feel his fingers on my skin. He is holding me tightly; he seems to be holding me down on the floor. I reach behind me to put the spoon down. Our faces get closer and I can smell the peanut butter and wine on his breath.

“What’s up?” I say like an asshole. We put our foreheads together. And then, we kiss. His mouth is warm and, damn! He can kiss. The nicest part is that we keep kissing, and then we stop and hug and kiss some more.

Then we’re in my bed. I’m on my stomach and he’s kissing my back. I’m still kind of drunk, but the room isn’t spinning or anything so I can really enjoy this. Who knew? How could Todd have been this good, and the whole time right under my nose? I can’t believe it. I’m going to be really loud.

But, wait! I can’t do that. I can’t wreck my image. I have to keep my mystique (besides I have my period). I need to turn the tables. I sit up and push Todd back on the bed. He deserves a little treat for sticking it out, for being down for the long haul. He kept the faith, all the while holding a candle for me. You got to love this guy and I am going to love him good.

Now, I’m no expert on these matters. I definitely think getting is better than giving, but I’m going to do it. I pin Todd’s hands up and shake my hair over his chest (I have to believe he’s been working out a lot since freshman year) and then I decide to just go for it. I am going to be so good Todd will never get me out of his head. The biggest obstacle is just getting his boxers off without hurting anything in the process. I kiss his belly for a while, urged on by his heavy breathing, and then I go for it. I think it’s going smoothly until I feel him tugging my hair and careening me back to reality.