On the Fringe (14 page)

As was always the case, Mom bored me to death by talking office politics, which was, I think, when Daniel finally got the picture and drifted into the TV room. Being dead did have some perks—I wished I could float away when things got dull, too.

My mind and eyes wandered all over the place while Mom did her talking. I took note of Daniel’s attire. Today he was wearing long black and grey plaid shorts and a white t-shirt. Gosh, he looked cute. Was he actually lying on the couch, or did it just look like it? Maybe it was a very controlled float…I made a mental note to ask him later.

Eventually Mom ran out of things to say, and she started cleaning up while I dove into my homework. Was Algebra really that necessary? I could feel each one of my brain cells dying a slow death, and I gave up before even making it to the second problem. I needed my brain more than I needed math. Why did they insist on torturing us like this?

I looked up from the table at Daniel, but he’d disappeared.
Dang it
. Now where’d he go?

Mom settled into the sofa to watch some cheesy soap opera drama, and I headed to my room for some peace and quiet. When I opened the door, Daniel was sitting cross-legged on the floor at the foot of my bed. Curious, I walked right through him to my dresser, wondering how it would feel. Surprisingly, it felt like nothing.

After pulling a fuzzy green sweater over my head, I joined him on the floor with my back against the wall and my knees pulled tight to my chest. He was kind of like a 3-D movie—directly in front of me, but without any substance. I couldn’t resist pulling my hand through him like a cloud.

“So, now what?” I said, resting my hand in my lap, then nervously tucking my hair behind my ear.

He responded by shaking his head slowly and deliberately, obviously trying to tell me something.

“What?” I asked, confused. Then I thought I understood. “Oh, I get it… You’re kind of like a dog–”

He wrinkled his brow in confusion.

I laughed, explaining, “I mean, since I can’t hear you, I’ll ask you a question and then you nod
yes
or
no
…or wag your tail…or I can throw you a stick…
you know
.”

He laughed.

“Okay, then. But, talk about a one-sided relationship. It’s not fair,” I complained, settling down into a couple of purple pillows from off the bed. “First things first.” I tried not to laugh, but a smile kept slipping out. “Do you
miss
me?”

He squinted his eyes and smiled while shaking his head. I threw a pillow at him, but he didn’t even flinch as it sailed right through him, smacking into the opposite wall.

“Wow, you’re
good,
” I praised. “It must be nice not having to comb your hair or think about what to wear.”

He laughed.

“Okay. Time to get serious.”

He nodded.

I knew what I wanted to say, but was afraid to get right down to it. I pulled off my glasses and cleaned the lenses with a pillowcase while trying to think up the correct wording. I’d always been better at writing my ideas down on paper rather than speaking them out loud. It was so much easier when no one was looking at you, waiting on your every word.

Taking a deep breath, I replaced my glasses then turned to face Daniel. At first, I found myself studying the fringe of his dark eyelashes, until the pull of his gaze drew me to his rich, chocolate eyes. They seemed so vivid, so alive, as they focused on mine, never blinking. It was impossible to keep the wave of my own self-consciousness at bay.

“Okay, I’ve been thinking about you. A lot.” Because he couldn’t respond, it felt like I was talking to myself even though he was right in front of me. But I kept going, determined not to let my flushed cheeks or racing heart stop me. “About last night. I have a ton of questions, if that’s okay.”

He was so attentive, his eyes never looking past me, or at the clock, or distracted by anything else.

“Let’s see…” My mind felt all fuzzy and flustered, littered with a bunch of mental blockers strewn all over the place like an obstacle course. It was what usually happened when I had too much going on in my head all at once. “Can you hear my thoughts?” I asked, finally, stupidly. What a dumb question.

No.

I moved on to the next question, feeling a little more confident. “Are you actually sitting on the ground, like me, or are you floating on top, like a cloud?”

He looked confused, and I realized I hadn’t stuck with yes or no.

“I mean… can you feel anything when you’re sitting like that?”

No.

“Do you feel pressure?”

No.

“So, what? Do you just float? Without moving? Is that how you do it?”

Yes.

“Interesting.”

Okay, now what? That wasn’t so bad, but it also wasn’t too deep, either.

“Do you remember when you died?” I asked, afraid to jump to serious so quickly.

Yes.

I suddenly felt very melancholy. “Do you know who it was? You know, the guy who shot you? They never caught him.”

He shook his head and closed his eyes for a second. I felt a lump of regret forming in my throat. What was I thinking?

Daniel looked up again, staring straight ahead at the wall, and then he placed his hand over mine like he was trying to hold on. I got lost for a second while studying his profile, following the outline of his distinct jaw—rugged, but strikingly beautiful. When he turned and caught me watching him, I felt embarrassed, and quickly refocused.

Next question. “Do you ever watch other people? Like your family, or Addie?”

Yes.

“And, Matthew?”

Yes.

“How’s he doing?”

Daniel half nodded, half shrugged. He must know about Matthew, about how he had pretty much disappeared. It depressed me even more, realizing how sad Daniel must feel about it, even more than the rest of us. But I pushed on, anxious to change the subject.

“What is it like? I mean, are you happy where you are?”

Yes.

“Was it scary? Dying?”

No.

“Do you miss living?”

No. Yes.

“Did you whisper to me up at the planetarium?”

He sat up with a look of surprise. I looked down at my fidgeting fingers, playing with my ring again, a little embarrassed, afraid to be wrong. But I was right. He didn’t deny it, and his surprised expression revealed the truth. I
knew
it.

“I felt you there,” I confessed. “And I heard a voice tell me to move. It was you, wasn’t it?”

Yes.

As I stretched out across the floor, resting my head on one of the pillows, the questions kept coming. I couldn’t stop thinking, and I forgot to be nervous. It felt good.

“Did you see that thing in my room last night
?
” I asked.

He didn’t respond yes or no, but kept watching me closely, like he was trying to be careful.

“Do you know what it was?” I finally asked, afraid for the answer.

Yes.

“What?” I demanded.

He didn’t answer. He even seemed a little preoccupied.

“Is it something horrible?” I re-phrased.

No.

“Well, okay. I guess that’s good, I think. Is it part of
your
world?”

Yes.

I hunted for the next question, trying to get to the bottom of my living nightmare. “Is it something I should be afraid of?”

No.

“No? Then why is it so
scary
?” I laughed nervously. But Daniel remained serious. If I didn’t need to be afraid, then why the long face?

There was a knock on my door.

“Claire?” It was Mom.

“Yeah?” I jumped to my feet as she peeked in through the door.

“Addie called. She said you weren’t answering your phone.”
“Oh, sorry. It must be off. What does she want?”

“She says she
has
to come over and borrow a book or something.”

Shoot! It better be sooner and not later.
“Okay. Thanks, Mom.”

“I’m leaving now, okay?” she said.

“Where?”

“To the movie, remember?”

I’d blocked out most of what she was saying at dinner while Daniel was making faces at me. “Oh, yeah,
right
. Who are you going with again?”

“Dad. I
told
you already.”

“
Dad?
He’s actually going to a movie with you? Wow, it must be a slow day at the office.”

I guess she didn’t think that was very amusing because she just stood there staring at me with those deep creases she gets between her eyebrows when she’s annoyed.

“You’re not going anywhere, are you?” she finally said.

“No, I’m a slave to my homework tonight.”

“So dramatic.”

“’Night, Mom.”

But instead of leaving, she remained in the doorway for a couple of seconds, and then suddenly stepped in a little further.
Great
. When I looked around for backup, Daniel had disappeared again. Why did he keep popping in and out like that? It was making me nervous.

Mom was now sitting on my bed, making herself comfy. Oh no.

“Are you going to be okay, Claire?”

Was she serious?

“Mom, it’s just a couple hours. I’m sixteen.”

“I don’t mean tonight,” she said. “I mean, generally.”

The lecture. I hadn’t even seen it coming. She had ambushed me when I was weak with Daniel on the mind.

“I just can’t stand to see you so alone all the time,” she said, her voice cracking a little. “It’s been over four months, Claire. I think it’s time to move on.”

I took a deep breath and walked to the opposite side of the bed. “Everyone wants me to pretend that Daniel never died. I can’t do that, Mom. It isn’t magic.”

“How does Addie do it then?” she asked, all flustered. “He was
her
brother, not yours.”

Ouch.

I didn’t want to look at her anymore, afraid of crying or screaming or admitting I loved Daniel, and that I always had. I held my breath and fell backward on the bed, hugging a pillow like it was my life preserver.

“Claire…I’m sorry. I just watch how Addie and Matthew–”

Oh
no.
I threw the pillow against the wall and pulled off my glasses, wiping the tears that were starting to form. “Matthew? You want me to be like Matthew? Mom, do you have any idea what you are saying?” She looked offended, like I’d slapped her. “Matthew is
gone
, Mom!”

“Well, of course he is gone. He’s at college.”

“No. That’s not what I mean. Just because Addie has a social life and Matthew isn’t around for you to check up on all the time doesn’t mean either of them are doing any better than me,” I said, standing. “If you ask me, I’m the sane one. I’m the only one who still believes Daniel is out there…that he’s not…not…oh, never mind. You just need to let me deal how I need to deal and quit bugging me about it.”

Of course she just sat there and stared, probably wondering where she had gone wrong. When the silence lasted too long, she stood and glanced at her watch. “I have to go, or I’ll be late
.
”

“Have fun,” I mumbled without looking up.

She walked out the door. A couple of tears sat at the edge of my eyes as her footsteps faded down the hall, and for the first time
ever
I turned to my homework for relief.

CHAPTER NINE
RAIN

Claire

It took me over an hour to do five problems. FIVE! When finished, I leaned forward, rubbing my temples, feeling like I’d just run a marathon. The house was too quiet. I looked around the room. Daniel had not reappeared yet, and Addie was still a no-show. I should have probably called her, but didn’t feel like risking a thirty-minute conversation.

“Daniel?” I whispered, wondering why. It wasn’t like he’d be hiding under the bed or inside the closet, or anything. Still, where did he go this time?

As I was putting away my homework, the doorbell finally rang. I opened the door to find Addie huddled inside the porch overhang, drenched from the rain.

“Why didn’t you drive, or at least bring an umbrella?” I asked, letting her in.

“I couldn’t find one that worked, and Mom took my car to the store because hers is in the shop, and I didn’t want to wait for her to get back because I have to borrow your Spanish book, I forgot mine at school, and…” she took a giant breath as I closed the door behind her. “That entire worksheet is due tomorrow but I’m only halfway done, and I’m borderline B+ in Spanish. Who wants a B+?”

Me. “You know you’re totally dripping water all over the place, Addie.”

I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and sopped up her footprints leading down the hall. By the time I caught up to her, she was already changing out of her wet clothes and rummaging through my closet for a dry outfit.

I looked at the clock. 9:47. Fifteen minutes, give or take. It
was
possible. But with Addie…

“So, you
do
have
your Spanish book, right?” she asked.

“Yes, it’s over here. Just a minute.” I pulled it from my bag and handed it to her. “Just give it back tomorrow morning on the way to school.”

“You’re all done
?
” she asked accusingly, a mixture of shock and jealousy.

“Yes. But you probably don’t want to copy me,” I said, joking.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on it,” she answered, completely missing my joke while flinging her hair around and ringing it out on my floor.
Nice
. “I really need to start on this, Claire. Do you think you can give me a ride home? I know it’s like only four houses away, but I don’t want to get all wet again.”

“Sure, of course. Now that you’re in
my
clothes.”

“
Funny.
” She rolled her eyes—a special talent of hers.

When I looked around for Mom’s keys that were supposed to be on the kitchen counter, I remembered she and her car were at a movie. We were stranded.