On the Edge (16 page)

“Don’t tell me you were going to pay for yourself,” he questions.

“Well, yes, I was.  I’m not your responsibility to pay for.”

“Well, I begged and pleaded with you to come so I don’t expect you to pay for anything.  Also, I would consider it a privilege to take of you, not a responsibility.”  He gives me my ticket and puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the correct theater.  The movie is pretty exciting but I really would have loved to see the comedy.  Our movie is over before Katherine and Mike’s so I shoot Katherine a text letting her know that I am going clothes shopping and what store I’ll be at.

“Thanks, Jason.  I really needed to get out of the house today.”

“You’re very welcome.  Thank you for coming along with me.  I couldn’t handle being alone with those two during a movie and I sure as hell wasn’t going to see a romance movie.”

I giggle, “Yea, I hear you on that one.  Well, I’m going to go clothes shopping.  These babies are getting bigger and my clothes can no longer accommodate them.”

“I’ll join you.  I have nothing else to do anyways.”

Shit, I don’t want him to come with me.  I have to buy underwear and bras.  How do I tell him that I want to go alone without hurting his feelings?

“Do you not want me to come?” he asks.

“No, it’s just, I need new, umm, everything and . . .”

“No worries, Abby.  It’s not like I didn’t know that women wear bras and panties.  If you want, I’ll turn around when you pick them out and pay for them so I don’t see what you’ll be wearing under your clothes,” he says as a sheepish grin creeps across his face.

I begin to flush.  What the hell!  He’s right, girls wear bras and panties and I shouldn’t be embarrassed to buy them.
  “Screw it, come on!  I need to buy new everything and I’m going to need someone, that’s you, to carry my bags for me.”

“There’s the girl I know.  Wait, what?  Oh, I see how it is.  I’m just the puppy that follows you around and carries your bags.  You are such a girl!”

I smirk at him and head toward the nearest clothing store.  I purchase some panties and bras designed for a growing pregnancy and four pairs of jeans and eight shirts that should see me through the majority of this pregnancy.  As I’m paying for the items, Katherine and Mike walk up all googly-eyed and in love.  “Hey guys,” I say as Jason grabs my stuff, “how was the movie?”

“It was good.  A real tear jerker,” Mike says with a sarcastic smile on his face.

“Well, then, glad I didn’t waste my time there.  I cry enough as it is,” I remark before realizing that I just implied that I cry all the time.  “I mean pregnancy hormones and all.”

“Yea, I heard pregnancy really makes a woman emotional,” Katherine chimes in.

“Yea, well, I need to be heading back.  I told Tommy I would be home tonight and I don’t want to get back too late.  I loved seeing you guys,” I say before turning to Jason. “Do you need me to take you back to my folks’ house or do you want to ride with them?”

“I’ll go with them.  Hey, remember, I’m moving back here and if you ever need to talk to me, just call or text.  I’m here for you.”

I give all of them a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and grab my bags from Jason before heading out of the mall and to my car.  I’m just about to climb in when Jason catches up with me and puts his hand on my shoulder.  I turn to face him and, before I know it, he has his hands around my waist, pulling me into another passionate and tender kiss. 

“Just so you know that I love you and that will never change,” he says as he holds my car door open for me to climb in.  “Be careful,
Abby.”

His words replay in my head on my drive back to Tommy’s.  There is no way that I can leave Tommy for Jason
, though I feel something more for Jason than I do Tommy.  Tommy just needs to adjust to the thought of parenthood.  That’s all.  I just need to give Tommy time to adjust.

Chapter
Thirteen

I arrive at Tommy’s apartment a little before
five o’clock.  Tommy’s car wasn’t in its spot so that means I have the apartment all to myself.  I decided to leave my new clothes in the trunk of my car.  I don’t really feel like putting them away tonight. 

Ugh, I’m so tired and my body aches from sitting in those seats at the theater.  A warm bath should help ease my achy muscles.  As the tub is filling with warm water I head to the bedroom that I share with Tommy to get some clothes to sleep in.  When I walk in the room, I am horrified at what I find.  All of my clothes are strewn around the room.  What the hell is this shit about?  I feel anger begin to rush over my body.  I grab a pair of sleep pants, tank top, and clean underwear before heading back to the bathroom.  I’ll have to deal with that mess later.

The warm water feels good on my aching back but not as good as a massage would right now.  I wish Tommy was more attentive to me and my needs.  He causes more stress in my life than one person should be allowed to, but I love him and I chose him.  No one is perfect and love is about accepting each other, flaws and all.

The bath water is becoming cold.  That’s my cue that bath time is over.  I drain the tub and dry off.  I quickly change and wipe down the bathroom.  There’s more residue on the counter.  I’ve never seen this before moving in with Tommy. 
There is no way that this is baby powder.  It doesn’t smell like baby powder and it doesn’t become pasty when wet like baby powder does.  It looks like residue from chalk.  I wipe it away and head to the bedroom.  It’s only seven o’clock but it feels it’s two in the morning with how tired I am.  I fall asleep quickly.

I glance at the bedside clock
when I hear the front door close.  It’s midnight and Tommy is just getting home.  Doesn’t he have work tomorrow morning?  I debate whether I should get up or not when Tommy comes in the bedroom.  “There you are angel!” he says happily.

“Yes, I told you I would be home tonight.”

“I know but I didn’t think you would come back.  I was a jerk to you last week and I didn’t deserve to have you back.”

“You were a bit jerky, but I love you Tommy.  I need to be with you.”

“Well, I’m glad because I need you right now.  I need to be inside you.  I missed having you in my bed.”

“Tommy, why did you go through my clothes?”

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t take them and that you were coming home to me.  I meant to clean the mess up before you got back but got sidetracked.”

He creeps up the bed after stripping to just his underwear.  He’s sweaty, like he’s been running, and his pupils are bigger than the iris of his eyes.  What the hell is wrong with him?  He pins my arms above my head and straddles me.  “Tommy, get off.  You’re hurting my stomach.  Your weight is going to hurt the babies.  Please get off.”

My pleas go unheard.  He holds my hands with one of his hands while he begins to strip me.  I want to make love to Tommy but not under duress.  I’m pregnant and can’t tolerate some of the things he’s doing.  “Tommy, please, I can’t have sex like this anymore.  The babies,” I plead. 

He finally gets off of me but he’s still rough.  No matter how much I plead, my body is Tommy’s to do
with as he wishes.  He’s acting like a savage.  My mind is trying to find a happy memory while Tommy does things to my body that I have never had done to it before. 

It’s almost two in the morning before Tommy has finally had enough and puts on a pair of sleep pants and exits the room.  I’m left on the bed with my head reeling.  What just happened?  That was not the Tommy I know.  I have to get out of here.  I’m going to call Mom tomorrow and let her know that
I’m coming home.  Tommy needs to work out his own shit.  I can’t be around while he tries to figure it out.  I can’t stand this man.  This is not the Tommy that I fell in love with.

  My body is aching and my stomach is cramping. Something doesn’t feel right.  I wrap myself in the sheets and make my way to the bathroom.   As I sit on the toilet I notice the blood on my thighs.  Oh my God, the babies.  I begin to hyperventilate.  I grab some toilet paper and wipe and there’s even more blood.  Are the babies alright? 

“Tommy,” I scream out to him but get no response.  I wrap the sheet tighter and look through the apartment for him.  Tommy’s keys and wallet are gone.  He fucking left!  I grab my phone and call Mom.  It goes straight to voicemail.  Dammit, she must have forgotten to charge it.  Mike!  I’ll call my brother. 

“Hello?” I hear Mike ask on the other end.  I know I just woke him up from a dead sleep.

“Mike!” I scream into the receiver, “I need you to come get me.”

“Jason, get up,” I hear Mike yell. “Abby, Jason and I are on our way.  What’s going on?”

“I’m bleeding and Tommy isn’t here.  There’s something wrong with the babies.  I need to go to the hospital,” I say as I begin to sob.

“Abigail,” I hear Jason’s tender voice on the line, “we’re on our way.  We just left the house.  I need you to give me the address where you are so we can find you.”

I give Jason the address and hang up so I can get dressed.  I don’t have any feminine products here so I take a wash cloth and insert it in my panties to catch the blood.  It isn’t long before I hear a knock at the door.  I open it and there stands my brother and Jason.  Mike grabs my purse and keys.  Jason scoops me into his arms and carries me to my car.  Mike and Jason exchange words and then Mike climbs into the driver’s seat as Jason takes his place behind the wheel of Mike’s car.  “Sis, what the hell happened?  What were you doing before you started bleeding?”

“Mike, I really don’t want to go into it.  I just want to get to the hospital and find out what’s going on.”

“Oh, you and Tommy had…” he trails off.  “I get it.  Well, where the fuck is he now?  Who does
that
and then just leaves?”

“Mike, I don’t know.  He left before I realized I was having an issue.  Can we please drop it?  I’m sorry I called you out in the middle of the night.  I tried Mom but her phone went straight to voicemail.”

“Sure, I’m sorry I’m asking all these questions.  You did the right thing.  You know I’m always here for you, right?  Don’t ever be sorry for calling me.  Jason and I are both worried about you.”

The conversation ends as he pulls up to the emergency drop off zone.  Jason is no longer behind us.  He must be parking Mike’s car.  Mike exits the driver’s side and comes to help me out.  We check in at the admitting area and I get a wrist band on.  Jason walks through the doors as I am taking my seat in the waiting room.  Mike heads out to park my car.  The nurse calls us back before Mike comes back.  She is explaining that since I am under twenty weeks, I will be seen in the emergency department as opposed to the labor and delivery unit. 

I am put in a small room and told to strip from the waist down.  There is a privacy curtain that I am able to draw so Jason doesn’t see me.  I strip off my pants and underwear and fold them and place them on one of the two chairs in the room.  I put my hospital issued gown on and open the curtain.  I begin to climb up on the exam table.  Jason rushes over to assist me.  After I’m situated on the table, he grabs the lone chair in the room and takes a seat.  “Abigail, what happened?”

The tears start to roll down my cheeks.  I can no longer hold the hurt inside.  I have to open up to someone.
  “Jason, I don’t know what happened.  I was sleeping when Tommy came home at midnight.  He wasn’t mad but he wasn’t my Tommy.  He straddled me and I kept begging him to get off because he was hurting my stomach and I was worried about the babies.  He got off but then he….stripped me and started to…..” I trail off.

“Rape, Abigail, he started to rape you.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Jason.  I mean, he just got rough and wouldn’t stop when I asked him to.” 

“Abigail, if y
ou told him no, it’s rape damn it!”

I cringe as Jason raises his voice.
  “I’m sorry, Abby.  I’m not mad at you but I am mad as hell at him,” he says as he wipes my tears away with his hands, “please, continue.”

“Well, he
did what he did with me for almost two hours before he just got up and left the room.  That’s when I noticed something felt different and that I was having stomach cramps.  When I went to the bathroom, I noticed the blood and I called for him but he was gone.”

Jason takes my hand and kisses the top of it. “You don’t deserve this, Abby.  You’re stressed over these babies too and I don’t see you going around acting like a maniac.  You’re taking it in strides like you should be.”

My phone vibrates and Jason grabs it.  “It’s a text from Mike,” he says,

Where are you?

“Can you text him back for me please.  Just tell him I’m in the back and you’re with me.”

Hey man, she’s in the back.  I’m with her.  We need to talk.

“I’m going to step out to talk to your brother.  You don’t need to go back to Tommy’s.  I’m going to have him go get your stuff.”

“Jason, please don’t tell him what happened.  Please?” I’m begging.

“Abigail, I won’t get into detail but I am going to have him get your stuff and you are going to go to the safety of your parents’ house where you will be safe and these babies can develop and have a chance at life.  I also cannot lie to Mike about the abuse that has led up to this night.  I have to tell Mike about him hitting you.  Abigail, you know what he does to you isn’t right and those people that love you have a right to know.”

He kisses my forehead and is out the door before I can say another word.  I’m left in the room scared and alone.  I place my hands on my belly and pray that my babies are safe and that Tommy didn’t hurt them in his sex crazed fit.

Before I’m done saying my prayer the door to my room opens and I look up to see Mike and Jason both standing in front of me.  “Abigail, what the fuck happened?” Mike is saying in a low, deep voice.

Jason steps beside Mike, “Hey man, it’s not your sister’s fault.  You’re deflecting your anger for Tommy on Abigail.”

Mike calms down and steps toward me and kisses my forehead.  “Please, Abigail, tell me what happened and don’t hold anything back.  And just so you know, Jason did tell me about Tommy slapping you last week; which we will talk about at a later time.”

“
I got home and Tommy wasn’t there.  I took a bath,” I debate telling Mike about the white powder I found in the bathroom, “and then I went to bed.  Tommy came home around midnight and he was not himself.  He wasn’t angry but he wasn’t happy either.”

Mike nods his head.  “What happened after he came home?”

“Well, he, ummm……” I trail off.  I can’t have this conversation with my brother.  I’m embarrassed.

“Yea, I know.
  Abigail, he raped you.  I’m getting Dad and we are heading over to Tommy’s place and getting your shit.  He needs to get his shit together.  You have your own shit to worry about without him compounding the problems in your own life.  This is bullshit the way he’s treating you.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard Mike curse this many times in one sitting in my entire life. 
I start to cry.  I know that Mike is right and that I don’t need to be there anymore but I also know that Mike doesn’t keep secrets from my dad.  Is he going to tell Dad about Tommy hitting me?

“What about that hole in the wall in the kitchen?”
Mike asks me.  I begin to sob.  Jason moves closer to me and starts to run his hand through my hair.  “It’s ok, Abby.  You need to tell Mike the truth.  You are safe now and no one is blaming you for anything.”

“
Tommy put his fist through the wall last week,” I say before I start sobbing.  I hate telling Jason and Mike about what Tommy did to me.  Mike has the look of murder on his face while Jason a look of sorrow and sympathy.  It breaks my heart seeing their faces as I tell them what happened behind the walls of Tommy’s apartment.

Mike nods his head to confirm that he heard me. 
“Well, I just called Dad and I’m picking him up in your car and we’re going over there.  Do you have a key to his house?”

I show him which key is to his house and he takes them from my hand.
  “Jason’s going to stay with you,” he says and he turns and exits the room.

Jason pulls the chair up next to my head.  He’s holding my right hand in his and smoothing my hair back with his left. 
“If you want me to exit during the exam, I will, but I’m staying here with you before and after.”

The doctor comes in a few minutes later.  It just happens that Dr. Hubert was on call tonight.  I feel a little more comfortable knowing that my doctor is here to do the exam
.  Jason stands to exit the room but I grab his hand tighter.  “Please stay with me.  I don’t want to be alone,” I plead with him.

He sits back down and continues to smooth my hair.  “Of course, sweetheart.  I would never leave you if you need me.  I’ll stay right here,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

“Well, I heard that we had a little mishap tonight with these two little babies.  Why don’t we check you out and then take a peek at the babies to make sure they’re ok too, shall we?”

The doctor does a vaginal exam.  It’s uncomfortable and I’m a bit sore.
  A tear slides from my eye and Jason is quick to wipe it away.  He has such compassion and love on his face.  If I didn’t know better, I would believe that a little part of me loves Jason too.