On Becoming Her Sir (2 page)

Sitting up, Jessie curled her legs under her and grabbed her pen, her favorite purple pen, the one that Luke had given her when she began her journey. She stared at the blank page, her heart racing. For some reason she could feel her pulse in her neck, the tick forced her to place her hand over the thumping. What was wrong with her? Why was she so nervous? There was a word that had remained in her mind - a name of what she knew had to be a lovely woman. She was determined to put Suzzana out of her mind. Luke had never expressed anything but love for Jessie. And damn it! She wasn’t one to doubt to this extreme. So she refused. Period.

After a few more seconds and no words, nothing at all came to her. She lowered her head and moaned. Tears slipped from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. Frustrated beyond belief, she placed her hand the page to rip several off. Crumpling several pages, in her actions she jerked to a slight passage, one she hadn’t finished.

I love him, my Sir, my everything.

He stills me in his quiet moments, the way he holds me

I don’t think he knows how much I respect him for his truths, his giving ways

I am utterly amazed to belong to him

Jessie read and reread the words and for a few minutes she thought she was going to hyperventilate. She wiped the damn tears away furiously with one hand as she smoothed down the pages with the other. How in the hell could she almost destroy something she loved so much? Sniffing, she held her shaking hand across her mouth and thought about Luke, his gorgeous eyes and the way she smiled at her. Then she wrote.

When she was done he still hadn’t come back in and she laid the book on the nightstand and curled on her side. Why was this all so damn difficult? Her eyelids seemed heavy and as she drifted off to sleep, she could hear his voice whispering in her ear.

“I love you my Kitty Kat.”

There was a dazzling series of sensations that shifted down the length of her body. Rolling over, Jessie moaned.

“Jezebel. Wake up.”

“Mmm…” Jessie stretched then turned back on her side, nuzzling into something so very soft.

Luke growled and lowered his head, his hand rubbing her back in an aimless fashion. “Kat, wake up.”

Luke.
“Mmm…” Opening her eyes, she tilted her head, studying his face. She could tell he was tense, not himself. But then again he’d been this way since they’d enjoyed the kink event together. Enjoyed was a rather forward word. For her the event had been eye opening, learning about his past and the men he had been close to. While she couldn’t tell if he had any yearning to rekindle the relationship he’d had with the other Dom’s, she knew Luke was fighting inner demons. The fact was evident in his overtly quiet behavior and what she considered secrets he was keeping. “I’m sorry. I moved. I was trying to be patient but…”

“I think you’ve had enough. You need sleep,” Luke interrupted as he placed his finger across her lips.

“Sir?” She heard the raw pain in his voice.

Very slowly he lifted her into his lap and pulled her against his chest. “Enough.” Placing his hand on the back of her neck, he kissed her forehead before rubbing his fingers back and forth across her skin. He glanced at the journal and eased down on the bed. “You’re been writing.”

“Just a little.” For the life of her she wasn’t certain what she’d written. Sitting up, she moved closer to him. The heat of his body and the way he was breathing heavily told her something was wrong, but she remained quiet. There were times she knew he needed moments of peace all to himself.

Luke smiled and kissed her lips, brushing his thumb back and forth across her mouth. “You know I love you. Right?”

“Of course.”

“And that I’d do anything for you?”

The question was far too haunting. “Without question.”

“Good.” Luke looked back toward her journal.

The warmth and quiet moment of passion they’d shared before but this time was somehow different. Jessie rubbed her hand up from his carved stomach to his chest, allowing her fingers to knead his lower shoulder. There was something so amazing about the light as it glistened across his chocolate-laced skin. Luke was a gorgeous man, one other women longed to touch and taste. And he belonged to her. “Come to bed. Please.”

Luke hesitated, leaning forward slightly and she could see he was reading what she’d written. “I will. Just give me a few minutes,” Luke whispered and started to rise from the bed.

Jessie grabbed his arm. “Please don’t go away from me.”

“Just a few minutes. I promise.”

When he wouldn’t look at her Jessie shivered. This time as he walked out of the room she knew she heard a strangled sound coming from his lips. Very slowly she looked down at the page and crumpled.

I’m so very afraid

****

I’m so very afraid

The four little worlds reverberated in his mind. Luke held his breath in as best he could until he made it into the kitchen. As he gripped the edge of the kitchen sink he dropped his head and panted. Mouthing the words she’d written in her journal, he was horrified Jessie had to feel this way. About him. Maybe about them. Hell, most likely about every aspect of their life. His heart was racing and he tipped his head and glared at his reflection in the shimmer of moonlight cascading in through the window. He stood staring for what had to be minutes, a bitter sense of loneliness lacing every inch of his body. Instead of being in bed with the woman of his dreams, his body wrapped in her warmth, he stood chilled to the bone. Unable to shake the same wretched feelings that had been with him for the last few months, he was trying to accept the fact he wasn’t the man Jessie thought he was. Jezebel would never forgive him. When he brushed his hand through his hair he realized how hard his entire arm was shaking. He clenched his fist and lifted it defiantly into the air. “Fuck you.” A single laugh erupted from his lips.

Luke wasn’t prone to any level of panic attacks or depression. He thought men and women weak who used the emotional drama to hold up any aspect of their life. He was a strong man, one determined to help both he and Jessie become even stronger as a couple. Flashes of the past, images of memories that were far too beautiful and yet so very ugly streaked across the back of his mind. He pushed the away and could swear her face appeared. Touching the glass with his fingertips, he shook his head and closed his eyes.

“I won’t let you every be afraid of me. Ever. There is no way I will allow you to feel fear of me.”

“I could never be afraid you. Never.” Jessie’s voice was quiet but filled with consternation.

Bristling, Luke tried to regain his composure. She wasn’t supposed to see him this way, not fragile and unable to control the situation as well as her and… Control. Dear God all he could think about was controlling Jessie? Was he out of his fucking mind? “Jessie, go back to bed. I have some things to do.”

“No, I won’t.”

“No?” Luke heard the slight edge in his voice. She was never just blatantly defiant. “I said, go back to bed. I have some things I need to accomplish.”

“What you read has nothing to do with you. I’m so sorry you think that the words meant anything…”

“Jessie,” he interrupted. “Just go back to…”

“You listen to me!”

Luke growled and shot his head up. Even in the reflection he could still see her radiant beauty and the look of determination on her face. This was the old Jezebel, the one he’d fallen in love with. He kept his silence, exhaling slowly.

“What you read has nothing to do with you. I have no idea why you would think that. I’m sorry.” Jessie took two steps forward.

He studied her face, the way she was clucking her jaw, her brow furrowed. The slip of a robe, vibrant red in color, was her favorite, one he’d purchased on an out of town trip. As tall and vivacious as the woman was in every day life, the one everyone else knew, right now he saw the terrified woman he’d longed to protect. “You have every right to be afraid of me. I’m failing as your Dom. As anyone’s concept of a Master.”

Jessie shook her head and took two more “No.” Holding out her hand, she flexed her fingers and sighed before touching his shoulder.

Sagging, Luke sucked in his breath and watched her every move.

Her eyes never leaving his, she slowly took a step back and untied the belt on her robe. “What you don’t seem to understand is…” She hesitated until the sash was completely untied. “The person I’m afraid of….” Shimmying her shoulders, the silk slipped off, gravity taking the slinky material to the floor. “Me. Of the woman I was and maybe the woman I’m sure I can…become…” As Jessie’s voice cracked, she opened her arms briefly, allowing him to see every inch of her naked body in the dim illumination of the moonlight.

Luke remained frozen. The way she was opening herself up, showing such a vulnerable side touched him beyond belief. Because of his ridiculous hesitation she folded her arms across her chest and eased into the shadows, moving so her back was toward him. He caught the glimpse of her disappointment and that was the strength he needed. What a freaking fool he was being. Turning swiftly, his voice boomed. “Jezebel.”

The single word stopped her retreat. She remained still, her breathing labored as if she was crying.

Within two second he had her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her and dragging her to her tiptoes. For a few seconds she struggled in his hold. “Jessie, ssshhh…”

“Let me go. Please just let me go.”

“No. I love you and there is nothing about you that you should be afraid you. You are an amazing woman, beautiful and so very strong. Your willingness to succumb to me is the greatest gift any man could ever ask for. You honor me every day of your life. You inspire me.”

“Then why are you doing this to yourself?” Jessie wiggled again, one hand slapping down on his arm.

He jerked her even more tightly against his body. She deserved an honest answer. Kissing the top of her head, he hummed a favorite tune, one he hadn’t in several years. The realization gave him a smile. Jezebel was a healing force. “Because I fear you could honestly never love a man like me, not the real me.” The words hung in the air and almost instantly she sagged in his arms.

“You are the love of my life and there is nothing you can ever say to me that will make me love you any less. Nothing. You just have to believe in yourself.”

Hearing the angst in her voice, the strength in her passion, he did something he almost never did. He allowed a tear to fall. Luke continued to hold her as if letting her go tonight he would lose her completely. He savored the way her body molded into his, the curves that were so very feminine. The closeness allowed him to control his breathing and soon their breath sounds were almost the same.

Jessie arched her back, pushing her ass back against his groin, a slight moan slipping from her lips.

His cock swelled, throbbing and he brushed the fingertips of his hand up and down her arm aimlessly. When she wiggled, creating tremors of friction, he eased one hand down to her hipbone, squeezing her skin. As he moved to her thigh, caressing and kneading, Luke lowered his head and nuzzled her neck.

“Ooohh…” Jessie tilted her head as he peppered kisses.

Cupping her breast with his other hand, he squeezed and pinched her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “I want you. I want to be deep inside of you.” His grunt was feral, full of husk and he bit down on her neck, a roar of passion racing through his system.

Jessie whimpered and dug her nails into his legs, a series of pants mixing with whimpers. “God, Luke.”

Luke crawled his fingers down to her bare pussy, pressing his thumb against her clit. Knowing her body the way he did, when he swirled the tip around in a lazy fashion until her breathing became ragged. “Are you hot for me, baby? Are you wet for me?”

“Yes. God yes.”

Luke spread her legs and rubbed her clit more forcefully, his fingers twisting both the tender flesh of her pussy as well as her hardened bud. Grinding his hips back and forth, he wanted to make certain she realized he was toing to take her just as he wanted.

She moaned and dropped her head, her hand grasping over his as he continued to pleasure her. “So good.” Soft mewing sounds escaped from her lips and she curled her leg around his calf, stretching her body until she was leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Mmm… But you must be a good girl.” Luke slipped his fingers all the way down the length of her pussy, darting his fingers just inside. She was so wet, so hot and he had to fight to keep his control. There was nothing more he wanted to do than ravage her body. His hunger was racing off the charts, his needs growing. He took two steps backwards, keeping his hand buried inside her wet heat.

“You have…no idea…what you do to me…”

Thrusting in and out, Luke rubbed her ass cheeks up the length of his covered crotch. Electric jolts surged through him and he could tell their heated connection was driving Jessie wild. He was sweating, beads trickling down his face and onto her neck.

Jessie threw her arms back and gripped his hips, her moans becoming ragged. Rocking her body as if to meet every hard plunge, she kept her eyes closed, a look of pure euphoria on her face.

Luke kept his rather savage actions going as the sweat continued to roll down his neck until he couldn’t hold back his desire any longer. Pushing her waist over the counter, he placed his hands on her hips and kicked out her legs, spreading her wide open.

“Oh!” Her arms flailing, Jessie leaned over and gripped the other side, the clutch taut. “Luke. God. Luke.”

Patting her ass several times, he knew she expected a hard spanking. Instead, he dropped to his knees, dragging his tongue across the crease of her thigh and buttocks. When she shivered he growled and darted his tongue just inside her wet folds, lifting her feet all the way off the ground.

“Oh shit! Luke!” Her voice rattled, she jerked her head back, the movement pushing her ass back into his face.

Luke licked up from the base of her pussy and back down, wiggling the tip of his tongue deeper inside. The taste of her was so sweet and for a few seconds he relished hearing her soft mews and subtle moans, lapping in a lazy fashion.