ON AIR (7 page)

9

“
D
ude, you have some explaining to do,” Madden hissed at me as he slipped into my office and shut the door behind him.

“Explaining about what?” I asked, making two marks on my plans before dropping the pencil on the table.

“So a certain someone’s car was here overnight…” he began.

I waited for him to continue but he didn’t, so I shrugged. “So?”

“Ahhhh-
ha
!” he exclaimed. “So that’s the new deal? She meets you here and you take her home with you? I like it, brosky. Do your
bang thang
. ”

I shook my head. “It’s not like that. There’s something going on with her but she won’t tell me what it is.”

“What? With Nat? What makes you think that?”

I knew I could trust him to keep it to himself, so I told Madden how Natalie had burst out in tears the day before.

“Whaaaaat?” he asked with disbelief. “Our little badass New Yorker cried like a baby in front of you? Damn. And she wouldn’t tell you why?”

“Nope. Not a thing. I just let it be for now. Hopefully she trusts me enough to tell me.”

“Nah, man. It has nothing to do with trust.”

I didn’t know what he meant by that, so I sat against my desk and waited for more.

Madden sighed. “She probably just doesn’t want to disappoint you.”

“What? Why the fuck would she disappoint me? It’s Natalie we’re talking about, here. There’s nothing she could tell me that would disappoint me or make me think less of her.”

“You sure?”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No man, not at all. I just mean maybe you’re not thinking of
allll
the possibilities, you know? Like…a fight with a friend or... she lost her job or…
she’s pregnant
,” he coughed out with a mumble.

I shook my head adamantly. “If she is, it ain’t mine.”

“You sure?”

“What the fuck? Yes, I’m sure! And Natalie isn’t pregnant. Even so, I don’t see why that would be a big deal to tell me.”

“It would be if it wasn’t yours,” he muttered.

“Well it’s not. Jesus, and it’s me, Madden. Even if she was pregnant and it was or wasn’t mine, she wouldn’t be so weird about telling me.”

“If she’s in love with you she would. Maybe she’s afraid it’ll ruin everything. Especially if it
wasn’t
yours.”

Okay, that was the second person this week to mention Natalie’s “love” for me. “You too? God, why is everyone in my relationship with Natalie!? She fucks me and then avoids me like the plague for a while. That is
not
someone in love. If she loved me, she’d stick around more. She wouldn’t use me as a hookup every few weeks without ever bringing up ‘us’, you get it?”

“I get what you’re saying,” he answered. “But I think you’re the one missing the big picture, Dane. Maybe she’s just following the standards
you’ve
set.”

I stared at him for a long time. Natalie was a very upfront, unabashed person. If she wasn’t okay with something, she would say so.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Madden shook his head. “She’s a chick who doesn’t put up with any shit. But maybe you’re missing a side to her that you’re not aware of. All I’m saying is…don’t discard the idea, okay? Maybe you need to ask her.”

“Ask her what?” I chuckled sarcastically. “ ‘Oh hey, Nat, two people have told me this week that you’re in love with me. It true?’ Seriously, man. She loves me like a
friend
. She’s extremely
fond
of me.”

“Two people? Who else?”

I gathered more things from the desk and stuck them in my bag. “Darius.”

“Bingo, then I stick to my observation whole heartedly. Darius knows what the fuck he’s talking about. And he’s known you both longer than I have.”

I dismissed the comment, just as my phone alerted me with new emails. I wasn’t in the mood to read them, but if it meant dropping the current subject, then I was all for it.

“I have work to finish up,” I said as I came around the desk and sat down. Madden mumbled something about me being too blind to face reality, but he left my office.

I swiped through my phone and sighed, but really wasn’t expecting the name that appeared on the newest email.

It was Sinclair.

Confused, I pulled out my laptop again out of habit. I read her email on my phone at the same time, and even though it was fairly neutral, she’d given me the subtle go-ahead to message her back.

Dane,

No need to thank me for responding. I do my best! Sometimes I do get behind, though, so my apologies for taking so long.

Your sign-off made me smile. Sports bars are the next on my list. And… I could use some suggestions for that. =)

The girl who is overwhelmed with options,

Sinclair

I sat in silence for a minute, amused. My sign-off had been “the guy who only knows sports bars.” With a smile, I slid my laptop closer and opened the radio station’s website. Clicking on the correct link, I watched Sinclair’s
Slice of the City
page open up.

I’d missed her last broadcast on Monday due to my own self-involved life, so I took a few minutes to give it a listen. It summarized a bagel shop in northeast Portland, and of course totally convinced me to go. Whoever this Sinclair person was, she truly was good at her job.

I thought about some of the bars I could suggest for her. There were my usual spots, but I had no idea what she was looking for. Some places were a bit hipster, some were straight up dives, and then there were plenty in between.

I proceeded to email her back, mentioning which ones were my favorites and why. I wasn’t preferential to one over another, either. I figured that was her job to decide. However, it was interesting to consider from her point of view. And then there was the other aspect of it…

How inconspicuous it was because no one knew what she looked like.

Part of me wanted to stake out these places all weekend just to find out who she was, and another part of me decided that was impossible and a waste of time. And then there was logic called “you’re a fucking moron.”

Yeah, this woman was a complete mystery and was probably meant to stay that way.

I sent the email, somewhat disheartened by my own attitude. I guess maybe some things really were “wants” in life instead of “needs.” It’s not like my life would never be the same if I didn’t meet this woman, but the idea of solving a mystery—as dumb as it may seem—was still appealing to me.

“You’ve got too much of your dad in you,” I mumbled to myself as I closed up my laptop and packed everything to leave.

***

I planned somewhat of a small gathering at my house on Saturday night. It was just six of my guy friends, including Chris, Madden, and Darius. The Giants were playing a rare interleague game with the Mariners down in San Francisco. If it’d been in Seattle, I would have been there in a heartbeat, but a game party at my house had to suffice.

I’d say eight pizzas and six cases of beer were a good start to the night. I was only on my second beer when my phone rang with a call from Natalie. I’d texted her twice this week to ask if she was okay, and both times got a very lame “I’m fine thanks” response from her. I’d added that I was here for her if she ever needed anything and again, all she replied was “I’m fine but thank you.”

I answered the call as I left the couch. The guys were loud and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hear much, but to my surprise, there was plenty of noise on Nat’s end of the call too.

I didn’t know if she heard me answer or not, so I asked, “Nat? You there?”

Silence. Then I thought I heard sniffling.

“Natalie, answer me.”

“Dane,” she cried softly. “Dane, I need you.”

My heart went into hyper speed. “Where are you?”

She paused again but barely whispered, “Derek’s house. I’m in the bathroom…”

Who the fuck was Derek? I didn’t know anyone off the top of my head named Derek. At least no one associated with myself and Natalie.

“Nat, who is Derek and why are you crying?” I asked as gently as I could. I stepped out of the bedroom, got Madden’s attention from the hallway, and waved for him to come to me.

“He’s…he’s, um, just…someone I know.”

There was something completely dishonest about how she’d said it and I knew he had to be something more. I was not expecting that at all, and before I could get upset with her for hiding it from me, Madden’s presence changed my course. So he could hear what was going on, I said, “Natalie, give me the address now. I’m on my way, okay? Are you in danger?”

She paused again. “Um, I don’t- I don’t think so.”

“Can you get outside?”

“Um…yeah. But don’t come up to the house, I’ll find you.”

I didn’t know what to think about that
at all
. “Just gimme the address.”

She gave it to me, so I repeated it for Madden to hear. I asked her what was going on so I knew what I was facing, but she either hung up or we lost the connection. I couldn’t get her back on the line after that.

I told the other guys we’d be back soon and Madden and I headed for my truck.

“I’ve had more to drink than you, but you good?” he asked me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” We both shut our doors and I was immediately backing out of the driveway. “I heard a bunch of loud voices in the background, maybe yelling. I’m not sure if there was a fight or what, but Natalie was crying. She’d locked herself in a bathroom.”

“Jesus,” Madden mumbled.

“Did you know she had a fucking boyfriend?” I asked. I was angry, and it’s not that I was accusing him of anything, but I wasn’t able to control my emotions.

“What? Hell no. What the fuck? Are you sure? That doesn’t sound right. Since when?”

I only shook my head, too pissed to answer. I was trying to piece together the last few weeks with her. Either I was dumb as fuck or she’d been good at hiding it. Furthermore, I could only assume she’d been seeing this guy when we fucked the other night. And Madden mumbling something like “maybe that’s the baby daddy” got me all sorts of furious.

I found the house in southeast Portland fairly easy. It was a basic neighborhood of older homes, but the corner lot seemed full of cars. I parked up the street in the first spot I found, and was already heading for the address within seconds of stepping out of the truck.

“Hey, hold up, man,” Madden called as he caught up to me. “Do you even know what the fuck you’re walking into? Dude, if she was in trouble, why wouldn’t she call the cops?”

I didn’t know. And it wasn’t like Nat to call me for anything in the first place. But she had, and I felt like maybe it was her last effort to reach out to me. My thoughts were all over the place at the moment, but as I got closer to the address she’d given me, I slowed my progress to look over the house a bit closer. I could already hear noise inside—a mix of loud voices, laughter, maybe the television on—and then someone grabbed my arm from behind.

I almost body slammed whoever it was but Madden quickly threw his arm against my chest, just as I realized it was Natalie.

“What in the—?”

She threw two hands up in my face and
shushed
me silent, then yanked me down the sidewalk back toward my truck.

“What is going on?” I growled after getting in and hearing the other two doors shut.

She didn’t say a word, even as I put my truck in gear and squealed away from the curb.

“Explain what the fuck is going on!” was the next thing out of my mouth. I didn’t care if I lost my cool or not, I was livid at this point. Natalie knew it too, and when I glanced at her in the backseat through the rearview mirror, her silence didn’t exactly signify composure.

In fact, she started to cry again. “I had no idea you’d bring him with you and—”

“Madden?” I interrupted. “Jesus fucking Christ, Natalie! You were locked in a bathroom crying at someone’s house! I’m pretty sure you hung up on me, too!”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered softly. “I had to go. Just let me explain.”

“I’m waiting,” I snapped at her.

With a sigh she said, “Not now. When we’re alone.”

“Oh, fine, I get it,” Madden mumbled. “I’m a total Chatty Cathy.”

“It’s not that,” Natalie argued. “I just…I can’t even believe I pulled Dane into this. I don’t need you in it too.”

I grunted. “So why did you pull me into…whatever
that
bullshit was back there! I just… I can’t, with you, Nat. This is done. You and me, never again.”

“Let me explain, Dane.
Please
.”

“Come on, man, calm down first,” Madden told me. “Deep breath, everyone. Let’s not let our emotions decide anything, okay?”