On a Rogue Planet (27 page)

“He was created to protect. He’d protect anyone weaker.” Her shoulders felt so damn heavy. “Look, after everything I’ve been through, I just want to go home. I want my bed, my tools, my junkyard.” She wanted to sleep for a week or two. Smash up some junk. “I’ve earned that, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, babe. You have.” Dathan’s voice was very quiet. He pulled her to his chest and she wrapped her arms around him. She felt him nod to Zayn.

Minutes later, they were seated and the interstellar drives flared to life, vibrating under her feet.

Mal sat in one of the cockpit chairs and watched Centax disappear from view.

She forced herself into the maintenance bay to finish work on the last of Zayn’s spare parts. She paused, pain piercing through her as she stared at the tools scattered around. Last time she’d been here, Xander had been with her. The two of them working together. Making love.

Hand on one hip, she pressed the closed fist of her other hand to her mouth. This was going to hurt for a while and probably would get worse before it got better.

The familiar motions of her tools helped her find a place where, if not happy, she felt numb.

“Mal?”

Zayn appeared from the shadows.

“Yeah.” She sat back on her legs, stretching her stiff back.

He held up a Sync. “Transmission for you.”

She closed her eyes for a second, then held out her hand.

And there he was. His face so handsome. So calm. “Hey, tough guy.”

Then he smiled. And it speared right through her heart.

“Sorry it took me so long to call back.”

“You’re busy. I understand.”

“We’ve been hunting up the last of the Rahl. There’s so much work to do. I have to attend a lot of meetings.”

That familiar crease appeared on his brow and Mal felt a spurt of sympathy. She didn’t think sitting in meetings was Xander’s favorite thing to do.

She cleared her throat. “Like I said, I understand. I always knew once you came back here, Centax would be your focus.”

Xander stilled. “That doesn’t mean I won’t make time for you. For us. Look, I want you to come down. I want to show you parts of Centax you haven’t seen.” He sighed. “It won’t be today or tomorrow—” A voice called his name. He scowled. “Wait. I’ll be there in a minute.” He looked back at the screen. “Sorry.”

“Xander, you don’t have to keep apologizing. You’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing.”

He stared at her, like he was trying to see inside her head. “Malin, is something wrong?”

“No.”
Everything.

“Look, can you stay? Stay on the
Infinitas
until I clear my schedule and then come stay with me for a while?”

Her heart squeezed so hard and tears threatened. She viciously fought them back, dreading the words she was about to say. “We’ve already left.”

“What?”

Xander’s tone held nothing, not a single thread of emotion, but his face twisted.

Mal stiffened her trembling knees, trying to pull air into her heavy chest. “We set course for Khan several hours ago.”

Everything wiped off his face, leaving it blank. “You left me.”

Xander sat behind the desk, staring at Malin’s face on the Sync screen and trying to sort through all the emotions thundering through him.

None of them felt good

She’d left him.

Without a goodbye. And apparently very easily.

“Xander—” she released a long breath, not quite meeting his eyes “—we both know what we shared…it was intense. Magnified by the circumstances, the danger, your injuries—”

“It felt real to me.” Every precious second of it.

She wrapped an arm around her middle. “You’re a CenSec, dedicated to Centax. You told me I’d never be more important than your planet.”

And he’d believed it when he’d told her that. Now he didn’t. “Malin, what—”

“You also deserve to take some time for yourself. I’m the only woman you’ve really been with. What if you find someone else you like more—?”

“I won’t. I love you.” He didn’t have years of experience with women, love or emotions, but he knew what he felt.

“Xander—”

The door opened and Xenia stepped into the room. “Xander, the Prime is here with several councilors. They need to see you.”

He slammed a fist into the desk. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Malin stared back at him. “You have to rebuild your planet, reassure your people. Centax needs you.”

“And you don’t?”

She looked like he’d slapped her, then her gaze slid past him. “No.” A bare whisper. Then she straightened her shoulders. “Your people need you more, Xander. They need your strength, your stability, your love.” Her voice broke. “I need to get home. I’ve got orders to fill, parts to strip, customers to see.”

He tried to read her face but for the first time since he’d known her, it was as blank as a CenSec’s.

“Xander?” Xenia again.

He bit off a curse. “I’m coming.” He kept his gaze on Malin. “This is really what you want?”

She didn’t lift her head, was looking at her hands. “Yes.”

Xander booted up every single dampening filter he had. He gave a brisk nod. “Thank you for all your help. Centax is grateful for your assistance in recovering the Antikythera. We will of course, compensate you and your cousins for your time.”

She looked up now, her face pale. “That’s not—”

He kept talking, continuing over her. “And I thank you for everything else you took the time to show me.” Now he knew the highs and lows of loving someone.

He wasn’t sure he liked it at all.

“Xander—”

“I have to go.” He stood. “Be well, Malin.” He turned the screen off.

Then he dropped back into his chair.

“Xander?”

Xenia stood inside the door, watching him. “I need a moment.”

“Are you okay?”

He heard a crunch and saw the Sync in his hand crushed to pieces.

No, he wasn’t okay. And he wasn’t sure he ever would be.

***

It had been four days, seven hours and…Mal glanced at the Sync attached to her environmental suit…twenty-one minutes since she’d left Xander.

She’d been right. It felt much, much worse now than it had then.

And it wasn’t showing any signs of getting better.

With a sigh, she lifted a hand to run through her hair and connected with the rounded helmet of her enviro suit.
Idiot
. She dropped her hand. She was working outside the huma-dome on the wreck of a cruisership.

It was good to have some space from the constant well-meaning scrutiny of her family. Eos and Ria kept trying to get her to talk. Dathan and Zayn kept bringing up Xander. Nik watched her with a brooding gaze. And Lala kept asking what sex with a CenSec was like and wanted all the details.

Mal bent her knees and jumped off the ground. She landed over near her toolbox and pulled out a torque wrench. She bounded back to where she was working, knelt down and started loosening bolts.

A noise made her look up. Krypto crouched nearby, watching her with his unblinking gaze. “You miss him too, don’t you, boy?”

In the privacy of her room, she watched any news she could on Centax. The galaxy was obsessed with the coup and the heroic story of the CenSec who’d crossed into uncharted space with the dashing Phoenix brothers to retrieve a priceless treasure and save his planet.

She smiled to herself. Oh, she bet Xander just hated that.

She’d seen him a couple of times on the news holo-vids. Usually standing behind Axton Saros as the Prime was interviewed. Axton looked a lot like his brother, only leaner and less enhanced. And Axton Saros smiled, frowned, showed his emotion freely. Xander was always a strong, emotionless presence at his brother’s back.

Tears pricked her eyes. She dropped her head forward until her helmet rested against the metal of the ship.

“This is really what you want?”

“Yes.”

Oh, she was obviously a brilliant liar.

“Girl, you are a pathetic mess.”

Mal’s head shot up and she dropped the wrench. It spun freely and lowered slowly toward the ground. Krypto leaped up and snatched the tool before dropping at Mal’s feet.

Mal shot Lala a sharp glance. “What are you doing out here?”

Lala managed a shrug in her hot-pink enviro suit. Mal had no idea where the hell the girl had managed to find it.

“Thought I’d come annoy you out of your misery for a bit.”

Mal snorted. “Gee, thanks.”

“You fell for a CenSec, girl.” Lala shook her helmeted head, then leaned down to pat Krypto on the head. “And people call
me
crazy. Cyborgs can’t fall in love. It’s no surprise he dumped you.”

“He didn’t. I left him.”

“Say what?”

Mal leaned back and put her gloved hands on her knees. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, he is a cyborg. He had some sexy muscles, for sure, but I guess you couldn’t get past the metal parts.”

Heat rushed through Mal. “That’s not it!” She got to her feet. “He’s perfect the way he is. Some people only see the machine, the enhancements, but he is still a man. He’s intelligent, loyal, dedicated, stable, strong…” Stars, she was so crazy in love with him.

“But emotionally stunted.”

“No. He feels even though they tried to take that from him.”

Lala blinked behind her clear visor. “I guess you just didn’t trust that he loved you then?”

“He needs time to explore his feelings more.” Mal threw her hands up. “Why am I talking to you about this?”

“I obviously don’t know him as well as you do.” Lala waggled her eyebrows. “But the man certainly seemed to know exactly what he wanted. You.”

“Lala—”

“And seems to me your problem isn’t Xander and his feelings, it’s you and the fact that your protecting yours.”

“I…I…” Stars, Lala was right. Mal realized while she’d been spouting off about Xander needing to explore what he wanted, she’d really been protecting herself. She pressed her gloves to her helmet. “I think I’m really, really stupid.”

Lala rolled her eyes in a way that seemed to involve her whole body. “The brokenhearted are sooo melodramatic. Me, I’ve never been in love or had anyone love me. Sometimes I think alone is the best way.” The teenager’s face softened. “But if I had a super sexy cyborg tell me he loved me, I’d be grabbing that man and never letting go.”

Mal straightened. She could borrow the
Infinitas
and head straight to Centax. Then she pictured Xander’s blank face during their last conversation. The way he’d dismissed her. Her shoulders slumped. She’d damaged something. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to see her.

“Look, Lala, I appreciate you coming out here. You did annoy me, but I think I’m more miserable right now than I was before.” She sank back to her knees. “I just want to focus on my work.” Numb the pain.

“So, I guess you aren’t interested in the fact that a Centaxian Infiltrator landed at HQ just before I came out here.”

Mal froze. She couldn’t move. She hadn’t heard a ship, but then Infiltrators were designed for stealth. “What?”

“Didn’t think so.” Whistling out of tune, Lala bounded away, turning a few somersaults as she went. Krypto happily abandoned Mal to follow the girl.

Mal stared at her gloves. They were stained with grease, just like her hands beneath. And her CenSec wouldn’t care a bit.

She got up and moved as fast as she could toward the huma-dome.

She leaped through the purple shimmer of the dome’s barrier and instantly the artificial gravity inside pulled her down. She yanked off the helmet and tossed it on the ground. At a fast clip, she rounded the hangar.

The landing pads were ahead and sure enough, a sleek, black Infiltrator sat there.

And beside her stood a super-sexy CenSec.

He wasn’t wearing his uniform. The sight of him in casual clothes—jeans and a dark-gray T-shirt—made her mouth go dry.

As she got close, she slowed to a walk and then finally stopped. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

That deep voice shivered through her. “Xander—” Stars, her voice cracked and those damned tears were desperate to make an appearance.

He took two quick steps and scooped her into his arms. Feeling like she was coming home, she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“
Do not
leave me again.”

She smiled at his authoritative tone and took a deep breath. He smelled so good. “I missed you, too.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. There were things I couldn’t avoid.”

“I know—”

“I’ve resigned from Security.”

She gasped and pulled back to look into his eyes. “You what?”

“I love my planet and my job. But what I feel for you…I’ll spend every moment showing you’re the most important thing to me. Like you mother was to your father.”

“Oh, stars.” She pressed her forehead to his. “Xander, you were born to be a CenSec. You can’t quit.”

“I can if it means I can have you…”

She’d brought him to this. “No.”

Under her hands, his shoulders slumped. “You don’t love me.”

***

Xander was in heaven and hell. The heaven of having Malin’s slight weight in his arms, her slim legs wrapped around him.

Hell because he knew this was the last time. When he’d seen her face, her joy at his arrival, he was certain she felt the same way as him.

Would he ever get this emotion thing right?

“Xander, look at me.” She tugged on his hair.

Those beautiful purple eyes shimmered with tears. “We’ve been apart for four days, seven hours and—” she leaned to the side to look at the Sync on her suit “—well, I’ve lost track of the minutes.”

“Fifty-nine minutes.”

A tiny smile flitted across her lips before it faded. “Every minute of that time has felt like a lifetime. I love you so much it’s turning me inside out.”

Air raced into his lungs. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and dropped to his knees. Burying his face in her hair, he just breathed. Deeply and freely. For the first time in what felt like forever.

“I didn’t know love before you. But I
know
I love you and only you, Malin. And whatever else I have in my life, you are the center of everything for me.”